Re: Any ideas on getting your child to be more social & more independent?

[Guest guest]

I would tell him...It is going to be cold tonight....you can wear warm pj or shorts. You make the decision and if it is the wrong choice, then you can always change your clothes.

I think he might be a little nervous about growing up and is clinging more to you for security reasons. Just make sure he feels safe and comfortable and slowly do new things.

If he is fine w/out friends...then let it be. Just be sure that he has manners and knows how to speak to others...do they practice this in school?

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Catcelia <c2cats@...> Sent: Wed, October 6, 2010 10:21:11 AMSubject: ( ) Any ideas on getting your child to be more social & more independent?

My son is an only child and our relatives live out of state. Since middle school he has made no effort to make friends so has become somewhat isolated. Getting him out of the house is a challenge. Once out and doing stuff he likes it. Usually once he's done with homework (he gets a lot of it) then he just likes to hang around the house. He's fine with the fact that he really has no friends. I keep explaining to him that he needs to know at least how to be friendly and social once he gets starts working.The other thing that I noticed is that he seems to be a bit more insecure lately therefore less independent. He's been asking me things like whether he should wear short or long sleeve pj's to bed or what he should have for lunch. I've been trying for a while now to get him to be more independent - asking him to help with more stuff around the house, teaching him some basic cooking and in general trying to get him to make his own decisions. I

try to frame my answers so that I don't directly answer such as "It's going to be cold tonight so you decide which pj's you want." My DH asks these type of questions as well. Some days I feel like screaming in frustration because I seem to be the only one who can make a decision in this house.

[Guest guest]

You are outnumbered! lol. I think you are doing the right thing. I would probably walk him through the thought process that you use to make these decisions. Like instead of saying it's going to be cold tonight, show him how to find out the weather to determine how hot or cold it will be overnight. Problem solving is a real deficit for some kids (and people!) They even have a test called, "Test of Problem Solving" (TOPS) which I know because my ds failed it. He could not think through situations and solve problems. But I have to say that this is a skill he has really improved at over the years (he's 21 yo now!) Just keep walking him through the process and hopefully, he will eventually start thinking it through on his own.

As for the social aspect, that is a tough one too. Some kids will just not be that social anyway. But you are so right that he has to know how to deal with people in order to live a productive, independent life. Maybe you could try to figure out a hobby or activity that he will like and that you can slowly ease into a club or group - swimming, bowling, chess, Magic game cards, etc.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Any ideas on getting your child to be more social & more independent?

My son is an only child and our relatives live out of state. Since middle school he has made no effort to make friends so has become somewhat isolated. Getting him out of the house is a challenge. Once out and doing stuff he likes it. Usually once he's done with homework (he gets a lot of it) then he just likes to hang around the house. He's fine with the fact that he really has no friends. I keep explaining to him that he needs to know at least how to be friendly and social once he gets starts working.

The other thing that I noticed is that he seems to be a bit more insecure lately therefore less independent. He's been asking me things like whether he should wear short or long sleeve pj's to bed or what he should have for lunch. I've been trying for a while now to get him to be more independent - asking him to help with more stuff around the house, teaching him some basic cooking and in general trying to get him to make his own decisions. I try to frame my answers so that I don't directly answer such as "It's going to be cold tonight so you decide which pj's you want." My DH asks these type of questions as well. Some days I feel like screaming in frustration because I seem to be the only one who can make a decision in this house.