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Dawn,

Go to Lymenet.org then go to "Flash Discussion" and choose the "Seeking a doctor" forum.

Someone will help you find the best and closest LLMD.

Good luck.

In a message dated 1/7/2009 1:01:01 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, daisydawg21@... writes:

My husband was dx with MS in April of 06. At that time he was using a cane occasionally. He now needs a wheel chair all the time. He has been on the BBD since the beginning. Tried betaseron and copaxone, not taking any of the MS drugs anymore. Has been taking LDN for a year and his health still slowly declines. He was recently tested for lyme by a holistic Dr. and he tested inconclusive. Long story short... if anyone knows of a Lyme literate doctor in Oregon or even one that does phone consults and could pass the info on we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you, Dawn New year...new news. Be the first to know what is making headlines.

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What I did to find my Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD) was started

telephoning Lyme awareness organizations and asking them.

I found out that there are many physicians that " also " treat Lyme.

When interviewing for my LLMD I looked for;

1) many years of getting Lyme patients into remission

2) avoidance of intravenous antibiotics due to my, perhaps misplaced,

fear of infections from the intravenous antibiotics.

I ended up with an out of state physician that has been treating Lyme,

and getting patients into remission, for 20 years. My LLMD is about

a 6 or 7 hour drive from my home.

My sickness was relentless. I was diagnosed TWICE with MS, took Rebif

which made me measurably weaker, Copaxone which caused mini

exacerbations after each injection. Then LDN, which was a step up and

did nothing. Then intravenous EAP for one year. I had ONE good month

on the EAP.

Finally I wanted to at least clear the Lyme disease question off my

table and hired my LLMD. In March 08 I was diagnosed with Lyme

disease and started antibiotics.

The change has been scary emotionally and physically. Physically

there has been several months in the " valley of the shadow of death "

as well as a constant self questioning of " what in the HECK am I

doing? " . Even at nine (9) months later I'm glad I investigated Lyme.

My Lyme tests from Fry Labs and IgeneX are in the " pics " section of my

MySpace profile. My LLMD prefers Fry Labs. Look for the blue circles

which are my stained blood cells.

www.myspace.com/alrightguy123

NO LYME TEST IS AN ACCURATE " YES OR NO " ANSWER.

Other places for Lyme docs:

www.ILADS.org (referral button at bottom)

www.lymediseaseassociation.org/referral

I don't frequent this board. Feel free to write me directly if needed.

>

> Dawn,

>

> Go to Lymenet.org then go to " Flash Discussion " and choose the

" Seeking a

> doctor " forum.

>

> Someone will help you find the best and closest LLMD.

>

> Good luck.

>

>

> In a message dated 1/7/2009 1:01:01 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

> daisydawg21@... writes:

>

>

>

>

> My husband was dx with MS in April of 06. At that time he was using

a cane

> occasionally.

> He now needs a wheel chair all the time. He has been on the BBD

since the

> beginning. Tried

> betaseron and copaxone, not taking any of the MS drugs anymore. Has

been

> taking LDN for

> a year and his health still slowly declines. He was recently tested

for lyme

> by a holistic Dr.

> and he tested inconclusive. Long story short... if anyone knows of

a Lyme

> literate doctor in

> Oregon or even one that does phone consults and could pass the info

on we

> would greatly

> appreciate it.

>

> Thank you, Dawn

>

>

>

>

> **************New year...new news. Be the first to know what is making

> headlines. (http://www.aol.com/?ncid=emlcntaolcom00000026)

>

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  • 1 month later...
Guest guest

Any Help ?

I have my new blood test whic was made while taking 1/2 arimidex every day.

Results improve but very bad side effects due to excessive low estrogen.

Total T: 517 (280-800)

Free T: 14 (13-40)

Estradiol: 5,8 (7,63 - 42,6)

DHT: 174,6 (250 - 1000)

LH: 4,6

FSH: 9,8

SHBG: 16,7 (13 - 71)

Albumin: 4,71 (3,5-5,0)

DHEA-S: 342 (80-560)

IGF1: 176 (122-400)

Because my low DHT levels i made also 3-Alfa-Androstenadiol (Adiol-G) to test

enzyme 5 alfa reductase activity which came normal: 16,6 (2,5-20,9).

