The Child I Lost

[Guest guest]

Your husband is right in a way...all parents miss things about their child's

youth as they watch them grow less dependent on us. Maybe he is not grasping the

Asperger's thing....yet. It took my x husband a year to see it or accept it. I

did not find that out until years later when he confessed to that in an IEP

meeting of all places. This is not a man who admits to mistakes easily. He still

does not get it. Well...he's starting to get it and is admitting that he can't

handle her and does not have the time to give her the therapy and time

commitment she needs from him. It makes no difference. I've been the one doing

that all along anyway but things are quite messy now as we sort this out and try

to decide how to handle it legally. I honestly think that in most cases...not

all of course...it's just harder for the Dad's to get it. I do see a few men

posting on here and it does my heart good. Both parents should be involved. But

not all parents are cut out to deal with this. I know. I know. I'll agree with

anyone that you should just do it for your kids. Some just can't or won't and

it's sad. But you are not a bad Mom just because you allow yourself to be

truthful with your feelings. It is sad. There's no question there. And it IS

worse than the usual feelings that parents of neuro-typical children feel. If

you don't let yourself feel these things and process these things, it will

fester up inside of you and hinder you from being the best parent you can be for

your son. You are already there I think. We all question ourselves and our

parenting abilities. We get hit with doubt from so many angles...the looks in

the store that says " Why can't you handle your kid, lady? " or " You deserve what

that kid is doing because you must let him get away with everything " or even the

schools blaming us for our child's behavior when we have a diagnosis from a

doctor...sometimes a doctor that very school district sent us to. Sometimes our

spouses who are away at work all day may even question us. No wonder we doubt

our own capabilities. You are here. You are brave enough and caring enough to

want to ask for advise. Give yourself a hug! -Betsy

[Guest guest]

thank you Betsy, i really appreciate the boost

>

> Your husband is right in a way...all parents miss things about their child's

youth as they watch them grow less dependent on us. Maybe he is not grasping the

Asperger's thing....yet. It took my x husband a year to see it or accept it. I

did not find that out until years later when he confessed to that in an IEP

meeting of all places. This is not a man who admits to mistakes easily. He still

does not get it. Well...he's starting to get it and is admitting that he can't

handle her and does not have the time to give her the therapy and time

commitment she needs from him. It makes no difference. I've been the one doing

that all along anyway but things are quite messy now as we sort this out and try

to decide how to handle it legally. I honestly think that in most cases...not

all of course...it's just harder for the Dad's to get it. I do see a few men

posting on here and it does my heart good. Both parents should be involved. But

not all parents are cut out to deal with this. I know. I know. I'll agree with

anyone that you should just do it for your kids. Some just can't or won't and

it's sad. But you are not a bad Mom just because you allow yourself to be

truthful with your feelings. It is sad. There's no question there. And it IS

worse than the usual feelings that parents of neuro-typical children feel. If

you don't let yourself feel these things and process these things, it will

fester up inside of you and hinder you from being the best parent you can be for

your son. You are already there I think. We all question ourselves and our

parenting abilities. We get hit with doubt from so many angles...the looks in

the store that says " Why can't you handle your kid, lady? " or " You deserve what

that kid is doing because you must let him get away with everything " or even the

schools blaming us for our child's behavior when we have a diagnosis from a

doctor...sometimes a doctor that very school district sent us to. Sometimes our

spouses who are away at work all day may even question us. No wonder we doubt

our own capabilities. You are here. You are brave enough and caring enough to

want to ask for advise. Give yourself a hug! -Betsy

>