Re: Seeking helpful ways to stop destructive behavior.

[Guest guest]

It is really hard to have an influence on his grandparents if they are not

asking for input. It realize how painful this may be

though.

It may help you cope with first looking at what they are

doing right. Hopefully providing him a stable and safe

environment.

If your son has a case manager or social worker involved in

his case they would be familar with behavior methods that

safe the behaviors wanted thru positive reinforcement.

What behaviors are you looking for in your visit with him?

You can praise all his good behaviors with you.

Do the two of you get to have fun in the time you are

together. If he has AS does he have a special interest

that you can take an interest in for at least one hour

of your visit with him?

Pam

>

> My 9 yr old son, who temporarily lives w/ his grandparents is in need. For

now, I only get to see him 1 day a week. I yesterday I arrived at our visit to

find every Christmas present I gave him, ripped to shreds. His grandmother dealt

w/ by not. She said, " Whatever " and walked away. I am digging deep to find

better methods to suggest to them. He simply does not act out in this way for

me, then again, I don't allow it to go as far & he know I won't.

> I am trying to gently introduce productive & educational ways of dealing w/

these outbursts, but fear I will come off as a know it all. They are very

defenses & will not educate themselves.

>

> I just see my son in pain & frusterated & feel my hands are tied.

>

> Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

>

> Thank you, Kane's Mom

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Kane's Mom,

I'm not clear on the reason your son is living with his grandmother, if this is a new situation for Kane, then I would suspect his actions are a result of his frustration. All kids find ways to demonstrate and act out what ever is going on inside their minds and hearts. It's difficult for me to give you any advice, because I dont have enough information.

For instance; if you are Kane's mother, then you have every right to intervene and to ask his grandmother to refer to you in matters where you are not comfortable with her responses to your son's actions. If you can't be there, could you ask her to call you when she feels the "whatever" attitude surfacing. I'm not clear why you feel you have to step gingerly about his grandmother.... is it simply because he is currently in her care and yu feel indebted? If that is the case, you still have every right to have input.. afterall.... he is YOUR son, you SHOULD be a know-it-all!! No one knows him better than you do, nobody but you can put words to his actions when all he can do is shred paper. Or, are you worried there will be negative consequences hurled at Kane if you try to make any contributions concerning his care ?

You'll need to find a way to express to the grandparents, your concerns about the behaviors you see in your son. They are all grown up, I would be far less worried about their bruised egos when your single focus is to help them understand your son. If you can explain his behavior to them, and tell them why he is behaving that way, they will begin to better understand him and bond with him.

It sounds like a frustrating situation for everyone involved. The best way to get even close to eliminating that frustration... is through communication. Good Luck !!

From: sidecarbillie@... <sidecarbillie@...>Subject: ( ) Seeking helpful ways to stop destructive behavior. Date: Monday, January 4, 2010, 2:11 PM

My 9 yr old son, who temporarily lives w/ his grandparents is in need. For now, I only get to see him 1 day a week. I yesterday I arrived at our visit to find every Christmas present I gave him, ripped to shreds. His grandmother dealt w/ by not. She said, "Whatever" and walked away. I am digging deep to find better methods to suggest to them. He simply does not act out in this way for me, then again, I don't allow it to go as far & he know I won't. I am trying to gently introduce productive & educational ways of dealing w/ these outbursts, but fear I will come off as a know it all. They are very defenses & will not educate themselves. I just see my son in pain & frusterated & feel my hands are tied. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.Thank you, Kane's Mom ------------------------------------