I have been making extensive research but didn'find the root of the problem. I

also made cariotype to exclude leinefelter which was ok.

Would like to hear your advice / opinions.

Thanks in Advance

>

> Hi ! I am new here seeking any advice you could give me.

> I am a 37 year old man from Portugal which is suffering from

> depressed mood and extreme low libido in the last 2 years.

> I went to many doctors but they only say it's all in my mind because

> the hormonal results came in the norma range. I made also a penis

> ecodopler and a digital scan of prostate and testicules, and

> pituitary mri al which were normal.

> Last time only an endo believes me and when we made the lhrh test

> with new blood test it appared a very low free testosterone and dht

> levels.

> Free testosterone: 7,5 pg/ml 13-40 normal

> DHT: 115,8 pg/mL 250-1000 normal

> But total testosterone was normal: 5,13 ng/mL 2,8-8,0 normal

> She doesn't know why is the free test and dht so low.

> Did not measure shbg this time but in another exam it was normal/low

> (16,5 nmol/L 13-71 normal).

> Estradiol is good (23,4 pg/mL 7,63-42,8 normal)and tsh maybe a

> little high (3,11 uUi/mL 0,27 - 4,2 normal). I see also that IGF1

> (Growth hormone) is a bit low 142ng/mL (122-400 normal) and folic

> acid below normal (121,2 ng/mL normal 130-1102).

> LH: 4,3 mUI/mL

> FSH:7,5 mUI/mL

> I made a spermogram which was bad with only 1ml volume ejaculate

> (normal >2) and 5 million sperm (normal >20).

> Doctors don't want to take testosterone because could worse

> fertility isues and since my total testosterone is in normal range.

> But theres an anti-aging doctor who wants me to take testogel and

> hcg (pregnil 5.000) weekly.

> Could you give me your opinion and what you think could be the cause

> for so such low free test and dht.

> Sorry for bad english.

>

> Best wishes

>

>

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Guest guest

On Wed, 04 Mar 2009 18:43:54 -0000, you wrote:

>

>I have my new blood test whic was made while taking 1/2 arimidex every day.

Results improve but very bad side effects due to excessive low estrogen.

>Total T: 517 (280-800)

>Free T: 14 (13-40)

>Estradiol: 5,8 (7,63 - 42,6)

>DHT: 174,6 (250 - 1000)

>LH: 4,6

>FSH: 9,8

>SHBG: 16,7 (13 - 71)

>Albumin: 4,71 (3,5-5,0)

>DHEA-S: 342 (80-560)

>IGF1: 176 (122-400)

>Because my low DHT levels i made also 3-Alfa-Androstenadiol (Adiol-G) to test

enzyme 5 alfa reductase activity which came normal: 16,6 (2,5-20,9).

>

>I have been making extensive research but didn'find the root of the problem. I

also made cariotype to exclude leinefelter which was ok.

>

>Would like to hear your advice / opinions.

>

>Thanks in Advance

That's an awful lot of arimidex. Stop for a week. It takes that long

about for E2 to climb back to normal. If you could get a test then,

that would help to know your new " normal level " . Then try 1/4 every

other day. for a time. Even that may prove to much. I do about 3 to 4

doses of a quarter tablet a week. You want to be around 20 to 30 for

your E2 levels.

When E2 falls so low you will feel shitty. And you will have

absolutely no sex drive and not much ability either. A wave of

emotional crap comes with it too.

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Guest guest

Your numbers are very good. You should talk with your Endo in feeling fatiged

or sluggish. Do that before you lower your dosage for E2. It may not be low E2

that is making you sluggish, it could be something else.

From: Rui Vilarinho <rui.vilarinho@...>

Subject: Re: Help

Date: Wednesday, March 4, 2009, 6:43 PM

Any Help ?

I have my new blood test whic was made while taking 1/2 arimidex every day.

Results improve but very bad side effects due to excessive low estrogen.

