Re: Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

[Guest guest]

I wanted to add that my aspie son's potty training was reversed in a Summer of

visitation because they refused to continue training him and just put him back

in diapers, reversing all the progress he'd made and I had to start over when I

got him back.

So, if they can't manage to continue to potty train him when he was so close to

done and both my ex and his mother were home 24/7, I have no hope that they will

do what they need to do for his Aspergers.

>

> Here's a short-short version:

>

> My ex is an abusive alcoholic who is still an alcoholic and abusive. He lives

in his parents' basement, infrequently working minimum wage jobs until he's

fired, has no drivers license (was first suspended on DUI but now has lost it

from owing child support), pays no child support despite only owing a lowly

$50/week for two kids. His parents (the enablers) have deep pockets. They've

paid for his expensive attorney to do one heck of a job on the kids and me. I

barely have room to breathe. He violates the court order left and right but if I

can't do one thing, it's motions and court dates and attorneys fees applied to

me. This is all 1300 miles away, mind you. I've tried to domesticate the court

order to MY state where the kids have lived the majority of their lives (the

current jurisdiction is only where we were married and has no other relevancy)

but, Lord only knows why, it was denied.

>

> He doesn't call the kids, he doesn't visit them down here, he tells them that

he's not interested in their lives here and doesn't want them to talk about it.

He spends no one-on-one time with them to learn who they are. He denied for

years that my aspie son had a level 4 allergy to cats (despite medical records)

and insists that if my oldest really has ADHD he'd bring his meds (he's on

Adderall XR, a controlled substance, so there's no way my son's pediatrician is

going to let that travel 1300 miles into the hands of an addict).

>

> Anyway, when I was steamrolled over by my ex's attorney on visitation, he

receives a huge amount of visitation, more than GOOD dads with Joint Custody

get. (I do still have sole custody of both kids.) His visitation includes:

> - every Spring break

> - every other Thanksgiving

> - 2/3rds of Summer break (this typically gives the kids only 2 weeks at home

every summer)

> - alternating full Winter break

> - alternating half Winter break, starting Dec 26 - end (sometimes that's only

4 days at home)

>

> I know he has too much visitation and I know someone who's still drinking,

using, and being abusive should not have unsupervised visitation in any amount.

The entire reasonable world knows this. Telling my legal story has always ended

in me reciting the Serenity Prayer. So... now for my point (I knew I had one!):

>

> My son has been recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. Since his

environment there is so much different from his life here and it's very likely

there'll be denial of his condition, his medications will be interrupted, his

behavior will receive none of the proper support, and he'll be well beyond my

ability to monitor him or get him to his doctors, would it be reasonable for me

to enter another Motion to Domesticate with a Petition to Modify Visitation on

these grounds?

>

> I know this is a proper question for an attorney, but I'm hoping to benefit

from the experiences of other parents who might've faced similar situations

(hopefully, not the exact same but something close enough to lend some advice).

>

[Guest guest]

My advice save money and get the best attorney you can and take all custody away from the abusive/alcoholic/ irresponsible parent. Be strong and make it your crusade.All the best of luck, I am so sorry that you are in this situation, my heart goes to you. It has to be done legally, a good lawyer will even get a restraining order so the father will not get even near his children. I strongly believe that abusive parents should loose the right to be near innocent children. From: We Function <we.function.blog@...> Sent: Thu, December 23, 2010 11:37:12 PMSubject: ( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

Here's a short-short version:

My ex is an abusive alcoholic who is still an alcoholic and abusive. He lives in his parents' basement, infrequently working minimum wage jobs until he's fired, has no drivers license (was first suspended on DUI but now has lost it from owing child support), pays no child support despite only owing a lowly $50/week for two kids. His parents (the enablers) have deep pockets. They've paid for his expensive attorney to do one heck of a job on the kids and me. I barely have room to breathe. He violates the court order left and right but if I can't do one thing, it's motions and court dates and attorneys fees applied to me. This is all 1300 miles away, mind you. I've tried to domesticate the court order to MY state where the kids have lived the majority of their lives (the current jurisdiction is only where we were married and has no other relevancy) but, Lord only knows why, it was denied.

