Son was hurt at birthday party

[Guest guest]

My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the boy and I

felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total.

When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on the lawn

and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him where my boy was.

He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes to me crying and hugging

me.

The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean up. She

said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This happened outside

while the parents were inside. I asked her why she didn't call me. She said it

just happenened. She added that her son was going to be punished. I just wanted

to get my boy out and we left.

As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the boys had

kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient that the mom left

this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.

I feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking why was

her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't that had been

the time to do it?

My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the mom.

I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right thing

had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I feel

like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no

attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone

with the write off? Would you call the mom?

[Guest guest]

I personally would have turned the car around and went back to ask what really happened. I don't believe that whole, boys will be boys crap. There is a right and a wrong here and obviously those parents were in the wrong and let their child mistreat another child and by not doing anything about it, they taught him that it was okay to do this. Everyone needs to be held accountable for their actions. The community around us would know what happened as well, this is exactly where the bulling starts that leads to children hurting themselves. Awareness is key. The children weren't just arguing, they were bullying and bullying needs to stop sooner rather than later. I would call the mom and ask her for the truth. Let her know after she lies again, because chances are if she didn't tell you the truth the first time, she isn't going to the second time either, that your son told you what happened. Check for marks and take

photos. Then either email them to her or show her in person. Bottom line she needs to be aware that her child was in the wrong and they helped him by not punishing him right away. I mean if my son had done this to your child, I would have first, taken proper care of your child, by consoling him, calling you, and made sure you knew the truth. BUT then again, I also would have been watching my child and being apart of his birthday so this wouldn't have happened. Who makes their child clean up after their own party anyways, isn't that the adults job? But anyhow, my son would have been sent to his room and flat out grounded. After all the parents were called to pick up their children and told the TRUTH. We would have talked about bullying and he would know that it is unacceptable! He'd still be grounded and I would make a follow up call to you and your family the next day to apologize again and make sure your child is okay. Thats

just my take on it. I have been told that I am a spit fire mom when it comes to my baby and his feelings getting hurt, or he's bullied, or just about anything happening to him. We all have to be someone aggressive when it comes to our children and bullying..

I hope your little guy is okay! God bless and have a great weekend!

TeamJakobSupport children with Aspergers,With your support their is no limit to Jakob's success!!

From: <doyourecycle@...> Sent: Fri, April 9, 2010 8:23:10 PMSubject: ( ) Son was hurt at birthday party

My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the boy and I felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total. When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on the lawn and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him where my boy was. He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes to me crying and hugging me.The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean up. She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This happened outside while the parents were inside. I asked her why she didn't call me. She said it just happenened. She added that her son was going to be punished. I just wanted to get my boy out and we left.As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the boys had kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient that the mom left this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.I

feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking why was her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't that had been the time to do it?My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right thing had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I feel like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone with the write off? Would you call the mom?

[Guest guest]

You can attempt to make a connection with the family again and

not put them on the defensive. You can simply ask if they

have any feedback for you on what might have been the trigger.

And anything you can do because you want parties to be positive

for everyone.

They may be really sorry the event occurred and this would be

great. It means they talked to their son and he understands

he did wrong.

Or they may be very defensive. In which case your son may

have to learn to cope with bullies. There are some

very good therapists that teach kids how to cope with this.

In the future you can stay at parties

and the peers behavior will be better. But there

is still recess. If this boys don't like your son it would

be better for him to keep a low profile with this group and

try to find new friends (easier said then done I realize).

I think it is much easier to be friends 1:1 and if it is at

your house more. Have him invite someone new kids over and

facilitate the pair. This works the best.

Some people have great experiences in scouts. I didn't

with my daughter. The leaders were awful and wanted

my daughter out of the group. These girls were the worse

bullies, other people have great experiences and find them

supportive.

best of luck,

Pam

>

> My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the boy and I

felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total.

