Re: How to handle dropping off my 4yo at preschool?

[Guest guest]

I used to have this problem dropping my son at nursey, is there any way you can stay for a few minutes and settle him in, I used to do this with my son, usually after a few minutes he would be calm, I would leave and always tell him when I would be back, he seemed to worry that I wouldn't come back for him. And he would keep a small toy or picture with him, it seem to make him think he wasn't alone.

Your little guy sounds like the world is a stressfull place for him, I'm not sure the teacher restaining him will be doing him any favours, unlike "normal" kids, he may find contact threatening, this could be really scaring him. From his point of view, maybe, he is somewhere noisey, unpredictable and frightening and you, his safe person, are leaving him dispite his attempts to go with you.

I hope this improves sound rough for you both.

Lor B

From: drewkoala <drewkoala@...>Subject: ( ) How to handle dropping off my 4yo at preschool? Date: Thursday, 10 September, 2009, 4:07 PM

Hi,My 4yo son was recently diagnosed with AS. He went back to preschool this week and did surprisingly well the first day of class, but today he had an explosive meltdown on the way to class and during drop off. His assistant teacher passed us in the hallway and offered a warm smile and friendly greeting, "Hello Izaak." That's all it took for him to start kicking, screaming and chewing on his hands. Once in his class, he tried to run out three times and I left him crying and screaming with the teacher restraining him. It breaks my heart.I have two questions . . .1. What do you do when your child bolts from his class? We've had this issue at other places where I've tried dropping him off. He's actually run into the parking lot looking for me. I just gave up this summer and didn't leave him anywhere, but can't and don't want to now that school is back in session.2. What should I tell his teachers about greeting him? It sounds

crazy, but I think he'd prefer to walk in the room and be almost invisible to everyone. He's always had a problem with people other than his "safe people" looking at him. Should I ask them not to greet him until he's comfortable? He will have an itinerant teacher from the school district, working with him twice a week for 45 min, but I don't know exactly when that is going to start and she's not going to be there during drop off. Any advice or suggestions you have to offer would be greatly appreciated!Take care,

[Guest guest]

I think asking the teacher to give him time to warm up to people, to not greet

him until he is comfortable, is a great idea.

My son ran away from school a few times but it was because the schools weren't

doing the right things for him. I decided to think of it as one of the many

ways he was advocating for himself at the time. He did try to leave school last

year to come home and play a video game but he wasn't angry or upset. I think

he just wanted to see if he could get away with it. Our home is about 6 miles

from school, quite a walk if you ask me. LOL. He's 12 now and hasn't tried to

leave middle school so far.

The school needs to find a way to make his days there as stress-free as possible

so asking for them to give him time to get to know them is a reasonable request.

Maybe they could approach him with something he'd really like. Some little toy

or book. I go to used book stores and buy peanuts books and calvin and hobbes

and far side and give them to the school so they can either give them to him or

give him a break to read them when he has completed work or if he stays in a

room without asking to use the bathroom every 5 minutes.

I'm listening to a book on CD right now called The Curious Incident of the Dog

in the Nighttime. It's a fictional story but it was written by a man who works

with autistic/asperger people. The main character has asperger syndrome. It's

not mentioned in the book but on the back cover there is a summary. Anyway,

what you said about your son not wanting anyone but his safe people to talk to

him reminds me of this character. He said that if a new teacher came to the

school he wouldn't speak to that person for months and months and would only

watch until he thought the new person was safe. Then he would relax. He

doesn't seem to know his diagnosis but describes himself has having " behavioral

problems " . This character is 15 years old. I think the book really illustrates

well how our kids might think. He reminds me an awful lot of my son. It's a

very positive book and a fun, easy, not-too-long book. I borrowed the CDs from

the library, but I have a hard copy that I bought for myself a couple of years

ago. I highly recommend it.

Miriam

>

> Hi,

> My 4yo son was recently diagnosed with AS. He went back to preschool this

week and did surprisingly well the first day of class, but today he had an

explosive meltdown on the way to class and during drop off. His assistant

teacher passed us in the hallway and offered a warm smile and friendly greeting,

" Hello Izaak. " That's all it took for him to start kicking, screaming and

chewing on his hands. Once in his class, he tried to run out three times and I

left him crying and screaming with the teacher restraining him. It breaks my

heart.

>

> I have two questions . . .

> 1. What do you do when your child bolts from his class? We've had this issue

at other places where I've tried dropping him off. He's actually run into the

parking lot looking for me. I just gave up this summer and didn't leave him

anywhere, but can't and don't want to now that school is back in session.

>

> 2. What should I tell his teachers about greeting him? It sounds crazy, but

I think he'd prefer to walk in the room and be almost invisible to everyone.

He's always had a problem with people other than his " safe people " looking at

him. Should I ask them not to greet him until he's comfortable?

>

> He will have an itinerant teacher from the school district, working with him

twice a week for 45 min, but I don't know exactly when that is going to start

and she's not going to be there during drop off. Any advice or suggestions you

have to offer would be greatly appreciated!