He doesn't call the kids, he doesn't visit them down here, he tells them that he's not interested in their lives here and doesn't want them to talk about it. He spends no one-on-one time with them to learn who they are. He denied for years that my aspie son had a level 4 allergy to cats (despite medical records) and insists that if my oldest really has ADHD he'd bring his meds (he's on Adderall XR, a controlled substance, so there's no way my son's pediatrician is going to let that travel 1300 miles into the hands of an addict).

Anyway, when I was steamrolled over by my ex's attorney on visitation, he receives a huge amount of visitation, more than GOOD dads with Joint Custody get. (I do still have sole custody of both kids.) His visitation includes:

- every Spring break

- every other Thanksgiving

- 2/3rds of Summer break (this typically gives the kids only 2 weeks at home every summer)

- alternating full Winter break

- alternating half Winter break, starting Dec 26 - end (sometimes that's only 4 days at home)

I know he has too much visitation and I know someone who's still drinking, using, and being abusive should not have unsupervised visitation in any amount. The entire reasonable world knows this. Telling my legal story has always ended in me reciting the Serenity Prayer. So... now for my point (I knew I had one!):

My son has been recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. Since his environment there is so much different from his life here and it's very likely there'll be denial of his condition, his medications will be interrupted, his behavior will receive none of the proper support, and he'll be well beyond my ability to monitor him or get him to his doctors, would it be reasonable for me to enter another Motion to Domesticate with a Petition to Modify Visitation on these grounds?

I know this is a proper question for an attorney, but I'm hoping to benefit from the experiences of other parents who might've faced similar situations (hopefully, not the exact same but something close enough to lend some advice).

[Guest guest]

Hi, I can relate to some of this (ex is alcoholic). Only have a moment now but

wondering: how old are your children? the things he has said to them, was that

during prior visits? any emails, phone messages to use from either him or his

parents?

>

> Here's a short-short version:

>

> My ex is an abusive alcoholic who is still an alcoholic and abusive. He lives

in his parents' basement, infrequently working minimum wage jobs until he's

fired, has no drivers license (was first suspended on DUI but now has lost it

from owing child support), pays no child support despite only owing a lowly

$50/week for two kids. His parents (the enablers) have deep pockets. They've

paid for his expensive attorney to do one heck of a job on the kids and me. I

[Guest guest]

Hi,

document everything that is happening during their visitation to Dad's place or anything he writes, e-mails, text or phone messages. This will be the best tool for you. Contact attorney through Autism Network who may help you. Good luck!

pad

( ) Re: Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

Hi, I can relate to some of this (ex is alcoholic). Only have a moment now but wondering: how old are your children? the things he has said to them, was that during prior visits? any emails, phone messages to use from either him or his parents?

>

> Here's a short-short version:

>

> My ex is an abusive alcoholic who is still an alcoholic and abusive. He lives in his parents' basement, infrequently working minimum wage jobs until he's fired, has no drivers license (was first suspended on DUI but now has lost it from owing child support), pays no child support despite only owing a lowly $50/week for two kids. His parents (the enablers) have deep pockets. They've paid for his expensive attorney to do one heck of a job on the kids and me. I

[Guest guest]

You have to take them to counseling and the counselor can evaluate if those visitations are proper for them.

It is hard to take visitations away from a father or mother, you have to prove that those visitations will or might cause physical or mentally harm to them.

( ) Re: Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?Hi, I can relate to some of this (ex is alcoholic). Only have a moment now but wondering: how old are your children? the things he has said to them, was that during prior visits? any emails, phone messages to use from either him or his parents? >> Here's a short-short version:> > My ex is an abusive alcoholic who is still an alcoholic and abusive. He lives in his parents' basement, infrequently working minimum wage jobs until he's fired, has no drivers license (was first suspended on DUI but now has lost it from owing child support), pays no child support despite only owing a lowly $50/week for two kids. His parents (the enablers) have deep pockets. They've paid for his expensive attorney to do one heck of a job on the kids and me. I

[Guest guest]

Definitely something you need to talk to an attorney about. I doubt you will be able to do much about what you think he "might" or "might not" do. You would need plenty of hard facts to back up your concerns. But again, a lawyer could tell you what you need exactly and how you could work on this.

