RE: Alright, wonderful people... I need some insight !!!

November 11, 2009

Did tell his side of what happened? If he can't then he needs someone to

be with him in unstructured time including bathroom breaks. The only time this

stuff comes up with my son is when nobody is around to see what really happened.

Usually it happens when is alone and feels threatened for some reason. I

expect felt threatened but he has no one to be his voice.

Miriam

>

> Gosh, let me start off by saying that I am SO glad you guys are here. After

> our afternoon yesterday, and this morning - the only thing I could think of

> was - I *HAVE* to go home and tell my Aspie group!!! Thank you all for being

> here

>

> Ok - so seems to be regressing. I honestly don't know why. When he

> was younger, he'd float through the first 2-3wks of school, and then once he

> got " comfortable " , we'd see a return of the " behaviors " . Last year, he

> wasn't settled. We moved at Christmastime across the country, and the second

> half of grade 3 was with an amazing male teacher who was so great, and they

> ended up with lots of aide time, even though no one in their class had an

> aide. This worked well for us, since 's never NOT had one. Even if it

> wasn't for HIM specifically (and at times, it was), he was at least in a

> room that already had one, so they worked with him, too.

>

> So over the last few weeks, anxiety seems to be at an all time high, stomach

> aches, stress induced diarrhea, oh yeah, it's been THAT bad. He's been

> crawling in the hallways at school, needing to take breaks from the

> classroom again, and hiding in the photocopy room near the office, refusing

> to come out. Refusing to do work at school. Etc etc etc.

>

> Monday at school, he apparently had a good day. During French, he needed a

> break. He has a break card, and used it - and wouldn't return to French

> class, but did his French work in the office. So that was fine. Then, during

> the last few minutes before the end of the day, he asked to go to the

> washroom - which was fine. So off he went. Story goes, that he went in, went

> to the bathroom, came out of the stall and there was a grade 2 boy in the

> bathroom. He said the boy asked him if he scared him, and said " yes " .

> Then, we have a " blank out " moment. Sigh. choked the other boy. He

> remembers the boy saying " STOP " , and him walking back to his classroom. So

> he sat down in class, and they were getting their things together for the

> end of the day. Grade 2 teacher shows up with said boy, who had RED marks on

> his neck from choking him. spoke to his teacher about it, and

> the grade 2 teacher, and the principal. He then had to go apologize to the

> boy, and the boy's father (who was there anyway to pick up the boy after

> school). Then the principal told to go wait in the office, and

> said " So, am I gonna miss the bus or what? " .. making the principal think

> that it just didn't matter to him.

>

> SO when he got home, I had a talk with him. I insisted that he write the boy

> an apology letter. He worked REALLY hard on that letter. We role played

> some, as he'd been " bullied " by a bigger boy not that long ago. So we played

> it out like it was that boy who had choked . It helped him come up

> with feelings and thoughts that this other boy must have been thinking. It

> was really great. I was proud of how hard he worked, and the letter was

> great. He stayed up in his room to work on that before supper time on

> Monday, and finished up his one sheet of homework.

>

> Yesterday morning, I drove him to school. I had him read the letter to the

> principal. She sent him to his room afterwards, telling him to write the

> boys name on the top of the letter. She didn't say ANYTHING about the letter

> otherwise. She informed me that would be spending recess in the

> office for 5 days as a consequence. She said " he could still have his snack,

> and his DS, just not be in the classroom " . I told her that was a REWARD, not

> a punishment. He wouldn't care, and would likely ENJOY that. So if she was

> going to put him in the office, it would need to be with NO ds (that's his

> biggest obsession, he keeps it in his desk at school - never tries to play

> it, but is obviously comforted just knowing it's there). She said " But I

> took his DS away last week, and it didn't go over well, and he had a rough

> rest of his day. " I told her to DEAL with it. Lol She said she'd be

> following up with the guidance councellor, and I asked her to have him call

> me, to keep me informed about what was going on. She also told me she was

> going to " consult with someone from the board on this. " THEY AREN'T

> LISTENING !!!

>

> I got this email from the guidance councellor last night.