>

> When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on the lawn

and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him where my boy was.

He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes to me crying and hugging

me.

>

> The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean up.

She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This happened outside

while the parents were inside. I asked her why she didn't call me. She said it

just happenened. She added that her son was going to be punished. I just wanted

to get my boy out and we left.

>

> As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the boys had

kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient that the mom left

this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.

>

> I feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking why was

her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't that had been

the time to do it?

>

> My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the

mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right

thing had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I

feel like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no

attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone

with the write off? Would you call the mom?

>

[Guest guest]

I probably would not call the mom unless you're hoping to mend fences so the

boys can be friends... If you think that's not in his best interests - then I

would let it go ...

I also wouldn't be upset about him not being punished at his own birthday

party... I know it would make you feel better to see him being punished for his

behavior but I don't think that would've been the time to do it .. He's likely

all hyped up on cake and whatever other sweets were around and excited to have

celebrated his birthday... Most kids not affected by ASD could sit down at

another time to discuss what happened, the implications,etc.

Certainly it would be nice and right if the boy apologizes to your son the next

time they see each other... but I would only pursue it if you are hoping that

the boys can remain friends. If you do -- then -- yes, I would call the mom to

follow up and make that suggestion, telling her that you are hoping the boys can

repair their friendship and an apology from her son would go a long way toward

that end.

Does this family know that your child is on the spectrum? Do you think this

affected his reactions and behavior at the party?

>

> My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the boy and I

felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total.

>

> When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on the lawn

and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him where my boy was.

He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes to me crying and hugging

me.

>

> The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean up.

She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This happened outside

while the parents were inside. I asked her why she didn't call me. She said it

just happenened. She added that her son was going to be punished. I just wanted

to get my boy out and we left.

>

> As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the boys had

kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient that the mom left

this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.

>

> I feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking why was

her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't that had been

the time to do it?

>

> My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the

mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right

thing had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I

feel like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no

attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone

with the write off? Would you call the mom?

>

[Guest guest]

Instead of demonizing the birthday boy and his family, stop and consider the fact that our children have problems at times with perception and things might not of happened exactly as your son said they did. If he was only 1 of four boys invited to this party, there must of been some sort of friendship there in the first place. This doesn't have to be turned into a "bullying" incident. It could've been boys getting into an argument and there was some hitting and kicking involved. It's not right - you should talk to your son about some different options in the future - but I wouldn't write this boy and his entire family off at this point.

Maybe the next time your son and this boy gets together, it can be at your house where you can observe what's happening. Then you'll know if it was just a blip on the radar or if there is a problem. And if there is a problem, you can help be part of the solution by working with both of them in a helpful, friendly way.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: <teamjakob06@...> Sent: Sat, April 10, 2010 6:58:06 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Son was hurt at birthday party

I personally would have turned the car around and went back to ask what really happened. I don't believe that whole, boys will be boys crap. There is a right and a wrong here and obviously those parents were in the wrong and let their child mistreat another child and by not doing anything about it, they taught him that it was okay to do this. Everyone needs to be held accountable for their actions. The community around us would know what happened as well, this is exactly where the bulling starts that leads to children hurting themselves. Awareness is key. The children weren't just arguing, they were bullying and bullying needs to stop sooner rather than later. I would call the mom and ask her for the truth. Let her know after she lies again, because chances are if she didn't tell you the truth the first time, she isn't going to the second time either, that your son told you what happened. Check for marks and take

photos. Then either email them to her or show her in person. Bottom line she needs to be aware that her child was in the wrong and they helped him by not punishing him right away. I mean if my son had done this to your child, I would have first, taken proper care of your child, by consoling him, calling you, and made sure you knew the truth. BUT then again, I also would have been watching my child and being apart of his birthday so this wouldn't have happened. Who makes their child clean up after their own party anyways, isn't that the adults job? But anyhow, my son would have been sent to his room and flat out grounded. After all the parents were called to pick up their children and told the TRUTH. We would have talked about bullying and he would know that it is unacceptable! He'd still be grounded and I would make a follow up call to you and your family the next day to apologize again and make sure your child is okay. Thats

just my take on it. I have been told that I am a spit fire mom when it comes to my baby and his feelings getting hurt, or he's bullied, or just about anything happening to him. We all have to be someone aggressive when it comes to our children and bullying..

