Re: Temper Tantrums/Anger/Meds/Therapy

[Guest guest]

Hi there. I just wrote in myself asking how to deal with my son's anger outbursts. He is a 11 years old, already taller and stronger than I am. He does not hit me though but he does hit his younger brother. usually his younger brother is the trigger for him. So, you're not alone as far as that goes - at least I'm going through it too. I don't have any ideas or suggestions, but wanted to let you know you're not alone. Hugs,CatFrom: mommy11442 <mommy11442@...>Subject: ( ) Temper Tantrums/Anger/Meds/Therapy Date: Sunday, August 22, 2010, 1:24 AM

Hi all,

I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD. He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books, including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening, starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very long to calm him down.

I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday he will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer? I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are deeply appreciated.

Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

in Miami

[Guest guest]

Ive had the same issues with tantrums.You never know what will set him off....

[Guest guest]

,

My heart goes out to you. I have a 12yo ds dx'ed with Aspergers about 2 years

ago (our new therapists think he is actually HFA though), who was originally

diagnosed with PDD at age 3. We have dealt with rages in different forms since

he was about 2 yo. When he was younger, they were much easier to deal with.

About 4 years ago, we thought we finally had the rages under control for the

most part. Then we moved, and the new school district either didn't have a

clue, or just plain didn't care. The rages came back quickly, and stronger than

ever before. We still deal with them, almost on a daily basis. Anyone that

interferes with what he wants to do at home (usually it's me) gets the full

force of his rage. He hits, kicks, stomps, threatens, etc. The hardest thing

for us that he doesn't do this at school, just at home. At school, he's an

angel, and that makes us constantly feel like we are failing somehow. We didn't

have a choice but to put our son on meds for the rages a couple of years ago.

We've keep trying to find a combination of meds that works, since he takes meds

also for the ADHD, mood disorder, and the ODD. Recently, we started him on

Intuniv and increased some of his other meds to try and help control the rages.

Our doctor also prescribed Zyprexa Zydis for us to use as an emergency measure.

It is a disolvable pill that takes effect pretty quickly. We had to go to this

since our son is too big for me to handle by myself anymore. I'm 5'3 " , he's

about 5'6 " and strong as a bear when he's mad. It does make him sleepy, but

he's not trying to bite, kick, hit, knock me down the stairs anymore.

I'm not trying to scare you or anything. This is just what we've seen with our

son. Some other auties and aspies we've seen through the years don't have rages

like this. We had to go to meds since we can't get though to our ds when he's

like this. And he doesn't remember it when he's calmed down.

We'll keep you in our thoughts. Our family too, stays exhausted when my ds is

like this every day. It's like walking on thin ice, and never knowing when it's

going to break. It's especially hard on our other kids (14 and 2). We just

have to talk to our oldest all the time to try and help him, and give the

younger one extra attention when our ds is calm or at school.

You are more than welcome to email me if you want to talk about specific

strategies we've found through the years that have worked.

Angi

>

> Hi all,

>

> I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son

is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD.

He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

>

> He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but

the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become

increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books,

including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include

the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control

and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I

spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things

to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

>

> An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he

is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others

he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening,

starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery

back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then

today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky

relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the

game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been

working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very

long to calm him down.

>

> I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him

through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to

do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into

a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking

around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not

like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's

like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to

prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and

I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

>

> He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday he

will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the

situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

>

> I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt

downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope

better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer?

I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an

option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are

deeply appreciated.

>

> Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

>

> in Miami

>

[Guest guest]

,

You are DEFINITELY not alone; in fact, as I was reading your post, I was

thinking how much it sounded like my own 10 yr old son! The anger and tantrums

can be so disruptive to the family - I too have an older daughter that my son

views as the source of all his problems when things go wrong.

We are still battling this situation as well, but there are a few things that

have helped. He is currently on Intuniv - and we have been at 3mg for about 10

days (there is a long ramp-up involved). This is helping him to think things

through, and not get so angry impulsively. We are still in the infancy of this

medication, but I believe it may be helping.

Two other things that have helped: no yelling, raising voices, or even speaking

in a negative tone. This can be very difficult, but the way my son processes

criticism is a personal attack; telling him to clean his room in an authoriative

tone results in opposition vs. a pleasant up beat, " time to clean your room

now! " usually results in compliance. And stroking - stroking his hair, back,

arm, or palm can help with anxiety or bring a meltdown to conclusion - usually

followed by remorse and the appropriate apologies.

It's not much, but just a few little things that have helped. I'm sure you'll

get many more responses, and I look forward to reading them, as well! Hang in

there, and good luck!

in Indiana

>

> Hi all,

>

> I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son

is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD.

He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

>

> He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but

the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become

increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books,

including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include

the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control

and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I

spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things

to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

>

> An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he

is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others

he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening,

starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery

back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then

today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky

relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the

game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been

working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very

long to calm him down.

>

> I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him

through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to

do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into

a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking

around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not

like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's

like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to

prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and

I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

>

> He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday he

will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the

situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

>

> I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt

downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope

better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer?

I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an

option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are

deeply appreciated.

>

> Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

>

> in Miami

>

[Guest guest]

It is typical more or less. You can try many behavioral strategies to

manage outbursts. It will amount to creating a type of token system

where your child can earn tokens for rehearsing with you how

to handle a surprise. For example he would get 5 minutes of extra

computer for pretending the computer power went out and then

finding something else to do for 5 minutes.

This system involves though that homelife is very structured.

TV, computer etc is all earned with good behaviors. My daughter

gets an hour of computer for going to school, she gets to

shop after school if she gets there on time. She earns

extras for calm evening behaviors. She can have 30 minutes

of TV if she takes a shower by 7pm.

We found that zoloft took the edge off but didn't reduce

outbursts. We don't want to try rispedal due to the

weight gain issues. Medication won't totally change

behaviors so behavior therapy is still needed.

I found that counselors/therapist often do not know behavior

therapy in an effective way. I found that certified

behaviorists can help with my AS child. I wasted years

in trying to reason with this child and getting nowhere.

Pam

>

> Hi all,

>

> I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son

is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD.

He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

>

> He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but

the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become

increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books,

including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include

the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control

and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I

spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things

to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

>

> An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he

is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others

he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening,

starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery

back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then

today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky

relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the

game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been

working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very

long to calm him down.

>

> I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him

through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to

do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into

a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking

around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not

like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's

like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to

prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and

I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

>

> He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday he

will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the

situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

>

> I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt

downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope

better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer?

I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an

option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are

deeply appreciated.

>

> Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

>

> in Miami

>

[Guest guest]

those are strategies that help us too. Not all AS kids are of the rigid,

explosive variety, but unfortunately many are. We are making mini-steps of

progress.

Keeping calm voice without emotion, lecturing, criticism v impt. I think the

key is to help them be more flexible (games that have more than one option etc

can help).

