Re: Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!!

[Guest guest]

Unfortunately, this isn't something you can call DYFS about. It's frustrating

to see kids who need special help but the parents just think nothing is wrong,

or are so afraid of something being wrong that they gloss over any uusual

behaviors. I hope this kid gets the help he needs, but I don't think you're

going to be able to push her in that direction. We can't save everybody,

unfortunately.

Laurel

>

> I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she

things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after

we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.

>

> Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I

couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine

and that the teacher " is keeping an eye on him " and she's happy with that. She

say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.

>

> Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen

him stimming. She said, " saw him what? Oh, you said stimming. " Then she makes

the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand

is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off

and talked about the weekend.

>

> I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The

teacher keeping her " eye on " her son is in her very first year of teaching and

she is young!!

>

> Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son

because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this

mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group

of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.

>

> The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will

have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school.

However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just

as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess.

Grrrrr!!

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes if you keep things low key they will come back to you with

questions when things start getting to be more obviously a problem to

them. I had one parent who finally after a few years realized that

her son does need some supports. It's unfortunate that he is in his

senior year of high school and the school does not want to identify

him because if they do, they can't push him out come june. He is

failing in English and a couple of other areas and has definite social

interaction issues but the school does not want the 'trouble and

expense' of identifying him at a time they are trying to reduce costs

and supports throughout special education. They just took over their

own special ed program from the county office of ed and are looking to

cut aides.

Kathy J.

On 10/25/10, Laurel <laurel8690@...> wrote:

> Unfortunately, this isn't something you can call DYFS about. It's

> frustrating to see kids who need special help but the parents just think

> nothing is wrong, or are so afraid of something being wrong that they gloss

> over any uusual behaviors. I hope this kid gets the help he needs, but I

> don't think you're going to be able to push her in that direction. We can't

> save everybody, unfortunately.

>

> Laurel

>

>

>>

>> I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she

>> things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me

>> after we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.

>>

>> Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I

>> couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing

>> fine and that the teacher " is keeping an eye on him " and she's happy with

>> that. She say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.

>>

>> Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's

>> seen him stimming. She said, " saw him what? Oh, you said stimming. " Then

>> she makes the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the

>> mouth, but hand is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does

>> that. I backed way off and talked about the weekend.

>>

>> I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The

>> teacher keeping her " eye on " her son is in her very first year of teaching

>> and she is young!!

>>

>> Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son

>> because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as

>> this mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with

>> the group of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.

>>

>> The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will

>> have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school.

>> However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too,

>> just as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner

>> at recess. Grrrrr!!

>>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Speaking as a mom who didn't "see the light" until later............I gotta say that she may not have her head in the sand.

She may know exactly what her son does and just may not be in the same spot as you, ya know?

With him being younger, maybe she really isn't seeing a lot of the social probs she may in time see.

Stimming - she sees it, but maybe doesn't see that it makes the other kids look at him differently. Maybe the boy doesn't know yet, either, ya know?

OR.......maybe she knows and it's crushing her and she's embarrassed and confused and doesn't know how to handle everything yet? And, yeah, maybe she has her head in the sand, as you said. Could be. But,,,,,,,,we're all at different spots, ya know? Even once we acknowledge our kids' issues....we still all choose different paths of advocating and pushing and withdrawing......we pick what we personally need to do.

So....I just wanted to put this post up....nicely. I'm not trying to start anything. I just wanted to say that what you are seeing may not be what she REALLY is feeling.

I think about all the times we've gone places as a family...........and how we've been looked at. Crap.......by family, friends.........strangers. I have used self-coping stratgies like tuning people out and shutting out their well-intentioned advice and probably seemed like a horrible bitch. he he.'I've also gotten upset......started sweating and gotten angry at my kids. Wanted to cry and probably looked like I was about to have a breakdown. I've often wondered why Social Services didn't knock on my door weekly. hehe.

But,,,mostly,,,,I am very verbal when out with my kids. They hear the rules....the way it's going down.......and I probably sound like I'm talking to a 3 year old half the time. People have stared at me............and my kids.............like we're freaks.

