Where the heck did this come from!?!?

February 11, 2011

ï»¿

Hello, All! Well, it's been one of THOSE days today. Our son is 9 and was diagnosed last year with AS (previously just SPD/Major Sensory Seeker). Anyway, after lots and lots and lots of fights with his school we have finally settled in this year. They have only let him go half days all year. They are afraid that whole days would be too much for him and for the staff. He has MANY work refusals and gets VERY violent when he melts down.

They had been saying that he has been doing so well lately that we were going to add time to his day at school. So, he was going to get to stay a bit longer each day. Well, today he was doing great. He did his work, he was acting fine and just having a good day. All of a sudden in Phy Ed he melted down and pushed his one on one aide. She called for reenforcements and it was on. By the time they got there he was in FULL meltdown. They dragged him out of there and took him to the sensory room to chill. Well, at some point they let go and he lashed out. He ended up kicking his Spec Ed teacher and her hand was in the way. He got her thumb. They grabbed him again and subdued him and all that. Then they called the police and my hubby (I was sleeping....long story). So, my hubby went to the school. Everyone was calmer and the police said that they had to write up the incident, but they know that we are doing everything we can for our son and they are not faulting us. The teacher ended up having to go the the hospital, have x-rays and a shot for the pain. Then she had to stay home for the rest of the day. So, I understand that the police had to be called and all that for the workman's comp claim and all that.

The deal is that I'm feeling like the world's worst Mom and feel really, really bad that my child hurt someone. It seems like the school was doing everything right today and my son just lost it. The principal called and said that our son will be out of school on suspension for Monday and Tuesday. I told our son that he WILL write an apology for his teacher and that he will spend some of his own money for flowers or something for her for Monday. The principal said that we can do that Monday morning and then come talk with him. I feel guilty and sad and upset and so many other things right now. And, while our son was VERY remorseful, he has kind of just moved on. I'm sure that I've read that that is just how AS kids are "wired", but it doesn't make it any easier for me. Sorry for the long post, but I'm just bummed. We've been doing so well recently and now this.

Beth

February 11, 2011

Oh Beth,

I'm so sorry.........

You are a wonderful parent. And it sounds like the school is pretty decent?

Your son........sigh......I'm sorry that he gets so violent. I wish I had the perfect words to make you feel better.

Just know that we are all thinking of you and care.

Hugs.

Robin

Karmageddon (n):

It's, like,

when everybody is sending off all these

really bad vibes, right?

And then, like,

the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer!

From: Beth & Dave Schmidt <bethndave@...>Subject: ( ) Where the heck did this come from!?!? Date: Friday, February 11, 2011, 8:26 PM

ï»¿ Hello, All! Well, it's been one of THOSE days today. Our son is 9 and was diagnosed last year with AS (previously just SPD/Major Sensory Seeker). Anyway, after lots and lots and lots of fights with his school we have finally settled in this year. They have only let him go half days all year. They are afraid that whole days would be too much for him and for the staff. He has MANY work refusals and gets VERY violent when he melts down.

They had been saying that he has been doing so well lately that we were going to add time to his day at school. So, he was going to get to stay a bit longer each day. Well, today he was doing great. He did his work, he was acting fine and just having a good day. All of a sudden in Phy Ed he melted down and pushed his one on one aide. She called for reenforcements and it was on. By the time they got there he was in FULL meltdown. They dragged him out of there and took him to the sensory room to chill. Well, at some point they let go and he lashed out. He ended up kicking his Spec Ed teacher and her hand was in the way. He got her thumb. They grabbed him again and subdued him and all that. Then they called the police and my hubby (I was sleeping....long story). So, my hubby went to the school. Everyone was calmer and the

police said that they had to write up the incident, but they know that we are doing everything we can for our son and they are not faulting us. The teacher ended up having to go the the hospital, have x-rays and a shot for the pain. Then she had to stay home for the rest of the day. So, I understand that the police had to be called and all that for the workman's comp claim and all that.

