Re: Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!!

October 26, 2009

Hi! There is hope! I'm sure you will get many ideas from this group! It could be that anxiety about school is a factor. I would do some reading on anxiety, particularly in children with Asperger's Syndrome. Secondly, I would create a picture schedule and work in some incentives for following the routine. Young children with Asperger's thrive on routine and predictable schedules. Also, try to read a lot of fun children's books about "getting ready for school" and "my daily routine." See what fun things you can work in to your child's morning!

From: blwallace19982000 <blwallace19982000@...>Subject: ( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!! Date: Monday, October 26, 2009, 11:47 AM

I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5 year old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We have a meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids are late for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it scared him, I have tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to do anymore!! He lays in bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and basically force him to get dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad cuz he wants something to eat and we are past time to leave. I have told him that if he wants to eat something before we leave then he needs to get up when I tell him to and not lay in bed. He also has every excuse in the book on why he wants to stay home, or not go to school, or not go to the babysitters after preschool. Is this typical of an aspie or is something elese going

on??HELP!!!Lynette

October 26, 2009

Oh Lynette,

It was sort of typical for us. My son would finally get up....and be angry. It got so bad that my other kids learned to NOT talk in the morning. I always started waking him 1 1/2 hours before he had to be at school...........and we still rarely made it.

He would have such breakdowns, that he'd be in tears. I'd be in tears. I would call the school and explain that Ian would be in when he calmed down. Thankfully, I didnt'/couldn't work at the time (Ian wouldn't allow it...he he) I would take the others to school......then come back to him. We'd calm down and talk and cry. He'd apologize and say how he hated it and just wanted to stay home. In the end, almost daily, he'd apologize and say he would try.

I finally quit doing this at the end of 5th grade and brought him home.

That was the end of the breakdowns.

Good luck to you. And hugs.

RobinNormal is only a cycle on a washing machine.......

From: blwallace19982000 <blwallace19982000@...>Subject: ( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!! Date: Monday, October 26, 2009, 10:47 AM

I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5 year old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We have a meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids are late for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it scared him, I have tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to do anymore!! He lays in bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and basically force him to get dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad cuz he wants something to eat and we are past time to leave. I have told him that if he wants to eat something before we leave then he needs to get up when I tell him to and not lay in bed. He also has every excuse in the book on why he wants to stay home, or not go to school, or not go to the babysitters after preschool. Is this typical of an aspie or is something elese going

on??HELP!!!Lynette

October 26, 2009

Oh boy! I know how frustrating this is. We went thru this for year.

The forcing and dragging may work until he gets too big or resistent to keep it

up. WIth us the more physical we were puhing and prodding lead to hitting us and

further escalation of her emotions.

So you can't keep this method up if it continues.

It may take multiple strategies to work this problem out.

School accomodations to address what makes school so hard to go to,

perhaps medication for a short term if anxiety increases,

and a very structured positive reinforcement plan for changing

behaviors.

We have worked with a behaviorist on this same problem.

The behviorist looked at the problem as she is not minding me when

I tell her what to do the first time. So we worked on this all

day during the summer. She earned stickers for minding me

(the first time) and this is how she got all her activities

TV, meals out, any reward at all had to be earned thru points.

Now when school started she started with this behavior of not getting out of

bed. But I am not to touch her, yell, nag, lecture or

threaten. If she is not out of bed and in the car by 7:30am

there is no extra TV time at 8:00pm. If she gets to school

but late she still gets some TV time (this is so she doesn't

have a meltdown that she lost all her TV and why should she go at all ....) I

have to use rewards like this all evening.

She earns 3-5pm TV or computer for going to school.

She earns another 30 min at 7:00pm if she brushes her teeth

and showers. And at 8:00 she can earn an extra 30 minutes if

she got to school on time.

The consequences with my daughter can not be too big or she just won't go to

school at all or cooperate at all.

