Guest guest Posted February 19, 2011 Report Share Posted February 19, 2011 Hi , Welcome to the group! I know how demoralizing it can be having your child treat you this way. My son, now almost 14, has never hit me but he has said awful things to me in the past. He doesn't anymore. I can only say that it does get better usually. You just have to keep doing what you're doing and make sure you let him know it's not appropriate and that you don't appreciate it and that it will not be tolerated. He must have consequences whether it be taking a favorite item away for a day, week or whatever. I'm sure you're doing all this, I'm just trying to give you my experience. I would always have to find my son's current "currancy", whatever that may be, his poke mon cards, legos, games etc. and use that to my advantage. I'm currently in England visiting a close friend but I'm from the states. Can I ask where you're from? I can't say what the services are in England for AS kids but they are not that great in the states either. We have to fight, fight, fight sometimes for the simplest services. ne From: Kirkham <kirkhamrachael@...>Subject: ( ) Re: defiant behaviour Date: Saturday, February 19, 2011, 6:56 PM Hi am really quiet new to this group but my son is 9 yrs old and I,ve been dealing with his behaviour for most of his life on my own, I can totally empathise with you with your childs behaviour and aggression, it is so demoralizing and heart breaking for you, as aparent to deal with these circumstances. Firstly may I just say that Iam from Eangland and it seems that there is so much support for children and parents in the USA, I could be completely underestimating the services in my country, as I have waited 4 months from getting a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome from the speech and languaeg therpist that I fought for in school regarding my sons poor social interactions, to seeing a peadiatrition for confirmation, I have had very little help with managing certain problems, my son becomes violent towards me, when I get to the bottom of the problem it is something so trivial to antbody else - eg: what time his school swimming lesson is- I do find things out from the teachers but it seems that until my son actually does the swimming, he cannot settle, and so the build up to this is hurrendous. I have absolutley no advice to give you as I do not now how to deal with my own child! Which absolutley breaks my heart. I am waiting to see this peadiatrition in the hope of gaining some management skills. This makes me feel totally useless, and when my son is 'on one' I too try to remain calm, and walk away, just to evaluate the situation and try to cope in a rationalle and controlled way, this is extremely hard to do when your own child is hitting you and saying the most dreadful things, it leaves me mad, angry, weak, confused, and very very sad. T he fact that my child who I have loved so dearly, gave good values and morals to (to the outside world my son is cute, adorable well mannered, polite and funny) can turn so rapidly against the person who has put the most into him. As I said I can offer you nothing but empathy, I know what you are going through and its hard, at least when people write on here you can maybe contact support groupd etc like others but thats the USA, I dont think I will be so lucky, but anyway, good luck, you are definatly not alone. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Hi susanne, thanks for your advice every little bit from other people helps, I do try all kinds of methods, things are ok at the moment, my son has just finished school for half term for a week, about midweek the behaviour pattern will start, he will be anxious about returning to school, so time will tell, fingers crossed for a fun trouble free week, I am off work this week too so hopeing for a great week with my boys!! I am from Manchester England, and while the services in Manchester are better than the surrounding areas (they have a bit more money in the pot) I'm not sure what is available at the moment, when I see the peadiatrition I will be asking all sorts of questions regarding whats available, I have fought for all the help in school, its just everything takes so much time. Are you enjoying your stay in this cold miserable country?!!- From: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...> Sent: Sun, February 20, 2011 12:40:50 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: defiant behaviour Hi , Welcome to the group! I know how demoralizing it can be having your child treat you this way. My son, now almost 14, has never hit me but he has said awful things to me in the past. He doesn't anymore. I can only say that it does get better usually. You just have to keep doing what you're doing and make sure you let him know it's not appropriate and that you don't appreciate it and that it will not be tolerated. He must have consequences whether it be taking a favorite item away for a day, week or whatever. I'm sure you're doing all this, I'm just trying to give you my experience. I would always have to find my son's current "currancy", whatever that may be, his poke mon cards, legos, games etc. and use that to my advantage. I'm currently in England visiting a close friend but I'm from the states. Can I ask where you're from? I can't say what the services are in England for AS kids but they are not that great in the states either. We have to fight, fight, fight sometimes for the simplest services. ne From: Kirkham <kirkhamrachael@...