Diet helps us a lot - my sons triggers are food additives and salicylates

(natural asprins in fruit) - we stick to fruit lower in salicylates. We are no

longer having screaming for hours etc. Get a bit of swearing and throwing

things mostly (don't take personally any outbursts - is 'debris' when not

thinking straight). Has been learning diff btwn controlled anger and

uncontrolled rage.

Miranda

> Two other things that have helped: no yelling, raising voices, or even

speaking in a negative tone. This can be very difficult, but the way my son

processes criticism is a personal attack; telling him to clean his room in an

authoriative tone results in opposition vs. a pleasant up beat, " time to clean

your room now! " usually results in compliance. And stroking - stroking his

hair, back, arm, or palm can help with anxiety or bring a meltdown to conclusion

- usually followed by remorse and the appropriate apologies.

> It's not much, but just a few little things that have helped. I'm sure you'll

get many more responses, and I look forward to reading them, as well! Hang in

there, and good luck!

> in Indiana

>

>

> >

> > Hi all,

> >

> > I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son

is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD.

He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

> >

> > He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but

the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become

increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books,

including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include

the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control

and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I

spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things

to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

> >

> > An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he

is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others

he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening,

starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery

back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then

today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky

relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the

game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been

working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very

long to calm him down.

> >

> > I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him

through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to

do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into

a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking

around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not

like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's

like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to

prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and

I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

> >

> > He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday

he will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the

situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

> >

> > I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt

downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope

better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer?

I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an

option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are

deeply appreciated.

> >

> > Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

> >

> > in Miami

> >

>

[Guest guest]

There are some medications that may take the edge off his anger, but I think even with meds, you will still have tantrums and these kind of issues. I don't have a great answer of how to deal with it, but I try different things to see what works. This weekend, my son had a video-game induced tantrum. He forgot to save and lost his game and he was really mad, he was fuming and said he wanted to break something. I tried to talk to him, but the more I talked, the more upset he got. So I told him to go in another room and yell and punch some pillows to get his anger out. ("But I don't *want* to go in another room!") He did it anyway, and still was mad for a little bit after that, so I told him to do some jumping jacks and pushups too. That didn't go over well, lol. But then he got distracted by some cartoons on TV and he forgot about it and was OK.

I try to be understanding when tantrums happen. It's normal to get mad in life, everyone does. We just have to try to find ways to channel it. Just keep trying different things with your son. But if you find he becomes dangerous or out of control, you will have to talk to his doctor or therapist about what else you can do to help him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: mommy11442 <mommy11442@...>Subject: ( ) Temper Tantrums/Anger/Meds/Therapy Date: Saturday, August 21, 2010, 6:24 PM

Hi all,I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD. He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis. He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books, including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry. An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he is in the middle of a

video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening, starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very long to calm him down. I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking around worrying about

when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger. He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday he will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the situation, but I don't know where to go from here. I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer? I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are deeply appreciated.Thank you very much for reading my long vent. in Miami

[Guest guest]

I think we all go through this issue. My 13 year old AS son (who is 5'5 and 130

lbs) is on a " cocktail " of medications. He takes Strattera, Buisparone (sp?) and

Serequel. He too has anger issues sometimes. His sister is only 3 so she is not

usually his trigger. I am though. He controls it pretty well, but sometimes he

loses it. He does swing and tries to bite when he loses it. What I have learned

is to get behind him, grab his arms and drop us both onto the bed so that the

damage is minimized. When my husband hears us, he just has to walk in and say

" STOP " and Lucas does stop. You have to try to work out controls and be aware of

triggers before they happen because these kids get bigger and stronger every

day. Lucas never does it at school. He has learned to control much of the

issues, but at home, with Mommy, he feels safe if he loses control. Meds help,

but teaching self control and behavior modification are just as important.

Sometimes wish there was a button to just fix, or pause the situation...but then

I look at that amazing young man, who pulled a 3.6 GPA last year ..even with a

Public Speaking class,,,and realize that he is getting there, and while the ride

is very bumpy in the end it will have been worth it.

>

>

> From: mommy11442 <mommy11442@...>

> Subject: ( ) Temper Tantrums/Anger/Meds/Therapy

>

> Date: Saturday, August 21, 2010, 6:24 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son is

7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD. He

has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

>

> He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but

the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become

increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books,

including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include

the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control

and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I

spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things

to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

>

> An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he

is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others he

goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening, starts

throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery back up

plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then today

another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky

relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the

game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been

working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very long

to calm him down.

>

> I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him

through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to

do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into a

bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking

around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not like

it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's like we

have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to prevent the

melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and I am afraid I

will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

>

> He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday he

will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the

situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

>

> I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt

downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope

better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer? I

really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an

option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are

deeply appreciated.

>

> Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

>

> in Miami

>

[Guest guest]

Definitely NOT alone...my son is now 13 and very strong. He has never hurt

anyone but I often worry he could if he were having a particularly frustrating

day. He also has a sibling who is a real trigger for him (we have 3 kids total -

he is oldest and the youngest drives him around the bend!!). We take him once a

month to a wonderful Child Psychologist who helps him to understand his very

strong feelings - he helps him to recognize when his frustration level is

getting dangerously close to total melt down and gives him tools to try to

diffuse the situation himself before it happens. He has relied on me his whole

life to do this for him, but now that he is a teen and wants more independence,

the deal is that he needs to learn to understand and control his emotions more

on his own. I explained over and over that for things to get better for him in

his life, he needs to learn how to help himself. I will always be there to help

him and he knows we love him no matter what, but I may not always be physically

present when a meltdown is looming. He now gets that and is trying...it is

excruciatingly slow progress but we do see an improvement. Seeing the Psych acts

like a " reset " button. He does well the first week or two after he sees him then

starts to unravel again as the month goes on. That tells me it is at least

helping him if not solving the problem. No one can " fix " this for him....we can

only give him the tools to try to fix it himself...or at least improve his life

as much as possible.

Having said all that, I know very well how you feel and we live on eggshells

here all day, every day. And believe me, the older they get, the stronger they

get (things start to break when thrown with enough strength) and the more

colourful the language gets. It's just lovely. All I can say is stay as calm as

possible. No argument with my Aspie as ever ended well. You cannot win a power

struggle with him as he will NEVER back down. Stay calm and help the child to

calm down - try different methods as kids are all so diff but there are many

suggestions out there to try. Can't hurt, might help! Once he is back to level

ground, then I discuss the behaviour and dole out any necessary consequences. By

that time, he is willing to admit his behaviour was wrong even if he does not

agree with the consequences. He is slowly learning that consequences are a

reality of life and do not occur only at home.

As for meds...he is not taking any for his angry outbursts and negative outlook.

We have chosen to avoid them if we can - mostly because he also has a serious

heart problem and most of these meds could be problematic for him. Also because

he has taken so many already for his heart, we avoid any other drugs as much as

possible. His body has been through a lot so we hate to try anything else that

could affect his overall health. We are not morally opposed to these meds in any

way and certainly understand the need...we are just trying to avoid them if we

can.

