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The thing that is really difficult here is that sometimes a kid really DOES have

asperger syndrome and there are people who say it's just an excuse for bad

behavior. I have encountered this attitude with my son even though he clearly

has enough traits for the dx. Language developed at the normal time but wasn't

used for communication. He didn't make eye contact (it's better now). He has

trouble getting the subtleties of human interaction. He can read pretty much

anything but his comprehension isn't great, especially if it involves

understanding the motives of characters in the books. He has repetitive

behavior (echolalia, finger wiggling/flapping, jumping up and down, walking in

circles). He has a " limited range of interests " . When he was teeny it was

letters and numbers and balloons. He is also obsessive about computer/video

games. He can't change directions easily. He clearly has asperger syndrome and

we knew it when he was 3.5. This was confirmed by a doctor at s Hopkins

University as well as a number of other professionals and educators. Despite

this we had a school in TX who felt he was " just being bad " and it was MY fault.

I've had other parents say this to me, I had a special education person say, " If

he was my kid... " and then gestured as if to hit him. Ummm, yeah. I've heard,

" Why does YOUR kid need something special?! " in a snotty tone. I've heard,

" There's nothing wrong with him, it's his MOTHER. "

We never, EVER allow asperger syndrome to be an excuse for bad behavior, either.

We can't always address the behavior when is completely freaking out, but

we always address it in a way that eventually eliminates the behavior. The best

way for us has been to remove him from the situation, allow him to calm down and

then discuss what went wrong and what can be done in similar situations later.

He's had years of brainstorming different situations. He's doing well. If we'd

listened to everyone who said it was bad behavior I expect he'd have some sort

of criminal record. Instead we have a beautiful, sweet and caring boy. Helping

him when he needed help was so important. I saw how things went in the school

that thought he was being bad. He deteriorated and became more aggressive than

we'd ever seen him before. If I'd allowed it to continue...I just hate to think

what would have happened. Instead, really is a great kid, he's fun and

funny and has an interesting perspective.

I could have done without the sad and difficult times and I know there may be

more of them. I don't know that I won't have difficult times with my more NT

daughter. , despite his asperger syndrome, is a very happy and positive

kid. It took a LOT of work but it's been well worth it and I've learned a lot

of amazing things about him, about the world, about myself. I expect I'd have

been happier without AS but there's no way I'd be happier without and I

love him exactly as he is. We've always presented asperger syndrome as a

positive to him mainly because we didn't want him to feel bad about it. Of

course we don't wish AS on anyone but I just can't dwell on the negatives.

Miriam

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> I've never heard of anyone who considered AS as being viewed as a desired

trend, despite any well-known names being associated with it. I can't imagine

that anyone who truly understands everything about AS would ever want their

child to have it, or have someone think they have it; because of all the misery

that accompanies it--the cruel teasing/bullying, loneliness, sorrow,

embarrassment, confusion and all that they suffer through (and we parents suffer

too, because I love my dd who is so hurt by others' reactions). Not all AS

people are geniuses, some have average intelligence, so they aren't necessarily

accepted because of a genius status either. It's so sad, and I feel so helpless.

-Kari

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>  

> - The people who want their children diagnosed with Asperger's don't really

have Asperger's so they or their children don't have all the negative

implications of the disorder. They want the diagnosis for various reasons, to

the best of my knowledge because it is an excuse for a child's poor behaviour

(which really detracts from the children that actually have the disorder),

attention, and/or the designer diagnosis part because the word Asperger's has

become the new 'gifted'. I know the latter isn't true, some children with

Asperger's are very intelligent, others average and as any of us know, often

their intelligence is difficult to know because they have so many other issues

interfering (ie. anxiety, stimming, infexibility, etc.). Also it is my

understanding that some parents truly believe their child has Asperger's even

when they don't - I can understand the feeling of wanting to know exactly how to

help you child. As well, many people and groups prey

> on parents in a vulnerable state. The neurodevelopmental differences

associated with Asperger's can only be diagnosed easily between 8-12 years of

age. I don't know whether or not this change in names is a good thing, I hope it

is because it's happening. I think it will be difficult for Aspies who strongly

associate themselves with the label, then again, resistance to change is one of

their strong traits. I prefer to think of this issue or others in a positive

light, focusing on the negative just adds to the exhaustion and frustration. I

think if society were more tolerant of neurodiversity they could accept that our

children are different, not less.

>  

> Donna

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