perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing

[Guest guest]

I'm very creative, but did go through a rigid black and white stage when younger

(trying to imitate my perfectionist father plus influence of church?). I'm INTP

Myers-Briggs - both analytical and creative, scientific and artistic. I'm

primarily a visual thinker too - I used to think exclusively in pictures, and

since developing more confidence in articulating myself orally, tend to think

more in sentences now. I used to be very idealistic - guess bouts of depression

knocked that out of me (along with the black and white thinking). My son is a

lot like me (scientific mind etc), but he is so rigid and inflexible it causes

everyone strife!

Miranda

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> From: miranda.flemming <miranda.flemming@...>

> Subject: ( ) perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing

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> Date: Wednesday, June 2, 2010, 12:01 AM

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> My son has these traits too - perfectionist (although a messy and disorganised

one) and black and white rigid thinking - which causes him much frustration.

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> My theory is creativity (freedom to experiment without being judged) is the

opposite of perfectionism (which is fear of making a mistake and breeds

anxiety). Psychiatrist recommended creative theories to allow emotional

expression and creativeness (ie art for fun, not to be " technically correct " ,

same with music.

>

> from my own journey, when I learnt classical music, I became more

perfectionist and worried about having to have it exactly right (and had

terrible performance anxiety and the joy was sapped). I moved on to doing

improvising/jazz, where a " mistake " /experimenting can make a cool sound, and

have escape (can go into trance like state - very relaxing and gives me break

from think all the time). Same with art - I can draw realistically, but

struggled to paint realistically, but didn't really enjoy art until I did

abstract and stopped having people critique my work as good or bad.

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> Interestingly, I have been told I have a " gift " in musical improvisation, even

though I struggle with some conventional stuff like sight-reading music etc. I

plan to teach him keyboard, but not in conventional way. Has also being doing

some art.

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> His psychologist today played a game with him where one makes sentences using

randomly plucked words - he really struggled with it. Apparently, it is to help

him come up with alternatives - flexible thinking.

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> Miranda

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> > In our behavior plan she has to earn purchases and priveleges. So on our

weekend camping she kept asking for things from the gift store.

> > Which I agreed to if she practiced thinking of things she liked

> > about herself etc. She said there is nothing good about me (she always says

that) or there is nothing good about school. I don't

> > torture her I help her think of lots of things (which she seems

> > relieved by). The school has her in 3 type of social

> > skill groups, 1:1, a small girls group and a mixed group.

> > This are helpful but don't improve the self esteem issues. She

> > has been to weekly therapy too. I also try to give her

> > compliments often without having to have her rehearse only.

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> >

> > I think this approach has helped us shape behaviors the most.

> > It has to be done often. My daughter anyway is too much

> > of a perfectionist. She notices the fine details too much

> > and misses the big picture. Many ASD kids have this trait.

> >

> > Pam

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