>

> Hello ,

>

> Just a follow-up as per your request. Special Services had a meeting today

> to review 's behavior plan and to see what (if any)

> changes/adaptations needed to occur. To support in school, the

> behavior plan has to not only include positive reinforcement strategies

> (which are being consistently implimented), but also specific, well-laid out

> consequences in response to more serious behaviors. The team questioned

> whether the response protocol section of behavior plan appropriately

> addressed serious safety behaviors. The behavior plan (in conjunction with

> our Code of Conduct) should address this. Our School Code of Conduct is up

> for review this coming week, and once finalized, we will communicate the

> results to you ( & how that impacts the response protocol). We will continue

> to praise/reward for all academic & behavioral successes, but also

> ensure to provide real, meaningful consequences fo r negative

> choices/behaviors (which not only should consider his learning & well-being

> but also the well-being of those around him).

>

> We will be in touch for an appropriate time to meet and review future

> changes,

>

> Thank you,

>

> The Special Services Team

>

> Is it just me, or do I sense complete and total NEGATIVITY in that? Sigh.

>

> ADVICE needed. Any of you who have dealt with this type of thing before,

> how'd you follow up? How'd the school follow up? I really am at a loss, but

> I know I'm NOT about to let another school " peg " him as a bad kid with

> behavioural issues. He's a GOOD kid. I have told him, and them, regardless

> of the " struggles " he faces, it will be a reason, but never an excuse. But I

> can't help feeling like they cannot EXPECT him to comply to the " code of

> conduct " in the same way as children without neurological problems would. Am

> I being unreasonable???

>

> Thanks in advance.

>

> Frazzled Mama,

>

> =)

>

November 11, 2009

He told me that he came out of the stall, and the boy said “Did

you scare me?” and said “Yes” and then he choked him. I am SURE there

must be more to it then that, and I agree, he needs someone with him during

unstructured times. I was told FLAT OUT he wouldn’t qualify for an aide unless

he was a)physically disabled, having toileting issues, c) running out of the

classroom, or d) hurting himself or others. In that regard, I’m kind of glad

this happened… he NEEDS an aide !!!

Would you have done anything different for following up with

things?? What about consequence at school? Thoughts?

Thanks Miriam !!

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of mimasdprofile

Sent: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 2:57 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need some

insight !!!

Did tell his side of what happened? If

he can't then he needs someone to be with him in unstructured time including

bathroom breaks. The only time this stuff comes up with my son is when nobody

is around to see what really happened. Usually it happens when is alone

and feels threatened for some reason. I expect felt threatened but he

has no one to be his voice.

Miriam

>

> Gosh, let me start off by saying that I am SO glad you guys are here.

After

> our afternoon yesterday, and this morning - the only thing I could think

of

> was - I *HAVE* to go home and tell my Aspie group!!! Thank you all for

being

> here

>

> Ok - so seems to be regressing. I honestly don't know why. When he

> was younger, he'd float through the first 2-3wks of school, and then once

he

> got " comfortable " , we'd see a return of the

" behaviors " . Last year, he

> wasn't settled. We moved at Christmastime across the country, and the

second

> half of grade 3 was with an amazing male teacher who was so great, and

they

> ended up with lots of aide time, even though no one in their class had an

> aide. This worked well for us, since 's never NOT had one. Even if

it

> wasn't for HIM specifically (and at times, it was), he was at least in a

> room that already had one, so they worked with him, too.

>

> So over the last few weeks, anxiety seems to be at an all time high,

stomach

> aches, stress induced diarrhea, oh yeah, it's been THAT bad. He's been

> crawling in the hallways at school, needing to take breaks from the

> classroom again, and hiding in the photocopy room near the office,

refusing

> to come out. Refusing to do work at school. Etc etc etc.

>

> Monday at school, he apparently had a good day. During French, he needed a

> break. He has a break card, and used it - and wouldn't return to French

> class, but did his French work in the office. So that was fine. Then,

during

> the last few minutes before the end of the day, he asked to go to the

> washroom - which was fine. So off he went. Story goes, that he went in,

went

> to the bathroom, came out of the stall and there was a grade 2 boy in the

> bathroom. He said the boy asked him if he scared him, and said

" yes " .

> Then, we have a " blank out " moment. Sigh. choked the

other boy. He

> remembers the boy saying " STOP " , and him walking back to his

classroom. So

> he sat down in class, and they were getting their things together for the

> end of the day. Grade 2 teacher shows up with said boy, who had RED marks

on

> his neck from choking him. spoke to his teacher about it,

and

> the grade 2 teacher, and the principal. He then had to go apologize to the

> boy, and the boy's father (who was there anyway to pick up the boy after

> school). Then the principal told to go wait in the office, and

> said " So, am I gonna miss the bus or what? " .. making the principal

think

> that it just didn't matter to him.