I hope your little guy is okay! God bless and have a great weekend!

TeamJakobSupport children with Aspergers,With your support their is no limit to Jakob's success!!

From: <doyourecycle@ gmail.com> Sent: Fri, April 9, 2010 8:23:10 PMSubject: ( ) Son was hurt at birthday party

My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the boy and I felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total. When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on the lawn and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him where my boy was. He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes to me crying and hugging me.The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean up. She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This happened outside while the parents were inside. I asked her why she didn't call me. She said it just happenened. She added that her son was going to be punished. I just wanted to get my boy out and we left.As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the boys had kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient that the mom left this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.I

feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking why was her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't that had been the time to do it?My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right thing had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I feel like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone with the write off? Would you call the mom?

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I would not write this friendship off, yet.

I am in no way condoning it, but in my experience (two older boys) many boys

(ie, not all) deal with their frustrations via anger. After a strongly verbal

and even physical fight, they get along great.

I would call to get more details. However, if the parents were inside, their

details will include what the kids told them and not necessarily what happened.

When I have witnessed kids escalate, I can see all the steps that went into the

explosion, only what I get told is that, " he hit me " as if a kid just walked up

to him and smacked him across the face for no reason, leaving out the important

details that right before the hit, the tattling child pushed the other kid, who

had just called him a name.

If in fact this event had 'just happened' like the mom said, she probably was

not sure what to do. She did tell you that her son was going to be punished,

but she might have been waiting until later to implement it. It's also

possible her son claimed your son did something to him first, and without

witnesses the parents have no idea who to believe, so just summed it up as a

fight.

> My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the

mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right

thing had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I

feel like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no

attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone

with the write off? Would you call the mom?

>

[Guest guest]

I think you need to find out more about what happened first, if you can. I also

believe taking into account there is another side to the story is important.

With AS there is so much potential for misunderstanding. There is no way that

kicking and punching your child was okay no matther what happened. I still

don't let my son go to events alone. He's 13. I think NOW he probably could

handle it, but I'm not 100% sure of it. He has some really good friends who are

protective of him, though, so that helps. I try to prevent difficulties before

they happen because with it's just so necessary. He was so aggressive for

a while that he could be perceived as the bully. He'd misunderstand a social

situation and think everyone was being mean even if they weren't. One time

got in a big fight with a kid. was going around the room assigning numbers

to kids. They thought he was talking about ages or ranks or something when he

was just " being random " . The kid said something in defense of himself in a

pretty angry way and the next thing I knew punches were flying and most of them

were from and he was called a bully and we had to leave the gathering. So

close supervision was absolutely necessary. Preventing difficult social

situations before they happen is vital.

We had a big pool birthday party for both of my kids yesterday (belated thanks

to the february power outtage here in NH)and one of 's classmates came to me

to tell me he heard some kids at school saying mean things about him.

actually had 8 guests at the party including his para and special ed teachers.

One boy in particular spent time with and he's very very good with him.

He's just a sweetie. He bought a $20 gift certificate for Dunkin Donuts.

LOL. We're gonna be up to our eyeballs in donuts. Anyway, always seems to

find friends who will stick up for him now. They all know he has asperger

syndrome and know what that is because we tell everyone. If they have questions

they can ask me or their teachers. If they need help dealing with for one

reason or another they can ask for help knowing it's okay and that there are

good reasons for why does what he does.

