Re: Re: Intro, head kinda spinning right now

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the welcome! Around here we have the option of having the

kids start middle school in fifth or sixth grade. We decided to send

Isaac to middle school because he NEEDS the accountability

(elementary school doesn't give letter grades) as well as the mental

challenges.

I'm not sure I want the school to make accommodations for Isaac by

allowing him to turn in homework late without any consequences.

There are two reasons for this. The first is that I do NOT want him

perceived by other kids as having any sort of disability that

requires special treatment. The other is that my gut says he NEEDS

the structure, and I think/feel (although I could certainly be

wrong) that if anything this is MORE true with the possible

Asperger's.

So yesterday my poor brain was spinning in a zillion directions, but

I think I figured out how to approach things. Gonna treat it as a

treatable condition, even if not curable. Kinda like if he had

diabetes. Clearly there isn't a magic pill to make it go away, so

dealing with it is going to be a part of life. Fortunately he's

mature enough that we can talk things through with him. He is

looking at what happens during the day, and are there certain times

when he starts going off track? He does seem to do much better when

he has tools, checklists, that sort of thing. He seems to agree that

he needs more structure, at least for now. Right now, it's gonna

need to be externally administered for the most part, by school and

my husband and myself. But he is also working on how HE can help

himself develop the structure, the checklists, the tools.

I don't know if this is related, but when he was younger he did have

some anger management issues at school. Part of the problem was that

he was one of the younger kids in his class, and he's small. He's

also always had a VERY strong sense of what others should be doing,

and he'd get very indignant when they didn't do it. He did also end

up the target of some bullying, but that is totally not a problem in

middle school. That's part of the reason we not only sent him to

middle school, but actually one that was further away but had a much

better academic reputation.

Anyway, that's where we are at the moment!

Eleanor, San , CA

On 12/14/2010 12:58 , wrote:

Hi Eleanor, don't have much time for a long reply. But I

think an advantage of pursuing a diagnosis for school

reasons is that then you can have the school accommodate

him for things like not turning in homework (where it

won't affect his grade if it's turned in late, can have

them ask for it...).

Is 5th grade middle school where you live? Asking as

middle school starts in 6th grade here.

My son (now 21) had some fine & gross motor skills

problems, which affected writing too. He was clumsy at a

young age, got better with age (wouldn't call him clumsy

now!). Although he did get occupational therapy (OT)

privately to help work on writing, which helped with other

motor skills too I think.

My son was never a behavior problem (out of my 3 sons, he

wasn't a problem) so never needed to work on that with

him. More just the worry of daily living/life type skills.

Welcome to the group!

[Guest guest]

Wow,

Eleanor! That’s almost our exact story as well! I completely agree, the

more structure, the better. And I do feel they should learn consequences. I

understand they might not always have control over certain things, but I do

believe behavior therapy plays a big part. Once they do something enough,

hopefully it will, one day (or even one year) become second nature to a certain

degree J

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Eleanor Oster

Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2010

5:06 PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Re: Intro, head kinda spinning right now

Thanks

for the welcome! Around here we have the option of having the kids start middle

school in fifth or sixth grade. We decided to send Isaac to middle school

because he NEEDS the accountability (elementary school doesn't give letter

grades) as well as the mental challenges.

I'm not sure I want the school to make accommodations for Isaac by allowing him

to turn in homework late without any consequences. There are two reasons for

this. The first is that I do NOT want him perceived by other kids as having any

sort of disability that requires special treatment. The other is that my gut

says he NEEDS the structure, and I think/feel (although I could certainly be

wrong) that if anything this is MORE true with the possible Asperger's.

So yesterday my poor brain was spinning in a zillion directions, but I think I

figured out how to approach things. Gonna treat it as a treatable condition,

even if not curable. Kinda like if he had diabetes. Clearly there isn't a magic

pill to make it go away, so dealing with it is going to be a part of life.

Fortunately he's mature enough that we can talk things through with him. He is

looking at what happens during the day, and are there certain times when he

starts going off track? He does seem to do much better when he has tools,

checklists, that sort of thing. He seems to agree that he needs more structure,

at least for now. Right now, it's gonna need to be externally administered for

the most part, by school and my husband and myself. But he is also working on

how HE can help himself develop the structure, the checklists, the tools.

I don't know if this is related, but when he was younger he did have some anger

management issues at school. Part of the problem was that he was one of the

younger kids in his class, and he's small. He's also always had a VERY strong

sense of what others should be doing, and he'd get very indignant when they

didn't do it. He did also end up the target of some bullying, but that is

totally not a problem in middle school. That's part of the reason we not only

sent him to middle school, but actually one that was further away but had a

much better academic reputation.

Anyway, that's where we are at the moment!

Eleanor, San , CA

On 12/14/2010 12:58 , wrote:

Hi

Eleanor, don't have much time for a long reply. But I think an advantage of

pursuing a diagnosis for school reasons is that then you can have the school

accommodate him for things like not turning in homework (where it won't affect

his grade if it's turned in late, can have them ask for it...).

Is 5th grade middle school where you live? Asking as middle school starts in

6th grade here.