>

> SO when he got home, I had a talk with him. I insisted that he write the

boy

> an apology letter. He worked REALLY hard on that letter. We role played

> some, as he'd been " bullied " by a bigger boy not that long ago.

So we played

> it out like it was that boy who had choked . It helped him come up

> with feelings and thoughts that this other boy must have been thinking. It

> was really great. I was proud of how hard he worked, and the letter was

> great. He stayed up in his room to work on that before supper time on

> Monday, and finished up his one sheet of homework.

>

> Yesterday morning, I drove him to school. I had him read the letter to the

> principal. She sent him to his room afterwards, telling him to write the

> boys name on the top of the letter. She didn't say ANYTHING about the

letter

> otherwise. She informed me that would be spending recess in the

> office for 5 days as a consequence. She said " he could still have his

snack,

> and his DS, just not be in the classroom " . I told her that was a

REWARD, not

> a punishment. He wouldn't care, and would likely ENJOY that. So if she was

> going to put him in the office, it would need to be with NO ds (that's his

> biggest obsession, he keeps it in his desk at school - never tries to play

> it, but is obviously comforted just knowing it's there). She said

" But I

> took his DS away last week, and it didn't go over well, and he had a rough

> rest of his day. " I told her to DEAL with it. Lol She said she'd be

> following up with the guidance councellor, and I asked her to have him

call

> me, to keep me informed about what was going on. She also told me she was

> going to " consult with someone from the board on this. " THEY

AREN'T

> LISTENING !!!

>

> I got this email from the guidance councellor last night.

>

> Hello ,

>

> Just a follow-up as per your request. Special Services had a meeting today

> to review 's behavior plan and to see what (if any)

> changes/adaptations needed to occur. To support in school, the

> behavior plan has to not only include positive reinforcement strategies

> (which are being consistently implimented), but also specific, well-laid

out

> consequences in response to more serious behaviors. The team questioned

> whether the response protocol section of behavior plan appropriately

> addressed serious safety behaviors. The behavior plan (in conjunction with

> our Code of Conduct) should address this. Our School Code of Conduct is up

> for review this coming week, and once finalized, we will communicate the

> results to you ( & how that impacts the response protocol). We will

continue

> to praise/reward for all academic & behavioral successes, but

also

> ensure to provide real, meaningful consequences fo r negative

> choices/behaviors (which not only should consider his learning &

well-being

> but also the well-being of those around him).

>

> We will be in touch for an appropriate time to meet and review future

> changes,

>

> Thank you,

>

> The Special Services Team

>

> Is it just me, or do I sense complete and total NEGATIVITY in that? Sigh.

>

> ADVICE needed. Any of you who have dealt with this type of thing before,

> how'd you follow up? How'd the school follow up? I really am at a loss,

but

> I know I'm NOT about to let another school " peg " him as a bad

kid with

> behavioural issues. He's a GOOD kid. I have told him, and them, regardless

> of the " struggles " he faces, it will be a reason, but never an

excuse. But I

> can't help feeling like they cannot EXPECT him to comply to the " code

of

> conduct " in the same way as children without neurological problems

would. Am

> I being unreasonable???

>

> Thanks in advance.

>

> Frazzled Mama,

>

> =)

>

November 11, 2009

Or rather, did I scare YOU!

Did I also mention that there’s been three times in the last two

weeks that I’ve had to pick up from school and bring him home? One day,

he got pushed on the bus, burst into tears, and hid in the office and wouldn’t

come out – and there was NO ONE to look after him, give him some time, etc… so

he had to come home because they couldn’t leave him there. Similar incident

happened, except the second time he had worked himself into an anxiety induced

tizzy, and they made me come and pick him up. SIGH !!!

WHY do schools have to SUCK so bad most of the time???

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of O'Brien

Sent: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 5:46 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need

some insight !!!

He told me that he came out of the

stall, and the boy said “Did you scare me?” and said “Yes” and then he

choked him. I am SURE there must be more to it then that, and I agree, he needs

someone with him during unstructured times. I was told FLAT OUT he wouldn’t

qualify for an aide unless he was a)physically disabled, having toileting

issues, c) running out of the classroom, or d) hurting himself or others. In

that regard, I’m kind of glad this happened… he NEEDS an aide !!!