The deal is that I'm feeling like the world's worst Mom and feel really, really bad that my child hurt someone. It seems like the school was doing everything right today and my son just lost it. The principal called and said that our son will be out of school on suspension for Monday and Tuesday. I told our son that he WILL write an apology for his teacher and that he will spend some of his own money for flowers or something for her for Monday. The principal said that we can do that Monday morning and then come talk with him. I feel guilty and sad and upset and so many other things right now. And, while our son was VERY remorseful, he has kind of just moved on. I'm sure that I've read that that is just how AS kids are "wired", but it doesn't make it any easier for me. Sorry for the long post, but I'm just bummed. We've been doing so well recently and now

this.

Beth

February 11, 2011

Beth! You shouldn't feel like the world's worst parent - AT ALL. In fact, I have a lot of admiration for you regarding the way you're handling all of this. It sounds like the school is handling this okay, too. Workers comp for getting kicked by a 9-yr-old? Um, okay. Guess I should withhold judgment on that one b/c if he got her just right, it could've caused a slight injury. But this is not a reflection on you at all. Kids make mistakes. There are accidents at school. You said he was remorseful so that is GOOD. That means he realizes it wasn't the right thing to do and that's a good indication for the future, in my opinion. The fact that he doesn't continue to be upset about it later in the day doesn't worry me. Kids don't have the longest attention spans, anyway, and usually our kids are socially about 75% of

their age so if your son is 9, he is socially more like a 7-yr-old. Keep us posted on what happens, but don't feel guilty about this - you didn't do anything wrong - and now you're handling it great. That's the only part you have control over.

Take care,

From: Beth & Dave Schmidt <bethndave@...> Sent: Fri, February 11, 2011 8:26:54 PMSubject: ( ) Where the heck did this come from!?!?

ï»¿ Hello, All! Well, it's been one of THOSE days today. Our son is 9 and was diagnosed last year with AS (previously just SPD/Major Sensory Seeker). Anyway, after lots and lots and lots of fights with his school we have finally settled in this year. They have only let him go half days all year. They are afraid that whole days would be too much for him and for the staff. He has MANY work refusals and gets VERY violent when he melts down.

They had been saying that he has been doing so well lately that we were going to add time to his day at school. So, he was going to get to stay a bit longer each day. Well, today he was doing great. He did his work, he was acting fine and just having a good day. All of a sudden in Phy Ed he melted down and pushed his one on one aide. She called for reenforcements and it was on. By the time they got there he was in FULL meltdown. They dragged him out of there and took him to the sensory room to chill. Well, at some point they let go and he lashed out. He ended up kicking his Spec Ed teacher and her hand was in the way. He got her thumb. They grabbed him again and subdued him and all that. Then they called the police and my hubby (I was sleeping....long story). So, my hubby went to the school. Everyone was calmer and the

police said that they had to write up the incident, but they know that we are doing everything we can for our son and they are not faulting us. The teacher ended up having to go the the hospital, have x-rays and a shot for the pain. Then she had to stay home for the rest of the day. So, I understand that the police had to be called and all that for the workman's comp claim and all that.

The deal is that I'm feeling like the world's worst Mom and feel really, really bad that my child hurt someone. It seems like the school was doing everything right today and my son just lost it. The principal called and said that our son will be out of school on suspension for Monday and Tuesday. I told our son that he WILL write an apology for his teacher and that he will spend some of his own money for flowers or something for her for Monday. The principal said that we can do that Monday morning and then come talk with him. I feel guilty and sad and upset and so many other things right now. And, while our son was VERY remorseful, he has kind of just moved on. I'm sure that I've read that that is just how AS kids are "wired", but it doesn't make it any easier for me. Sorry for the long post, but I'm just bummed. We've been doing so well recently and now

this.

Beth

February 12, 2011

I know just what this feels like. There really isn't anything worse than

knowing your child hurt someone. It's really hard for me not to blame myself.

There may be something that happened that nobody knew about. Some subtle change

in the environment. An activity that caused your son to get upset. A rude

comment from another child or a comment you son perceived as being mean and

directed at him even if it wasn't. gets upset if he thinks someone is

being mean to his friends. Everyone needs to pay close attention to what is

going on so that they catch the subtleties of what happened just before and

just after an incident. It may seem like there is no rhyme or reason to this

but asperger kids sometimes have their own logic and if you can figure out what

that is it can help immensely. It's not your fault! You are a great mom. You

aren't afraid to get help from other people even though that can be hard and you

ask for help and you keep working at it no matter how distressing it is.