Hang in there and good luck!

>

> From: mommy11442 <mommy11442@...>

> Subject: ( ) Temper Tantrums/Anger/Meds/Therapy

>

> Date: Sunday, August 22, 2010, 1:24 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi all,

>

>

>

> I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son

is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD.

He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

>

>

>

> He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but

the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become

increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books,

including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include

the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control

and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I

spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things

to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

>

>

>

> An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he

is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others

he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening,

starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery

back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then

today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky

relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the

game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been

working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very

long to calm him down.

>

>

>

> I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him

through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to

do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into

a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking

around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not

like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's

like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to

prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and

I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

>

>

>

> He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday he

will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the

situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

>

>

>

> I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt

downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope

better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer?

I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an

option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are

deeply appreciated.

>

>

>

> Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

>

>

>

> in Miami

>

[Guest guest]

,

I can totally relate. We have a 6 year old boy who was just dx with Aspergers.

He has carried a dx of ADHD for the last 2 years and I honestly believe he has

both Aspergers and ADHD. His re-eval came from his psychiatrist, we are waiting

to get in with a clinical psychologist to confirm the dx. He currently takes .75

of risperdone, 36 mg of Strattera and 10mg of CeleXA (SSRI)and we still have

major tantrums and outbursts. For example, my son's main focus is Star Wars and

his Xbox. He was playing his Star Wars game on his Xbox last Thursday and got

frustrated with the board (he plays games that are often years ahead of where he

should be) and we have run into this situation more than once before. I

suggested he take a break and come back to it (he usually gets it after taking a

small 5-10 minute break and then he feels good that he figured it out) and as a

result I got met with an xbox controller getting thrown across the room and

breaking (another $60 down the drain, as this is NOT the first controller we've

had to replace)and about 45 minutes of whining, screaming, rolling around on the

floor, going after his younger brother (who is 2.5 and non-verbal, also awaiting

a dx as suggested by his speech and OT therapist) and hurting himself.

Thankfully I am still at the point where I stand a chance at restraining him,

but I worry about what's going to happen when he gets to be bigger than me and I

can no longer physically control him.

My son usually plays xbox when he first gets home from school (he's alloted 1

hour) to help him transition from school to home (I don't stand a chance at

homework unless he has this time). It helps calm him down, focus and readjust to

being home. Friday he came home and wanted to play xbox like usual. Well due to

the severity of the outburst the day before he had lost his game for 1 day.

Because he did not have this transition I spent about 3 hours dealing with the

repeated question of " can I have my game now? " and every time I told him no and

explained (in detail) why he lost it he would start one of his episodes of

throwing things, rolling on the floor, hitting himself, hitting his brother,

screaming, crying... etc. I stuck with it and he did not play the game Friday.

Since that day though I have re-evaluated the punishment where he looses the

game that causes any issues but not the Xbox itself (he has tons of games to

choose from). Hopefully this will teach him the lesson but not take away his

coping tool after school. Might I add that this behavior did not start up again

until he started school.... its like he holds it together at school most of the

day and gets home and crashes. Any idea's on how to stop this from happening?

One of my major issues is that when my 6 year old gets upset it sends the whole

house into a frenzy. The 2.5 year old starts getting anxious and worked up, and

the 1 year old starts crying. So I have a screaming, throwing, hitting 6 year

old, a screaming, crying, climbing (he gets into everything when he's nervous),

frustrated 2.5 year old and a crying, frightened 1 year old. Many days I want to

wave the white flag and hand in my " Mommy Badge " . *sigh*

We are waiting for family based therapy and a therapy program for him for either

ABA or CBT , depending on what they feel would work best. I'm trying to get him

in ASAP because I too am exhausted, frustrated and just at the end of my rope.

My mother has offered to care for him temporarily until we can get supportive

services, and I've considered it as much as I love him because his outbursts put

my 2.5 year old little boy and my 1 year old little girl in danger, and I am

only one person. Happy to know I'm not the only one dealing with this, it does

provide some comfort and I'd be interested in hearing what other parents have

done that worked well for them to help control these outbursts.

>

> Hi all,

>

> I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son

is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD.

He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

>

> He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but

the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become

increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books,

including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include

the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control

and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I

spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things

to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

>

> An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he

is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others

he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening,

starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery

back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then

today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky

relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the

game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been

working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very

long to calm him down.

>

> I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him

through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to

do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into

a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking

around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not

like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's

like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to

prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and

I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

>

> He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday he

will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the

situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

>

> I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt

downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope

better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer?

I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an

option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are

deeply appreciated.

>

> Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

>

> in Miami

>

[Guest guest]

has there been any change on the meds - better or worse?

I know my son gets worse if restrained. Could you try sending the two younger

children to a locked room to keep them safe and wait until it fizzes out.

Meltdowns are pretty dramatic, but the only injuries were to objects and

occasionally the wall.

Everyone gets frazzled. Totally understand how during those times, don't feel

like being a parent anymore

Miranda

> >

> > Hi all,

> >

> > I haven't posted much so far, but tonight I post out of desperation. My son

is 7 years old and has been diagnosed with PDD (closest to Apergers) and ADHD.

He has other medical issues as well that we deal with on a daily basis.

> >

> > He has some of the typical behavior issues characteristic of Aspergers, but

the one that I find the most difficult to deal with and that has become

increasingly hard to handle is his angry outbursts. I have read several books,

including The Explosive Child, and have been working hard at trying to include

the suggestions in our routines but there are things that I just can't control

and those are the things that creep up and blow up in my face. I find that I

spend my days working around things and asking my family to work around things

to try to make life even and balanced so Matt doesn't get angry.

> >

> > An example of something I can't control would be the power going out when he

is in the middle of a video game. Sometimes it would not be a problem, others

he goes absolutely bullistic. He goes into this rage, starts threatening,

starts throwing, banging, kicking, or hitting things. Soooo we put a battery

back up plug strip in his room and that seems to have plugged that hole but then

today another hole opened up. His sister (who is 11 and they have a very rocky

relationship as it is and she is one of his biggest triggers) was playing the

game and some how some way his data got erased and he lost a game he had been

working on for quite some time. He went into one of his rages and took very

long to calm him down.

> >

> > I work very hard to try to calm him down, I remain calm and try to talk him

through it and sometimes I walk away, sometimes I just really don't know what to

do at all. Tonight it took a while and afterwards I just lost it and went into

a bit of an emotional breakdown, crying and crying. I am so tired of walking

around worrying about when's the next time he is going to get mad. It's not

like it happens daily, it can even go several days without happening but it's

like we have to work extra hard to make the environment just so, in order to

prevent the melt downs. I am at a loss at this point, he is getting bigger and

I am afraid I will not be able to control it once he gets stronger.

> >

> > He is not on any meds and right now not in any kind of therapy. On Monday

he will start a special school for kids like him that will hopefully help the

situation, but I don't know where to go from here.

