Guest guest Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 No. I know my child loves me, but I know that sometimes he doesn't like me and that's when he would say he doesn't love me. He is 12 now and understands the difference.BeckyFrom: "rebecca1749@..." <rebecca1749@...> Sent: Mon, January 25, 2010 12:07:59 PMSubject: ( ) mom/child love does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give him, he doesn't care? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I just asked my son and he said there are some days he doesn't love me but he loves me all the time anyway .. he's 8now - his dad -- that's another story .. he tells him that he doesn't love him a lot ... my husband tries not to let it bother him - but i know that it does. From: doodle bug <doodlebugboodles@...>Subject: Re: ( ) mom/child love Date: Monday, January 25, 2010, 5:35 PM No. I know my child loves me, but I know that sometimes he doesn't like me and that's when he would say he doesn't love me. He is 12 now and understands the difference.BeckyFrom: "rebecca1749@ ymail.com" <rebecca1749@ ymail.com> Sent: Mon, January 25, 2010 12:07:59 PMSubject: ( ) mom/child love does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give him, he doesn't care? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I do not believe they do not love...I believe they do not know how to express love. Deep inside is the feeling, it is just hidden from view.Lindsey sen http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.comOn Mon, Jan 25, 2010 at 1:07 PM, rebecca1749@... <rebecca1749@...> wrote: does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give him, he doesn't care? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I guess I feel that we all say things sometimes and.....depending on our age, we say things differently at different times. I bet he loves you. He's just saying that he doesn't cause he's either mad, sad, frustrated or being a kid. Aspergers or not......we all say things, ya know? Keep on lovin him and it'll be fine. Being a parent sucks, sometimes, doesnt' it? Hugs to you. Robin From: doodle bug <doodlebugboodles@...>Subject: Re: ( ) mom/child love Date: Monday, January 25, 2010, 4:35 PM No. I know my child loves me, but I know that sometimes he doesn't like me and that's when he would say he doesn't love me. He is 12 now and understands the difference.Becky From: "rebecca1749@ ymail.com" <rebecca1749@ ymail.com> Sent: Mon, January 25, 2010 12:07:59 PMSubject: ( ) mom/child love does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give him, he doesn't care? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 How old is your child, how often does he say it? Aspergese is so different than neurotypical language. He may not understand the severity or level of hurt of saying what he is saying, and may be irritated at that moment with you. I am currently being treated in a disrespectful way by my 21 yo daughter just because she is in her own apart. we pay for!! and going to college, and she doesn't ever even contact me much anymore. This is after years of good relationship. I do not remember her saying I love you much, tho she showed it more. I think they FEEL it, but do not know the least thing about SHOWING it our way. I feel very hurt by her latest behaviors, and understand she is asperger, but .....still. I feel ; after all I helped her with to get to where she is, gypped. Other parents tell me oh my kids call two three times a week. grrrrr. Not for me! It's so sad to me. My dh gets it, but I think he has it! I miss her and grieve her even knowing she loves me LJ > > does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give him, he doesn't care? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 I think it is the start of the teens years...my son, 14, says the same thing. He says I hate you, I don't love you, all kinds of nasty things. I think it is all due to his body changing, hormones, in general teenager stuff. I think we see it more because they just say it...other teens may feel it or mumble under their breath...our kids just blurt it out. My son doesn't want to be bothered by me. He comes home from school and shuts me out. He doesn't tell me what went on in school, etc. Even the good stuff he doesn't tell me. He got a 91 on a Math test...and when i congratulated him, he just rolled his eyes. They are confused at this stage. So many changes happening, so much social stress, etc. And, when fustrated, they take it out on the ones they really love. I know when my son says he hates me...he really doesn't. I know I tell him ...I don't like you at the moment, or I don't like your actions etc. but I still love you. Don't take it personally....he loves you. he is just angry, confused and stressed. And, doesn't know how to deal with it all...so he takes it out on the one person he is comfortable with and knows will always love him no matter what. jan <font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font> <font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp; <em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em> From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Mon, January 25, 2010 7:11:45 PMSubject: Re: ( ) mom/child love I guess I feel that we all say things sometimes and.....depending on our age, we say things differently at different times. I bet he loves you. He's just saying that he doesn't cause he's either mad, sad, frustrated or being a kid. Aspergers or not......we all say things, ya know? Keep on lovin him and it'll be fine. Being a parent sucks, sometimes, doesnt' it? Hugs to you. Robin From: doodle bug <doodlebugboodles>Subject: Re: ( ) mom/child love Date: Monday, January 25, 2010, 4:35 PM No. I know my child loves me, but I know that sometimes he doesn't like me and that's when he would say he doesn't love me. He is 12 now and understands the difference.Becky From: "rebecca1749@ ymail.com" <rebecca1749@ ymail.com> Sent: Mon, January 25, 2010 12:07:59 PMSubject: ( ) mom/child love does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give him, he doesn't care? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 I think it's pretty common for parents to feel like a chunk of them has left after their kids leave for school and it's got to be stronger when you've, like you said, had to put so much into her upbringing. My first thought was that maybe school is a real challenge for her and all of her energy has to be on that for her to succeed right now? Jen seaglass278 wrote: > > > How old is your child, how often does he say it? Aspergese is so > different than neurotypical language. He may not understand the > severity or level of hurt of saying what he is saying, and may be > irritated at that moment with you. I am currently being treated in > a disrespectful way by my 21 yo daughter just because she is in > her own apart. we pay for!! and going to college, and she doesn't > ever even contact me much anymore. This is after years of good > relationship. I do not remember her saying I love you much, tho > she showed it more. I think they FEEL it, but do not know the > least thing about SHOWING it our way. I feel very hurt by her > latest behaviors, and understand she is asperger, but .....still. > I feel ; after all I helped her with to get to where she is, > gypped. Other parents tell me oh my kids call two three times > a week. grrrrr. Not for me! It's so sad to me. My dh gets it, > but I think he has it! > > I miss her and grieve her even knowing she loves me LJ > > No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.432 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2644 - Release Date: 01/25/10 07:36:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 27, 2010 Report Share Posted January 27, 2010 Many people with Aspergers also have something called "ithymia" which means they do not have a good understanding of their own emotions. The degree to which this effects someone can vary, ranging from not having an emotional vocabulary to not being in touch with how they are feeling at any given time.If I had to guess, I would guess that your son either doesn't have a good understanding of what love means to him, or he is thinking in a very black-and-white manner, meaning if he is unhappy with you for whatever reason, then he doesn't "love" you. He can learn what love is, or at least what it is for him, over time. Sara>> does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give him, he doesn't care?> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2010 Report Share Posted January 28, 2010 My son is 4, and i know he probably doesn't have a clear idea of what love means. however, whatever it means to HIM, he seems to have a very definite decision about whom he does feel love for. he tells me nonchalantly, not when he's upset at me or anything in particular, he just says 'i love daddy. i dont love you.' i ask why? he says 'i don't know, i just dont love you.' its been such for months, i try not to bring it up, but when it does, its always the same. i know there's no answer, or 'fix' for this...and i know it can change with time... really i just wanted to see if any other parents felt the same way. people i know who don't know any aspies say 'of course he loves you dont be ridiculous! all kids love their mommys' but i know its different with him. > > > > does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, > and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like > him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give > him, he doesn't care? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2010 Report Share Posted January 28, 2010 I think the problem may be in how you define love. One of my friends has a highly autistic child, but she still has a connection with him that no one else has and no that isn't the same thing as a neurotypical child expresses but it is a form of love. Becky --- Original Message --- From: " rebecca1749@... " <rebecca1749@...> Sent:Thu 1/28/10 7:28 pm Subj:( ) Re: mom/child love My son is 4, and i know he probably doesn't have a clear idea of what love means. however, whatever it means to HIM, he seems to have a very definite decision about whom he does feel love for. he tells me nonchalantly, not when he's upset at me or anything in particular, he just says 'i love daddy. i dont love you.' i ask why? he says 'i don't know, i just dont love you.' its been such for months, i try not to bring it up, but when it does, its always the same. i know there's no answer, or 'fix' for this...and i know it can change with time... really i just wanted to see if any other parents felt the same way. people i know who don't know any aspies say 'of course he loves you dont be ridiculous! all kids love their mommys' but i know its different with him. > > > > does anyone else feel, as i do, that because my child has Aspergers, > and he says he doesn't love me... maybe he's right? maybe children like > him really do chose who they like or love and no matter how much i give > him, he doesn't care? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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