So I'd call the parent to get more information, I'd talk to my son to find out

what happened just before if he's able to tell you. If not you need to rely on

the adults present. Find out from the parents exactly what happened. If they

don't know, tell them that you really need to know this in order to help your

son in social situations. Do they know your son has asperger syndrome and at

risk? If not and you wish to help your son with these kids, if you feel the

friendships are worth it, then letting the parents know that a different

approach will be necesary with him. At this point they may only have their own

children's stories to go by and the perception of the kids may be completely off

as well. If these are not nice people who are educable when it comes to

asperger syndrome then it isn't worth it but the behavior still needs to be

addressed.

The mom may literally have just been dealing with the situation. She was

probably frazzled and trying to figure out what happened. She probably felt bad

about the situation and hadn't even processed it yet. Maybe. It's how I'd have

felt. Many 9 year olds can play without a lot of intervention from parents so

if a misunderstanding happened partly due to your son's AS and the birthday

boy's parents weren't aware of it then they'd have been perplexed. Maybe they

wouldn't have been perplexed by the arguing but the fact that it turned nasty

might have been because the social situation was more than any of the kids could

handle. I'm not sure if this is making sense. I mean I don't want to blame the

victim, but I'd certainly want as much information as possible before making a

decision on how to handle the problem. It's also important to consider if these

boys play together at school because this bad experience could escalate at

school when supervision is even more lax than at home.

It may be a great teachable moment for these kids, as well. I wouldn't burn

bridges but I also wouldn't just let it go.

Miriam

>

> My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the boy and I

felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total.

>

> When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on the lawn

and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him where my boy was.

He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes to me crying and hugging

me.

>

> The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean up.

She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This happened outside

while the parents were inside. I asked her why she didn't call me. She said it

just happenened. She added that her son was going to be punished. I just wanted

to get my boy out and we left.

>

> As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the boys had

kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient that the mom left

this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.

>

> I feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking why was

her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't that had been

the time to do it?

>

> My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the

mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right

thing had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I

feel like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no

attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone

with the write off? Would you call the mom?

>

[Guest guest]

I would probably just not go back there. But I am not good at sucking

up to people so I wouldn't try. I guess it depends on how many friends

your ds has. But again, if they were punching him and kicking him, I

really think those boys are not the kind of kids I'd want for my kid to

hang out with. Plus, the mom wasn't honest with you so how could you

trust her again? And yes, if my kid had jumped another kid like that,

I would establish punishment now and not later when he has time to take

it. geez!

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

( ) Son was hurt at birthday party

My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the

boy and I felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total.

When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on

the lawn and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him

where my boy was. He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes

to me crying and hugging me.

The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean

up. She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This

happened outside while the parents were inside. I asked her why she

didn't call me. She said it just happenened. She added that her son was

going to be punished. I just wanted to get my boy out and we left.

As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the

boys had kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient

that the mom left this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.

I feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking

why was her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't

that had been the time to do it?

My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from

the mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth.

Wouldn't the right thing had been to at least call me directly if she

couldn't do it to my face? I feel like I have no choice but to write

this family off totally if there is no attempt to heal the wounds they

caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone with the write off? Would

you call the mom?

[Guest guest]

My son is pretty sensitive and often misunderstands horseplay as someone trying

to hurt/kill him, and kids that age like to play rough. I'd say about 50+% of

the time he is in tears, it is a misunderstanding or he is overreacting. Still

there are a lot of very permissive parents these days, so who knows. He

wouldn't have been invited if the birthday boy didn't like him. Also, it is

hard to punish the birthday boy when there are still guests at his party.

Generally speaking, I don't leave my son with other people unless they have a

good understanding of his issues. This is mostly due to past experiences. Even

the close friends of ours who have him sleep over regularly don't really 'get'

my son.

-

>

> My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the boy and I

felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total.

>

> When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on the lawn

and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him where my boy was.

He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes to me crying and hugging

me.

>

> The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean up.