This behaviorist is using the Yale Parent Management training

program by Dr. Kadzin. He runs the Parent Conduct

Clinic at Yale University. He has a book you can get from

Amazon.com. But hopefully you can find a behaviorist to teach you something like

this or this.

We had to structure our life more and have her earn all

activities and rewards so she would listen to me. But none

of this would have been possible if the school setting

didn't change. We had to get her into a private school

that was more supportive and we used a small

dose of medication too.

Pam

>

> I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5 year

old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We have a

meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids are late

for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it scared him, I have

tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to do anymore!! He lays in

bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and basically force him to get

dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad cuz he wants something to eat

and we are past time to leave. I have told him that if he wants to eat

something before we leave then he needs to get up when I tell him to and not lay

in bed. He also has every excuse in the book on why he wants to stay home, or

not go to school, or not go to the babysitters after preschool. Is this typical

of an aspie or is something elese going on??

> HELP!!!

> Lynette

>

October 26, 2009

I'm not sure if this is typical for Aspie's b/c my daughter (NT) is harder to wake up than my son (13, Aspergers). My son used to have a harder time waking up so I started "Buggy" and did it for awhile until he popped up and was happy. Basically, "Buggy" is my pointer and middle fingers, walking up and down his arm, back, around his neck, etc... Buggy likes to hide in the "cave" (his ear), the "forest" (his hair), and stand out on the "rock" (tip of his nose) and look out for the bad guy who's coming to get him so he scampers away through the forest and sometimes down D's arm, around his neck, etc... and back to find shelter in the "cave." Sounds completely goofy as I'm typing this out, but Dylan LOVED Buggy! I haven't had to do it in a long time, but when he was younger, it worked beautifully. We'd also do it at nighttime as a way of winding

down before I'd rub his back and say prayers so Buggy was a treat. It helped that he was already familiar with it. Might fail miserably with your son, but you never know. It seemed to switch off the grump and bring out the sweet kid he usually shows me.

Other ideas...

I also hate alarm clocks w/ sound so mine vibrates to wake me up. Exponentially better!

Have everything ready to go to save time in the morning

If you can invest in natural lamp of some sort and put it in the opposite corner of his room, turn it on when you first go to wake him up. Having natural light helps your body physically wake up.

Also, if you start to see any progress, whatsover, praise the heck out of him. "Wow, son, you helped me put your shirt on today. Great job!" Praise the littlest amount of effort for awhile and see if that helps him build on his cooperation.

Hope some of this might work for you. Dealing w/ a grouch in the morning is not fun!!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: blwallace19982000 <blwallace19982000@...> Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 10:47:28 AMSubject: ( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!!

I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5 year old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We have a meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids are late for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it scared him, I have tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to do anymore!! He lays in bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and basically force him to get dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad cuz he wants something to eat and we are past time to leave. I have told him that if he wants to eat something before we leave then he needs to get up when I tell him to and not lay in bed. He also has every excuse in the book on why he wants to stay home, or not go to school, or not go to the babysitters after preschool. Is this typical of an aspie or is something elese going

on??HELP!!!Lynette

October 26, 2009

this is hilarious and creative. humor has been very effective with my daughter.

thanx for giving me one to put in my pocket.

regards, melody

>

> I'm not sure if this is typical for Aspie's b/c my daughter (NT) is harder to

wake up than my son (13, Aspergers). My son used to have a harder time waking

up so I started " Buggy " and did it for awhile until he popped up and was happy.

Basically, " Buggy " is my pointer and middle fingers, walking up and down his

arm, back, around his neck, etc... Buggy likes to hide in the " cave " (his ear),

the " forest " (his hair), and stand out on the " rock " (tip of his nose) and look

out for the bad guy who's coming to get him so he scampers away through the

forest and sometimes down D's arm, around his neck, etc... and back to find

shelter in the " cave. " Sounds completely goofy as I'm typing this out, but

Dylan LOVED Buggy! I haven't had to do it in a long time, but when he was

younger, it worked beautifully. We'd also do it at nighttime as a way of

winding down before I'd rub his back and say prayers so Buggy was a treat. It

helped that he

> was already familiar with it. Might fail miserably with your son, but you

never know. It seemed to switch off the grump and bring out the sweet kid he

usually shows me.