I don't understand if he is an alcoholic and doesn't spend any time with the kids or even care to, why he would get so much visitation. Why would he want it? That part doesn't make any sense. If he didn't care really, he'd not bother to ask for visitation.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

Here's a short-short version:

My ex is an abusive alcoholic who is still an alcoholic and abusive. He lives in his parents' basement, infrequently working minimum wage jobs until he's fired, has no drivers license (was first suspended on DUI but now has lost it from owing child support), pays no child support despite only owing a lowly $50/week for two kids. His parents (the enablers) have deep pockets. They've paid for his expensive attorney to do one heck of a job on the kids and me. I barely have room to breathe. He violates the court order left and right but if I can't do one thing, it's motions and court dates and attorneys fees applied to me. This is all 1300 miles away, mind you. I've tried to domesticate the court order to MY state where the kids have lived the majority of their lives (the current jurisdiction is only where we were married and has no other relevancy) but, Lord only knows why, it was denied.

He doesn't call the kids, he doesn't visit them down here, he tells them that he's not interested in their lives here and doesn't want them to talk about it. He spends no one-on-one time with them to learn who they are. He denied for years that my aspie son had a level 4 allergy to cats (despite medical records) and insists that if my oldest really has ADHD he'd bring his meds (he's on Adderall XR, a controlled substance, so there's no way my son's pediatrician is going to let that travel 1300 miles into the hands of an addict).

Anyway, when I was steamrolled over by my ex's attorney on visitation, he receives a huge amount of visitation, more than GOOD dads with Joint Custody get. (I do still have sole custody of both kids.) His visitation includes:

- every Spring break

- every other Thanksgiving

- 2/3rds of Summer break (this typically gives the kids only 2 weeks at home every summer)

- alternating full Winter break

- alternating half Winter break, starting Dec 26 - end (sometimes that's only 4 days at home)

I know he has too much visitation and I know someone who's still drinking, using, and being abusive should not have unsupervised visitation in any amount. The entire reasonable world knows this. Telling my legal story has always ended in me reciting the Serenity Prayer. So... now for my point (I knew I had one!):

My son has been recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. Since his environment there is so much different from his life here and it's very likely there'll be denial of his condition, his medications will be interrupted, his behavior will receive none of the proper support, and he'll be well beyond my ability to monitor him or get him to his doctors, would it be reasonable for me to enter another Motion to Domesticate with a Petition to Modify Visitation on these grounds?

I know this is a proper question for an attorney, but I'm hoping to benefit from the experiences of other parents who might've faced similar situations (hopefully, not the exact same but something close enough to lend some advice).

[Guest guest]

> I don't understand if he is an alcoholic and doesn't spend any time with the

kids or even care to, why he would get so much visitation. Why would he want

it? That part doesn't make any sense. If he didn't care really, he'd not

bother to ask for visitation.

>

Then you've obviously never been in an abusive relationship with someone who

wants to control you and then punish you for not doing what they want you to do.

Good for you. Unfortunately, despite having left him over 10 years ago, I still

have this abusive relationship because he won't let go.

The point is not to have the children for a visit, the point is to take the

children from me and make me pay for all of it. Plus, he actually believes he

has a good relationship with his children, yet he's paranoid that if our oldest

(who is 14) is allowed to make a decision to stay home from a visitation that

he'd never choose to go on visitations again. You'd think that if he had such a

good relationship with his son, he'd know his son would want to come see him

other times. Oh, but we're using logic again, aren't we?

[Guest guest]

The kids are currently 14 and 10. My aspie is the 10 year-old.

My 14 year-old is at the point where he wants control over when he visits. This

is a whole different huge fight because their father believes he has such a

great relationship with his sons but is afraid if the oldest has any choices,

he'll never visit. Logic? None.

What he's said to them was during visitations. There's a lot of parental

alienation that goes on there. He and his parents do not call them ever. There's

plenty of time allotted for it in the judgment order that demands I make them

available... but he never calls.

The most my oldest has ever talked to him on the phone was just recently when he

tried to tell him he didn't want to come for the second half of Winter Break.

That did not go well at all and I've got more legal crap coming my way that I

can't do anything about. My ex doesn't seem to understand or care that I cannot

physically put a fourteen year old on a plane and won't have the police do what

I cannot physically do. It's easier for him to have more crap put on me via the

court than it is to listen and talk to his son.

