Introduction

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone. My name is and I am the mother of a 10 year old daughter

adopted at age 3.5 years from a foreign orphanage. To say that our life has

been changed dramatically since her adoption is a huge understatement of facts.

From the time we brought her home, we knew that she had and would most likely

have more issues. Since we first met her, we could sense that she found it

necessary to be " on " --- that she was somehow in a performance of sorts that no

one else was aware of.

Over time, we have run the gamut of " suspicions " and even diagnoses of what we

are dealing with: " just a spunky personality " , then a misbehaving child that

just needs a good spanking, that she is a defiant child who knows what is right

and refuses to do it. At the beginning of last school year (4th grade), it

became clear that I needed to get some solid information. She attends our

church-sponsored private school. It is a good school, but being smaller (about

400 students grades 1-12), there are no special services nor special classes.

Unfortunately for us, her teacher last year (there was only one 4th grade class)

was completely resistant to any suggestions to help her perform better in class.

The good news is, she did pass to 5th grade after taking math in summer school

and her teacher this year is much more receptive to helping us and helping her,

though she has the constraints of the typical mainstream classroom.

Backing up, we had her tested both by our local public school system and a

private psychologist. She tested positive for ADHD and mild OCD. We chose not

to medicate and instead try behavior modification, with only limited success.

At some point, I happened across some information about AS. As I read the

typical behaviors, I was astounded at how much it sounded exactly like my child!

After researching it, I feel 99.9% sure that she is an undiagnosed Aspie.

Some things we experience/deal with:

• Extremely literal – she literally has no clue about idioms, jokes, etc.; if

you say " that bulb blew " she will counter with " no, it is white, it's not blue " .

You can explain that ONE issue to her and she will get it, but it will not

translate into the next instance at all.

• Judgmental/corrects adults – this goes over horribly with the adults in her

life – parents, grandparents, teachers, etc. I believe she truly doesn't

understand that it is wrong to do this. Her tone of voice is so condescending

when she attempts to " correct " you. And even when proven wrong in her attempt,

she will maintain that she is right.

• Multi Tasks is impossible – if you tell her to pick up her socks to take to

her room and turn off the light, she will do one but not both. When reminded,

she will look so blank as if she never heard you tell her to do the other task.

• Lack of friendships – she has few friends at school. When she has asked

someone over in the past, many times an excuse is given and it is clear to me

that they do not want to " deal with her " over an extended time.

• Meltdowns – she has extreme meltdowns over homework situations. We realized

last year that it is important to break down large assignments into small

" bites " for her. To show her two workbook pages to do can send her into a

spiral downward in a heartbeat. I have come to recognize when she has reached

the " no return " point and will redirect her to another activity temporarily –

usually a nice shower and then lavender lotion to calm her down. After that,

she can usually return to the task which I have broken down and she will

usually apologize and say she knows she " lost it " .

• Totally unorganized – this has been huge in the area of homework, as she

cannot do something because she doesn't have some item necessary. We have

combated this by setting up a homework room that has her desk, a plastic dresser

with supplies needed, and we even burn a lavender calendar. She has to be away

from all distractions in the home.

Reversing words - " left " for " right " ; " full " for " empty " ; " too big " for

" too small " . Most everything is switched.

The biggest struggle for me has been my husband's lack of acknowledgement of the

problem. He grew up in a family where anything behaviorally or mentally wrong

was dismissed. I think it is a pride issue. Just last night, he had a

conversation with a co-worker whose son has Autism. I think it opened his eyes

and he told me he shared with the co-worker that we suspect our daughter has AS.

This is a huge step for him and I believe for our family.

That being said, his being on board changes little for what I must do. I am

open to any and all suggestions but here is what I am doing and am about to

begin doing:

• Follow the most consistent schedule that we can. Mornings are already pretty

tightly routine at our home. Everything is done at basically the same time and

in the same order. I cannot mention to " hurry " or DD gets upset that we are

late and she is obsessive about being on time to school. We leave within a 4

minute time period every day.

• My husband has a rotating schedule so he has picked her up from school when on

night shift and then had to let her go to an aftercare program when on day

shift. We are going to a strict schedule of aftercare every single day. I will

be the one to pick her up every day, even when her father could do it. Again,

consistency.

• She will sit at the bar in the kitchen while I cook dinner and read out loud

with dictionary nearby to look up words. I will be right there to help her with

pronunciations and to encourage.

• After a dinner routine of eat and clean up, we will go to the homework room

with the door shut to block out any noise. I have set up 2 periods of 30

minutes each with a 10 minute break in between. She should get her homework

done in one period. If so, she can do reading the next period. After that, she

has free time until it's time for bath. She will have her bath at 8:15, dress

for bed, we will do family devotions and if time before bedtime (9:00), she can

play her video game.

Thanks for letting me post this long introduction. I look forward to

interacting here.