Re: daughter cries everyday at school no one plays with her.

[Guest guest]

Can't help, but will be interested in the answers you get, I have this with my son as well, when I ask him if he played today he looks really sad and says yes but just on my own, no one else would play. It is heartbreaking to hear. Wish schools would make it easier for us to help our kids be included.

From: video228 <video228@...>Subject: ( ) daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her". Date: Monday, 26 October, 2009, 22:36

in a world that is taught to not "judge" anyone, why is it my daughter cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says "no one will play with her at reccess".and the teachers say "we cant make people play with her".after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion to all the others i mentioned.my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her, but the school system says they cannot let

anyone know who else has autism or asperger because of "privacy policies".has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

[Guest guest]

I know that is the worst. I can't stand thinking about my son all alone at lunchtime and recess, it's too sad. I don't have much advice, except to ask the teacher if there are any kids who seem nice and would occassionally include your daughter when asked. If you know any moms of the kids in the class, you can talk to them too. If there anyone your daughter would specifically like to play with, you can try inviting them to your house. One on one works better than group settings. You would really have to supervise the playtime, make suggestions of things to do and keep it short to make sure things went well.

In our area, we have an Autism support group for parents that meets monthly. At least there, you can meet parents of other kids with the same issues. Have you seen if there is anything like that near you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: video228 <video228 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her". Date: Monday, 26 October, 2009, 22:36

in a world that is taught to not "judge" anyone, why is it my daughter cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says "no one will play with her at reccess".and the teachers say "we cant make people play with her".after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion to all the others i mentioned.my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her, but the school system says they cannot let

anyone know who else has autism or asperger because of "privacy policies".has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

[Guest guest]

I have been hearing about creating " a circle of friends " for

our kids at a conference I went to recently. My friends

school district got this concept and has a few kids for her son to play with and

eat with. I always seem to be dealing with schools

that just don't want to do anything about lunch or recess unless

I start a major issue out of it and keep complaining.

Pam

>

> in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter cries

all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play with

her at reccess " .

> and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

>

> after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class

and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not

everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance

should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion

to all the others i mentioned.

>

> my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt

cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.

>

> we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so

we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her,

but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or

asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

>

[Guest guest]

i read where this happens, where the school can assign a buddy or group to our

kids, but when i approach my daughter's school they ask me how can they do that

as they can't make kids play with my daughter. i also have spoken with the

speech therapist about getting a group and have received the same response as

you, the privacy laws wont allow it. i am thinking other parents of aspies feel

this same way, want friends for their children. perhaps if we were willing to

sign a waiver or a consent form. the trick would be matching up the kids with

appropriate buddy or group. someone who knows the children would have to agree

to do this. heck an informal gathering at lunch where all the aspie/special

needs kids could come and meet others would provide at least the opportunity to

meet others. my daughter is in 7th grade now and at lunch she goes to an open

class room and works on homework.

not much in the way of answers here, just thinking of possibilities.

reagards, melody

> >

> > in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter cries

all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play with

her at reccess " .

> > and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

> >

> > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class

and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not

everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance

should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion

to all the others i mentioned.

> >

> > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a

heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know

what to do.

> >

> > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system,

so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge

her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism

or asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> > has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think this is a growing problem, and a tough one. Lunch and recess, by their

nature are unstructured, chaotic, and rife with social pecking orders. In

elementary and middle school, there just aren't places for kids to figure out

how to be alone that is not conspicuous. We have fought with our school over

this issue. Buddy assignments and peer groups can help in many cases on the

margin I expect -- any social skills training can't hurt many of our kids. But

I believe we (parents) need to start a movement in IEP processes to have the

ability to opt-out of recess. Our kids should be able to go to the library, or

if this is not staffed during a lunch period, and the teachers/staff refuse to

cover b/c it's their break time, then parents should be allowed to act as

monitors (many schools/systems have parents as playground monitors). Parents of

kids with special needs should opt-in to this explicitly as part of the IEP, or

be able to opt-in to it outside of the IEP during the school year, with the

ability to know who will be the parent-monitor/monitors.