Total T: 517 (280-800)

Free T: 14 (13-40)

Estradiol: 5,8 (7,63 - 42,6)

DHT: 174,6 (250 - 1000)

LH: 4,6

FSH: 9,8

SHBG: 16,7 (13 - 71)

Albumin: 4,71 (3,5-5,0)

DHEA-S: 342 (80-560)

IGF1: 176 (122-400)

Because my low DHT levels i made also 3-Alfa-Androstenadi ol (Adiol-G) to test

enzyme 5 alfa reductase activity which came normal: 16,6 (2,5-20,9).

I have been making extensive research but didn'find the root of the problem.. I

also made cariotype to exclude leinefelter which was ok.

Would like to hear your advice / opinions.

Thanks in Advance

>

> Hi ! I am new here seeking any advice you could give me.

> I am a 37 year old man from Portugal which is suffering from

> depressed mood and extreme low libido in the last 2 years.

> I went to many doctors but they only say it's all in my mind because

> the hormonal results came in the norma range. I made also a penis

> ecodopler and a digital scan of prostate and testicules, and

> pituitary mri al which were normal.

> Last time only an endo believes me and when we made the lhrh test

> with new blood test it appared a very low free testosterone and dht

> levels.

> Free testosterone: 7,5 pg/ml 13-40 normal

> DHT: 115,8 pg/mL 250-1000 normal

> But total testosterone was normal: 5,13 ng/mL 2,8-8,0 normal

> She doesn't know why is the free test and dht so low.

> Did not measure shbg this time but in another exam it was normal/low

> (16,5 nmol/L 13-71 normal).

> Estradiol is good (23,4 pg/mL 7,63-42,8 normal)and tsh maybe a

> little high (3,11 uUi/mL 0,27 - 4,2 normal). I see also that IGF1

> (Growth hormone) is a bit low 142ng/mL (122-400 normal) and folic

> acid below normal (121,2 ng/mL normal 130-1102).

> LH: 4,3 mUI/mL

> FSH:7,5 mUI/mL

> I made a spermogram which was bad with only 1ml volume ejaculate

> (normal >2) and 5 million sperm (normal >20).

> Doctors don't want to take testosterone because could worse

> fertility isues and since my total testosterone is in normal range.

> But theres an anti-aging doctor who wants me to take testogel and

> hcg (pregnil 5.000) weekly.

> Could you give me your opinion and what you think could be the cause

> for so such low free test and dht.

> Sorry for bad english.

>

> Best wishes

>

>

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  • 3 months later...
Guest guest

I doubt it is the magnesium. I know too much taurine made my son aggressive and

angry, and gave him bad dreams. I suppose lithium could cause this as well -

but I have no experience with this.

Irene

>

> My dd seems to be getting violent with one of these supplements and I am not

sure which.

>

> Lithium (been on it for about 6 months)

> Magnesium (been on for about 2 monts)

> Taurine (been on for about 2 months)

>

> Could it be possible that her body has enough of one of these? This was around

the same time that I did a round of DMSA. She was never the same after that

round, but I am thinking that its one of these supps. Any help is welcome. Thank

you

>

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Guest guest

>

> My dd seems to be getting violent with one of these supplements and I am not

sure which.

>

> Lithium (been on it for about 6 months)

> Magnesium (been on for about 2 monts)

> Taurine (been on for about 2 months)

>

> Could it be possible that her body has enough of one of these? This was around

the same time that I did a round of DMSA. She was never the same after that

round, but I am thinking that its one of these supps. Any help is welcome. Thank

you

>

Lithium is sedating, as is Magnesium.

Taurine is *supposedly* energizing.

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Guest guest

I forgot that I added GABA. Do you think this could do it?

On Jun 13, 2009, at 12:17 PM, iflow97 wrote:

>

>

> I doubt it is the magnesium. I know too much taurine made my son

> aggressive and angry, and gave him bad dreams. I suppose lithium

> could cause this as well - but I have no experience with this.

>

> Irene

>

>

> >

> > My dd seems to be getting violent with one of these supplements

> and I am not sure which.

> >

> > Lithium (been on it for about 6 months)

> > Magnesium (been on for about 2 monts)

> > Taurine (been on for about 2 months)

> >

> > Could it be possible that her body has enough of one of these?