My son (now 21) had some fine & gross motor skills problems, which affected

writing too. He was clumsy at a young age, got better with age (wouldn't call

him clumsy now!). Although he did get occupational therapy (OT) privately to

help work on writing, which helped with other motor skills too I think.

My son was never a behavior problem (out of my 3 sons, he wasn't a problem) so

never needed to work on that with him. More just the worry of daily living/life

type skills.

Welcome to the group!

[Guest guest]

Fortunately he seems to have an EXCELLENT teacher! She's firm, very

caring, been teaching for decades, really on top of situations.

My husband is a programmer, some folks have said they think he's

Aspie, but I'm not sure I'm convinced. But the way our family seems

to think and function is around computers. When I'm confronted with

an issue or question (like Isaac's possible AS), the first thing I

do is head to the computer. Anyway, over the Christmas vacation,

is off work (has to use or lose some of his accrued vacation

time), so is going to be working on a synchronizable, shareable,

printable checklist program. We were just brainstorming on that in

fact. Since Isaac loves doing things on computers and he has his own

which is hooked to our home network, having him be able to update

checklists and us being able to see and verify seems like the best

way for our geeky family.

I almost wonder what percentage of computer programmer types

have/had AS? It does seem like some of the tendencies kinda morph

into characteristics that would cause one to choose and succeed at

that profession.

Eleanor, San , CA

On 12/16/2010 04:34 , wrote:

Hi Eleanor, sounds like a good plan. Checklists are a

great help to many, and also the more structured/routine

type class. Organization was something we worked on for

years with schoolwork, etc., even when I gave up hopes for

it but still tried, lol. However in high school it just

seemed to drastically improve (after working on it from K

to 9th grades!)

You may have said earlier, wondering if the school is

working well with you on his needs, what they observe,

etc.? An understanding, caring teacher really helps. We

had some good ones and some that weren't too caring,

really had to advocate for my son.

Glad to hear bullying isn't a problem now. Usually seems

to be worse in middle school, that age range!

[Guest guest]

Nice ideas! I wanted to add though that getting a label of autism with the school is not a ticket to getting services or lack of the autism category does not deny services. I know there are some schools that have autism programs and you need an autism dx to get in. If that were my problem, I would argue that and my kid would get in regardless and use the law to my advantage.

But we need to remember that IEPs are "individualized" programs. These are supposed to be designed to meet the needs of the child and not meet the needs of the child's dx. So even with a different classification, you could access services that are necessary to educate your child just by showing need.

Having said that, I would argue for the autism classification because it would be the correct one for kids with HFA/AS. But even if they dug in their heels and wanted to use something else to classify for services, you could still access any necessary services. Services are based on need (theoretically speaking) and not classification. I realize that some schools do that the opposite way. But it doesn't mean they are right or legally correct. It just means nobody has called them on it.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Re: Intro, head kinda spinning right now

Eleanor,

I will cut to the chase.

1. When it comes down to school districts, the label of autism (at any level) opens up the doors to all types of available services. It gets your foot in the door. Without it, you will be hard pressed to prove a founding basis as to why your child needs services. Also, you just might get a million other reasons that either point to inappropriate parenting or that your child just doesn't apply himself.

2. Now this is not so easy to answer. You are in a place that you just don't know what to do. I mean you know your child but you don't. For example, when my 10-year old dd was a toddler, she would take wash cloths and straighten them out from end to end... not a wrinkle in them when she was done. I just thought it was cute. Later, she would flap her hands when she was excited. Again, I thought it was cute. I knew my dd but I didn't know that there was more to it than being cute.

So it took my current neuro pedi, when my dd was 7, to say, "Hey, I would like to test her for Autism," to kick reality into my life. That is how it started. Then I had every professional that I could think of to evaluate my child. It is through their recommendations, along with reading related material, that I have gain an understanding of what she needs and how to best relate to her within all three environments, home, school, and the community.

So here is what I say from one parent to another who is begining her journey. You start with one professional and go to the next. Gather as much info. as you can and learn all you can. If you lose lots of sleep during the process, then I would say that you are on the right track. *LOL* I recommend that you begin with a neurodevelopmental specialist/pediatrician. Find a good one. You can usually tell those by the way that they do or don't listen to you.

Then consider having your son seen by the following:

*Occupational therapist for sensory issues.

*Board certified behavior analysis for investigating behavioral triggers, social concerns, and creating an behavior intervention plan. (This includes the homework issue.)

*Neuropsychologist for discovering how your son's brain interprets information, cognitive ability, and executive functioning.

*Audiologist for central auditory processing issues.

*Learning disability teacher/consult to uncovering any educational gaps.

*Psychologist for determining intelligence and ability to comprehend school work and life skills.

*Speech therapist assess pragmatic langange. (Very important for socialization.)

*Physical therapist to identify any physicalogical issues.

Now some of these will produce results that will elimate concerns. This is just as necessary so that you know what things are there and what things are not. You will begin to know what to do when you start hearing back from the professionals. Me... I did them all... now it is about finding a common ground with my current CST.

If you need any further detials on any type of test, please don't hestitate to ask.

Regards,

> >

> > My son is 10, very social and intelligent, reading on a high school

> > level, BUT not turning in his homework! He is in fifth grade, and we had

> > the option of keeping him in elementary school this year or sending him

> >

>