Re: New to group-need help with my 25yrd old son w/AS anger & depression

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Is your son in therapy? Is he getting any outside support?? He has the same 3 problems my son at 14 does. My son is also hard to get up in the morning....he loves to stay up at night and then is impossible to get up in the morning...he can be nasty...and we get so stressed out getting him to school....last year he missed the bus 4 times....and my husband had to drive 50 miles home to get him there...ugh.

We have put him on Geodon for his anger and it does seem to help....it doesn't cure it all but with therapy and Geodon plus his Adderall meds.for ADHD.......he is doing better.

Now one thing...I think you need to get your son on a schedule....and he needs to learn to relax several hours before bedtime...which means no tv, no computer and gaming ...(xbox playstation). Maybe he could read for an hour....he needs to learn what will help him relax...yoga? Warm Milk...I know for my son...a nice warm shower helps.

Depression...does the effexor work? If he is still depressed he need to have meds. checked and be in therapy....sometimes it takes a while to get the correct dosage or combination of meds.

You son sound like he is doing pretty good...give his positive feed back and try to teach him how to hand his anger....and that by punching the walls doesn't solve anything...would he go to a gym to work out???? Exercises is good for releasing good energy and helps dealing with anger. Would he ride a bike or go swimming or take a brisk walk? Exercise and fresh air will also help him fall asleep....

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: rabeau123 <rabeau1@...>Subject: ( ) New to group-need help with my 25yrd old son w/AS anger & depression Date: Tuesday, August 25, 2009, 6:15 PM

Hello,My name is Becky and I am new to this group but not to Aspergers. I have two adult children with AS diagnosed 11 years ago in Junior High.My concern right now is my son. He is 25 and has come very far. He graduated from college and is now working on his Master's degree. He works out of our home doing web design for a man who owns his own company. has been on so many meds I can't even remember. He is currently on Efexor for depression, Gabapentrin for anxiety, Gabitril for anxiety and Lithium. He has a lot of problems:1) Sleeping: He can't get to sleep before 1 or 2am. We have tried every sleep medication out there. He is-and always had been-extremely hard to get out of bed. Right now I can get him up because I am out of work-on disability but that is another story. Lately he has been sleeping past noon which barely gives him enough time to get his 8 hours in for work. He then has to work on the weekend to

make this up. Any ideas/thoughts/ experiences with sleeping problems in your AS child?2)Anger: He is under a lot of pressure with me not working and, since this is his first "real" job that was not at the college, worrying about losing his job. We would be in big trouble financialy if he did. His boss is a real AH who constantly complains that things aren't going fast enough or that he isn't really working the hours that he invoices. My son has always been really accurate and fast in academic classes and got straight A's all through school except for Junior High when he started to have real problems with his AS so I don't believe that his is slow and I know he is only invoicing the hours he works because I help him keep track of them. Because of all of these reasons he loses his temper easily, pounds the wall-I just found a hole-, pounds the table, screams at everyone and walks out the door and says he is never coming back. Anyone have any

answers/thoughts/ ideas concerning how I can cope with his anger or maybe some other medication would be helpful?3)Depression: He is depressed about the economy and says that it will never get better, only worse. He is depressed because of his AH of a boss. He is depressed because he feels that he is not good enough to have a good job and that he is making mistakes and taking too long. I have tried to explain that I have had a lot of bosses that treated me and everyone else the same way but I don't know if that helped him. He is depressed because he feels that he should be able to live alone at his age but our money situation with me not working is keeping me from even trying to get him out on his own. We tried twice in College to have him live on campus and they were both disasters. He ended up sleeping all day, missing classes and shutting down.Sorry this is such a long post. I just wanted to see if anyone had any ideas that would

help.Becky

[Guest guest]

What is your son doing before he goes to sleep? Is there a chance he could be over stimulating himself, I don't know if this is a life long behaviour, my son is only 6. If we let him watch a film or go on the computer or DS after 7pm ( bed time is 9pm) he is up for hours, can be after midnight, just can't seem to switch off. At 7pm on school nights everything gets switched off, TV as well and we all have reading time.. When we do this he is asleep by bedtime, and the next morning is much easier.