> >

> > I guess my question is - is this normal behavior for PDD/AS kids? The melt

downs and anger? What can I do to help the situation? Help my family cope

better? help Matt cope better? Are there medications to help keep him calmer?

I really hate the thought of putting him on meds (and they may not even be an

option due to his severe allergies) but I am desperate for some direction, I am

exhausted and worn out. What can I do??? Thoughts, ideas, suggestions, are

deeply appreciated.

> >

> > Thank you very much for reading my long vent.

> >

> > in Miami

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi there, Not sure what your name is, but I just wanted to respond to your post.

We have a son who was originally diagnosed PDD-NOS years ago when he was 5 yrs.

old. They eventually added on ADHD to his diagnosis at age 10. I don't believe

he's ADHD, I believe he's ADD. Eventually, at age 16, they diagnosed him with

Asperger's Syndrome with ADHD (I still don't believe it's ADHD). He's med free

right now, but that is because we decided just before the 8th grade, to home

school him. He was having so much difficulty socially that the anxiety was

killing him, literally. He was taking meds for his stomach because of stress at

school. He's been so much healthier and happier since we started home schooling.

We're now going on our 4th year of home schooling and he's in the 11th grade

now. When he was in middle school he was on Strattera and Adderall XR. I'm

personally on 40 mg. of Celexa and I've been very happy with it. I've thought

about talking to our sons pediatric doc about Celexa for him for his anxiety,

but since he's been home schooling, his anxiety has decreased immensely. He

might not need anything until he's in college or as an adult.

Our son loves playing XBox also and loves XBox live too. It's really his only

solice ~ it's what he loves. As much as I'd like to put a limit on the time he

spends on the XBox, he could be doing much worse. He's a good kid ~ isn't out

galavanting around town getting in trouble ~ doing drug ~ drinking ~ or having

sex, so I'm not complaining. I think that if he gets through his school work and

gets good grades, he should be able to have his down time doing something he

loves. I know a lot of people are very strict about limiting time to 1 or 2

hours of electronics, and to each his own, I suppose. I think it works for some,

not for us. They get so frustrated in general, it's his only way to decompress

and vent. As far as damaging his controllers or whatever ~ if you are o.k. with

allowing him a bit more time on the XBox, you could use that as leverage as far

as throwing and breaking his stuff. You take care of your stuff, and you might

get a bit more time on it. Also, telling him that if he breaks it because he's

angry, that he has to replace it with his own money. That changes everything

when they have to pay for something they love themselves.

I know it's very hard to withhold something they love, and they can rant and

rave for hours, even days, but if you hold out a few times, they will eventually

learn that all that ranting and raving will get them no where, in fact it might

even make the time even longer.

Has the psych or doc ever mentioned ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) ~ this

is where they go into rages and anger fits and get really physical about it. I

honestly thought that was a possibility with our son when he was younger because

the fits he would throw were absolutely outrageous, but as he got older and

matured, he seemed to get better. They finally learn how to handle their anger

and frustration. I have to say that it didn't unfortunately come to him until he

was nearly 14 though.

If you are interested in chatting more personally, feel free to email me off the

network. I know how hard and frustrating things probably are

right now ~ been there done that. Not easy and wouldn't want to go through it

again. I'm glad he's a teen and doing much better. It does get easier

eventually.

Hang in there my friend,

Dawn Marie

>

> I can totally relate. We have a 6 year old boy who was just dx with Aspergers.

He has carried a dx of ADHD for the last 2 years and I honestly believe he has

both Aspergers and ADHD. His re-eval came from his psychiatrist, we are waiting

to get in with a clinical psychologist to confirm the dx. He currently takes .75

of risperdone, 36 mg of Strattera and 10mg of CeleXA (SSRI)and we still have

major tantrums and outbursts. For example, my son's main focus is Star Wars and

his Xbox. He was playing his Star Wars game on his Xbox last Thursday and got

frustrated with the board (he plays games that are often years ahead of where he

should be) and we have run into this situation more than once before. I

suggested he take a break and come back to it (he usually gets it after taking a

small 5-10 minute break and then he feels good that he figured it out) and as a

result I got met with an xbox controller getting thrown across the room and

breaking (another $60 down the drain, as this is NOT the first controller we've

had to replace)and about 45 minutes of whining, screaming, rolling around on the

floor, going after his younger brother (who is 2.5 and non-verbal, also awaiting

a dx as suggested by his speech and OT therapist) and hurting himself.

Thankfully I am still at the point where I stand a chance at restraining him,

but I worry about what's going to happen when he gets to be bigger than me and I

can no longer physically control him.

>

> My son usually plays xbox when he first gets home from school (he's alloted 1

hour) to help him transition from school to home (I don't stand a chance at

homework unless he has this time). It helps calm him down, focus and readjust to

being home. Friday he came home and wanted to play xbox like usual. Well due to

the severity of the outburst the day before he had lost his game for 1 day.

Because he did not have this transition I spent about 3 hours dealing with the

repeated question of " can I have my game now? " and every time I told him no and

explained (in detail) why he lost it he would start one of his episodes of

throwing things, rolling on the floor, hitting himself, hitting his brother,

screaming, crying... etc. I stuck with it and he did not play the game Friday.

Since that day though I have re-evaluated the punishment where he looses the

game that causes any issues but not the Xbox itself (he has tons of games to

choose from). Hopefully this will teach him the lesson but not take away his

coping tool after school. Might I add that this behavior did not start up again

until he started school.... its like he holds it together at school most of the

day and gets home and crashes. Any idea's on how to stop this from happening?

>

> One of my major issues is that when my 6 year old gets upset it sends the

whole house into a frenzy. The 2.5 year old starts getting anxious and worked

up, and the 1 year old starts crying. So I have a screaming, throwing, hitting 6

year old, a screaming, crying, climbing (he gets into everything when he's

nervous), frustrated 2.5 year old and a crying, frightened 1 year old. Many days

I want to wave the white flag and hand in my " Mommy Badge " . *sigh*

>

> We are waiting for family based therapy and a therapy program for him for

either ABA or CBT , depending on what they feel would work best. I'm trying to

get him in ASAP because I too am exhausted, frustrated and just at the end of my

rope. My mother has offered to care for him temporarily until we can get

supportive services, and I've considered it as much as I love him because his

outbursts put my 2.5 year old little boy and my 1 year old little girl in

danger, and I am only one person. Happy to know I'm not the only one dealing

with this, it does provide some comfort and I'd be interested in hearing what

other parents have done that worked well for them to help control these

outbursts.

[Guest guest]

So glad I found this group. Just got done with a 2 hour meltdown with my 15

year old son who has AS. It was so " nice " to read this thread to know I am not

the only one dealing with a child who has meltdowns that totally disrupt the

family (which includes my husband, his twin brother and 8 yo brother). He is

currently on concerta and risperdal, which we just increased. Hated to go the

medication route but it is what was best for my son and the family. I'm

exhausted! Going to the psychologist tomorrow to discuss these behaviors. We

have found that when he goes away on camping trips with scouts for the weekend

he comes back and the meltdowns start. It doesn't seem to matter how long or

how much he has slept, it's the same story on Sundays. Anyone else have this

experience when their kids go away? Just glad to know there is somewhere I can

go to not feel so alone! Thanks!!