>

> Hi, I can relate to some of this (ex is alcoholic). Only have a moment now

but wondering: how old are your children? the things he has said to them, was

that during prior visits? any emails, phone messages to use from either him or

his parents?

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am a little confused like roxanna , if he is still an alcholic and abusive , how the heck did a judge grant him to even have visitation? I think i would also have a had time letting my kids be around their father if he was like that!! How do your kids feel about him? Is he atleast a good father when he is around your kids? From your email it doesnt sound like he is a fit father , so i would go hire a real good attorney and take him to court again if you can! Because obviously he is not fit to be around your children, or probably any children for that matter! THis must be devastating for you to deal with, im very sorry for what he is putting you and your kids through , i will pray that your situation gets resolved in the way where you and your kids will be happy!! I think depending on what your

kids honestly say to a judge about their father might have a lot of weight to what the outcome will be! MeaghanFrom: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Mon, December 27, 2010 9:23:36 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

Definitely something you need to talk to an attorney about. I doubt you will be able to do much about what you think he "might" or "might not" do. You would need plenty of hard facts to back up your concerns. But again, a lawyer could tell you what you need exactly and how you could work on this.

I don't understand if he is an alcoholic and doesn't spend any time with the kids or even care to, why he would get so much visitation. Why would he want it? That part doesn't make any sense. If he didn't care really, he'd not bother to ask for visitation.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

Here's a short-short version:

My ex is an abusive alcoholic who is still an alcoholic and abusive. He lives in his parents' basement, infrequently working minimum wage jobs until he's fired, has no drivers license (was first suspended on DUI but now has lost it from owing child support), pays no child support despite only owing a lowly $50/week for two kids. His parents (the enablers) have deep pockets. They've paid for his expensive attorney to do one heck of a job on the kids and me. I barely have room to breathe. He violates the court order left and right but if I can't do one thing, it's motions and court dates and attorneys fees applied to me. This is all 1300 miles away, mind you. I've tried to domesticate the court order to MY state where the kids have lived the majority of their lives (the current jurisdiction is only where we were married and has no other relevancy) but, Lord only knows why, it was denied.

He doesn't call the kids, he doesn't visit them down here, he tells them that he's not interested in their lives here and doesn't want them to talk about it. He spends no one-on-one time with them to learn who they are. He denied for years that my aspie son had a level 4 allergy to cats (despite medical records) and insists that if my oldest really has ADHD he'd bring his meds (he's on Adderall XR, a controlled substance, so there's no way my son's pediatrician is going to let that travel 1300 miles into the hands of an addict).

Anyway, when I was steamrolled over by my ex's attorney on visitation, he receives a huge amount of visitation, more than GOOD dads with Joint Custody get. (I do still have sole custody of both kids.) His visitation includes:

- every Spring break

- every other Thanksgiving

- 2/3rds of Summer break (this typically gives the kids only 2 weeks at home every summer)

- alternating full Winter break

- alternating half Winter break, starting Dec 26 - end (sometimes that's only 4 days at home)

I know he has too much visitation and I know someone who's still drinking, using, and being abusive should not have unsupervised visitation in any amount. The entire reasonable world knows this. Telling my legal story has always ended in me reciting the Serenity Prayer. So... now for my point (I knew I had one!):

My son has been recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. Since his environment there is so much different from his life here and it's very likely there'll be denial of his condition, his medications will be interrupted, his behavior will receive none of the proper support, and he'll be well beyond my ability to monitor him or get him to his doctors, would it be reasonable for me to enter another Motion to Domesticate with a Petition to Modify Visitation on these grounds?

I know this is a proper question for an attorney, but I'm hoping to benefit from the experiences of other parents who might've faced similar situations (hopefully, not the exact same but something close enough to lend some advice).

[Guest guest]

Yes, obviously I am too dim to appreciate the situation. Get a lawyer. Nobody can possibly guess what he is thinking or planning. You can't really guess what he "might" do or not do and get anywhere with that in a court. The court will no doubt require facts and documentation. Not guesses. And certainly not (obviously lame) guesses on an AS list. Last time I had a brain, I was able to realize that the better lawyer wins. Find a better one.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

Re: ( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

> I don't understand if he is an alcoholic and doesn't spend any time with the kids or even care to, why he would get so much visitation. Why would he want it? That part doesn't make any sense. If he didn't care really, he'd not bother to ask for visitation.

