Re: Need Advice About Twice Exceptional - Early Elementary School

January 25, 2011

Hello Bridget,

You could be describing my son, except he didn't hit his stride with reading

until about age 4. He is in first grade now. He doesn't have any formal

diagnoses, but he has a lot of Aspie traits and definitely struggles with

attention. He went to a small Montessori preschool which was OK but I think

didn't have enough structure for him. Last year I was thinking maybe I was the

problem and he would be better off around other kids and adults, so we tried

full time kindergarten. That was a disaster. As you say, academically he was

bored and socially he was overwhelmed. He is a very social boy, and he wants

badly to make friends, but he is socially awkward and either overwhelms kids

with his intensity or is hostile if they approach him at the wrong moment.

Like you, my concerns developed when DS was in preschool so he entered

kindergarten with an IEP in place. Our local school is very willing to work

with students, and I didn't have any of the negative friction I've read from

other parents on various fora. He received OT and regular (though not

frequent-- weekly, I think) breakout sessions from the regular classroom. He

joined in with some struggling third grade readers and participated in their

reading group. If he was having a hard time, he could leave the classroom and

go sit with the principal or school psychologist. Eventually though it became

too much for me, worrying about when the next phone call would come and what the

daily crisis would be.

After the holidays last year, my son dropped back to attending kindy half time.

That was better but he still struggled with overstimulation and boredom. We

live in a small town, with no local private school options. There is a

Montessori charter school in the next town, but again... not enough structure

there. This year, I am homeschooling him in the morning when my daughter is in

preschool, and he is going to public school for first grade in the afternoons

for a little face time with the other kids. It's not perfect but it's far

better than sending him off every morning, feeling like I'm throwing him into

the pool and saying " sink or swim " . (Overly dramatic? Maybe but that is how it

felt.)

I hope this is helpful. Feel free to contact me for more info (though I'm not

sure how much I can offer).

in Colorado

>

> Hi all,

>

> My son is currently in preschool, and is definitely what you would consider a

twice exceptional (or 2e) child. He is gifted and taught himself to read before

his 3rd birthday, but also has SPD and most likely AS (still awaiting formal dx,

but he has the expected social/emotional delays, rigidity, etc,etc). Our

developmental therapist told me she has concerns about how our son will fit in

within the regular program in the early years of elementary (say K-2) and

beyond. She feels like he will be bored by the regular cirriculum, but does not

think he will be socially/emotionally able to handle being pushed ahead to get

the more challenging academics he needs. Our district does not begin seriously

evaluating for the gifted programs until 3rd grade anyway.

>

> The therapist suggested our son might be better off in a private school with a

more flexible and child-led cirriculum like Waldorf, but I am not ready to give

up on public school yet. I would love to hear what types of experiences any of

you with 2e kids have had, and what settings worked best for them.

>

> Thanks!

>

> Bridget

>

January 25, 2011

Hi, Bridget:

Here's my opinion and I'm open to hearing about how others feel. I personally

feel it is a huge mistake to hold a child who is gifted back because of their

disability or delays...namely the emotional/behavioral issues. Retention almost

never serves the purpose you want it to and what's worse, you may have a gifted

child ending up in a classroom where he is 3 or sometimes 4 years ahead of his

peers if you hold him behind.

My child has never been socially/emotionally with his peers (we struggle with

this everyday), but there are kids in his class who do not have autism who

aren't, either. Despite all of his issues and challenges, he is one of the top

students in his class and I feel it would be tragic to change his placement and

put him with kids who are way below his academic performance. School is about

learning and education above all else. It's supposed to prepare you for higher

education and a career. Our kids need their education more than others because

they're going to have to work twice, three-times, four-times as hard.

My thoughts are that you challenge -- not push -- but challenge him in a normal

classroom with support. Petition the district to hire an aide to assist him

where needed emotionally and socially. But, do not hold a gifted child behind.

He will grow, develop and catch up. Better he do that ahead of the eight ball

than behind. Also, it is better your child have older/better peer modelling and

that may come with kids his age or above. Last, you can enroll him in a Social

Skills program if they don't already have one in your disstrict.

We could have gone the private school route. They have a great curriculum, but

we could not garner the services we wanted at private schools. Maybe later down

the road, but he's hooked into his services real tight at his public school, so

that's where he'll stay.

Sometimes as a parent of a child on the spectrum you second-guess your

decisions...especially when you've gotten flack or criticism. But, the one

decision my husband and I have never regretted nor second-guessed was to

mainstream our son on-time with his NT peers. That's what we felt was right for

him based on what we observed as parents and our assessments.