From: rabeau123 <rabeau1@...>Subject: ( ) New to group-need help with my 25yrd old son w/AS anger & depression Date: Tuesday, 25 August, 2009, 11:15 PM

Hello,My name is Becky and I am new to this group but not to Aspergers. I have two adult children with AS diagnosed 11 years ago in Junior High.My concern right now is my son. He is 25 and has come very far. He graduated from college and is now working on his Master's degree. He works out of our home doing web design for a man who owns his own company. has been on so many meds I can't even remember. He is currently on Efexor for depression, Gabapentrin for anxiety, Gabitril for anxiety and Lithium. He has a lot of problems:1) Sleeping: He can't get to sleep before 1 or 2am. We have tried every sleep medication out there. He is-and always had been-extremely hard to get out of bed. Right now I can get him up because I am out of work-on disability but that is another story. Lately he has been sleeping past noon which barely gives him enough time to get his 8 hours in for work. He then has to work on the weekend to

make this up. Any ideas/thoughts/ experiences with sleeping problems in your AS child?2)Anger: He is under a lot of pressure with me not working and, since this is his first "real" job that was not at the college, worrying about losing his job. We would be in big trouble financialy if he did. His boss is a real AH who constantly complains that things aren't going fast enough or that he isn't really working the hours that he invoices. My son has always been really accurate and fast in academic classes and got straight A's all through school except for Junior High when he started to have real problems with his AS so I don't believe that his is slow and I know he is only invoicing the hours he works because I help him keep track of them. Because of all of these reasons he loses his temper easily, pounds the wall-I just found a hole-, pounds the table, screams at everyone and walks out the door and says he is never coming back. Anyone have any

answers/thoughts/ ideas concerning how I can cope with his anger or maybe some other medication would be helpful?3)Depression: He is depressed about the economy and says that it will never get better, only worse. He is depressed because of his AH of a boss. He is depressed because he feels that he is not good enough to have a good job and that he is making mistakes and taking too long. I have tried to explain that I have had a lot of bosses that treated me and everyone else the same way but I don't know if that helped him. He is depressed because he feels that he should be able to live alone at his age but our money situation with me not working is keeping me from even trying to get him out on his own. We tried twice in College to have him live on campus and they were both disasters. He ended up sleeping all day, missing classes and shutting down.Sorry this is such a long post. I just wanted to see if anyone had any ideas that would

help.Becky

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

Just read your reply to this, mine was pretty much the same. lol

From: rabeau123 <rabeau1aol (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) New to group-need help with my 25yrd old son w/AS anger & depression Date: Tuesday, August 25, 2009, 6:15 PM

Hello,My name is Becky and I am new to this group but not to Aspergers. I have two adult children with AS diagnosed 11 years ago in Junior High.My concern right now is my son. He is 25 and has come very far. He graduated from college and is now working on his Master's degree. He works out of our home doing web design for a man who owns his own company. has been on so many meds I can't even remember. He is currently on Efexor for depression, Gabapentrin for anxiety, Gabitril for anxiety and Lithium. He has a lot of problems:1) Sleeping: He can't get to sleep before 1 or 2am. We have tried every sleep medication out there. He is-and always had been-extremely hard to get out of bed. Right now I can get him up because I am out of work-on disability but that is another story. Lately he has been sleeping past noon which barely gives him enough time to get his 8 hours in for work. He then has to work on the weekend to

make this up. Any ideas/thoughts/ experiences with sleeping problems in your AS child?2)Anger: He is under a lot of pressure with me not working and, since this is his first "real" job that was not at the college, worrying about losing his job. We would be in big trouble financialy if he did. His boss is a real AH who constantly complains that things aren't going fast enough or that he isn't really working the hours that he invoices. My son has always been really accurate and fast in academic classes and got straight A's all through school except for Junior High when he started to have real problems with his AS so I don't believe that his is slow and I know he is only invoicing the hours he works because I help him keep track of them. Because of all of these reasons he loses his temper easily, pounds the wall-I just found a hole-, pounds the table, screams at everyone and walks out the door and says he is never coming back. Anyone have any