All in all, though........I do what I have to do to keep my sanity......he he.

You do the same. I think we all do. Maybe she is doing the same right now.

Oh.........and just one more thing. When you told her that your daughter saw her son stimming......I was crushed for the gal. It was like you were trying to disprove her saying that her son was doing well. I know you may have meant well.....but I just cringed......sorry.

Have a wonderful day....and again,,,,,,,,please understnad that I dont' mean anything mean by my post.

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: <doyourecycle@...>Subject: ( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!! Date: Monday, October 25, 2010, 3:37 PM

I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine and that the teacher "is keeping an eye on him" and she's happy with that. She say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen him stimming. She said, "saw him what? Oh, you said stimming." Then she makes the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off and talked about the weekend.I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The teacher keeping her

"eye on" her son is in her very first year of teaching and she is young!!Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school. However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess. Grrrrr!!

[Guest guest]

I can feel your frustration. When my husband was on deployment last year we did a walk with Autism Speaks and sent him a big package of shirts, hat, and other stuff. One of the tshirts we sent was a tshirt that said "my daughter has autism and I see the potential" in big green letters. They had a casual day and he wore it. A guy from the ship came up to him and they started talking. He could tell the guy was very hesitant about it and so he didn't want to push hard. He has a child...I can't remember boy or girl. :X that they had tested for add and the docs told him they thought the child was on the spectrum...so he went and got another opinion...then another...he was in TOTAL denial and meanwhile the kid isn't getting services. Every time we would go visit him on the ship for duty days the guy would be there and I would talk to him and me being me...would push...letting him know his child wasn't getting the help they needed..I would get a shake and nod of the head, but last we heard before we left the ship he, nor his wife were doing nothing...

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!!

I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.

Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine and that the teacher "is keeping an eye on him" and she's happy with that. She say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.

Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen him stimming. She said, "saw him what? Oh, you said stimming." Then she makes the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off and talked about the weekend.

I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The teacher keeping her "eye on" her son is in her very first year of teaching and she is young!!

Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.

The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school. However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess. Grrrrr!!

[Guest guest]

I revealed to her, my son and his issues,  and I put myself out there to offer help which she solicited. She was  initially looking for it btw. She did express issues but which she later minimized. I was expressing my regret for THE BOY that the mom is loosing out by not intervening now. Mom is relying on an inexperienced teacher and that is the head in the sand moment to me. I think the mom, a bit young herself, IS concerned, but is downplaying his symptoms as mom may be wanting too much to be with the " in crowd " at the school which may or may not be very accepting of spec. ed. kids.  

On Tue, Oct 26, 2010 at 11:58 AM, and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> wrote:

 

Hi,

 

Speaking as a mom who didn't " see the light " until later............I gotta say that she may not have her head in the sand.

She may know exactly what her son does and just may not be in the same spot as you, ya know?

With him being younger, maybe she really isn't seeing a lot of the social probs she may in time see.

Stimming - she sees it, but maybe doesn't see that it makes the other kids look at him differently.  Maybe the boy doesn't know yet, either, ya know?

OR.......maybe she knows and it's crushing her and she's embarrassed and confused and doesn't know how to handle everything yet?  And, yeah, maybe she has her head in the sand, as you said.  Could be.  But,,,,,,,,we're all at different spots, ya know?  Even once we acknowledge our kids' issues....we still all choose different paths of advocating and pushing and withdrawing......we pick what we personally need to do.

So....I just wanted to put this post up....nicely.  I'm not trying to start anything.  I just wanted to say that what you are seeing may not be what she REALLY is feeling. 

I think about all the times we've gone places as a family...........and how we've been looked at.  Crap.......by family, friends.........strangers.   I have used self-coping stratgies like tuning people out and shutting out their well-intentioned advice and probably seemed like a horrible bitch.  he he.'

I've also gotten upset......started sweating and gotten angry at my kids. Wanted to cry and probably looked like I was about to have a breakdown.  I've often wondered why Social Services didn't knock on my door weekly.  hehe.