> This was around the same time that I did a round of DMSA. She was

> never the same after that round, but I am thinking that its one of

> these supps. Any help is welcome. Thank you

> >

>

>

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Guest guest

How much taurine were you giving. I am wondering how much is too much?

On Jun 13, 2009, at 12:17 PM, iflow97 wrote:

>

>

> I doubt it is the magnesium. I know too much taurine made my son

> aggressive and angry, and gave him bad dreams. I suppose lithium

> could cause this as well - but I have no experience with this.

>

> Irene

>

>

> >

> > My dd seems to be getting violent with one of these supplements

> and I am not sure which.

> >

> > Lithium (been on it for about 6 months)

> > Magnesium (been on for about 2 monts)

> > Taurine (been on for about 2 months)

> >

> > Could it be possible that her body has enough of one of these?

> This was around the same time that I did a round of DMSA. She was

> never the same after that round, but I am thinking that its one of

> these supps. Any help is welcome. Thank you

> >

>

>

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Guest guest

Some people don't do well on GABA. Instead of making me feel calmer, as it

should, it makes me feel anxious. The other thought I had was that if you

are chelating, it could be yeast. That definitely can cause aggression. I

would try taking out the supplements and see what happens. if it doesn't

clear up, maybe ramp up your yeast protocol. If it does stop, reintroduce

slowly until you figure it out.

On Sat, Jun 13, 2009 at 2:05 PM, diamond12345@... <

diamond12345@...> wrote:

>

>

> I forgot that I added GABA. Do you think this could do it?

> On Jun 13, 2009, at 12:17 PM, iflow97 wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > I doubt it is the magnesium. I know too much taurine made my son

> > aggressive and angry, and gave him bad dreams. I suppose lithium

> > could cause this as well - but I have no experience with this.

> >

> > Irene

> >

> >

> > >

> > > My dd seems to be getting violent with one of these supplements

> > and I am not sure which.

> > >

> > > Lithium (been on it for about 6 months)

> > > Magnesium (been on for about 2 monts)

> > > Taurine (been on for about 2 months)

> > >

> > > Could it be possible that her body has enough of one of these?

> > This was around the same time that I did a round of DMSA. She was

> > never the same after that round, but I am thinking that its one of

> > these supps. Any help is welcome. Thank you

> > >

> >

> >

>

>

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  • 3 months later...

[ ] Re: Child is MEAN on allergy meds!

Date: Wednesday, September 23, 2009, 12:01 AM

This is what I used and where I buy almost all my supplements...

http://www.vitacost.com/Eclectic-Institute-Fresh-Freeze-Dried-Stinging-Nettle

I only used the stinging nettle alone. I can't remember how many unless I

wrote it on the post I gave your eariler, but I'm thinking it was probably one

to start with and move up a little as he comes off the Zyrtec. If he is

itching, I might would give the second stinging nettle spaced out. My son was

7-8 when he came off the Zyrtec and he didn't itch that I can remember.

Let me know if you have any other questions about our experience.

> > >

> > > Our DAN keeps prescribing allergy meds for our son who has ASD. We are

doing various other biomedical therapies. He does have seasonal allergies which

need to be controlled somehow, but every time he goes on these meds, even on 1/2

doses--Singulair, Claritin, Flonase, Zyrtec, he is ok for the first 2 or 3 days

but then he gets vicious---hitting, scratching, biting, and screaming. He is

normally a really calm non-tantrum kid. I think our doc thinks I'm crazy, but I

know the meds are what are causing this. Anyone else's kids have this response

to pharmaceuticals for allergies? Anyone find a better solution for allergies?

We have had no luck with nasal rinses and D-Hist.

> > >

> >

>

------------------------------------

=======================================================

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Thanks . Will talk to the teacher. Do not have a guidance counselor. Is

that the same as the school counselor? I haven't met the parents of the other

kids yet.

  From: vaborn9902 <vaborn9902@...>

  Subject: [ ] Re: Child is MEAN on allergy meds!