>

> Other ideas...

> * I also hate alarm clocks w/ sound so mine vibrates to wake me up.

Exponentially better!

> * Have everything ready to go to save time in the morning

> * If you can invest in natural lamp of some sort and put it in the opposite

corner of his room, turn it on when you first go to wake him up. Having natural

light helps your body physically wake up.

> Also, if you start to see any progress, whatsover, praise the heck out of

him. " Wow, son, you helped me put your shirt on today. Great job! " Praise the

littlest amount of effort for awhile and see if that helps him build on his

cooperation.

>

> Hope some of this might work for you. Dealing w/ a grouch in the morning is

not fun!!

>

> " Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one

out. "

>

> ________________________________

> From: blwallace19982000 <blwallace19982000@...>

>

> Sent: Monday, October 26, 2009 10:47:28 AM

> Subject: ( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!!

>

> I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5 year

old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We have a

meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids are late

for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it scared him, I have

tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to do anymore!! He lays in

bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and basically force him to get

dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad cuz he wants something to eat and

we are past time to leave. I have told him that if he wants to eat something

before we leave then he needs to get up when I tell him to and not lay in bed.

He also has every excuse in the book on why he wants to stay home, or not go to

school, or not go to the babysitters after preschool. Is this typical of an

aspie or is something elese going on??

> HELP!!!

> Lynette

>

October 26, 2009

Yes, we did this morning nightmare too for several years. Finally, when we could no longer get him to go to school, we simply stopped. It was clear at the end that school was not helpful, school was not just free babysitting......school was actually harmful to hiim.

Then, what a dramatic turn around. No more meltdowns, no more aggression, and on and on and on. Learning dramatically picked up, social skills are advancing at his own pace, in multiple settings, with multiple aged children and adults. The school was just too loud, crowded, unpredictable, fill in the blank with whatever other terms you want. You can't fit a square peg into a round hole, no matter how big of a hammer you use. I wish we pulled out years ago. Now we are doing it with my daughter, but it is much less severe and her issues are much less severe, so we are trying all the things we used to try....(see everyone elses suggestions) and they do work and make it work-able......

The email description just brought back awful memories.....

( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!! Date: Monday, October 26, 2009, 11:47 AM

I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5 year old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We have a meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids are late for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it scared him, I have tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to do anymore!! He lays in bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and basically force him to get dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad cuz he wants something to eat and we are past time to leave. I have told him that if he wants to eat something before we leave then he needs to get up when I tell him to and not lay in bed. He also has every excuse in the book on why he wants to stay home, or not go to school, or not go to the babysitters after preschool. Is this typical of an aspie or is something elese going on??HELP!!!Lynette

October 26, 2009

I don't know if this will help you, but I had similar problems with my son,

who is now 10.

He'd refuse to get out of bed, get dressed, and eat breakfast. It wasn't as

bad as you describe, but it was a fight every day and tiring.

Finally, I just asked him what he'd like to do differently. Turns out he

just wanted to get up, eat his breakfast in his jammies, then go and get

dressed.

I said, " Okay, but as soon as you're done eating, you need to put your

dishes away and go get dressed, brush your teeth and comb your hair. " He was

fine with that.

Since then (a few years ago now, so he was probably a little older than 5),

no problems. Instantly better. He stopped fighting getting up. I'd wake

him (we get up plenty early for school so the kids have some down time

before leaving for school), he eats his breakfast, puts his dishes away and

goes and gets dressed. No complaints, no fighting.

I think what he wanted was some control over his morning routine. Maybe

your DS wants to do something a little differently, too.

Thanks,

( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!!