 

But,,,mostly,,,,I am very verbal when out with my kids.  They hear the rules....the way it's going down.......and I probably sound like I'm talking to a 3 year old half the time.  People have stared at me............and my kids.............like we're freaks.

 

All in all, though........I do what I have to do to keep my sanity......he he.

 

You do the same.  I think we all do.  Maybe she is doing the same right now.

 

Oh.........and just one more thing.  When you told her that your daughter saw her son stimming......I was crushed for the gal.  It was like you were trying to disprove her saying that her son was doing well.  I know you may have meant well.....but I just cringed......sorry.

 

Have a wonderful day....and again,,,,,,,,please understnad that I dont' mean anything mean by my post.

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: <doyourecycle@...>Subject: ( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!!

Date: Monday, October 25, 2010, 3:37 PM

 

I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.

Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine and that the teacher " is keeping an eye on him " and she's happy with that. She say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.

Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen him stimming. She said, " saw him what? Oh, you said stimming. " Then she makes the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off and talked about the weekend.

I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The teacher keeping her

" eye on " her son is in her very first year of teaching and she is young!!Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.

The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school. However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess. Grrrrr!!

[Guest guest]

Yes...but there is not much you can do but pray about it.

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: "Zazoo81198@..." <Zazoo81198@...> Sent: Tue, October 26, 2010 12:07:23 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!!

I can feel your frustration. When my husband was on deployment last year we did a walk with Autism Speaks and sent him a big package of shirts, hat, and other stuff. One of the tshirts we sent was a tshirt that said "my daughter has autism and I see the potential" in big green letters. They had a casual day and he wore it. A guy from the ship came up to him and they started talking. He could tell the guy was very hesitant about it and so he didn't want to push hard. He has a child...I can't remember boy or girl. :X that they had tested for add and the docs told him they thought the child was on the spectrum...so he went and got another opinion...then another...he was in TOTAL denial and meanwhile the kid isn't getting services. Every time we would go visit him on the ship for duty days the guy would be there and I would talk to him and me being

me...would push...letting him know his child wasn't getting the help they needed..I would get a shake and nod of the head, but last we heard before we left the ship he, nor his wife were doing nothing...

Mom to my 4 girlsMadeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza"You are the TRIP I did not takeYou are the PEARLS I cannot buyYou are the blue Italian LAKEYOU are my piece of foreign SKY"---Anne ----

( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!!

I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine and that the teacher "is keeping an eye on him" and she's happy with that. She say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen him stimming. She said, "saw him what? Oh, you said stimming." Then she makes the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off and talked about the weekend.I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The teacher keeping her

"eye on" her son is in her very first year of teaching and she is young!!Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school. However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess. Grrrrr!!

[Guest guest]

It is frustrating and sad because you can see the path this kid is on. He'll be 17 yo and not able to function and she'll be wondering what happened and how to help him. Or as you said, one day he will start having behaviors and things will go downhill fast. I have certainly been where you are. You can tell people what is ahead but some are not ready to deal with it or face reality. We have neighbors like that - they like to be in a group of neighbors and those people are all rather snobbish towards us and act like we are weird because our kids "have problems." They acted that way towards us too before - just one of that crowd. Now their little one is dx'd with autism. My dh went over to offer any books, guidance or ideas whenever they wanted to talk but they never have. I kept asking, "Should I go over and talk?" and my dh just said, "No, they aren't ready yet." I suppose it's easier to think our kids are just weird than to realize this is autism, this is their world now too. everytime I look out and see these people, I get annoyed. Mostly because they are wasting valuable time. Well, everyone has choices on how to deal with this stuff. these folks are doing funky things to get to the quick fix and make it go away. I get frustrated because there is no short cut. It's a lot of hard work but the sooner you start, the better. You can load them up with special diets and vitamins, saturate them with oxygen and even take them to OT to bounce on a tramp twice a week. You still need to address the autism. Even people who get that their kid needs help may not be aggressive enough. And then again, it's hard to know how aggressive one needs to be because each child is different. But I used to get sick to my stomach at local meetings when people chatted about their kid in the wonderful program at school and I knew how deficient that program was or how severe the child was. You just can't fix it. I probably would be doing what you are doing - speaking up when possible but backing off when you see the look of running away coming on. lol. Hang in there.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!!