Would you have done anything different

for following up with things?? What about consequence at school? Thoughts?

Thanks Miriam !!

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of mimasdprofile

Sent: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 2:57 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need some

insight !!!

Did tell his side of what happened? If he can't then he needs someone

to be with him in unstructured time including bathroom breaks. The only time

this stuff comes up with my son is when nobody is around to see what really

happened. Usually it happens when is alone and feels threatened for some

reason. I expect felt threatened but he has no one to be his voice.

Miriam

>

> Gosh, let me start off by saying that I am SO glad you guys are here.

After

> our afternoon yesterday, and this morning - the only thing I could think

of

> was - I *HAVE* to go home and tell my Aspie group!!! Thank you all for

being

> here

>

> Ok - so seems to be regressing. I honestly don't know why. When he

> was younger, he'd float through the first 2-3wks of school, and then once

he

> got " comfortable " , we'd see a return of the

" behaviors " . Last year, he

> wasn't settled. We moved at Christmastime across the country, and the second

> half of grade 3 was with an amazing male teacher who was so great, and

they

> ended up with lots of aide time, even though no one in their class had an

> aide. This worked well for us, since 's never NOT had one. Even if

it

> wasn't for HIM specifically (and at times, it was), he was at least in a

> room that already had one, so they worked with him, too.

>

> So over the last few weeks, anxiety seems to be at an all time high,

stomach

> aches, stress induced diarrhea, oh yeah, it's been THAT bad. He's been

> crawling in the hallways at school, needing to take breaks from the

> classroom again, and hiding in the photocopy room near the office,

refusing

> to come out. Refusing to do work at school. Etc etc etc.

>

> Monday at school, he apparently had a good day. During French, he needed a

> break. He has a break card, and used it - and wouldn't return to French

> class, but did his French work in the office. So that was fine. Then,

during

> the last few minutes before the end of the day, he asked to go to the

> washroom - which was fine. So off he went. Story goes, that he went in,

went

> to the bathroom, came out of the stall and there was a grade 2 boy in the

> bathroom. He said the boy asked him if he scared him, and said

" yes " .

> Then, we have a " blank out " moment. Sigh. choked the

other boy. He

> remembers the boy saying " STOP " , and him walking back to his

classroom. So

> he sat down in class, and they were getting their things together for the

> end of the day. Grade 2 teacher shows up with said boy, who had RED marks

on

> his neck from choking him. spoke to his teacher about it,

and

> the grade 2 teacher, and the principal. He then had to go apologize to the

> boy, and the boy's father (who was there anyway to pick up the boy after

> school). Then the principal told to go wait in the office, and

> said " So, am I gonna miss the bus or what? " .. making the

principal think

> that it just didn't matter to him.

>

> SO when he got home, I had a talk with him. I insisted that he write the

boy

> an apology letter. He worked REALLY hard on that letter. We role played

> some, as he'd been " bullied " by a bigger boy not that long ago.

So we played

> it out like it was that boy who had choked . It helped him come up

> with feelings and thoughts that this other boy must have been thinking. It

> was really great. I was proud of how hard he worked, and the letter was

> great. He stayed up in his room to work on that before supper time on

> Monday, and finished up his one sheet of homework.

>

> Yesterday morning, I drove him to school. I had him read the letter to the

> principal. She sent him to his room afterwards, telling him to write the

> boys name on the top of the letter. She didn't say ANYTHING about the

letter

> otherwise. She informed me that would be spending recess in the

> office for 5 days as a consequence. She said " he could still have his

snack,

> and his DS, just not be in the classroom " . I told her that was a

REWARD, not

> a punishment. He wouldn't care, and would likely ENJOY that. So if she was

> going to put him in the office, it would need to be with NO ds (that's his

> biggest obsession, he keeps it in his desk at school - never tries to play

> it, but is obviously comforted just knowing it's there). She said

" But I

> took his DS away last week, and it didn't go over well, and he had a rough

> rest of his day. " I told her to DEAL with it. Lol She said she'd be

> following up with the guidance councellor, and I asked her to have him

call

> me, to keep me informed about what was going on. She also told me she was

> going to " consult with someone from the board on this. " THEY

AREN'T

> LISTENING !!!

>

> I got this email from the guidance councellor last night.