My child is utterly exhausted by recess. For other kids, recess is a relief and

an energy release. For my child, it's a stress and an anxiety-builder, which

only makes class time after recess worse. I think sometimes my child hopes for

cold weather and rain - at least then it will be indoor recess and a chance to

do something individual without being conspicuous or a structured board game.

> > >

> > > in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter

cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play

with her at reccess " .

> > > and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

> > >

> > > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social

class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children

that not everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and

tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give

compassion to all the others i mentioned.

> > >

> > > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a

heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know

what to do.

> > >

> > > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system,

so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge

her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism

or asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> > > has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am in the same situation with my 5 yr old son. I met a really nice family by

posting to a local autism on-line support group. Their child does not go to our

school, but it is great getting the kids together.

I was thinking maybe you could post fliers at a local therapist's office, or

similiar place where Aspie families might be (sensory-friendly night at local

play area or movie theater). Something like, " seeking x year old playmates from

x school district. " We walked into an OT office the other day & saw a neighbor

from down the street!

Good luck & thanks for posting.

--

>

> in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter cries

all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play with

her at reccess " .

> and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

>

> after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class

and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not

everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance

should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion

to all the others i mentioned.

>

> my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt

cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.

>

> we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so

we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her,

but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or

asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

>

[Guest guest]

I agree.

There has to be a movement in the Asperger community to require

changes in the development of social skills. One problem is that

there is not an evidenced based social skill curriculum.

Without that few if any school is going to but money into

something that may not help. Schools still don't adequately

address reading disorders and there are a few proven curriculums.

For now we can advocate that during recess our kids have a

few alternate places to go. This doesn't cost a thing and

should be required. And for lunch it should be required

that schools set up a small supportive lunch setting with supervison.

These things don't cost money, it is the right thing to do and

apparently it takes an act of congress to get them in place

across the board for kids on the spectrum.

Pam

> > > >

> > > > in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter

cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play

with her at reccess " .

> > > > and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

> > > >

> > > > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social

class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children

that not everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and

tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give

compassion to all the others i mentioned.

> > > >

> > > > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a

heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know

what to do.

> > > >

> > > > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school

system, so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont

judge her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has

autism or asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> > > > has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'd like to add that from our experience, though the school offers "available social activities" (i.e. clubs, sports, etc..) the majority of these activities are NOT staffed with personnel qualified to work with special needs kids.Recess would be one of these activities prevalent at the elementary level. My son's behavior carried over from recess to gym class in middle school and there were no accommodations for his lack of social skills.BarryFrom: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Wednesday, October 28, 2009 11:33:59 AMSubject: ( ) Re: daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her".

I agree.

There has to be a movement in the Asperger community to require

changes in the development of social skills. One problem is that

there is not an evidenced based social skill curriculum.

Without that few if any school is going to but money into

something that may not help. Schools still don't adequately

address reading disorders and there are a few proven curriculums.

For now we can advocate that during recess our kids have a

few alternate places to go. This doesn't cost a thing and

should be required. And for lunch it should be required

that schools set up a small supportive lunch setting with supervison.

These things don't cost money, it is the right thing to do and

apparently it takes an act of congress to get them in place

across the board for kids on the spectrum.

Pam

> > > >

> > > > in a world that is taught to not "judge" anyone, why is it my daughter cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says "no one will play with her at reccess".

> > > > and the teachers say "we cant make people play with her".

> > > >

> > > > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion to all the others i mentioned.

> > > >

> > > > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.

> > > >

> > > > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or asperger because of "privacy policies".

> > > > has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Our grade school has had a program for years where the older kids visit

Kindergarten and first grades to act as " book buddies " . The kids are paired up

so an older child works with a younger one. I'm not exactly sure what they do

together in the classroom or how often they meet. I just know that the kids

really seem to bond with their book buddy and look forward to the days when they

have a book buddy. It's a win-win situation all around. It helps everyone with

reading, of course, but it has a side benefit of making the campus a friendlier,

safer place.

There are also some organizations that provide school assemblies on disabilities

that coach the kids on what it is like to be disabled and why it is wrong to

tease someone because they are different. Something like this may help spark a

positive change at school.

[Guest guest]

Opting out of recess is a wonderful idea.

It was horrible for my son, as well.

Wish I would have had the guts to enforce this when he needed me, to.

Great idea.