I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.

Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine and that the teacher "is keeping an eye on him" and she's happy with that. She say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.

Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen him stimming. She said, "saw him what? Oh, you said stimming." Then she makes the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off and talked about the weekend.

I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The teacher keeping her "eye on" her son is in her very first year of teaching and she is young!!

Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.

The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school. However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess. Grrrrr!!

[Guest guest]

I would have said the same to the woman - that my kid saw her kid stimming. Maybe it's not nice but it's factual and she should realize what is really going on instead of living in a world of false reality. If she chooses to then ignore the problem, then that is her choice. But to pretend there is no problem doesn't help. Also, she may not have even known he is stimming in class. I know one year, a teacher didn't tell me my son spent his spare time spinning and rolling on the floor. I was really angry to find out after the year had passed. We could have/should have dealt with the problem instead of just letting the poor disabled child be weird in front of all his classmates. I did not think this was a kindness in the least.

This kid will not be invited to parties, kids will avoid him - because he's doing weird things. It's not nice. But it's reality. She'll be the one whining that nobody invited her kid to the party, wondering why or feeling hurt. So hurt now or hurt later. I don't see it benefits anyone to not know the truth just to be polite. He's not doing well in class. We've seen this story a billion times on here. He'll make it this year. Next year, he'll do more stimming, maybe start some outright obnoxious behaviors, get hauled to the office a few dozen times, get in trouble, have kids avoid him...It's just downhill from here. Telling the mom is the right thing to do whether she wants to face it now or not. And maybe by telling her, it will spur her to start facing the reality of the situation.

I get that everyone has to deal with it in their own way. But avoiding the problem is putting ones head in the sand, whether she knows and purposely ignores the problem or doesn't want to know there are problems. It's the same. People will do that. I just don't see why we would want to play along with their denial. They can live there, but I don't have to join them there. I don't think we do people any good by pretending along with them. The more she knows about the real situation, the more she can deal with it or avoid it - her choice, naturally. I certainly would have said something to the parent and probably would keep doing it. The kid's well being would be most important to my mind.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!!

Date: Monday, October 25, 2010, 3:37 PM

I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.

Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine and that the teacher "is keeping an eye on him" and she's happy with that. She say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.

Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen him stimming. She said, "saw him what? Oh, you said stimming." Then she makes the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off and talked about the weekend.

I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The teacher keeping her

"eye on" her son is in her very first year of teaching and she is young!!

Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.

The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school. However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess. Grrrrr!!

[Guest guest]