>

> Hello ,

>

> Just a follow-up as per your request. Special Services had a meeting today

> to review 's behavior plan and to see what (if any)

> changes/adaptations needed to occur. To support in school, the

> behavior plan has to not only include positive reinforcement strategies

> (which are being consistently implimented), but also specific, well-laid

out

> consequences in response to more serious behaviors. The team questioned

> whether the response protocol section of behavior plan appropriately

> addressed serious safety behaviors. The behavior plan (in conjunction with

> our Code of Conduct) should address this. Our School Code of Conduct is up

> for review this coming week, and once finalized, we will communicate the

> results to you ( & how that impacts the response protocol). We will

continue

> to praise/reward for all academic & behavioral successes, but

also

> ensure to provide real, meaningful consequences fo r negative

> choices/behaviors (which not only should consider his learning &

well-being

> but also the well-being of those around him).

>

> We will be in touch for an appropriate time to meet and review future

> changes,

>

> Thank you,

>

> The Special Services Team

>

> Is it just me, or do I sense complete and total NEGATIVITY in that? Sigh.

>

> ADVICE needed. Any of you who have dealt with this type of thing before,

> how'd you follow up? How'd the school follow up? I really am at a loss,

but

> I know I'm NOT about to let another school " peg " him as a bad

kid with

> behavioural issues. He's a GOOD kid. I have told him, and them, regardless

> of the " struggles " he faces, it will be a reason, but never an

excuse. But I

> can't help feeling like they cannot EXPECT him to comply to the " code

of

> conduct " in the same way as children without neurological problems

would. Am

> I being unreasonable???

>

> Thanks in advance.

>

> Frazzled Mama,

>

> =)

>

November 11, 2009

Please tell us that you're documenting each and every one of these incidents and then following up with the school. Have you asked for a behvairoal plan to help your boy? I would ask the school why they are not equipped to help your son with these issues.

On Wed, Nov 11, 2009 at 4:48 PM, O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...> wrote:

Or rather, did I scare YOU!

Did I also mention that there’s been three times in the last two

weeks that I’ve had to pick up from school and bring him home? One day,

he got pushed on the bus, burst into tears, and hid in the office and wouldn’t

come out – and there was NO ONE to look after him, give him some time, etc… so

he had to come home because they couldn’t leave him there. Similar incident

happened, except the second time he had worked himself into an anxiety induced

tizzy, and they made me come and pick him up. SIGH !!!

WHY do schools have to SUCK so bad most of the time???

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of O'Brien

Sent: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 5:46 PM

Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need

some insight !!!

He told me that he came out of the

stall, and the boy said “Did you scare me?” and said “Yes” and then he

choked him. I am SURE there must be more to it then that, and I agree, he needs

someone with him during unstructured times. I was told FLAT OUT he wouldn’t

qualify for an aide unless he was a)physically disabled, having toileting

issues, c) running out of the classroom, or d) hurting himself or others. In

that regard, I’m kind of glad this happened… he NEEDS an aide !!!

Would you have done anything different

for following up with things?? What about consequence at school? Thoughts?

Thanks Miriam !!

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of mimasdprofile

Sent: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 2:57 PM

Subject: ( ) Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need some

insight !!!

Did tell his side of what happened? If he can't then he needs someone

to be with him in unstructured time including bathroom breaks. The only time

this stuff comes up with my son is when nobody is around to see what really

happened. Usually it happens when is alone and feels threatened for some

reason. I expect felt threatened but he has no one to be his voice.

Miriam

>

> Gosh, let me start off by saying that I am SO glad you guys are here.

After

> our afternoon yesterday, and this morning - the only thing I could think

of

> was - I *HAVE* to go home and tell my Aspie group!!! Thank you all for

being

> here

>

> Ok - so seems to be regressing. I honestly don't know why. When he

> was younger, he'd float through the first 2-3wks of school, and then once

he

> got " comfortable " , we'd see a return of the

" behaviors " . Last year, he

> wasn't settled. We moved at Christmastime across the country, and the second

> half of grade 3 was with an amazing male teacher who was so great, and

they

> ended up with lots of aide time, even though no one in their class had an

> aide. This worked well for us, since 's never NOT had one. Even if

it

> wasn't for HIM specifically (and at times, it was), he was at least in a

> room that already had one, so they worked with him, too.