>

> Take care,

>

>

[Guest guest]

Okay, I see the potential for some really different issues than what you brought up.  Your boy is still young, and at four years old, I would expect the attachment to you to be strong especially if you have been with him all summer.  Btw, many 4 yr old nt's still have attachment issues. Not bad, they just do. So, part of that is normal with your boy

I wonder how warm and caring the staff is? Is your son picking up on their vibes, maybe? I am struck by your son's reaction to that woman. I would want to see her in action more to get a more thorough opinion of her. Maybe she's not nice to your son and that growl was his way of telling her to back off?

The other thing that could be going on is that your son has no structure there? Our kids need structure and routine. Can your son have some duties to perform when he arrives? Sweep, vacuum, check-off names of students, etc? I think your son is giving you feedback about his environment. I would look into what's going on inside that room before I figure out what the solution is. I think you need to investigate more about what he does on an hourly basis and play detective with the teachers about what they do/don't do. Hope this helps!

On Fri, Sep 11, 2009 at 6:18 AM, Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> wrote:

 

I used to have this problem dropping my son at nursey, is there any way you can stay for a few minutes and settle him in, I used to do this with my son, usually after a few minutes he would be calm, I would leave and always tell him when I would be back, he seemed to worry that I wouldn't come back for him. And he would keep a small toy or picture with him, it seem to make him think he wasn't alone.

 

Your little guy sounds like the world is a stressfull place for him, I'm not sure the teacher restaining him will be doing him any favours, unlike " normal " kids, he may find contact threatening, this could be really scaring him. From his point of view, maybe, he is somewhere noisey, unpredictable and frightening and you, his safe person, are leaving him dispite his attempts to go with you. 

 

I hope this improves sound rough for you both.

 

Lor B 

 

From: drewkoala <drewkoala@...>Subject: ( ) How to handle dropping off my 4yo at preschool?

Date: Thursday, 10 September, 2009, 4:07 PM

 

Hi,My 4yo son was recently diagnosed with AS. He went back to preschool this week and did surprisingly well the first day of class, but today he had an explosive meltdown on the way to class and during drop off. His assistant teacher passed us in the hallway and offered a warm smile and friendly greeting, " Hello Izaak. " That's all it took for him to start kicking, screaming and chewing on his hands. Once in his class, he tried to run out three times and I left him crying and screaming with the teacher restraining him. It breaks my heart.

I have two questions . . .1. What do you do when your child bolts from his class? We've had this issue at other places where I've tried dropping him off. He's actually run into the parking lot looking for me. I just gave up this summer and didn't leave him anywhere, but can't and don't want to now that school is back in session.

2. What should I tell his teachers about greeting him? It sounds

crazy, but I think he'd prefer to walk in the room and be almost invisible to everyone. He's always had a problem with people other than his " safe people " looking at him. Should I ask them not to greet him until he's comfortable?

He will have an itinerant teacher from the school district, working with him twice a week for 45 min, but I don't know exactly when that is going to start and she's not going to be there during drop off. Any advice or suggestions you have to offer would be greatly appreciated!

Take care,

[Guest guest]

First school districts need to provide a preschool program

for kids with developmental issues. I wish I knew this when my

daughter was in preschool. Preschool was so anxiety provoking for

her. My friends that have kids that went to special public

preschools had SO MUCH support and services. My poor daughter

suffered so much. Even if your school doesn't have this program

they have assess to ones that do. You would need a AS diagnosis

from a MD and that is about all.

>

> I have two questions . . .

> 1. What do you do when your child bolts from his class? We've had this issue

at other places where I've tried dropping him off. He's actually run into the

parking lot looking for me. I just gave up this summer and didn't leave him

anywhere, but can't and don't want to now that school is back in session.

>

If you are in a special public school preschool they will be able

to assign an aide that meets you at the car and helps

him transition into school.

If you stay in the private preschool that is not special

needs than you can do what I did, you can first sit inside the

classroom, then outside his classroom and then in a library or

office.

> 2. What should I tell his teachers about greeting him? It sounds crazy, but

I think he'd prefer to walk in the room and be almost invisible to everyone.

He's always had a problem with people other than his " safe people " looking at

him. Should I ask them not to greet him until he's comfortable?

>

If that is what it takes to get him into school, ask them to do that.

But it may be hard to get through to everyone. What you are asking

for is so counter to what teachers do. It may be a better bet

to have that aide or one person instead connect to him.

Will it work to rehearse this one person what they will say

and how he can respond.

Let's see that the areas are to expose him to..

1. separation from Mom - use a gradual approach

2. greeting teachers - use a gradual approach just one

teacher to say hello and him to respond to when he is ready.

3. All the other issuse that I expect he will encounter like

socializing with other children and transitioning etc.

I have had good luck with a gradual approach to everything

she does from medication trials to school to socializing.

I have found a low dose of zoloft to help a little too.

But we didn't try this until she was 11. Why I know

wonder did she have to suffer for years with anxiety ...

we didn't have a DX of AS until she was 9 and the Phd therapist

we had at 9 was against it ...then the next Phd was for it ..

the MD was for it at age 11 when her years of school and social

anxiety peaked.

good luck,

Pam