"Hurt now or hurt later"Well that really struck me, Imo that really sums it up. In K D's tss had daily forms he would fill out and give me a copy of, notes about the day, checklists of behaviors, etc. One day he made reference to something D was doing in class, and what I remember seeing on that piece of paper sitting in the parking lot was the word "autism", and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Just seeing that, when it had never entered my mind...wow. Btw, the tss was reprimanded for writing that, how dare he make that observation, was the agencies opinion. My mother called me a few weeks later, coincidentally, and flat out said to me "it almost seems like he has some sort of autism". We hadn't heard of aspergers yet, but those two comments got me investigating, which thank God finally got us to the correct dx years later. Somewhere along the way it turned from omg I don't want my child to have autism...to ok, I accept he has "something", its not going away, he's getting worse by not being treated properly, I don't care WHAT it is, I just want to know the NAME of it so we can work on helping him. I can't blame someone for having a hard time processing it all, but I agree, the more she hears it, maybe the sooner she'll be at least willing to look more into it, and accept it and can move on with helping her child. Thank God, Aspergers isn't a dead end road and we can help them. PamSent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Sender: Date: Sun, 31 Oct 2010 11:12:25 -0400< >Reply Subject: Re: ( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!! I would have said the same to the woman - that my kid saw her kid stimming. Maybe it's not nice but it's factual and she should realize what is really going on instead of living in a world of false reality. If she chooses to then ignore the problem, then that is her choice. But to pretend there is no problem doesn't help. Also, she may not have even known he is stimming in class. I know one year, a teacher didn't tell me my son spent his spare time spinning and rolling on the floor. I was really angry to find out after the year had passed. We could have/should have dealt with the problem instead of just letting the poor disabled child be weird in front of all his classmates. I did not think this was a kindness in the least.This kid will not be invited to parties, kids will avoid him - because he's doing weird things. It's not nice. But it's reality. She'll be the one whining that nobody invited her kid to the party, wondering why or feeling hurt. So hurt now or hurt later. I don't see it benefits anyone to not know the truth just to be polite. He's not doing well in class. We've seen this story a billion times on here. He'll make it this year. Next year, he'll do more stimming, maybe start some outright obnoxious behaviors, get hauled to the office a few dozen times, get in trouble, have kids avoid him...It's just downhill from here. Telling the mom is the right thing to do whether she wants to face it now or not. And maybe by telling her, it will spur her to start facing the reality of the situation. I get that everyone has to deal with it in their own way. But avoiding the problem is putting ones head in the sand, whether she knows and purposely ignores the problem or doesn't want to know there are problems. It's the same. People will do that. I just don't see why we would want to play along with their denial. They can live there, but I don't have to join them there. I don't think we do people any good by pretending along with them. The more she knows about the real situation, the more she can deal with it or avoid it - her choice, naturally. I certainly would have said something to the parent and probably would keep doing it. The kid's well being would be most important to my mind. Roxanna"Ipredict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson ( ) Parents w/ heads in the sand make me so MAD!! Date: Monday, October 25, 2010, 3:37 PM I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine and that the teacher "is keeping an eye on him" and she's happy with that. She say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen him stimming. She said, "saw him what? Oh, you said stimming." Then she makes the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off and talked about the weekend.I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The teacher keeping her"eye on" her son is in her very first year of teaching and she is young!!Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school. However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess. Grrrrr!!

[Guest guest]

It's so sad when this happens. Kids like ours need help and if they don't get

it they suffer their whole lives and don't gain any sort of independence later.

The parents will get it too late. I'm glad I was able to figure things out when

was very small because I know he has made a ton of progress but I've seen

kids who I KNOW started out just like who are now so aggressive they can't

be with other kids. I know one kid who hurt his para so badly that paramedics

had to be called!

Miriam

>

> I ran into the mom that had originally sought me out as her child who she

things has asperger's is in my nt daughter's class. She backed off from me after

we had a long talk and I posted here and you all said to let it go.

>

> Well, today we were walking the same way for pick up and we said Hi and I

couldn't resist asking her how things are going. She said her son is doing fine

and that the teacher " is keeping an eye on him " and she's happy with that. She

say's he hasn't had any meltdowns in school.

>

> Because I can't keep my mouth shut I told her that my daughter said she's seen

him stimming. She said, " saw him what? Oh, you said stimming. " Then she makes

the flapping that he does (hand repeatedly up and down over the mouth, but hand

is parallel with the ground) Mom says, oh, yeah, he does that. I backed way off

and talked about the weekend.

>

> I am so frustrated. Head in the sand is a bad way to help your kid. The

teacher keeping her " eye on " her son is in her very first year of teaching and

she is young!!

>

> Mom doesn't want to hear that the girls don't like to be around her son

because they think it's weird what he's doing with his mouth. I get it as this

mom wants to act as if her son is like the others so she can mix with the group

of moms I see her mix with--some clicky ones.

>

> The mom doesn't want to get it, but I have to let this go as this mom will

have a huge mess thrown in her lap on this kids first meltdown in school.

However, she'll still probably find some way to minimize that event, too, just

as she minimizes her son stimming oh and yeah, he's a complete loner at recess.

Grrrrr!!

>