Robin

From: martizburg <jleoshane@...>Subject: ( ) Re: daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her". Date: Wednesday, October 28, 2009, 5:15 AM

I think this is a growing problem, and a tough one. Lunch and recess, by their nature are unstructured, chaotic, and rife with social pecking orders. In elementary and middle school, there just aren't places for kids to figure out how to be alone that is not conspicuous. We have fought with our school over this issue. Buddy assignments and peer groups can help in many cases on the margin I expect -- any social skills training can't hurt many of our kids. But I believe we (parents) need to start a movement in IEP processes to have the ability to opt-out of recess. Our kids should be able to go to the library, or if this is not staffed during a lunch period, and the teachers/staff refuse to cover b/c it's their break time, then parents should be allowed to act as monitors (many schools/systems have parents as playground monitors). Parents of kids with special needs should opt-in to this explicitly as part of the IEP, or be able to opt-in to it outside

of the IEP during the school year, with the ability to know who will be the parent-monitor/ monitors.My child is utterly exhausted by recess. For other kids, recess is a relief and an energy release. For my child, it's a stress and an anxiety-builder, which only makes class time after recess worse. I think sometimes my child hopes for cold weather and rain - at least then it will be indoor recess and a chance to do something individual without being conspicuous or a structured board game.> > >> > > in a world that is taught to not "judge"

anyone, why is it my daughter cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says "no one will play with her at reccess".> > > and the teachers say "we cant make people play with her".> > > > > > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion to all the others i mentioned.> > > > > > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.> > > > > > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so we figured we could get a play group together with children that

wont judge her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or asperger because of "privacy policies".> > > has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

This makes me cry for your child and mine. I have an eight-year-old daughter

going through the exact same thing. She had a recess friend last year who found

a new group of friends this year and has no time for my daughter now--the

ex-friend even pushed my dd down because she wanted her to stay away from them.

Why couldn't they include her? I was so glad that she had at least this one girl

last year during recess, but now there is no one. She cries so hard. Last night

she said she wishes she was 'normal'. She tries to fit in and wants to play and

be included. A couple of years ago, I'd heard a girl in my dd's class say loudly

to her dad, 'that's the girl the teacher makes us play with even though we don't

want to'. Both my dd and I heard her. Kids resent being 'forced' to play with

kids they don't want to be with. I wish I had answers for you, because both of

our children could be helped then. Give your daughter a hug for me...I hurt for

her, too.

One possibility...do you have an autism specialist in your school or county?

Check with that person, if you do, about starting a monthly meeting for parents

of children on the the spectrum. It would be a parent's support group and maybe

a chance to set up play dates. Just a thought... -K

>

> in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter cries

all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play with

her at reccess " .

> and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

>

> after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class

and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not

everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance

should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion

to all the others i mentioned.

>

> my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt

cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.

>

> we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so

we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her,

but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or

asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

>

[Guest guest]

I have found this with my son too. The one boy that seems to have been a constant friend seems to have realised he will be outcast with my son if he plays with him, so he seems to be going out of his way to distance himself from my son, even if this means siding with bullies and pushing my son around. It heartbreaking, my son just doesn't understand what he is doing to deserve this kind of treatment.

From: jmlrgs1870 <jmlrgs1870@...>Subject: ( ) Re: daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her". Date: Thursday, 29 October, 2009, 2:47

This makes me cry for your child and mine. I have an eight-year-old daughter going through the exact same thing. She had a recess friend last year who found a new group of friends this year and has no time for my daughter now--the ex-friend even pushed my dd down because she wanted her to stay away from them. Why couldn't they include her? I was so glad that she had at least this one girl last year during recess, but now there is no one. She cries so hard. Last night she said she wishes she was 'normal'. She tries to fit in and wants to play and be included. A couple of years ago, I'd heard a girl in my dd's class say loudly to her dad, 'that's the girl the teacher makes us play with even though we don't want to'. Both my dd and I heard her. Kids resent being 'forced' to play with kids they don't want to be with. I wish I had answers for you, because both of our children could be helped then. Give your daughter a hug for me...I hurt for her, too.