>

> Hi there, Not sure what your name is, but I just wanted to respond to your

post. We have a son who was originally diagnosed PDD-NOS years ago when he was 5

yrs. old. They eventually added on ADHD to his diagnosis at age 10. I don't

believe he's ADHD, I believe he's ADD. Eventually, at age 16, they diagnosed him

with Asperger's Syndrome with ADHD (I still don't believe it's ADHD). He's med

free right now, but that is because we decided just before the 8th grade, to

home school him. He was having so much difficulty socially that the anxiety was

killing him, literally. He was taking meds for his stomach because of stress at

school. He's been so much healthier and happier since we started home schooling.

We're now going on our 4th year of home schooling and he's in the 11th grade

now. When he was in middle school he was on Strattera and Adderall XR. I'm

personally on 40 mg. of Celexa and I've been very happy with it. I've thought

about talking to our sons pediatric doc about Celexa for him for his anxiety,

but since he's been home schooling, his anxiety has decreased immensely. He

might not need anything until he's in college or as an adult.

>

> Our son loves playing XBox also and loves XBox live too. It's really his only

solice ~ it's what he loves. As much as I'd like to put a limit on the time he

spends on the XBox, he could be doing much worse. He's a good kid ~ isn't out

galavanting around town getting in trouble ~ doing drug ~ drinking ~ or having

sex, so I'm not complaining. I think that if he gets through his school work and

gets good grades, he should be able to have his down time doing something he

loves. I know a lot of people are very strict about limiting time to 1 or 2

hours of electronics, and to each his own, I suppose. I think it works for some,

not for us. They get so frustrated in general, it's his only way to decompress

and vent. As far as damaging his controllers or whatever ~ if you are o.k. with

allowing him a bit more time on the XBox, you could use that as leverage as far

as throwing and breaking his stuff. You take care of your stuff, and you might

get a bit more time on it. Also, telling him that if he breaks it because he's

angry, that he has to replace it with his own money. That changes everything

when they have to pay for something they love themselves.

>

> I know it's very hard to withhold something they love, and they can rant and

rave for hours, even days, but if you hold out a few times, they will eventually

learn that all that ranting and raving will get them no where, in fact it might

even make the time even longer.

>

> Has the psych or doc ever mentioned ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) ~

this is where they go into rages and anger fits and get really physical about

it. I honestly thought that was a possibility with our son when he was younger

because the fits he would throw were absolutely outrageous, but as he got older

and matured, he seemed to get better. They finally learn how to handle their

anger and frustration. I have to say that it didn't unfortunately come to him

until he was nearly 14 though.

>

> If you are interested in chatting more personally, feel free to email me off

the network. I know how hard and frustrating things probably

are right now ~ been there done that. Not easy and wouldn't want to go through

it again. I'm glad he's a teen and doing much better. It does get easier

eventually.

>

> Hang in there my friend,

>

> Dawn Marie

>

>

> >

> > I can totally relate. We have a 6 year old boy who was just dx with

Aspergers. He has carried a dx of ADHD for the last 2 years and I honestly

believe he has both Aspergers and ADHD. His re-eval came from his psychiatrist,

we are waiting to get in with a clinical psychologist to confirm the dx. He

currently takes .75 of risperdone, 36 mg of Strattera and 10mg of CeleXA

(SSRI)and we still have major tantrums and outbursts. For example, my son's main

focus is Star Wars and his Xbox. He was playing his Star Wars game on his Xbox

last Thursday and got frustrated with the board (he plays games that are often

years ahead of where he should be) and we have run into this situation more than

once before. I suggested he take a break and come back to it (he usually gets it

after taking a small 5-10 minute break and then he feels good that he figured it

out) and as a result I got met with an xbox controller getting thrown across the

room and breaking (another $60 down the drain, as this is NOT the first

controller we've had to replace)and about 45 minutes of whining, screaming,

rolling around on the floor, going after his younger brother (who is 2.5 and

non-verbal, also awaiting a dx as suggested by his speech and OT therapist) and

hurting himself. Thankfully I am still at the point where I stand a chance at

restraining him, but I worry about what's going to happen when he gets to be

bigger than me and I can no longer physically control him.

> >

> > My son usually plays xbox when he first gets home from school (he's alloted

1 hour) to help him transition from school to home (I don't stand a chance at

homework unless he has this time). It helps calm him down, focus and readjust to

being home. Friday he came home and wanted to play xbox like usual. Well due to

the severity of the outburst the day before he had lost his game for 1 day.

Because he did not have this transition I spent about 3 hours dealing with the

repeated question of " can I have my game now? " and every time I told him no and

explained (in detail) why he lost it he would start one of his episodes of

throwing things, rolling on the floor, hitting himself, hitting his brother,

screaming, crying... etc. I stuck with it and he did not play the game Friday.

Since that day though I have re-evaluated the punishment where he looses the

game that causes any issues but not the Xbox itself (he has tons of games to

choose from). Hopefully this will teach him the lesson but not take away his

coping tool after school. Might I add that this behavior did not start up again

until he started school.... its like he holds it together at school most of the

day and gets home and crashes. Any idea's on how to stop this from happening?

> >

> > One of my major issues is that when my 6 year old gets upset it sends the

whole house into a frenzy. The 2.5 year old starts getting anxious and worked

up, and the 1 year old starts crying. So I have a screaming, throwing, hitting 6

year old, a screaming, crying, climbing (he gets into everything when he's

nervous), frustrated 2.5 year old and a crying, frightened 1 year old. Many days

I want to wave the white flag and hand in my " Mommy Badge " . *sigh*

> >

> > We are waiting for family based therapy and a therapy program for him for

either ABA or CBT , depending on what they feel would work best. I'm trying to

get him in ASAP because I too am exhausted, frustrated and just at the end of my

rope. My mother has offered to care for him temporarily until we can get

supportive services, and I've considered it as much as I love him because his

outbursts put my 2.5 year old little boy and my 1 year old little girl in

danger, and I am only one person. Happy to know I'm not the only one dealing

with this, it does provide some comfort and I'd be interested in hearing what

other parents have done that worked well for them to help control these

outbursts.

>

[Guest guest]

It probably has something to do with transitioning back to his home environment. My son can be more difficult after he has been gone someplace else for awhile. I think it is him trying to adjust to the rules of our home, expectations, etc... It could even be a sense of relief that he is back in his familiar environment and it might cause "good" stress, in a way. He might also be a little sensory overloaded once he gets home, too.