>

Then you've obviously never been in an abusive relationship with someone who wants to control you and then punish you for not doing what they want you to do. Good for you. Unfortunately, despite having left him over 10 years ago, I still have this abusive relationship because he won't let go.

The point is not to have the children for a visit, the point is to take the children from me and make me pay for all of it. Plus, he actually believes he has a good relationship with his children, yet he's paranoid that if our oldest (who is 14) is allowed to make a decision to stay home from a visitation that he'd never choose to go on visitations again. You'd think that if he had such a good relationship with his son, he'd know his son would want to come see him other times. Oh, but we're using logic again, aren't we?

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I didn't read all of the post related to your post but I did read only your post because the subject caught my attention. If you live in NY I can understand what you are concerned about and you are correct about the visitation only being in the state/city that you were married in unless he agrees to visitation in your home state.

In NY they won't stop visitation on a DX alone. (I didn't read where you were from) but what you can do is request that the court - order your husband to go to classes educating him on autism. next - get a court order of protection stating you fear for your children's safety during a visit with their father because he's an abusive alcoholic. for him to have any visits with them he has to be free from any drinking. you are requesting supervised visits until he is clean for 2 years. (this is where a lawyer will come in handy) He also has to report to AA programs and go for hair follicle test to prove he's clean and have those test submitted to the court.

As soon as you think he has been drinking you'll need to call the police explaining he has visits with your children and you feel he has been drinking because you smell it on his breath and you can tell by the way he is talking and walking. (or how ever it is that you know he has been drinking) get the police report and go straight to the court with that.

that is also correct - your concern with his parents enabling him and have the money for a good lawyer - the better the lawyer the better they have it. so it would be best for you to know your rights and use them in court. when you have the court order of protection - use it.... as soon as you know he had a drink - call the police and get that police report.

that is how his visits will be stopped until he cleans up. either he will get tired of going to court or he will clean up. they usually get tired of going to court.

the reason why he wants to visit your kids even when he doesn't have no interest in them is because right now he has no one... no one wants to put up with an alcoholic but your children have too because the way the court system is in NY... he has no job except PT jobs until he gets fired - I bet his family gets tired of that too so they help him get the visitation with his kids - gets him out of their hair for a bit.

you can also look into - where ever your state is - how many miles does he have to travel to p/u the kids? in NY it's 50 miles. so instead of dropping them off at his door making it convenient for him - find out where the 50 mile spot is and make him travel to that p/u and drop off location.

also, with the meds> use that to your child's advantage - if the doctor won't let your child's medication travel that far nor will your doctor let an alcoholic give that medication to your child - then he's unfit to have unsupervised visitations with his children.

you have so much on your side to work with to protect you children - maybe you just need a lawyer familiar with autism to help you out.

also, your children need stability - your child with the autism needs consistency, stability, and supervision at all times and transporting them to their fathers location is interfering with their development. a lawyer can word that much better.

best luck for you and your children.

Rose

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers? Date: Monday, December 27, 2010, 10:23 AM

Definitely something you need to talk to an attorney about. I doubt you will be able to do much about what you think he "might" or "might not" do. You would need plenty of hard facts to back up your concerns. But again, a lawyer could tell you what you need exactly and how you could work on this. I don't understand if he is an alcoholic and doesn't spend any time with the kids or even care to, why he would get so much visitation. Why would he want it? That part doesn't make any sense. If he didn't care really, he'd not bother to ask for visitation.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