 

  Date: Wednesday, September 23, 2009, 12:01 AM

  This is what I used and where I buy almost all my supplements...

http://www.vitacost.com/Eclectic-Institute-Fresh-Freeze-Dried-Stinging-Nettle

  I only used the stinging nettle alone.  I can't remember how many unless I

wrote it on the post I gave your eariler, but I'm thinking it was probably one

to start with and move up a little as he comes off the Zyrtec.  If he is

itching, I might would give the second stinging nettle spaced out.  My son was

7-8 when he came off the Zyrtec and he didn't itch that I can remember.

  Let me know if you have any other questions about our experience.

 

  > > >

  > > > Our DAN keeps prescribing allergy meds for our son who has ASD.  We are

doing various other biomedical therapies.  He does have seasonal allergies which

need to be controlled somehow, but every time he goes on these meds, even on 1/2

doses--Singulair, Claritin, Flonase, Zyrtec, he is ok for the first 2 or 3 days

but then he gets vicious---hitting, scratching, biting, and screaming.  He is

normally a really calm non-tantrum kid.  I think our doc thinks I'm crazy, but I

know the meds are what are causing this.  Anyone else's kids have this response

to pharmaceuticals for allergies?  Anyone find a better solution for allergies? 

We have had no luck with nasal rinses and D-Hist.

  > > >

  > >

  >

  ------------------------------------

  =======================================================

 

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Hello, I had this fear problem with both children. One was afraid to go outside

alone, once outside, he was afraid to go back inside. If he was in the house

and didn't see me, he would like panic. If I didn't answer to see what he would

do, he would come running looking for me and then wouldn't have a reason for

looking for me, just checking or he would say that he thought I had left.

His fears are still there a little bit, however, he will now go to class without

me, eager, will go up in front of church and put money in offering plate, and

has on occasion gone outside by himself to get something out the van, leaving

the house door wide open of course. Things he wouldn't do or need a lot of

forcing to do. These things have stopped since coming off the Zyrtec and

Singular.

The other child has what I call bashfulness, but also cried almost every day in

PreK and Kindergarten. Then, I had a phone consult with a doc in GA that was

checking his thyroid function for sweating and such, and found him adrenal

deficient, low iodine, low iron, low D3, etc. He started treating him with

Stress Relief and XenoDetox and he started 1st grade last year and only cried

maybe twice and it was mild. I laid off the supplements and 2nd grade has

started off rougher. He has been getting bad grades, not paying attention and

such. So, two days ago, I started the supplements again and he got a 94 on his

reading test and the teacher said he has been paying attention and asking her to

repeat things. Great.

BTW, the other son has been on the same supplements and that may have somethign

to do with his fear lessening.

That said, I agree that maybe you should go to the school and see what is going

on. My son was being picked at and mocked by another " model, teacher's son "

student, when I asked the teachers about it, they didn't know anything about it.

This same " model " student, two grades earlier had been preventing my son from

leaving the bathroom during break time. Teachers can't go in the bathroom with

them.

My friend's son was giving her big problems with school and it stopped when they

switched schools. Just recently he told her that when he was in Kindergarten

and 5th was harassing him in the bathroom. My niece was being punched in the

stomach in the bathroom by another student and threatened not to tell. My other

niece in the same grade knew about it and told and that's what stopped it.

I've asked other students that I knew in the class about things and they will

tell me what's going on.

> > > >

> > > > Our DAN keeps prescribing allergy meds for our son who has ASD.  We are

doing various other biomedical therapies.  He does have seasonal allergies which

need to be controlled somehow, but every time he goes on these meds, even on 1/2

doses--Singulair, Claritin, Flonase, Zyrtec, he is ok for the first 2 or 3 days

but then he gets vicious---hitting, scratching, biting, and screaming.  He is

normally a really calm non-tantrum kid.  I think our doc thinks I'm crazy, but I

know the meds are what are causing this.  Anyone else's kids have this response

to pharmaceuticals for allergies?  Anyone find a better solution for allergies? 