From: krcmmc <mcuttler@...> Sent: Sun, August 29, 2010 6:44:57 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Temper Tantrums/Anger/Meds/Therapy

So glad I found this group. Just got done with a 2 hour meltdown with my 15 year old son who has AS. It was so "nice" to read this thread to know I am not the only one dealing with a child who has meltdowns that totally disrupt the family (which includes my husband, his twin brother and 8 yo brother). He is currently on concerta and risperdal, which we just increased. Hated to go the medication route but it is what was best for my son and the family. I'm exhausted! Going to the psychologist tomorrow to discuss these behaviors. We have found that when he goes away on camping trips with scouts for the weekend he comes back and the meltdowns start. It doesn't seem to matter how long or how much he has slept, it's the same story on Sundays. Anyone else have this experience when their kids go away? Just glad to know there is somewhere I can go to not feel so alone! Thanks!!>> Hi there, Not sure what your name is, but I just wanted to respond to your post. We have a son who was originally diagnosed PDD-NOS years ago when he was 5 yrs. old. They eventually added on ADHD to his diagnosis at age 10. I don't believe he's ADHD, I believe he's ADD. Eventually, at age 16, they diagnosed him with Asperger's Syndrome with ADHD (I still don't believe it's ADHD). He's med free right now, but that is because we decided just before the 8th grade, to home school him. He was having so much difficulty socially that the anxiety was killing him, literally. He was taking meds for his stomach because of stress at school. He's been so much healthier and happier since we started home schooling. We're now going on our 4th

year of home schooling and he's in the 11th grade now. When he was in middle school he was on Strattera and Adderall XR. I'm personally on 40 mg. of Celexa and I've been very happy with it. I've thought about talking to our sons pediatric doc about Celexa for him for his anxiety, but since he's been home schooling, his anxiety has decreased immensely. He might not need anything until he's in college or as an adult.> > Our son loves playing XBox also and loves XBox live too. It's really his only solice ~ it's what he loves. As much as I'd like to put a limit on the time he spends on the XBox, he could be doing much worse. He's a good kid ~ isn't out galavanting around town getting in trouble ~ doing drug ~ drinking ~ or having sex, so I'm not complaining. I think that if he gets through his school work and gets good grades, he should be able to have his down time doing something he loves. I know a lot of people are very strict about

limiting time to 1 or 2 hours of electronics, and to each his own, I suppose. I think it works for some, not for us. They get so frustrated in general, it's his only way to decompress and vent. As far as damaging his controllers or whatever ~ if you are o.k. with allowing him a bit more time on the XBox, you could use that as leverage as far as throwing and breaking his stuff. You take care of your stuff, and you might get a bit more time on it. Also, telling him that if he breaks it because he's angry, that he has to replace it with his own money. That changes everything when they have to pay for something they love themselves.> > I know it's very hard to withhold something they love, and they can rant and rave for hours, even days, but if you hold out a few times, they will eventually learn that all that ranting and raving will get them no where, in fact it might even make the time even longer. > > Has the psych or doc ever

mentioned ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) ~ this is where they go into rages and anger fits and get really physical about it. I honestly thought that was a possibility with our son when he was younger because the fits he would throw were absolutely outrageous, but as he got older and matured, he seemed to get better. They finally learn how to handle their anger and frustration. I have to say that it didn't unfortunately come to him until he was nearly 14 though.> > If you are interested in chatting more personally, feel free to email me off the network. I know how hard and frustrating things probably are right now ~ been there done that. Not easy and wouldn't want to go through it again. I'm glad he's a teen and doing much better. It does get easier eventually.> > Hang in there my friend,> > Dawn Marie> > > > > > I can totally relate. We have a 6 year old

boy who was just dx with Aspergers. He has carried a dx of ADHD for the last 2 years and I honestly believe he has both Aspergers and ADHD. His re-eval came from his psychiatrist, we are waiting to get in with a clinical psychologist to confirm the dx. He currently takes .75 of risperdone, 36 mg of Strattera and 10mg of CeleXA (SSRI)and we still have major tantrums and outbursts. For example, my son's main focus is Star Wars and his Xbox. He was playing his Star Wars game on his Xbox last Thursday and got frustrated with the board (he plays games that are often years ahead of where he should be) and we have run into this situation more than once before. I suggested he take a break and come back to it (he usually gets it after taking a small 5-10 minute break and then he feels good that he figured it out) and as a result I got met with an xbox controller getting thrown across the room and breaking (another $60 down the drain, as this is NOT the first

controller we've had to replace)and about 45 minutes of whining, screaming, rolling around on the floor, going after his younger brother (who is 2.5 and non-verbal, also awaiting a dx as suggested by his speech and OT therapist) and hurting himself. Thankfully I am still at the point where I stand a chance at restraining him, but I worry about what's going to happen when he gets to be bigger than me and I can no longer physically control him. > > > > My son usually plays xbox when he first gets home from school (he's alloted 1 hour) to help him transition from school to home (I don't stand a chance at homework unless he has this time). It helps calm him down, focus and readjust to being home. Friday he came home and wanted to play xbox like usual. Well due to the severity of the outburst the day before he had lost his game for 1 day. Because he did not have this transition I spent about 3 hours dealing with the repeated question of

"can I have my game now?" and every time I told him no and explained (in detail) why he lost it he would start one of his episodes of throwing things, rolling on the floor, hitting himself, hitting his brother, screaming, crying... etc. I stuck with it and he did not play the game Friday. Since that day though I have re-evaluated the punishment where he looses the game that causes any issues but not the Xbox itself (he has tons of games to choose from). Hopefully this will teach him the lesson but not take away his coping tool after school. Might I add that this behavior did not start up again until he started school.... its like he holds it together at school most of the day and gets home and crashes. Any idea's on how to stop this from happening?> > > > One of my major issues is that when my 6 year old gets upset it sends the whole house into a frenzy. The 2.5 year old starts getting anxious and worked up, and the 1 year old starts

crying. So I have a screaming, throwing, hitting 6 year old, a screaming, crying, climbing (he gets into everything when he's nervous), frustrated 2.5 year old and a crying, frightened 1 year old. Many days I want to wave the white flag and hand in my "Mommy Badge". *sigh*> > > > We are waiting for family based therapy and a therapy program for him for either ABA or CBT , depending on what they feel would work best. I'm trying to get him in ASAP because I too am exhausted, frustrated and just at the end of my rope. My mother has offered to care for him temporarily until we can get supportive services, and I've considered it as much as I love him because his outbursts put my 2.5 year old little boy and my 1 year old little girl in danger, and I am only one person. Happy to know I'm not the only one dealing with this, it does provide some comfort and I'd be interested in hearing what other parents have done that worked well for them to

help control these outbursts.>

[Guest guest]

(((()))) I have had these experiences, but it's not when my kids go away, but when my husband goes away. Unfortunately, he is in the Navy and he tends to be gone often. We had to go the meds route also and it's nice to know that it's alright and we won't be getting judged because of it.