Here's a short-short version:My ex is an abusive alcoholic who is still an alcoholic and abusive. He lives in his parents' basement, infrequently working minimum wage jobs until he's fired, has no drivers license (was first suspended on DUI but now has lost it from owing child support), pays no child support despite only owing a lowly $50/week for two kids. His parents (the enablers) have deep pockets. They've paid for his expensive attorney to do one heck of a job on the kids and me. I barely have room to breathe. He violates the court order left and right but if I can't do one thing, it's motions and court dates and attorneys fees applied to me. This is all 1300 miles away, mind you. I've tried to domesticate the court order to MY state where the kids have lived the majority of their lives (the current jurisdiction is only where we were married and has no other relevancy) but, Lord only knows why, it was denied.He doesn't call the

kids, he doesn't visit them down here, he tells them that he's not interested in their lives here and doesn't want them to talk about it. He spends no one-on-one time with them to learn who they are. He denied for years that my aspie son had a level 4 allergy to cats (despite medical records) and insists that if my oldest really has ADHD he'd bring his meds (he's on Adderall XR, a controlled substance, so there's no way my son's pediatrician is going to let that travel 1300 miles into the hands of an addict).Anyway, when I was steamrolled over by my ex's attorney on visitation, he receives a huge amount of visitation, more than GOOD dads with Joint Custody get. (I do still have sole custody of both kids.) His visitation includes:- every Spring break- every other Thanksgiving- 2/3rds of Summer break (this typically gives the kids only 2 weeks at home every summer)- alternating full Winter break- alternating half Winter break,

starting Dec 26 - end (sometimes that's only 4 days at home)I know he has too much visitation and I know someone who's still drinking, using, and being abusive should not have unsupervised visitation in any amount. The entire reasonable world knows this. Telling my legal story has always ended in me reciting the Serenity Prayer. So... now for my point (I knew I had one!):My son has been recently diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. Since his environment there is so much different from his life here and it's very likely there'll be denial of his condition, his medications will be interrupted, his behavior will receive none of the proper support, and he'll be well beyond my ability to monitor him or get him to his doctors, would it be reasonable for me to enter another Motion to Domesticate with a Petition to Modify Visitation on these grounds?I know this is a proper question for an attorney, but I'm hoping to benefit from the

experiences of other parents who might've faced similar situations (hopefully, not the exact same but something close enough to lend some advice).

[Guest guest]

That is so sad and so true - the one with the better lawyer wins!!!!

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers? Date: Monday, December 27, 2010, 3:35 PM

Yes, obviously I am too dim to appreciate the situation. Get a lawyer. Nobody can possibly guess what he is thinking or planning. You can't really guess what he "might" do or not do and get anywhere with that in a court. The court will no doubt require facts and documentation. Not guesses. And certainly not (obviously lame) guesses on an AS list. Last time I had a brain, I was able to realize that the better lawyer wins. Find a better one.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

Re: ( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

> I don't understand if he is an alcoholic and doesn't spend any time with the kids or even care to, why he would get so much visitation. Why would he want it? That part doesn't make any sense. If he didn't care really, he'd not bother to ask for visitation. > Then you've obviously never been in an abusive relationship with someone who wants to control you and then punish you for not doing what they want you to do. Good for you. Unfortunately, despite having left him over 10 years ago, I still have this abusive relationship because he won't let go.The point is not to have the children for a visit, the point is to take the children from me and make me pay for all of

it. Plus, he actually believes he has a good relationship with his children, yet he's paranoid that if our oldest (who is 14) is allowed to make a decision to stay home from a visitation that he'd never choose to go on visitations again. You'd think that if he had such a good relationship with his son, he'd know his son would want to come see him other times. Oh, but we're using logic again, aren't we?

[Guest guest]

Modification to visitation is long and costly. unfortunately the court system is made to protect a father's rights to visitation. We have been in court for five years and spent more than 25,000 dollars and still are currently with an attorney ad lidium- he has supervised visits but is fighting for pretty much all the visitation rights your ex has. There is even CPS reports with CPS finding reason to believe of physical abuse but it is all deferred to ongoing litigation. We have pictures, police reports and pending cases against my grandson's father but still he is granted rights. My grandson is only 5 with Asperger's, right now he is also fighting the diagnosis. i understand your frustration, but sadly only money and a good lawyer keeps the father at bay------but does not stop visitation. It is a very painful situation. My thoughts and prayers to

you.

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers? Date: Monday, December 27, 2010, 3:35 PM

Yes, obviously I am too dim to appreciate the situation. Get a lawyer. Nobody can possibly guess what he is thinking or planning. You can't really guess what he "might" do or not do and get anywhere with that in a court. The court will no doubt require facts and documentation. Not guesses. And certainly not (obviously lame) guesses on an AS list. Last time I had a brain, I was able to realize that the better lawyer wins. Find a better one.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

Re: ( ) Can I modify visitation based on aspergers?