We have had no luck with nasal rinses and D-Hist.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> =======================================================

>

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  • 3 weeks later...

my 3 year old daughter has autism and my husband has aspergers. when things like that come up where he just can not follow through I tell him he lost the priveledge to control that situtation and he must let me handle it my way. He has learned to let me handle it because I am an at home mom and I know our child best. I don't have all the answers for my child but I am more patient than he is usually.cathyFrom: sarah brand <SERABBITRY@...>Subject: ( ) help"asperger group" < >Date: Monday, October 12, 2009, 1:36 PM

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk

to him but he won't.

i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days that i

wonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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Vent away ...it is what we are here for ...and beleive me ...I do it too!

I am at my whits end and finally had to leave most of the stuff to my husband to handle. My son can tell me "No" and be disrespectful and all....but my husband who I believe has AS has gotten much better with my son. My husband doesn't yell anymore and I leave most of the discipling to him. I don't interfere. I think it has been better since i have done this...I will talk to my husband on the side and make suggestions to him. But my son is listening to him better than he would me.

So, my suggestion is ...can you do most of the discipling and teaching with your 2nd child as your husband doesn't seem to understand him. And, yes, you are right....yelling is no good. Yelling only cause the other to yell. My husband finds if he speaks softly to my son it is better.

Also, you son may be to overwhelmed to clean his room....so what you did was great. You are showing him step by step how to do it. You son just can not handle it by himself yet and needs guidance. Your husband may never get this....so you have to handle it.

As far as the sleeping pill...tell your husband he needs to pick his battles...if your son feels he doesn't need it ...then let him go without it. My son hates to wear a coat. Poppy use to fight him on this every morning....but I told him to pick his battles....my son learned when he was cold that he needed a coat.

I hope this helps.

jan

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY@...>asperger group < >Sent: Mon, October 12, 2009 3:36:05 PMSubject: ( ) help

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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Hi ,

I am the same, husband just doesn't seem to get it, and the worst part is he is the fulltime parent and I work. Thought this might force them to get on better, but it doesn't. My husband says our son is fine when I'm not in the house, but when I get home the shouting starts, I suspect my husband just lets our son watch TV, play on his computer and this is why there is no shouting til I get home. My husband asks him to do something, then asks him again the same way, when this doesn't work he just repeats the same thing louder and louder, until he shouts really loud, at which our son gets a fright and cries, I ask my husband if he is happy he's made G cry. Don't have any answers, have been banging my head off this wall for years, no matter what I say he doesn't change the way he speaks to G. Ho hum. Today I'm wondering if single life would be easier, no doubt tomorrow I'll be happy again, tired after a long night of trying to get our son to

sleep.

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY@...>Subject: ( ) help"asperger group" < >Date: Monday, 12 October, 2009, 8:36 PM

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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I'm with you on the battles, as long as my son isn't hurting himself or others whats the harm?

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Subject: Re: ( ) help Date: Tuesday, 13 October, 2009, 12:23 AM

Vent away ...it is what we are here for ...and beleive me ...I do it too!

I am at my whits end and finally had to leave most of the stuff to my husband to handle. My son can tell me "No" and be disrespectful and all....but my husband who I believe has AS has gotten much better with my son. My husband doesn't yell anymore and I leave most of the discipling to him. I don't interfere. I think it has been better since i have done this...I will talk to my husband on the side and make suggestions to him. But my son is listening to him better than he would me.

So, my suggestion is ...can you do most of the discipling and teaching with your 2nd child as your husband doesn't seem to understand him. And, yes, you are right....yelling is no good. Yelling only cause the other to yell. My husband finds if he speaks softly to my son it is better.

Also, you son may be to overwhelmed to clean his room....so what you did was great. You are showing him step by step how to do it. You son just can not handle it by himself yet and needs guidance. Your husband may never get this....so you have to handle it.

As far as the sleeping pill...tell your husband he needs to pick his battles...if your son feels he doesn't need it ...then let him go without it. My son hates to wear a coat. Poppy use to fight him on this every morning....but I told him to pick his battles....my son learned when he was cold that he needed a coat.