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Re: Temper Tantrums/Anger/Meds/Therapy

So glad I found this group. Just got done with a 2 hour meltdown with my 15 year old son who has AS. It was so "nice" to read this thread to know I am not the only one dealing with a child who has meltdowns that totally disrupt the family (which includes my husband, his twin brother and 8 yo brother). He is currently on concerta and risperdal, which we just increased. Hated to go the medication route but it is what was best for my son and the family. I'm exhausted! Going to the psychologist tomorrow to discuss these behaviors. We have found that when he goes away on camping trips with scouts for the weekend he comes back and the meltdowns start. It doesn't seem to matter how long or how much he has slept, it's the same story on Sundays. Anyone else have this experience when their kids go away? Just glad to know there is somewhere I can go to not feel so alone! Thanks!!

>

> Hi there, Not sure what your name is, but I just wanted to respond to your post. We have a son who was originally diagnosed PDD-NOS years ago when he was 5 yrs. old. They eventually added on ADHD to his diagnosis at age 10. I don't believe he's ADHD, I believe he's ADD. Eventually, at age 16, they diagnosed him with Asperger's Syndrome with ADHD (I still don't believe it's ADHD). He's med free right now, but that is because we decided just before the 8th grade, to home school him. He was having so much difficulty socially that the anxiety was killing him, literally. He was taking meds for his stomach because of stress at school. He's been so much healthier and happier since we started home schooling. We're now going on our 4th year of home schooling and he's in the 11th grade now. When he was in middle school he was on Strattera and Adderall XR. I'm personally on 40 mg. of Celexa and I've been very happy with it. I've thought about talking to our sons pediatric doc abou

t Celexa for him for his anxiety, but since he's been home schooling, his anxiety has decreased immensely. He might not need anything until he's in college or as an adult.

>

> Our son loves playing XBox also and loves XBox live too. It's really his only solice ~ it's what he loves. As much as I'd like to put a limit on the time he spends on the XBox, he could be doing much worse. He's a good kid ~ isn't out galavanting around town getting in trouble ~ doing drug ~ drinking ~ or having sex, so I'm not complaining. I think that if he gets through his school work and gets good grades, he should be able to have his down time doing something he loves. I know a lot of people are very strict about limiting time to 1 or 2 hours of electronics, and to each his own, I suppose. I think it works for some, not for us. They get so frustrated in general, it's his only way to decompress and vent. As far as damaging his controllers or whatever ~ if you are o.k. with allowing him a bit more time on the XBox, you could use that as leverage as far as throwing and breaking his stuff. You take care of your stuff, and you might get a bit more time on it. Also, telli

ng him that if he breaks it because he's angry, that he has to replace it with his own money. That changes everything when they have to pay for something they love themselves.

>

> I know it's very hard to withhold something they love, and they can rant and rave for hours, even days, but if you hold out a few times, they will eventually learn that all that ranting and raving will get them no where, in fact it might even make the time even longer.

>

> Has the psych or doc ever mentioned ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) ~ this is where they go into rages and anger fits and get really physical about it. I honestly thought that was a possibility with our son when he was younger because the fits he would throw were absolutely outrageous, but as he got older and matured, he seemed to get better. They finally learn how to handle their anger and frustration. I have to say that it didn't unfortunately come to him until he was nearly 14 though.

>

> If you are interested in chatting more personally, feel free to email me off the network. I know how hard and frustrating things probably are right now ~ been there done that. Not easy and wouldn't want to go through it again. I'm glad he's a teen and doing much better. It does get easier eventually.

>

> Hang in there my friend,

>

> Dawn Marie

>

>

> >

> > I can totally relate. We have a 6 year old boy who was just dx with Aspergers. He has carried a dx of ADHD for the last 2 years and I honestly believe he has both Aspergers and ADHD. His re-eval came from his psychiatrist, we are waiting to get in with a clinical psychologist to confirm the dx. He currently takes .75 of risperdone, 36 mg of Strattera and 10mg of CeleXA (SSRI)and we still have major tantrums and outbursts. For example, my son's main focus is Star Wars and his Xbox. He was playing his Star Wars game on his Xbox last Thursday and got frustrated with the board (he plays games that are often years ahead of where he should be) and we have run into this situation more than once before. I suggested he take a break and come back to it (he usually gets it after taking a small 5-10 minute break and then he feels good that he figured it out) and as a result I got met with an xbox controller getting thrown across the room and breaking (another $60 down the drain

, as this is NOT the first controller we've had to replace)and about 45 minutes of whining, screaming, rolling around on the floor, going after his younger brother (who is 2.5 and non-verbal, also awaiting a dx as suggested by his speech and OT therapist) and hurting himself. Thankfully I am still at the point where I stand a chance at restraining him, but I worry about what's going to happen when he gets to be bigger than me and I can no longer physically control him.

> >

> > My son usually plays xbox when he first gets home from school (he's alloted 1 hour) to help him transition from school to home (I don't stand a chance at homework unless he has this time). It helps calm him down, focus and readjust to being home. Friday he came home and wanted to play xbox like usual. Well due to the severity of the outburst the day before he had lost his game for 1 day. Because he did not have this transition I spent about 3 hours dealing with the repeated question of "can I have my game now?" and every time I told him no and explained (in detail) why he lost it he would start one of his episodes of throwing things, rolling on the floor, hitting himself, hitting his brother, screaming, crying... etc. I stuck with it and he did not play the game Friday. Since that day though I have re-evaluated the punishment where he looses the game that causes any issues but not the Xbox itself (he has tons of games to choose from). Hopefully this will t

each him the lesson but not take away his coping tool after school. Might I add that this behavior did not start up again until he started school.... its like he holds it together at school most of the day and gets home and crashes. Any idea's on how to stop this from happening?

> >

> > One of my major issues is that when my 6 year old gets upset it sends the whole house into a frenzy. The 2.5 year old starts getting anxious and worked up, and the 1 year old starts crying. So I have a screaming, throwing, hitting 6 year old, a screaming, crying, climbing (he gets into everything when he's nervous), frustrated 2.5 year old and a crying, frightened 1 year old. Many days I want to wave the white flag and hand in my "Mommy Badge". *sigh*

> >

> > We are waiting for family based therapy and a therapy program for him for either ABA or CBT , depending on what they feel would work best. I'm trying to get him in ASAP because I too am exhausted, frustrated and just at the end of my rope. My mother has offered to care for him temporarily until we can get supportive services, and I've considered it as much as I love him because his outbursts put my 2.5 year old little boy and my 1 year old little girl in danger, and I am only one person. Happy to know I'm not the only one dealing with this, it does provide some comfort and I'd be interested in hearing what other parents have done that worked well for them to help control these outbursts.

>

[Guest guest]

,

My son is almost 12 and we live the same life as you it sounds like. Not only when my ds goes away for scout stuff (overnighters or more), to a friends for sleepover, or things like Camping and motorcycling with his brother (15) and dad for the weekend .... it is like he has to try SO HARD to handle himself when he is "out in the world" that when he comes down it is a major meltdown day ... he needs to release, so to speak. He also has a really rough time on Sundays ... the whole church experience is just too overstimulating, nerve racking or something for him. Drives us nuts ... he has a great spirit about him though, minus the meltdowns of course. It drives my husband crazy because he can handle himself pretty well (not perfect by any means) out and about ... but with me, mom, I am his "safe place" ... the place he can melt down and freak out and still be loved in the end. I hate it, and I understand it all the same

..... stressfull ....