>

> So over the last few weeks, anxiety seems to be at an all time high,

stomach

> aches, stress induced diarrhea, oh yeah, it's been THAT bad. He's been

> crawling in the hallways at school, needing to take breaks from the

> classroom again, and hiding in the photocopy room near the office,

refusing

> to come out. Refusing to do work at school. Etc etc etc.

>

> Monday at school, he apparently had a good day. During French, he needed a

> break. He has a break card, and used it - and wouldn't return to French

> class, but did his French work in the office. So that was fine. Then,

during

> the last few minutes before the end of the day, he asked to go to the

> washroom - which was fine. So off he went. Story goes, that he went in,

went

> to the bathroom, came out of the stall and there was a grade 2 boy in the

> bathroom. He said the boy asked him if he scared him, and said

" yes " .

> Then, we have a " blank out " moment. Sigh. choked the

other boy. He

> remembers the boy saying " STOP " , and him walking back to his

classroom. So

> he sat down in class, and they were getting their things together for the

> end of the day. Grade 2 teacher shows up with said boy, who had RED marks

on

> his neck from choking him. spoke to his teacher about it,

and

> the grade 2 teacher, and the principal. He then had to go apologize to the

> boy, and the boy's father (who was there anyway to pick up the boy after

> school). Then the principal told to go wait in the office, and

> said " So, am I gonna miss the bus or what? " .. making the

principal think

> that it just didn't matter to him.

>

> SO when he got home, I had a talk with him. I insisted that he write the

boy

> an apology letter. He worked REALLY hard on that letter. We role played

> some, as he'd been " bullied " by a bigger boy not that long ago.

So we played

> it out like it was that boy who had choked . It helped him come up

> with feelings and thoughts that this other boy must have been thinking. It

> was really great. I was proud of how hard he worked, and the letter was

> great. He stayed up in his room to work on that before supper time on

> Monday, and finished up his one sheet of homework.

>

> Yesterday morning, I drove him to school. I had him read the letter to the

> principal. She sent him to his room afterwards, telling him to write the

> boys name on the top of the letter. She didn't say ANYTHING about the

letter

> otherwise. She informed me that would be spending recess in the

> office for 5 days as a consequence. She said " he could still have his

snack,

> and his DS, just not be in the classroom " . I told her that was a

REWARD, not

> a punishment. He wouldn't care, and would likely ENJOY that. So if she was

> going to put him in the office, it would need to be with NO ds (that's his

> biggest obsession, he keeps it in his desk at school - never tries to play

> it, but is obviously comforted just knowing it's there). She said

" But I

> took his DS away last week, and it didn't go over well, and he had a rough

> rest of his day. " I told her to DEAL with it. Lol She said she'd be

> following up with the guidance councellor, and I asked her to have him

call

> me, to keep me informed about what was going on. She also told me she was

> going to " consult with someone from the board on this. " THEY

AREN'T

> LISTENING !!!

>

> I got this email from the guidance councellor last night.

>

> Hello ,

>

> Just a follow-up as per your request. Special Services had a meeting today

> to review 's behavior plan and to see what (if any)

> changes/adaptations needed to occur. To support in school, the

> behavior plan has to not only include positive reinforcement strategies

> (which are being consistently implimented), but also specific, well-laid

out

> consequences in response to more serious behaviors. The team questioned

> whether the response protocol section of behavior plan appropriately

> addressed serious safety behaviors. The behavior plan (in conjunction with

> our Code of Conduct) should address this. Our School Code of Conduct is up

> for review this coming week, and once finalized, we will communicate the

> results to you ( & how that impacts the response protocol). We will

continue

> to praise/reward for all academic & behavioral successes, but

also

> ensure to provide real, meaningful consequences fo r negative

> choices/behaviors (which not only should consider his learning &

well-being

> but also the well-being of those around him).

>

> We will be in touch for an appropriate time to meet and review future

> changes,

>

> Thank you,

>

> The Special Services Team

>

> Is it just me, or do I sense complete and total NEGATIVITY in that? Sigh.

>

> ADVICE needed. Any of you who have dealt with this type of thing before,

> how'd you follow up? How'd the school follow up? I really am at a loss,

but

> I know I'm NOT about to let another school " peg " him as a bad

kid with

> behavioural issues. He's a GOOD kid. I have told him, and them, regardless

> of the " struggles " he faces, it will be a reason, but never an

excuse. But I

> can't help feeling like they cannot EXPECT him to comply to the " code

of

> conduct " in the same way as children without neurological problems

would. Am

> I being unreasonable???