answers/thoughts/ ideas concerning how I can cope with his anger or maybe some other medication would be helpful?3)Depression: He is depressed about the economy and says that it will never get better, only worse. He is depressed because of his AH of a boss. He is depressed because he feels that he is not good enough to have a good job and that he is making mistakes and taking too long. I have tried to explain that I have had a lot of bosses that treated me and everyone else the same way but I don't know if that helped him. He is depressed because he feels that he should be able to live alone at his age but our money situation with me not working is keeping me from even trying to get him out on his own. We tried twice in College to have him live on campus and they were both disasters. He ended up sleeping all day, missing classes and shutting down.Sorry this is such a long post. I just wanted to see if anyone had any ideas that would

help.Becky

[Guest guest]

Lorraine....I agree....their brains are way too stimulated....they need time to calm down...relax...and chill which is something they seem to have a hard time doing on their own. I'll never forget night with him when he was little...i would have to lay on the bed with him for hours to try to help him go to sleep.....it would be silent for a while and I'd be thinking ...hmmm I think he finally fell asleep and next thing you know...he is asking me another question like ...'How tall is the tallest building in the world"..."How tall is the Empire State Building"..."How much taller was the WTC than the Empire State Builidng" ....and I'd be thinking OMG what made him start thinking about this.

My son was always asking questions....odd ones that were hard to explain....like ...why did they build the school here, why did they make it round, what do you lease, and of course the one I always loved...If God made us, then who made God? And, the questions never stopped.....once you answered him ...he would come up with a question to your answer....

I remember asking my boss, who at the time was a lic.psychologist, when does this end? The Why stage....why, why, why.....because it started at age 3 and never stopped. She said ....this is Good...it means he is curious and wants to know...his brain is working...ha ha....and now at 14 I think it stopped...LOL.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: rabeau123 <rabeau1aol (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) New to group-need help with my 25yrd old son w/AS anger & depression Date: Tuesday, 25 August, 2009, 11:15 PM

Hello,My name is Becky and I am new to this group but not to Aspergers. I have two adult children with AS diagnosed 11 years ago in Junior High.My concern right now is my son. He is 25 and has come very far. He graduated from college and is now working on his Master's degree. He works out of our home doing web design for a man who owns his own company. has been on so many meds I can't even remember. He is currently on Efexor for depression, Gabapentrin for anxiety, Gabitril for anxiety and Lithium. He has a lot of problems:1) Sleeping: He can't get to sleep before 1 or 2am. We have tried every sleep medication out there. He is-and always had been-extremely hard to get out of bed. Right now I can get him up because I am out of work-on disability but that is another story. Lately he has been sleeping past noon which barely gives him enough time to get his 8 hours in for work. He then has to work on the weekend to

make this up. Any ideas/thoughts/ experiences with sleeping problems in your AS child?2)Anger: He is under a lot of pressure with me not working and, since this is his first "real" job that was not at the college, worrying about losing his job. We would be in big trouble financialy if he did. His boss is a real AH who constantly complains that things aren't going fast enough or that he isn't really working the hours that he invoices. My son has always been really accurate and fast in academic classes and got straight A's all through school except for Junior High when he started to have real problems with his AS so I don't believe that his is slow and I know he is only invoicing the hours he works because I help him keep track of them. Because of all of these reasons he loses his temper easily, pounds the wall-I just found a hole-, pounds the table, screams at everyone and walks out the door and says he is never coming back. Anyone have any

answers/thoughts/ ideas concerning how I can cope with his anger or maybe some other medication would be helpful?3)Depression: He is depressed about the economy and says that it will never get better, only worse. He is depressed because of his AH of a boss. He is depressed because he feels that he is not good enough to have a good job and that he is making mistakes and taking too long. I have tried to explain that I have had a lot of bosses that treated me and everyone else the same way but I don't know if that helped him. He is depressed because he feels that he should be able to live alone at his age but our money situation with me not working is keeping me from even trying to get him out on his own. We tried twice in College to have him live on campus and they were both disasters. He ended up sleeping all day, missing classes and shutting down.Sorry this is such a long post. I just wanted to see if anyone had any ideas that would

help.Becky

[Guest guest]