>I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5

>year old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We

>have a meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids

>are late for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it

>scared him, I have tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to

>do anymore!! He lays in bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and

>basically force him to get dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad

>cuz he wants something to eat and we are past time to leave. I have told

>him that if he wants to eat something before we leave then he needs to get

>up when I tell him to and not lay in bed. He also has every excuse in the

>book on why he wants to stay home, or not go to school, or not go to the

>babysitters after preschool. Is this typical of an aspie or is something

>elese going on??

> HELP!!!

> Lynette

>

> ------------------------------------

>

October 27, 2009

This sound similar to my house, some mornings were a real battle. We've got into a routine, but it has been a compromise. Now we are strict with bedtime, it is 8.30pm, just a book to read, no TV or games. Up at 6.45am, he gets to pick cartoons or a film, on the understanding if he doesn't do what is expected, eczema cream on, eat breakfast, get dressed, the TV goes off. He still complains that he hates school and doesn't want to go, but apparently this stops as soon as I have left for work, think he knows how to make me feel guilty for working! lol

Does your son have a night time routine, cause until we sorted that for our son, mornings were a problem. Don't know how this would work when you have other kids, but this seemed to be a key factor for us.

Hope you get the strength you need to deal with this.

Lor B

From: blwallace19982000 <blwallace19982000@...>Subject: ( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!! Date: Monday, 26 October, 2009, 15:47

I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5 year old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We have a meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids are late for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it scared him, I have tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to do anymore!! He lays in bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and basically force him to get dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad cuz he wants something to eat and we are past time to leave. I have told him that if he wants to eat something before we leave then he needs to get up when I tell him to and not lay in bed. He also has every excuse in the book on why he wants to stay home, or not go to school, or not go to the babysitters after preschool. Is this typical of an aspie or is something elese going

on??HELP!!!Lynette

October 27, 2009

.... it is so true isn't it. Something so simple as this can work. We have found this effective many, many times as well. A simple, rational discussion over "you don't like it when people are mad at you, we don't like it when you are mad at us, so what should we do to solve that so no one is mad....." It is amazing how a solution can be found many times.....

( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!!>I am needing to vent. Every morning at my house is a bad one. I have a 5 >year old aspie who refuses to get up in the mornings and get ready. We >have a meltdown every morning and most days I am late for work and the kids >are late for school. I have tried an alarm clock but he said that it >scared him, I have tried waking him up when I get up. I don't know what to >do anymore!! He lays in bed until I have to drag him to the restroom and >basically force him to get dressed and go to the restroom. Then he is mad >cuz he wants something to eat and we are past time to leave. I have told >him that if he wants to eat something before we leave then he needs to get >up when I tell him to and not lay in bed. He also has every excuse in the >book on why he wants to stay home, or not go to school, or not go to the >babysitters after preschool. Is this typical of an aspie or is something >elese going on??> HELP!!!> Lynette>>>> ------------------------------------>>

October 28, 2009

We have a very similar routine for our 11 year old.

It has to be kept strictly or she has meltdowns trying

to negotiate with me over the rewards. It is not perfect

she still has meltdowns in the morning sometimes

but I feel better under control. She is on medication

for anxiety which helps.

She told me today that noone wants to be friends

with her because all she knows about is hamsters and she

is boring. It broke my heart to hear her dispair, but

she has a serious issue with school avoidance and she

is already in a private school and still complaining.

The only other option I have is to move closer

to Philidelphia and try a school for Asperger kids.

It is so hard, to hear them suffer socially.

Pam

This is our routine:

after school: she gets TV or computer as a reward for

going to school till dinner.

after dinner around 5:30pm: homework or pet care time

by 7:00pm she has to brush her teeth and shower if she

wants. She washes her hair on Sunday. If she does this she

earns another 30 minutes of TV.

at 8:00pm she can earn another reward if she had a good morning

(meaning she left the house on time and was not tardy).

>

> From: blwallace19982000 <blwallace19982000@...>

> Subject: ( ) Every Morning is a BAD ONE!!!

>

> Date: Monday, 26 October, 2009, 15:47