I hope this helps.

jan

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY (DOT) com>asperger group < >Sent: Mon, October 12, 2009 3:36:05 PMSubject: ( ) help

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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Have you tried a family meeting? Everyone can lay their feelings on the table. Figure out strategies together as a family, and decide on a new kind of consequence. My husband also has low patience, so we always talk after the kids go to bed. We are trying a new approach, the quiet talking approach. Today when we were all getting ready for school, I spoke very softly all morning. My kids had to really listen in order to hear me. I didn't raise my voice, I think it worked.

Betsey Dunkel

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY@...>asperger group < >Sent: Mon, October 12, 2009 3:36:05 PMSubject: ( ) help

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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Ahhhh.... you mentioned sleep, or lack thereof. My two kids, 9 and 13 with autism..... The night before I was up until 11:30 pm dealing with my son who wasn't sleeping, reminding him to go to bed, turn off the light, etc. etc.. Then, finally I got to sleep around midnight (I ususally go to bed at 9 pm). My daughter then comes in my room at 2:30 am because she is awake and can't sleep and was up the rest of the night, obsessing on organizing books. At 5:30 I finally gave up and helped her organize. If you can't beat em, join em. Wow, the house sure got clean yesterday with all that organizing.

( ) help"asperger group" < >Date: Monday, 12 October, 2009, 8:36 PM

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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My husband is the same way. He is not as invested in our son's disorder as I am. I am researching, going to therapy with D, and he is not. I keep asking him to learn about Aspergers, and he says I don't have time. Ugh!

Our therapist thought of way we could D to sleep in his own bed. We started with setting a timer for five minutes, and D had to stay in his bed until the timer went off and then he could run into our bed and sleep with us for the night. He loves the timer, and thought how easy. Every three nights we add five minutes to the timer. By the time we got to twenty-five minutes on the timer, he was asleep. Sometimes he can still make it, but now we are up to forty-five minutes and he always falls asleep. Our kids still come to our bed in the middle of the night, but atleast they fell asleep in their own beds. D has night terrors and sleep walks into the kitchen, so we are very light sleepers.

Betsey Dunkel

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Tue, October 13, 2009 4:15:38 AMSubject: Re: ( ) help

Hi ,

I am the same, husband just doesn't seem to get it, and the worst part is he is the fulltime parent and I work. Thought this might force them to get on better, but it doesn't. My husband says our son is fine when I'm not in the house, but when I get home the shouting starts, I suspect my husband just lets our son watch TV, play on his computer and this is why there is no shouting til I get home. My husband asks him to do something, then asks him again the same way, when this doesn't work he just repeats the same thing louder and louder, until he shouts really loud, at which our son gets a fright and cries, I ask my husband if he is happy he's made G cry. Don't have any answers, have been banging my head off this wall for years, no matter what I say he doesn't change the way he speaks to G. Ho hum. Today I'm wondering if single life would be easier, no doubt tomorrow I'll be happy again, tired after a long night of trying to get our son to

sleep.

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) help"asperger group" < >Date: Monday, 12 October, 2009, 8:36 PM

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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I would say my husband was a lot the same way in yelling and being impatient with our son n. Also, we fought about what to do with him, and hubby blamed me for how n acted. But he has been a lot better since we have been taking n to counseling, because we also did family counseling. It made me see that my way wasn't always right, the therapist said sometimes we need to be firmer with n, the way my husband is. ( I am more of the softie, try to smooth things over person.)

So I think the counseling gave hubby some help on how to handle our issues and also gave him some confidence that his way of doing things was good. He now feels like n needs him more to guide him and be the strong dad. Hubby still yells sometimes, who doesn't, but overall I say he is more patient, and at least the fighting between him and I has mostly stopped, because we are more of a team.So if you are already taking your son to a counselor, try to get your husband to participate. And if you're not going to any counselor, look for someone who does family therapy. A few sessions over a few months could get you on the right track.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) help"asperger group" < >Date: Monday, 12 October, 2009, 8:36 PM

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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Hey, I think you might have something there, sometimes if I have asked my son to do something about 100 times (yes an exaggeration, but I'm guessing you know how it feels sometimes) with no response, I whisper it across the room and sometimes, not always, he hears me.