>

> Thanks in advance.

>

> Frazzled Mama,

>

> =)

>

November 11, 2009

I think I'd want someone to work with him to help him express what really

happened. Consequences are a hard thing to manage. If he was defending himself

you don't want him to feel he's not allowed to do that. The natural consequence

is that he can't go to the bathroom without an adult. The cause and function of

the behavior is important to know. Someone needs to be paying attention to his

interactions with other kids.

I think if they want to start a behavior plan with some very clearly defined

reinforcers and consequences that is okay but they need to establish the rules

before enforcing anything otherwise he'll just be confused and angry. They need

to go over these rules and the consequences and reinforcers (anything that will

help him increase desired behaviors). They need to figure out what really

motivates him and they need to listen to you on this because I expect you have a

few ideas. If a particular reinforcer fails to motivate then something new will

need to be found. used to earn stickers on a chart so he could get

something from a treasure box at the end of the week. Then they started using

play money. He'd save up his play money and use it to get himself something

from the treasure box. Sometimes he'd save up for another week so he could

bring something to his sister. This system worked extremely well for .

Preventing aggression is extremely important. If they can do that they can tell

him, " You can't...but you CAN... " He needs to know what he CAN do when he's

upset or confused. It is much more effective to state what can happen rather

than what can't. " You can hit a pillow, " " You can tell a teacher " . If he has

trouble using words give him picture cards he can show the teacher. has a

very hard time communicating when he's upset even though he is quite a

chatterbox most of the time. At camp one year was put on " arms length "

supervision. That means he had to be within arms length of an adult at all

times. It was the responsibility of the adults to make sure they stayed with

him. I think you will get your aide now because the school can get sued if

other kids are getting hurt. It is the school's responsibility to keep everyone

safe and they aren't keeping your son safe or other kids safe if your son isn't

properly supported. Nobody will ever know what really happened and it may be

that this other kid did something mean but how can you know one way or the

other? If they refuse an aide now remind them that it's safety at stake, your

son's and other children's.

> >

> > Gosh, let me start off by saying that I am SO glad you guys are here.

> After

> > our afternoon yesterday, and this morning - the only thing I could think

> of

> > was - I *HAVE* to go home and tell my Aspie group!!! Thank you all for

> being

> > here

> >

> > Ok - so seems to be regressing. I honestly don't know why. When he

> > was younger, he'd float through the first 2-3wks of school, and then once

> he

> > got " comfortable " , we'd see a return of the " behaviors " . Last year, he

> > wasn't settled. We moved at Christmastime across the country, and the

> second

> > half of grade 3 was with an amazing male teacher who was so great, and

> they

> > ended up with lots of aide time, even though no one in their class had an

> > aide. This worked well for us, since 's never NOT had one. Even if

> it

> > wasn't for HIM specifically (and at times, it was), he was at least in a

> > room that already had one, so they worked with him, too.

> >

> > So over the last few weeks, anxiety seems to be at an all time high,

> stomach

> > aches, stress induced diarrhea, oh yeah, it's been THAT bad. He's been

> > crawling in the hallways at school, needing to take breaks from the

> > classroom again, and hiding in the photocopy room near the office,

> refusing

> > to come out. Refusing to do work at school. Etc etc etc.

> >

> > Monday at school, he apparently had a good day. During French, he needed a

> > break. He has a break card, and used it - and wouldn't return to French

> > class, but did his French work in the office. So that was fine. Then,

> during

> > the last few minutes before the end of the day, he asked to go to the

> > washroom - which was fine. So off he went. Story goes, that he went in,

> went

> > to the bathroom, came out of the stall and there was a grade 2 boy in the

> > bathroom. He said the boy asked him if he scared him, and said

> " yes " .

> > Then, we have a " blank out " moment. Sigh. choked the other boy. He

> > remembers the boy saying " STOP " , and him walking back to his classroom. So

> > he sat down in class, and they were getting their things together for the

> > end of the day. Grade 2 teacher shows up with said boy, who had RED marks

> on

> > his neck from choking him. spoke to his teacher about it,

> and

> > the grade 2 teacher, and the principal. He then had to go apologize to the

> > boy, and the boy's father (who was there anyway to pick up the boy after

> > school). Then the principal told to go wait in the office, and

>

> > said " So, am I gonna miss the bus or what? " .. making the principal think

> > that it just didn't matter to him.