I love the "who made God" question, I get stuff like why is the sky blue, luckily in the middle of a science degree, so tried to explain, but when he asked about the cars' engine I was at a loss, thats one for Dad. lol

From: rabeau123 <rabeau1aol (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) New to group-need help with my 25yrd old son w/AS anger & depression Date: Tuesday, 25 August, 2009, 11:15 PM

Hello,My name is Becky and I am new to this group but not to Aspergers. I have two adult children with AS diagnosed 11 years ago in Junior High.My concern right now is my son. He is 25 and has come very far. He graduated from college and is now working on his Master's degree. He works out of our home doing web design for a man who owns his own company. has been on so many meds I can't even remember. He is currently on Efexor for depression, Gabapentrin for anxiety, Gabitril for anxiety and Lithium. He has a lot of problems:1) Sleeping: He can't get to sleep before 1 or 2am. We have tried every sleep medication out there. He is-and always had been-extremely hard to get out of bed. Right now I can get him up because I am out of work-on disability but that is another story. Lately he has been sleeping past noon which barely gives him enough time to get his 8 hours in for work. He then has to work on the weekend to

make this up. Any ideas/thoughts/ experiences with sleeping problems in your AS child?2)Anger: He is under a lot of pressure with me not working and, since this is his first "real" job that was not at the college, worrying about losing his job. We would be in big trouble financialy if he did. His boss is a real AH who constantly complains that things aren't going fast enough or that he isn't really working the hours that he invoices. My son has always been really accurate and fast in academic classes and got straight A's all through school except for Junior High when he started to have real problems with his AS so I don't believe that his is slow and I know he is only invoicing the hours he works because I help him keep track of them. Because of all of these reasons he loses his temper easily, pounds the wall-I just found a hole-, pounds the table, screams at everyone and walks out the door and says he is never coming back. Anyone have any

answers/thoughts/ ideas concerning how I can cope with his anger or maybe some other medication would be helpful?3)Depression: He is depressed about the economy and says that it will never get better, only worse. He is depressed because of his AH of a boss. He is depressed because he feels that he is not good enough to have a good job and that he is making mistakes and taking too long. I have tried to explain that I have had a lot of bosses that treated me and everyone else the same way but I don't know if that helped him. He is depressed because he feels that he should be able to live alone at his age but our money situation with me not working is keeping me from even trying to get him out on his own. We tried twice in College to have him live on campus and they were both disasters. He ended up sleeping all day, missing classes and shutting down.Sorry this is such a long post. I just wanted to see if anyone had any ideas that would

help.Becky

[Guest guest]

Yeah...I remember my son asking my husband ....why did you put the dehumidifier on? Why and how does it clear the car windows? How does it work? Why does it blow cold air? etc. etc. Oh my goodness....he kept asking ...until my husband got so fustrated and wasn't able to answer his question...and I replied ...Google it...ha ha

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: rabeau123 <rabeau1aol (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) New to group-need help with my 25yrd old son w/AS anger & depression Date: Tuesday, 25 August, 2009, 11:15 PM

Hello,My name is Becky and I am new to this group but not to Aspergers. I have two adult children with AS diagnosed 11 years ago in Junior High.My concern right now is my son. He is 25 and has come very far. He graduated from college and is now working on his Master's degree. He works out of our home doing web design for a man who owns his own company. has been on so many meds I can't even remember. He is currently on Efexor for depression, Gabapentrin for anxiety, Gabitril for anxiety and Lithium. He has a lot of problems:1) Sleeping: He can't get to sleep before 1 or 2am. We have tried every sleep medication out there. He is-and always had been-extremely hard to get out of bed. Right now I can get him up because I am out of work-on disability but that is another story. Lately he has been sleeping past noon which barely gives him enough time to get his 8 hours in for work. He then has to work on the weekend to