>Subject: ( ) Re: defiant behaviour Date: Saturday, February 19, 2011, 6:56 PM Hi am really quiet new to this group but my son is 9 yrs old and I,ve been dealing with his behaviour for most of his life on my own, I can totally empathise with you with your childs behaviour and aggression, it is so demoralizing and heart breaking for you, as aparent to deal with these circumstances. Firstly may I just say that Iam from Eangland and it seems that there is so much support for children and parents in the USA, I could be completely underestimating the services in my country, as I have waited 4 months from getting a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome from the speech and languaeg therpist that I fought for in school regarding my sons poor social interactions, to seeing a peadiatrition for confirmation, I have had very little help with managing certain problems, my son becomes violent towards me, when I get to the bottom of the problem it is something so trivial to antbody else - eg: what time his school swimming lesson is- I do find things out from the teachers but it seems that until my son actually does the swimming, he cannot settle, and so the build up to this is hurrendous. I have absolutley no advice to give you as I do not now how to deal with my own child! Which absolutley breaks my heart. I am waiting to see this peadiatrition in the hope of gaining some management skills. This makes me feel totally useless, and when my son is 'on one' I too try to remain calm, and walk away, just to evaluate the situation and try to cope in a rationalle and controlled way, this is extremely hard to do when your own child is hitting you and saying the most dreadful things, it leaves me mad, angry, weak, confused, and very very sad. T he fact that my child who I have loved so dearly, gave good values and morals to (to the outside world my son is cute, adorable well mannered, polite and funny) can turn so rapidly against the person who has put the most into him. As I said I can offer you nothing but empathy, I know what you are going through and its hard, at least when people write on here you can maybe contact support groupd etc like others but thats the USA, I dont think I will be so lucky, but anyway, good luck, you are definatly not alone. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 20, 2011 Report Share Posted February 20, 2011 Hi again , I'm glad you will be getting a bit of a break to spend with your boys. I actually fly out of Manchester tomorrow, but I'm currently in Liverpool and yes, it has been very cold and damp! I'll be sad to leave my friend (who's name is as well) but glad to go home and back to Tennessee where it is much warmer. I've had a really nice time here all week and even went to Chester for a day. It's been really fun, but cold! I told my friend next time I visit I will have to come in the summer! My husband surprised me with the tickets for Valentine's day. I wish you all the luck at your pediatrician and that you can get the services your son needs. I know everyone is in a recession and money is tight. My friend is a single mom as well and I know it is hard. Let us know how you get on at the doctors. Well take care and the next time I write you I will be back home. :-)ne From: Kirkham <kirkhamrachael@...>Subject: ( ) Re: defiant behaviour Date: Saturday, February 19, 2011, 6:56 PM Hi am really quiet new to this group but my son is 9 yrs old and I,ve been dealing with his behaviour for most of his life on my own, I can totally empathise with you with your childs behaviour and aggression, it is so demoralizing and heart breaking for you, as aparent to deal with these circumstances. Firstly may I just say that Iam from Eangland and it seems that there is so much support for children and parents in the USA, I could be completely underestimating the services in my country, as I have waited 4 months from getting a diagnosis of Aspergers syndrome from the speech and languaeg therpist that I fought for in school regarding my sons poor social interactions, to seeing a peadiatrition for confirmation, I have had very little help with managing certain problems, my son becomes violent towards me, when I get to the bottom of the problem it is something so trivial to antbody else - eg: what time his school swimming lesson is- I do find things out from the teachers but it seems that until my son actually does the swimming, he cannot settle, and so the build up to this is hurrendous. I have absolutley no advice to give you as I do not now how to deal with my own child! Which absolutley breaks my heart. I am waiting to see this peadiatrition in the hope of gaining some management skills. This makes me feel totally useless, and when my son is 'on one' I too try to remain calm, and walk away, just to evaluate the situation and try to cope in a rationalle and controlled way, this is extremely hard to do when your own child is hitting you and saying the most dreadful things, it leaves me mad, angry, weak, confused, and very very sad. T he fact that my child who I have loved so dearly, gave good values and morals to (to the outside world my son is cute, adorable well mannered, polite and funny) can turn so rapidly against the person who has put the most into him. As I said I can offer you nothing but empathy, I know what you are going through and its hard, at least when people write on here you can maybe contact support groupd etc like others but thats the USA, I dont think I will be so lucky, but anyway, good luck, you are definatly not alone. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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