> >

> > SO when he got home, I had a talk with him. I insisted that he write the

> boy

> > an apology letter. He worked REALLY hard on that letter. We role played

> > some, as he'd been " bullied " by a bigger boy not that long ago. So we

> played

> > it out like it was that boy who had choked . It helped him come up

> > with feelings and thoughts that this other boy must have been thinking. It

> > was really great. I was proud of how hard he worked, and the letter was

> > great. He stayed up in his room to work on that before supper time on

> > Monday, and finished up his one sheet of homework.

> >

> > Yesterday morning, I drove him to school. I had him read the letter to the

> > principal. She sent him to his room afterwards, telling him to write the

> > boys name on the top of the letter. She didn't say ANYTHING about the

> letter

> > otherwise. She informed me that would be spending recess in the

> > office for 5 days as a consequence. She said " he could still have his

> snack,

> > and his DS, just not be in the classroom " . I told her that was a REWARD,

> not

> > a punishment. He wouldn't care, and would likely ENJOY that. So if she was

> > going to put him in the office, it would need to be with NO ds (that's his

> > biggest obsession, he keeps it in his desk at school - never tries to play

> > it, but is obviously comforted just knowing it's there). She said " But I

> > took his DS away last week, and it didn't go over well, and he had a rough

> > rest of his day. " I told her to DEAL with it. Lol She said she'd be

> > following up with the guidance councellor, and I asked her to have him

> call

> > me, to keep me informed about what was going on. She also told me she was

> > going to " consult with someone from the board on this. " THEY AREN'T

> > LISTENING !!!

> >

> > I got this email from the guidance councellor last night.

> >

> > Hello ,

> >

> > Just a follow-up as per your request. Special Services had a meeting today

> > to review 's behavior plan and to see what (if any)

> > changes/adaptations needed to occur. To support in school, the

> > behavior plan has to not only include positive reinforcement strategies

> > (which are being consistently implimented), but also specific, well-laid

> out

> > consequences in response to more serious behaviors. The team questioned

> > whether the response protocol section of behavior plan appropriately

> > addressed serious safety behaviors. The behavior plan (in conjunction with

> > our Code of Conduct) should address this. Our School Code of Conduct is up

> > for review this coming week, and once finalized, we will communicate the

> > results to you ( & how that impacts the response protocol). We will

> continue

> > to praise/reward for all academic & behavioral successes, but also

> > ensure to provide real, meaningful consequences fo r negative

> > choices/behaviors (which not only should consider his learning &

> well-being

> > but also the well-being of those around him).

> >

> > We will be in touch for an appropriate time to meet and review future

> > changes,

> >

> > Thank you,

> >

> > The Special Services Team

> >

> > Is it just me, or do I sense complete and total NEGATIVITY in that? Sigh.

> >

> > ADVICE needed. Any of you who have dealt with this type of thing before,

> > how'd you follow up? How'd the school follow up? I really am at a loss,

> but

> > I know I'm NOT about to let another school " peg " him as a bad kid with

> > behavioural issues. He's a GOOD kid. I have told him, and them, regardless

> > of the " struggles " he faces, it will be a reason, but never an excuse. But

> I

> > can't help feeling like they cannot EXPECT him to comply to the " code of

> > conduct " in the same way as children without neurological problems would.

> Am

> > I being unreasonable???

> >

> > Thanks in advance.

> >

> > Frazzled Mama,

> >

> > =)

> >

>

November 13, 2009

Wow. Sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds like some of the people

in the school don't understand enough about AS. I think you handled it well with

your son.

Who will be in attendance at the School Code of Conduct meeting? If it includes

three or more school board members (this could be different in your state...ask

a newspaper editor in your area because they know or can find out what is/isn't

legal concerning these meetings), it should be open to the public and you could

attend to hear what is discussed firsthand.

Please note that the school has the right to have expectations concerning

students, but you also have the right to have expectations of the school to help

your son meet their expectations considering he has a disability. They are

suppose to provide a safe environment for all students which can be difficult in

situations like this, so they don't have much choice at this point other than

providing your dear son with an aide so he and others will feel safer. With an

aide at his side, I can't imagine there would be an opportunity for another

'serious safety behavior' issue, and he would have someone to help him in all

areas of his school life.

I hope this will help in some way. Take care. I hope all goes well.

--Karie