Last summer my son, who had not been aggressive in school all through 6th and

7th grade was suddenly very very aggressive at the day camp that has served as

his extended school year for the last 3 years. He did well at the camp two

years in a row and then last summer it was HORRIBLE. The only thing I can think

of that might have caused this was a change in personnel. This guy restrained

almost every day. I think he was anticipating violence because of

SAYING he wanted to hurt people and restraining him for it. I haven't recovered

from this. came home so upset one day he threatened his sister with a

knife because she didn't answer the phone! Once camp was over my wonderful,

sweet boy was back. He gets pretty nasty with his words sometimes but only if

he's extremely upset. He has a lot of testosterone now because he's almost 14

and that doesn't help. He has developed a lot of impulse control so the summer

camp thing seemed very bizarre and unlikely.

After camp was done for the year calmed down. We took a fantastic vacation

and was nothing short of angelic. SERIOUSLY! We stayed at a family resort

where there was a water park and played a long time in the water park

without me following him around. One of the lifeguards told him he couldn't

wear his aquasox on the slides and 's reaction was to immediately follow the

rule and to come to me and say, " Mom, I didn't know that was the rule. " He was

just such a sweetie about it. Now he's in 8th grade and the guidance counselor

said she doesn't see him as being an aggressive kid at all. WOW! She also

said, " We will never restrain him. We can keep him safe and other kids safe

without restraining him. She KNOWS we're a bit traumatized. I don't know

what's being done to that guy but I expect he's not going to be at camp in the

future. I won't ever know because is too old to go there this year.

I'm sure the school staff is doing the best they can given whatever the level of

skill is, but they may have some learning to do, as well. I know I make my

share of mistakes even though I know a lot about how to deal with .

Hugs,

Miriam

>

> Hello, All! Well, it's been one of THOSE days today. Our son is 9 and

was diagnosed last year with AS (previously just SPD/Major Sensory Seeker).

Anyway, after lots and lots and lots of fights with his school we have finally

settled in this year. They have only let him go half days all year. They are

afraid that whole days would be too much for him and for the staff. He has MANY

work refusals and gets VERY violent when he melts down.

>

> They had been saying that he has been doing so well lately that we were

going to add time to his day at school. So, he was going to get to stay a bit

longer each day. Well, today he was doing great. He did his work, he was

acting fine and just having a good day. All of a sudden in Phy Ed he melted

down and pushed his one on one aide. She called for reenforcements and it was

on. By the time they got there he was in FULL meltdown. They dragged him out

of there and took him to the sensory room to chill. Well, at some point they

let go and he lashed out. He ended up kicking his Spec Ed teacher and her hand

was in the way. He got her thumb. They grabbed him again and subdued him and

all that. Then they called the police and my hubby (I was sleeping....long

story). So, my hubby went to the school. Everyone was calmer and the police

said that they had to write up the incident, but they know that we are doing

everything we can for our son and they are not faulting us. The teacher ended

up having to go the the hospital, have x-rays and a shot for the pain. Then she

had to stay home for the rest of the day. So, I understand that the police had

to be called and all that for the workman's comp claim and all that.

>

> The deal is that I'm feeling like the world's worst Mom and feel really,

really bad that my child hurt someone. It seems like the school was doing

everything right today and my son just lost it. The principal called and said

that our son will be out of school on suspension for Monday and Tuesday. I told

our son that he WILL write an apology for his teacher and that he will spend

some of his own money for flowers or something for her for Monday. The

principal said that we can do that Monday morning and then come talk with him.

I feel guilty and sad and upset and so many other things right now. And, while

our son was VERY remorseful, he has kind of just moved on. I'm sure that I've

read that that is just how AS kids are " wired " , but it doesn't make it any

easier for me. Sorry for the long post, but I'm just bummed. We've been doing

so well recently and now this.

>

> Beth

>

February 16, 2011

Is anyone there trained in proper restraining procedures? It sounds like they physically tried to force him from one place to another. Does he have a behavior plan in place? Have they done an FBA? (functional behavior analysis?) This would outline what his triggers are, what he looks like when he is starting to get upset and how best to calm him down before he has lost control.