> I don't understand if he is an alcoholic and doesn't spend any time with the kids or even care to, why he would get so much visitation. Why would he want it? That part doesn't make any sense. If he didn't care really, he'd not bother to ask for visitation. > Then you've obviously never been in an abusive relationship with someone who wants to control you and then punish you for not doing what they want you to do. Good for you. Unfortunately, despite having left him over 10 years ago, I still have this abusive relationship because he won't let go.The point is not to have the children for a visit, the point is to take the children from me and make me pay for all of it. Plus, he actually believes he has a good

relationship with his children, yet he's paranoid that if our oldest (who is 14) is allowed to make a decision to stay home from a visitation that he'd never choose to go on visitations again. You'd think that if he had such a good relationship with his son, he'd know his son would want to come see him other times. Oh, but we're using logic again, aren't we?

[Guest guest]

Doesn't seem to be anything you can do about this holiday, but perhaps you can

start working towards the future. Just some random thoughts here.

I think you said your younger son just got the diagnosis? Will there be any

type therapy, other services he will be starting? If so, you may be able to get

some modification to visits if it will interrupt these needed services. Share

the schedule with dad/grandparents.

If you will be having to change things in your household to accommodate his

needs (get more structure, routine into the day, etc.) then once you have this

arranged and it's working, share in writing these arrangements (his needs, how

his day needs to go...) with the dad & grandparents (including g'parents since

they are there in household).

What I'm trying to do is to show others that YOU are including dad in info about

the children and their needs, what is going on with them, etc. A paper trail.

I'd have a calendar and set it up for those scheduled " phone call times " and

write on it when he is scheduled to call, things like that. And then write on

it " did not call " , things like that. To show he's not using it. Another paper

trail.

Send all this by email (if you have it) or copy it first and then send it

regular mail if have to. Get one of those " return receipt requested " things

where someone there will have to sign for it, shows it was delivered/received.

I think you did fine with leaving the older child to discuss his feelings with

dad about visiting, it is something you need to sort of stay out of. Be

understanding to him, of course. I think dad would just say you're interfering

if you get into it; unless your son is sitting there while you talk to dad about

it, trying to express it for your son. In case it WERE to come up in some court

related issue, want son to be able to say what happened, you be able to, etc.,

back each other up.

If you have a regular attorney, talk to him/her about this. Ask if now at 14

your child can have any say in getting visitation modified (I doubt it).

Mention the 10 yr olds recent diagnosis. I think with autism that they will

need to address these " new " special needs of him, perhaps you can get that into

some court/visitation documents. I don't think the courts care if kids are

" bored " when they visit a parent or not. But if their needs aren't being met,

if they are being verbally or other type abused, all stressed/anxious during and

after, parent actually drunk multiple times...perhaps you can ask your lawyer

about getting some type court person to visit while they are there in future?

Your attorney would know.

You may want to somehow start some email correspondence with ex and/or

grandparents. Watching what YOU say since it could be used against you, but

being able to have their reply in the documentation. Like if you were to say

" older son is asking can he cut holiday visit short, he's 14 now you know, has

friends, other interests, what do you think? " and then have dad's reply in your

record.

If he's not paying child support - do you go through the court system to get it?

I would think you could do this, then it would be shown he's not paying.

Sorry this has gotten so long! Luckily my ex didn't care about overnight visits

and was only a couple hours away. I know I would NOT have wanted overnight

(since he actively drank) and know I would have gone to extremes to try to keep

it from happening if he had pursued it.

I did come across these 2 websites while googling around. Interesting for

divorced/separated parents to try using:

http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/index.cfm/about-us/testimonials/

http://www.custodyxchange.com/

Good luck, hope it turns out well!

>

> The kids are currently 14 and 10. My aspie is the 10 year-old.

>

> My 14 year-old is at the point where he wants control over when he visits.

This is a whole different huge fight because their father believes he has such a

great relationship with his sons but is afraid if the oldest has any choices,

he'll never visit. Logic? None.

>

> What he's said to them was during visitations. There's a lot of parental

alienation that goes on there. He and his parents do not call them ever. There's

plenty of time allotted for it in the judgment order that demands I make them

available... but he never calls.

>