make this up. Any ideas/thoughts/ experiences with sleeping problems in your AS child?2)Anger: He is under a lot of pressure with me not working and, since this is his first "real" job that was not at the college, worrying about losing his job. We would be in big trouble financialy if he did. His boss is a real AH who constantly complains that things aren't going fast enough or that he isn't really working the hours that he invoices. My son has always been really accurate and fast in academic classes and got straight A's all through school except for Junior High when he started to have real problems with his AS so I don't believe that his is slow and I know he is only invoicing the hours he works because I help him keep track of them. Because of all of these reasons he loses his temper easily, pounds the wall-I just found a hole-, pounds the table, screams at everyone and walks out the door and says he is never coming back. Anyone have any

answers/thoughts/ ideas concerning how I can cope with his anger or maybe some other medication would be helpful?3)Depression: He is depressed about the economy and says that it will never get better, only worse. He is depressed because of his AH of a boss. He is depressed because he feels that he is not good enough to have a good job and that he is making mistakes and taking too long. I have tried to explain that I have had a lot of bosses that treated me and everyone else the same way but I don't know if that helped him. He is depressed because he feels that he should be able to live alone at his age but our money situation with me not working is keeping me from even trying to get him out on his own. We tried twice in College to have him live on campus and they were both disasters. He ended up sleeping all day, missing classes and shutting down.Sorry this is such a long post. I just wanted to see if anyone had any ideas that would

help.Becky

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi,

>  

> Is your son in therapy? Is he getting any outside support??  He has the same 3

problems my son at 14 does.  My son is also hard to get up in the morning....he

loves to stay up at night and then is impossible to get up in the morning...he

can be nasty...and we get so stressed out getting him to school....last year he

missed the bus 4 times....and my husband had to drive 50 miles home to get him

there...ugh.

>  

> We have put him on Geodon for his anger and it does seem to help....it doesn't

cure it all but with therapy and Geodon plus his Adderall meds.for ADHD.......he

is doing better.

>  

> Now one thing...I think you need to get your son on a schedule....and he needs

to learn to relax several hours before bedtime...which means no tv, no computer

and gaming ...(xbox playstation).  Maybe he could read for an hour....he needs

to learn what will help him relax...yoga? Warm Milk...I know for my son...a nice

warm shower helps. 

>  

> Depression...does the effexor work? If he is still depressed he need to have

meds. checked and be in therapy....sometimes it takes a while to get the correct

dosage or combination of meds.

>  

> You son sound like he is doing pretty good...give his positive feed back and

try to teach him how to hand his anger....and that by punching the walls

doesn't solve anything...would he go to a gym to work out???? Exercises is good

for releasing good energy and helps dealing with anger.  Would he ride a bike or

go swimming or take a brisk walk? Exercise and fresh air will also help him fall

asleep....

>  

> jan 

>

>

> Janice Rushen

>  

> " I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope "

>

> Hello Jan,

Yes he has a therapist but is constantly canceling his appointments because he

is trying to get his hours in for work. I try to remind him but he gets angry

about me being involved with his life:)

I had him on a schedule of being off the computer and ipod by 10pm but he

recently switched to 11pm. I think he does read but he does tell me that his

brain won't shut off. I have that same problem and am a life-long insomniac. He

says he usually goes to sleep about 1am and then I can't get him up until noon

the next day.

We are constantly calling the doctor concerning his meds but he doesn't like to

change medication. He gets VERY ANGRY if I suggest it. I don't think he tells

the doctor everything that is going on. It's hard because he doesn't like me

telling him what to do.

I will suggest that he take a walk when he gets frustrated, he used to walk so

maybe that will help. Thank you for your help

Becky

[Guest guest]

Hi Becky! Welcome to our group!

We used a med called " clonidine " for sleep with pretty good results.

It is a blood pressure med but it can be used in lower doses for kids

with these kinds of sleep problems. My 20 yo ds (hfa) also has sleep

problems. He doesn't want to take meds still - well, he is off and on

with that. He has managed so far but sometimes he stays up all night

and then all day. He's tried the typical meds (ambien,etc.) but each

had their limits.