One possibility. ..do you have an autism specialist in your school or county? Check with that person, if you do, about starting a monthly meeting for parents of children on the the spectrum. It would be a parent's support group and maybe a chance to set up play dates. Just a thought... -K>> in a world that is taught to not "judge" anyone, why is it my daughter cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says "no one will play with her at reccess".> and the teachers say "we cant make people play with her".> > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the

children that not everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion to all the others i mentioned.> > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.> > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or asperger because of "privacy policies".> has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?>

[Guest guest]

A thought stroke me....someonehere wrote about overhearing a liitle girl telling her dad "there´s the girl we´re forced to play with..." Another said that children don´t like to be forced. Of course not, and my thought was that being forced to include, could wake resentment, even hate against that child among the so called normal peers.................It´s a kind of vicious circle making it even worse to "our" child. So including must be taken seriously upon by schools. Including isn´t easy.The parents of the kids should be included too.Who knows what the kids will be hearing at home?If the kids are mean, the parents are no better.

--- Den tors 2009-10-29 skrev Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...>:

Från: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...>Ämne: Re: ( ) Re: daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her".Till: Datum: torsdag 29 oktober 2009 09.46

I have found this with my son too. The one boy that seems to have been a constant friend seems to have realised he will be outcast with my son if he plays with him, so he seems to be going out of his way to distance himself from my son, even if this means siding with bullies and pushing my son around. It heartbreaking, my son just doesn't understand what he is doing to deserve this kind of treatment.

From: jmlrgs1870 <jmlrgs1870 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her". Date: Thursday, 29 October, 2009, 2:47

This makes me cry for your child and mine. I have an eight-year-old daughter going through the exact same thing. She had a recess friend last year who found a new group of friends this year and has no time for my daughter now--the ex-friend even pushed my dd down because she wanted her to stay away from them. Why couldn't they include her? I was so glad that she had at least this one girl last year during recess, but now there is no one. She cries so hard. Last night she said she wishes she was 'normal'. She tries to fit in and wants to play and be included. A couple of years ago, I'd heard a girl in my dd's class say loudly to her dad, 'that's the girl the teacher makes us play with even though we don't want to'. Both my dd and I heard her. Kids resent being 'forced' to play with kids they don't want to be with. I wish I had answers for you, because both of our children could be helped then. Give your daughter a hug for me...I hurt for her, too.

One possibility. ..do you have an autism specialist in your school or county? Check with that person, if you do, about starting a monthly meeting for parents of children on the the spectrum. It would be a parent's support group and maybe a chance to set up play dates. Just a thought... -K>> in a world that is taught to not "judge" anyone, why is it my daughter cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says "no one will play with her at reccess".> and the teachers say "we cant make people play with her".> > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not everyone acts the same and should

all be treated with compassion and tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion to all the others i mentioned.> > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.> > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or asperger because of "privacy policies".> has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?>

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Sök och jämför priser hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

Nobody has to reveal a disability for kids to be in a social skills group

together. Both of my kids have been in social skills groups. My son's

intermediate school had choices for recess. That was 5th and 6th grade. He

could play outside with the other kids, play in a small courtyard that had a

swingset and play on his own with supervision or ask to bring a friend to the

courtyard. Then on two days a week they had chess, checkers and more. He could

go there and play legos or games with other kids who had that interest. His

speech teacher worked on social skills with him and other children all at the

same time. It's a speech issue called " pragmatics " and it's a huge part of

social interaction. So you can get them to work on this in speech. Also, your

daughter probably needs some social coaching and the other kids need help

including her.

We also liked to educate all the kids around my son. We had the school show a

video. It came from www.coultervideo.com. You can explore their products to

see which fits your situation best. http://coultervideo.com/products.htm. This

works very very well. Kids need help understanding when their classmates are

different otherwise they form their own theories and a lot of those can be

negative. 's current school has a copy of Intricate Minds. I don't know if

it's been shown to 's classmates or not. I'm going to ask that at the IEP

meeting.

Also, has 1:1 support in all situations. He might be able to cope with

just the support in unstructured time but last year he tried to leave school so

they are afraid to let him out of their sight. He definitely needs someone near

him during unstructured time otherwise conflicts occur and accusations are made

and nobody knows what happened. is getting much better at social

situations but it's all the coaching and support that has gotten him there.

Your daughter might not need 1:1 but she probably should have someone near her

during unstructured time who doesn't have to pay attention to all the kids.