She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This happened outside

while the parents were inside. I asked her why she didn't call me. She said it

just happenened. She added that her son was going to be punished. I just wanted

to get my boy out and we left.

>

> As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the boys had

kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient that the mom left

this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.

>

> I feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking why was

her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't that had been

the time to do it?

>

> My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the

mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right

thing had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I

feel like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no

attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone

with the write off? Would you call the mom?

>

[Guest guest]

Roxanna, your thoughts are valid. I tend to want to find out more and try to

work with people until I'm sure of what happened because that's what works for

me and my son. He used to be pretty aggressive so it has always been necessary.

My son's version of things also used to be very different from everyone else's

including mine. I saw this with my own eyes, so I have to assume that my son

may have been doing something that made other kids feel a need to defend

themselves.

It isn't like that with all kids. If my daughter said someone kicked her I'd be

dumping people like crazy and raising a big stink. I have done this several

times. She is accurate and has excellent verbal skills so she doesn't get

aggressive like her brother. So what I do will almost certainly be different

from what you do when it comes to my son but the same as what you do when it

comes to my daughter.

My daughter dealt with a bully in first grade. This girl didn't hurt my

daughter physically, but she was mentally abusive. She made a club and said

people who were friends with my daughter couldn't be in the club, she actually

tried to get one little girl, a girl with learning disabilities and speech delay

and who is very trusting, to bring her all her barbies. " You can be in my club

if you bring me your barbies. "

Anyway, the principal said, " Girls are like that at this time of year. " Hey, I

don't CARE, it's not appropriate and I'm not going to just sit back and let it

happen. I raised a a big stink about it because it really was hurting my

daughter. This child was the daughter of the school librarian and the adults at

the school just thought she was adorable so she got away with a LOT. She was

HORRIBLE. She lied to the teacher all the time.

There came this time when the first graders were being given the opportunity to

help with morning announcements to let the teacher know they wanted a turn.

Rayleigh and her classmates had to write about why they wanted to do morning

announcements. Rayleigh's teacher LOST my daughter's paper. My daughter was

afraid to speak up about it. Then this bully got a SECOND go around after

already having had a turn. Rayleigh came home crying about it one afternoon so

I immediately called the principal and gave her grief until she pulled the

little bully from morning announcements and let Rayleigh do it the rest of the

week. It was a one-week thing. Rayleigh didn't mind only doing it for a short

run, she just wanted to try it. She was SO cute and it was wonderful.

Anyway, I'm not saying that bullies should get away with anything, only that

depending on the child, more information may be needed. At one point Rayleigh

said a little boy at school screamed at her a lot and she didn't want to sit

next to him any more. She said he hit her and the other kids sometimes. There

was something in the way she was telling me that made me think this kid had

asperger syndrome but I don't know what it was. I asked the teacher to move her

and the teacher moved her. She had a great teacher in 2nd grade! But I also

said to my daughter, " Is this boy like your brother? " She said she thought he

might be. Later I met the boy and instantly knew. He hadn't been diagnosed

yet, but I was absolutely convinced of it.

The boy dragged his mom to come talk to me. He said, " Tell my mom about

Rayleigh's teeth! " Yes, it was a bizarre kind of non-sequitur. I had to think.

" What is this kid TALKING about! " I immediately knew this was the kid who had

been screaming and hitting. His mom looked so distressed but I told her about

Rayleigh's teeth because it is kind of an exciting story and I could see how it

might fascinate a kid, especially a kid with AS. We were in a car accident and

Rayleigh hadn't buckled her seatbelt. She hit her face and her baby teeth were

fractured under the gum. They didn't break off but when it was time for them to

come out they had a line across them where the fractures had been.

After telling the story I mentioned and his asperger syndrome and his mom

asked me a lot of questions without actually saying this had anything to do with

her son. I contacted her later and it turned out he was in the process of being

evaluated.

