Re: 9-yr-old dd screamed in church when friend left with another child

[Guest guest]

yep, classic case of things happening differently than what she expects so she has no idea what to do so instead of doing what we deem logical they get sad, frustrated, etc.  it is hard to know what you should share, you make valid points both ways, but also by not sharing noone will know next time either.  i dont think its " everyones " business but ppl that may deal with her or you know well may be worth confiding in, youd be surprised how supportive they may end up being

On Mon, Aug 16, 2010 at 2:46 AM, jmlrgs1870 <jmlrgs1870@...> wrote:

 

My 9-yr-old dd was going to dance in the mother's room with a 6-yr-old girl who moved with her family about a month ago, but had come back with her dad who was helping at church. Another girl intercepted the neighbor girl and the two ran off to the mother's room. My dd was left standing in front of the church as the congregation was just beginning to leave. She felt abandoned she said later and was sad and mad. Instead of coming back to sit by me or just following the girls to join them, she stayed where she was and literally screamed. Of course, people were surprised and looked to see what was happening. I felt like I was almost in shock about it. When this 'old' friend isn't there, my dd sits and behaves quite well. When she's there, they goof around until I eventually separate them because it's distracting for those around us (and me) who are trying to participate/listen at the service. The 'old' friend has issues and antagonizes my dd, but mine has done her share of instigating mischief, too.

I still can't believe that my dd did that in the front of the church. I know she was hurt, so I want to be understanding; but this was so overboard...even compared to any previous reactions. We talked about it. I acknowledged her feelings and we discussed it, trying to ease the hurt feelings, and thinking about other options in handling the situation.

Do I mention to people that she has Asperger's and that's why these things happened? I don't really want to do that because once a child is labeled by some people, it can make it better or much worse. Otherwise, do I just let it go and let them think she's a disrespectful, misbehaved child whom I have no control over or something? Or perhaps, they already figured out that she must have some issues, so there's nothing really needed for me to say?

Does anyone identify with this, or have ideas about what I should do?I'm embarrassed and when this girl is there, they don't behave and her dad is busy in the church, so she sits with us. My dd has no friends and is grateful to have someone that likes to be with her.

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , , , and Leah

[Guest guest]

I don't know who you would mention it to. If the whole church saw it, you're not going to make an announcement or be able to talk to everyone individually, so I wouldn't worry about it. I know you were embarrassed, I know I would be too. Just tell a few close friends that your daughter has Asperger's and when she gets anxious, she doesn't always know how to react. But say that you're helping her work on her issues, which you are.Unfortunately, public embarrassment is something we almost all have to deal with having AS kids. You have to try not to take it too personally. The people who are friends will understand. The people who aren't friends - who cares what they think, right?SuzanneSent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: "jmlrgs1870" <jmlrgs1870@...>Sender: Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2010 06:46:07 -0000< >Reply Subject: ( ) 9-yr-old dd screamed in church when friend left with another child My 9-yr-old dd was going to dance in the mother's room with a 6-yr-old girl who moved with her family about a month ago, but had come back with her dad who was helping at church. Another girl intercepted the neighbor girl and the two ran off to the mother's room. My dd was left standing in front of the church as the congregation was just beginning to leave. She felt abandoned she said later and was sad and mad. Instead of coming back to sit by me or just following the girls to join them, she stayed where she was and literally screamed. Of course, people were surprised and looked to see what was happening. I felt like I was almost in shock about it. When this 'old' friend isn't there, my dd sits and behaves quite well. When she's there, they goof around until I eventually separate them because it's distracting for those around us (and me) who are trying to participate/listen at the service. The 'old' friend has issues and antagonizes my dd, but mine has done her share of instigating mischief, too.I still can't believe that my dd did that in the front of the church. I know she was hurt, so I want to be understanding; but this was so overboard...even compared to any previous reactions. We talked about it. I acknowledged her feelings and we discussed it, trying to ease the hurt feelings, and thinking about other options in handling the situation. Do I mention to people that she has Asperger's and that's why these things happened? I don't really want to do that because once a child is labeled by some people, it can make it better or much worse. Otherwise, do I just let it go and let them think she's a disrespectful, misbehaved child whom I have no control over or something? Or perhaps, they already figured out that she must have some issues, so there's nothing really needed for me to say? Does anyone identify with this, or have ideas about what I should do?I'm embarrassed and when this girl is there, they don't behave and her dad is busy in the church, so she sits with us. My dd has no friends and is grateful to have someone that likes to be with her.