The kids in your daughter's school need to learn about how being different can

be a good thing. They need to learn tolerance and the school is failing them in

this respect. Sure, most of them will get it eventually, but some really won't

and it will be to their detriment later.

Miriam

>

> in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter cries

all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play with

her at reccess " .

> and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

>

> after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class

and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not

everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance

should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion

to all the others i mentioned.

>

> my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt

cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.

>

> we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so

we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her,

but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or

asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

>

[Guest guest]

Something similar happened to my son in 2nd grade and it was heartbreaking. The boy who started to deny him in school lived a few houses down from my parents. He wouldn't be aggressively mean to Dylan in school, but Dylan would say F was his friend and F would deny it. This didn't happen at the beginning of school but it slowly progressed to that point. On the weekends though, F and Dylan would play together and his house or my parents house. I was angry at F for awhile but then I pulled back and thought about this differently. F is very shy and soft-spoken. There was a group of 2nd grade boys who were pretty brutal and I think F realized if he stuck by Dylan, the group of boys would be mean to him, make fun of him, and single him out which of course wouldn't be good in any situation, but F's shyness compounded the problem. He just wanted to blend in, not cause any problems

that put the spotlight on him.

2nd grade was Dylan's worst year in school. His teacher was very old school and she just thought I needed to be harder on him at home to make things better (HA!) She really didn't help the situation too much and I didn't realize at the time that I should've taken it above her head. Even if I did though, I'm not sure it would've helped. I HATED that elementary school.

With Dylan though, I took an interesting approach. We talked about F and how shy he was and how hard it would be for him to speak up even in an easier situation, much less in such a difficult situation. I pointed out how if F really wasn't his friend, why did they play together outside of school almost every week? I really let Dylan choose if he wanted to end the friendship outside of school or not. I supported him either way. He chose to still be friends with F outside of school. I also got him to talk to F about this one time and F told him he really was his friend, he just didn't want the kids to pick on him if he admitted it to the group. They had an understanding about it.

Turns out too, F's parents were going through a tough time (I didn't know it at the time) and they filed for divorce less than a year after all of this happened. I'm sure that didn't help the situation.

And you know what? F is still a good friend of Dylan's (they are now in the 8th grade.) In 3rd grade, Dylan switched schools which probably helped. Ever since R moved to Arizona a little over a year ago, F has even became Dylan's best friend again. They are hanging out on Halloween night, the first time Dylan has had someone his age to hang out with during Halloween in quite a few years. F is the only kid Dylan hangs out with outside of school. So I'm glad I took the opportunity to show Dylan what it must be like to be in F's shoes in all of this and not turn F into the bad guy (although there were many times I wanted to drop to my knees and beg him to stop denying Dylan in school, I PROMISE YOU!!!!) They will be attending the same high school next year so it'll be interesting to see what happens. I'm hopeful since they are older, F and Dylan have both matured, and

Dylan is pretty confident, that things will be okay. I'll be surprised if that isn't the case, given the friendship they have now.

It's really funny how life works out sometimes.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Thursday, October 29, 2009 3:46:48 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her".

I have found this with my son too. The one boy that seems to have been a constant friend seems to have realised he will be outcast with my son if he plays with him, so he seems to be going out of his way to distance himself from my son, even if this means siding with bullies and pushing my son around. It heartbreaking, my son just doesn't understand what he is doing to deserve this kind of treatment.

From: jmlrgs1870 <jmlrgs1870 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: daughter cries everyday at school "no one plays with her". Date: Thursday, 29 October, 2009, 2:47

This makes me cry for your child and mine.. I have an eight-year-old daughter going through the exact same thing. She had a recess friend last year who found a new group of friends this year and has no time for my daughter now--the ex-friend even pushed my dd down because she wanted her to stay away from them. Why couldn't they include her? I was so glad that she had at least this one girl last year during recess, but now there is no one. She cries so hard. Last night she said she wishes she was 'normal'. She tries to fit in and wants to play and be included. A couple of years ago, I'd heard a girl in my dd's class say loudly to her dad, 'that's the girl the teacher makes us play with even though we don't want to'. Both my dd and I heard her. Kids resent being 'forced' to play with kids they don't want to be with. I wish I had answers for you, because both of our children could be helped then. Give your daughter a hug for me...I hurt for her, too.