Sara

From: krcmmc <mcuttler@...> Sent: Sun, August 29, 2010 5:44:57 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Temper Tantrums/Anger/Meds/Therapy

So glad I found this group. Just got done with a 2 hour meltdown with my 15 year old son who has AS. It was so "nice" to read this thread to know I am not the only one dealing with a child who has meltdowns that totally disrupt the family (which includes my husband, his twin brother and 8 yo brother). He is currently on concerta and risperdal, which we just increased. Hated to go the medication route but it is what was best for my son and the family. I'm exhausted! Going to the psychologist tomorrow to discuss these behaviors. We have found that when he goes away on camping trips with scouts for the weekend he comes back and the meltdowns start. It doesn't seem to matter how long or how much he has slept, it's the same story on Sundays. Anyone else have this experience when their kids go away? Just glad to know there is somewhere I can go to not feel so alone! Thanks!!>> Hi there, Not sure what your name is, but I just wanted to respond to your post. We have a son who was originally diagnosed PDD-NOS years ago when he was 5 yrs. old. They eventually added on ADHD to his diagnosis at age 10. I don't believe he's ADHD, I believe he's ADD. Eventually, at age 16, they diagnosed him with Asperger's Syndrome with ADHD (I still don't believe it's ADHD). He's med free right now, but that is because we decided just before the 8th grade, to home school him. He was having so much difficulty socially that the anxiety was killing him, literally. He was taking meds for his stomach because of stress at school. He's been so much healthier and happier since we started home schooling. We're now going on our 4th

year of home schooling and he's in the 11th grade now. When he was in middle school he was on Strattera and Adderall XR. I'm personally on 40 mg. of Celexa and I've been very happy with it. I've thought about talking to our sons pediatric doc about Celexa for him for his anxiety, but since he's been home schooling, his anxiety has decreased immensely. He might not need anything until he's in college or as an adult.> > Our son loves playing XBox also and loves XBox live too. It's really his only solice ~ it's what he loves. As much as I'd like to put a limit on the time he spends on the XBox, he could be doing much worse. He's a good kid ~ isn't out galavanting around town getting in trouble ~ doing drug ~ drinking ~ or having sex, so I'm not complaining. I think that if he gets through his school work and gets good grades, he should be able to have his down time doing something he loves. I know a lot of people are very strict about

limiting time to 1 or 2 hours of electronics, and to each his own, I suppose. I think it works for some, not for us. They get so frustrated in general, it's his only way to decompress and vent. As far as damaging his controllers or whatever ~ if you are o.k. with allowing him a bit more time on the XBox, you could use that as leverage as far as throwing and breaking his stuff. You take care of your stuff, and you might get a bit more time on it. Also, telling him that if he breaks it because he's angry, that he has to replace it with his own money. That changes everything when they have to pay for something they love themselves.> > I know it's very hard to withhold something they love, and they can rant and rave for hours, even days, but if you hold out a few times, they will eventually learn that all that ranting and raving will get them no where, in fact it might even make the time even longer. > > Has the psych or doc ever

mentioned ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) ~ this is where they go into rages and anger fits and get really physical about it. I honestly thought that was a possibility with our son when he was younger because the fits he would throw were absolutely outrageous, but as he got older and matured, he seemed to get better. They finally learn how to handle their anger and frustration. I have to say that it didn't unfortunately come to him until he was nearly 14 though.> > If you are interested in chatting more personally, feel free to email me off the network. I know how hard and frustrating things probably are right now ~ been there done that. Not easy and wouldn't want to go through it again. I'm glad he's a teen and doing much better. It does get easier eventually.> > Hang in there my friend,> > Dawn Marie> > > > > > I can totally relate. We have a 6 year old

boy who was just dx with Aspergers. He has carried a dx of ADHD for the last 2 years and I honestly believe he has both Aspergers and ADHD. His re-eval came from his psychiatrist, we are waiting to get in with a clinical psychologist to confirm the dx. He currently takes .75 of risperdone, 36 mg of Strattera and 10mg of CeleXA (SSRI)and we still have major tantrums and outbursts. For example, my son's main focus is Star Wars and his Xbox. He was playing his Star Wars game on his Xbox last Thursday and got frustrated with the board (he plays games that are often years ahead of where he should be) and we have run into this situation more than once before. I suggested he take a break and come back to it (he usually gets it after taking a small 5-10 minute break and then he feels good that he figured it out) and as a result I got met with an xbox controller getting thrown across the room and breaking (another $60 down the drain, as this is NOT the first

controller we've had to replace)and about 45 minutes of whining, screaming, rolling around on the floor, going after his younger brother (who is 2.5 and non-verbal, also awaiting a dx as suggested by his speech and OT therapist) and hurting himself. Thankfully I am still at the point where I stand a chance at restraining him, but I worry about what's going to happen when he gets to be bigger than me and I can no longer physically control him. > > > > My son usually plays xbox when he first gets home from school (he's alloted 1 hour) to help him transition from school to home (I don't stand a chance at homework unless he has this time). It helps calm him down, focus and readjust to being home. Friday he came home and wanted to play xbox like usual. Well due to the severity of the outburst the day before he had lost his game for 1 day. Because he did not have this transition I spent about 3 hours dealing with the repeated question of

"can I have my game now?" and every time I told him no and explained (in detail) why he lost it he would start one of his episodes of throwing things, rolling on the floor, hitting himself, hitting his brother, screaming, crying... etc. I stuck with it and he did not play the game Friday. Since that day though I have re-evaluated the punishment where he looses the game that causes any issues but not the Xbox itself (he has tons of games to choose from). Hopefully this will teach him the lesson but not take away his coping tool after school. Might I add that this behavior did not start up again until he started school.... its like he holds it together at school most of the day and gets home and crashes. Any idea's on how to stop this from happening?> > > > One of my major issues is that when my 6 year old gets upset it sends the whole house into a frenzy. The 2.5 year old starts getting anxious and worked up, and the 1 year old starts

crying. So I have a screaming, throwing, hitting 6 year old, a screaming, crying, climbing (he gets into everything when he's nervous), frustrated 2.5 year old and a crying, frightened 1 year old. Many days I want to wave the white flag and hand in my "Mommy Badge". *sigh*> > > > We are waiting for family based therapy and a therapy program for him for either ABA or CBT , depending on what they feel would work best. I'm trying to get him in ASAP because I too am exhausted, frustrated and just at the end of my rope. My mother has offered to care for him temporarily until we can get supportive services, and I've considered it as much as I love him because his outbursts put my 2.5 year old little boy and my 1 year old little girl in danger, and I am only one person. Happy to know I'm not the only one dealing with this, it does provide some comfort and I'd be interested in hearing what other parents have done that worked well for them to

help control these outbursts.>