As a child, we used clonidine with great success with him. And now our

12 yo (hfa) also takes clonidine to help with sleep. Ds said he would

take clonidine again but not sure how to find a doc who will prescribe

it since he does not see a med doc/autism doc any more.

As for anger, with the list of meds he is on, I would think they would

be helping with the anger. I would talk to his med doc and discuss the

problems. Also, sounds like he needs to learn some better coping

skills. There are some books written for the older teen/young adult

with AS that discusses jobs and independent living that he might like

reading for ideas. You also might check if you live near a social

skill group for young adults with AS also.

He may need to read some books on how to deal with difficult people.

It might help him learn how to manage the boss and future people like

him. One thing I20know I would suggest regarding the hours is for him

to make copies of his hour sheet. You said he keeps one. Maybe attach

it to his invoice so boss can see what hours were put in and when.

That might shut him up? Another idea might be to sit down with boss

and ask him what he wants to see that he isn't seeing. But you never

know, that might blow up on him. Still, sometimes when people are

being difficult, it helps to have them define what they want so you can

give it to them. Or, you realize they are just being ugly because

business is going badly or something. Then you at least know it's not

you personally.

Hyperfocusing on what is bad in life and that it won't get better is a

sign of major depression. Again, with his list of meds, I am surprised

to hear he is having this much trouble and would urge you to visit the

med doc and/or find a new med doc who can put together a better

combination that works for him.

I am going to be starting to work with my 12 yo (hfa) on depression as

a topic - I got a workbook for teens and hope to go through it with him

and teach him cognitive ways to handle depression in addition to meds.

He is really depressed as well and has the same outlook on life with

everything being awful, in his opinion. I am hoping that by going

through this workbook, we can teach him ways to self-talk that are more

0Aproductive and less destructive. But he is pretty set in his ways so

we will have to see how it goes.

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) New to group-need help with my 25yrd old

son w/AS anger & depression

Hello,

My name is Becky and I am new to this group but not to Aspergers. I

have two adult children with AS diagnosed 11 years ago in Junior High.

My concern right now is my son. He is 25 and has come very far. He

graduated from college and is now working on his Master's degree. He

works out of our home doing web design for a man who owns his own

company.

has been on so many meds I can't even remember. He is currently

on Efexor for depression, Gabapentrin for anxiety, Gabitril for anxiety

and Lithium. He has a lot of problems:

1) Sleeping: He can't get to sleep before 1 or 2am. We have tried every

sleep medication out there. He is-and always had been-extremely hard to

get out of bed. Right now I can get him up because I am out of work-on

disability but that is another story. Lately he has been sleeping past

noon which barely gives him enough time to get his 8 hours in for=2

0work.

He then has to work on the weekend to make this up. Any

ideas/thoughts/experiences with sleeping problems in your AS child?

2)Anger: He is under a lot of pressure with me not working and, since

this is his first " real " job that was not at the college, worrying

about losing his job. We would be in big trouble financialy if he did.

His boss is a real AH who constantly complains that things aren't going

fast enough or that he isn't really working the hours that he invoices.

My son has always been really accurate and fast in academic classes and

got straight A's all through school except for Junior High when he

started to have real problems with his AS so I don't believe that his

is slow and I know he is only invoicing the hours he works because I

help him keep track of them. Because of all of these reasons he loses

his temper easily, pounds the wall-I just found a hole-, pounds the

table, screams at everyone and walks out the door and says he is never

coming back. Anyone have any answers/thoughts/ideas concerning how I

can cope with his anger or maybe some other medication would be helpful?

3)Depression: He is depressed about the economy and says that it will

never get better, only worse. He is depressed because of his AH of a

boss. He is depressed because he feels that he is not good enough to

have a good job and that he is making mistakes and taking to

o long. I

have tried to explain that I have had a lot of bosses that treated me

and everyone else the same way but I don't know if that helped him. He

is depressed because he feels that he should be able to live alone at

his age but our money situation with me not working is keeping me from

even trying to get him out on his own. We tried twice in College to

have him live on campus and they were both disasters. He ended up

sleeping all day, missing classes and shutting down.

Sorry this is such a long post. I just wanted to see if anyone had any

ideas that would help.

Becky