One possibility. ..do you have an autism specialist in your school or county? Check with that person, if you do, about starting a monthly meeting for parents of children on the the spectrum. It would be a parent's support group and maybe a chance to set up play dates. Just a thought... -K>> in a world that is taught to not "judge" anyone, why is it my daughter cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says "no one will play with her at reccess".> and the teachers say "we cant make people play with her".> > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not everyone acts the same and should

all be treated with compassion and tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion to all the others i mentioned.> > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.> > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or asperger because of "privacy policies".> has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?>

[Guest guest]

It would be straightforward for the school to set up

some alternate settings for lunch and recess.

Until it is forced upon schools to do the right thing

they will continue to take the easier path. It will take

parent advocacy.

People have to see this as good for everyone. We want our communties

to work together and play together. There is no value in meanness.

Our school district seems to find solutions for autistic kids

when the kids are agressive toward others. A small lunchroom

was set up with an aide and my daughter was included in this quieter setting. My

daughter this year has assess to go to a lego room

or the library at recess (we are at a private school this year).

It really is easy to set up if there is not the huge resistance.

Pam

> >

> > in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter cries

all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play with

her at reccess " .

> > and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

> >

> > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class

and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not

everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance

should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion

to all the others i mentioned.

> >

> > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a

heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know

what to do.

> >

> > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system,

so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge

her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism

or asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> > has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

yes we do. we belong to a group called the ASRC (autism resource spectrum

center). they are really great people and do a lot for people on the spectrum.

the problem is, so many people that have children with asperger dont join. they

figure their child isnt really " autistic " . almost all of the people we deal with

there in their support groups are people with children that are further onto the

autism spectrum. so they cant understand because their children arent

" mainstreamed " . they go to other schools that specialize in trating chilred with

disorders. unfortunately, i strongly believe that schools that try to keep some

children mainstreamed are not only unable but unwilling to deal with these

children.

in my town i have come to one conclusion. my child is mainstreamed only because

shes another grant of money the towns school system collects from the state to

give her what she needs (but for some reason, the para's are all getting laid

off because of " lack of funds " .

if you can figure that one out, youre much smarter than me.

>

>

> From: video228 <video228 (DOT) com>

> Subject: ( ) daughter cries everyday at school " no one plays

with her " .

>

> Date: Monday, 26 October, 2009, 22:36

>

>

>  

>

> in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter cries

all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play with

her at reccess " .

> and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

>

> after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social class

and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children that not

everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and tollereance

should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give compassion

to all the others i mentioned.

>

> my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a heartfelt

cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know what to do.

>

> we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system, so

we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge her,

but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism or

asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

>

[Guest guest]

there are acually answers given in your response. so i thank you.

i have just come to the conclusion (becasue of your response) that since i live

in connecticut and have a state representative close by, i will now meet with

her and have it brought to " the leglislative house " so maybe something like that

" waiver " might be inacted by law.

after all, it is an election year. any rep would love the good press right now.

it wont happen unless i try.

thanks again.

im still convinced somewhere along the way, the large rash of " children on the

autism spectrum " has something to do with a lack of testing of something the

government allowed.

i think they would do anything to shut up a parent. especially if a large amount

voice their oppinion at the same time.

> > >

> > > in a world that is taught to not " judge " anyone, why is it my daughter

cries all night everyday because when shes at school she says " no one will play

with her at reccess " .

> > > and the teachers say " we cant make people play with her " .

> > >

> > > after hearing so much on not judging people on race, religion, social

class and sexual orientation, at what point do we start to teach the children

that not everyone acts the same and should all be treated with compassion and

tollereance should be given to those children as much as we are mandated to give

compassion to all the others i mentioned.

> > >

> > > my heart breaks every night when my daughter cries, because it is a

heartfelt cry and usually makes me want to cry myself. and we just dont know

what to do.

> > >

> > > we heard that there are other children with asperger in our school system,

so we figured we could get a play group together with children that wont judge

her, but the school system says they cannot let anyone know who else has autism

or asperger because of " privacy policies " .

> > > has anyone else run into this and solved this issue ?

> > >

> >

>