This little boy was eventually diagnosed and has a 1:1 support person all the

time now. He is adorable and very very sweet but he has asperger syndrome and

can get upset. So I guess I'm telling this because it helped me see that my kid

might not be the only one with issues in these situations and if I know a kid is

like my son and that the parents are working at it but new to it then I'll

handle that differently than if it's a kid who is just being mean. I know from

first hand experience that the worst feeling in the world for me is knowing my

child has hurt another child. It just tears me up. I've worked very, very hard

to help him gain the verbal and social skills so that now he very rarely is

aggressive and his aggression is more verbal than physical. It isn't perfect,

but everyone has worked their butts off.

Of course if parents really ARE ignoring their child's bad behavior then

something must be done. I might even bring assault charges against parents if

it was obvious to me that they thought their child was perfect and didn't DO

anything. It just isn't always obvious.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I would agree with you in many situations

so didn't want you to feel like I was trying to shoot you down or anything.

Just talking about how I do things with my own son out of necessity. If I

didn't do it that way then I'd be the one allowing my son to get away with

hurting people. I have a front row view of the situation from both sides.

Miriam

>

>

> I would probably just not go back there. But I am not good at sucking

> up to people so I wouldn't try. I guess it depends on how many friends

> your ds has. But again, if they were punching him and kicking him, I

> really think those boys are not the kind of kids I'd want for my kid to

> hang out with. Plus, the mom wasn't honest with you so how could you

> trust her again? And yes, if my kid had jumped another kid like that,

> I would establish punishment now and not later when he has time to take

> it. geez!

>

> Roxanna

> Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

>

>

> ( ) Son was hurt at birthday party

>

>

>

>

>

> My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the

> boy and I felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total.

>

> When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on

> the lawn and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him

> where my boy was. He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes

> to me crying and hugging me.

>

> The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean

> up. She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This

> happened outside while the parents were inside. I asked her why she

> didn't call me. She said it just happenened. She added that her son was

> going to be punished. I just wanted to get my boy out and we left.

>

> As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the

> boys had kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient

> that the mom left this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.

>

> I feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking

> why was her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't

> that had been the time to do it?

>

> My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from

> the mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth.

> Wouldn't the right thing had been to at least call me directly if she

> couldn't do it to my face? I feel like I have no choice but to write

> this family off totally if there is no attempt to heal the wounds they

> caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone with the write off? Would

> you call the mom?

>

[Guest guest]

That's really sad. I imagine they did not want to punish the boy during his party, but the mom owed you the truth. If she didn't want to get into it all right then and there she could have at least offered to call you later. From: doyourecycle@...Date: Sat, 10 Apr 2010 00:23:10 +0000Subject: ( ) Son was hurt at birthday party

My son was invited to a bday party for a classmate. My son likes the boy and I felt good that it was going to be small--only 4 boys total.

When I arrived to pick up my son, the other boys were out playing on the lawn and I didn't see my son. I saw the dad outside and asked him where my boy was. He told me he was inside. I get in and my son rushes to me crying and hugging me.

The mom tells me that the boys were arguing over who didn't help clean up. She said the boys were in disagreement about who did more. This happened outside while the parents were inside. I asked her why she didn't call me. She said it just happenened. She added that her son was going to be punished. I just wanted to get my boy out and we left.

As we drive off my son cries more and then tells me that two of the boys had kicked and punched him--one was the bday boy. How covenient that the mom left this out. My son told me he told the mom this as well.

I feel just sick for my 8 year old boy. Now that I'm home I'm thinking why was her boy out playing? If they were going to punish him, wouldn't that had been the time to do it?

My husband was upset that I left without getting more information from the mom. I'm now upset that she didn't tell me the whole truth. Wouldn't the right thing had been to at least call me directly if she couldn't do it to my face? I feel like I have no choice but to write this family off totally if there is no attempt to heal the wounds they caused my boy. Should I just leave it alone with the write off? Would you call the mom?

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