From: Betsey E.Dunkel <babydunkel@...>Subject: Re: ( ) help Date: Tuesday, 13 October, 2009, 2:09 PM

Have you tried a family meeting? Everyone can lay their feelings on the table. Figure out strategies together as a family, and decide on a new kind of consequence. My husband also has low patience, so we always talk after the kids go to bed. We are trying a new approach, the quiet talking approach. Today when we were all getting ready for school, I spoke very softly all morning. My kids had to really listen in order to hear me. I didn't raise my voice, I think it worked.

Betsey Dunkel

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY (DOT) com>asperger group < >Sent: Mon, October 12, 2009 3:36:05 PMSubject: ( ) help

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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Haha my husband is the same, I've done part of my degree in early years development, specialising in autism and aspergers, read umpteen books, tried to get all the info I could. One of Tony Attwoods books was particularly reader friendly, so I asked if he would read some of it, he said yes, but never did.

Lor B

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) help"asperger group" < >Date: Monday, 12 October, 2009, 8:36 PM

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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I'm also working on my degree in Elementary education, right now I'm taking a course in Special Needs. I am learning so much about the Autism Spectrum. I feel blessed to be in this class at this right time in my life. I printed some info on Aspergers for my husband and he read it.(during the game on tv)

Betsey Dunkel

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Tue, October 13, 2009 10:55:23 AMSubject: Re: ( ) help

Haha my husband is the same, I've done part of my degree in early years development, specialising in autism and aspergers, read umpteen books, tried to get all the info I could. One of Tony Attwoods books was particularly reader friendly, so I asked if he would read some of it, he said yes, but never did.

Lor B

From: sarah brand <SERABBITRY (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) help"asperger group" < >Date: Monday, 12 October, 2009, 8:36 PM

Hello everyone. i need to vent about the hubby everyone takes about the kids but i would like to take about my not so DH. i am at wits end my older son has ADD and my younger is AS/ ADHD. the DH can talk to the Tim (older one) but not Matt (younger one) Tim and the DH get along fine but with Matt it is a whole nother story he constantly yells at him or spanks him on the tush for not listening to him. for instance the other day we needed Matt room clean so i said Matt i need your room cleaned and Matt told me not now i don't want to clean it. so the DH chimed in CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! so Matt screams back at him no i don't want to. well i know the best way to get him to clean it but i always try the other way first so i went in his room with him and just asked him if he would pick up his hamper and put the dirty clothes in it and he was fine and did it and we continued this process until the room was clean. i keep telling the DH to talk to him but he

won't.i tell him that it must be repeated over and over again and if he doesn't listen that he needs to try from a different approach but he doesn't do that either. he has tried talking but that only lasts a week and the yelling starts again because he says it doesn't work and i tell him that he needs to try longer because it didn't come to me overnight but after constant trying. Matt takes a sleeping pill and some days he doesn't want to take it so i don't push it on him ( my grandmother takes one and is addicted to it and tells me i should let him be on it) so the other day he is yelling at him to take it and finally spanks him and Matt finally takes it. but the point of it is he knows i was sleeping as i work 3rd shift and needed to get some sleep. it has become such a strain on our relationship that i keep think of ways out of it but keep coming to the conclusion that i need to wait a few more yrs until the boys are older. there are some days

that iwonder if this is where Matt got it from and if i give up on him would Matt's wife (in the future) also give up on him. so i am torn as to what to do. can anyone help? thanks

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  • 1 year later...
Guest guest

HI everyone,

I have been away from the group ;and out of touch, and I apologize. Trying to get my son into a new school. Also we have an agency coming into our home to help us deal with our son in a better way than what we were doing (mainly screaming). With the new school and the new environment at home, my little guy is having a hard time.

I wanted to know from anyones experience whether or not we need an IEP. See at our former school, we had 3 IEP drafts, none of them signed due to inadequate accomodations. Now we are at a new school and no one there has offered us a new IEP. Do I need to go through the process from the beginning? I just would like to see some goals written down on paper so we have some data to work off of in getting my son what he needs.

We are also in the process of filing for due process with School District. Shouldn't I have a completed IEP in preparation for this hearing?

Any suggestions and answers welcome,

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