[Guest guest]

I kind of agree with Suzanne. who would you tell? Those who understand AS will understand what is going on, but most people won't know what you are talking about, and if they don't have an AS child themselves, few people who have heard about it even believe it. You will find out the true friends, and the true Christians.. (assuming that you are Christian, I mean) From: "suzmarkwood@..." <suzmarkwood@...> Sent: Mon, August 16, 2010 8:40:40 AMSubject: Re: ( ) 9-yr-old dd screamed in church when friend left with another child

I don't know who you would mention it to. If the whole church saw it, you're not going to make an announcement or be able to talk to everyone individually, so I wouldn't worry about it. I know you were embarrassed, I know I would be too. Just tell a few close friends that your daughter has Asperger's and when she gets anxious, she doesn't always know how to react. But say that you're helping her work on her issues, which you are.Unfortunately, public embarrassment is something we almost all have to deal with having AS kids. You have to try not to take it too personally. The people who are friends will understand. The people who aren't friends - who cares what they think, right?SuzanneSent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: "jmlrgs1870" <jmlrgs1870@...>

Sender:

Date: Mon, 16 Aug 2010 06:46:07 -0000< >Reply

Subject: ( ) 9-yr-old dd screamed in church when friend left with another child

My 9-yr-old dd was going to dance in the mother's room with a 6-yr-old girl who moved with her family about a month ago, but had come back with her dad who was helping at church. Another girl intercepted the neighbor girl and the two ran off to the mother's room. My dd was left standing in front of the church as the congregation was just beginning to leave. She felt abandoned she said later and was sad and mad. Instead of coming back to sit by me or just following the girls to join them, she stayed where she was and literally screamed. Of course, people were surprised and looked to see what was happening. I felt like I was almost in shock about it. When this 'old' friend isn't there, my dd sits and behaves quite well. When she's there, they goof around until I eventually separate them because it's distracting for those around us (and me) who are trying to participate/listen at the service. The 'old' friend has issues and antagonizes my dd, but

mine has done her share of instigating mischief, too.

I still can't believe that my dd did that in the front of the church. I know she was hurt, so I want to be understanding; but this was so overboard...even compared to any previous reactions. We talked about it. I acknowledged her feelings and we discussed it, trying to ease the hurt feelings, and thinking about other options in handling the situation.

Do I mention to people that she has Asperger's and that's why these things happened? I don't really want to do that because once a child is labeled by some people, it can make it better or much worse. Otherwise, do I just let it go and let them think she's a disrespectful, misbehaved child whom I have no control over or something? Or perhaps, they already figured out that she must have some issues, so there's nothing really needed for me to say?

Does anyone identify with this, or have ideas about what I should do?

I'm embarrassed and when this girl is there, they don't behave and her dad is busy in the church, so she sits with us. My dd has no friends and is grateful to have someone that likes to be with her.

[Guest guest]

Different situations, but YES, I can relate.

First off, I'd say that you should definitely say things. Not that you should make a church announcement, but maybe talk to your Pastor and just let him know that you guys are ready for people to know.....and that you're not sure how to do it.

That you'd like understanding of the church. As far as the girl........maybe chat with the dad and explain what your daughter may be feeling and that she doesn't know how to socially "act" around her????

From my standpoint, I look back on tough times and I wish I would have explained more. Not that I would have written a book for everyone to read (ha ha)....but I realize that if you let people know what's going on, they can either accept you or not. But, if you don't let them know, you can't blame them for not giving you understanding. Ya know?

Good luck. Hugs to you.

"Buddy the Elf, What's your favorite color?"

Robin

From: jmlrgs1870 <jmlrgs1870@...>Subject: ( ) 9-yr-old dd screamed in church when friend left with another child Date: Monday, August 16, 2010, 1:46 AM

My 9-yr-old dd was going to dance in the mother's room with a 6-yr-old girl who moved with her family about a month ago, but had come back with her dad who was helping at church. Another girl intercepted the neighbor girl and the two ran off to the mother's room. My dd was left standing in front of the church as the congregation was just beginning to leave. She felt abandoned she said later and was sad and mad. Instead of coming back to sit by me or just following the girls to join them, she stayed where she was and literally screamed. Of course, people were surprised and looked to see what was happening. I felt like I was almost in shock about it. When this 'old' friend isn't there, my dd sits and behaves quite well. When she's there, they goof around until I eventually separate them because it's distracting for those around us (and me) who are trying to participate/listen at the service. The 'old' friend has issues and antagonizes my dd, but mine

has done her share of instigating mischief, too.I still can't believe that my dd did that in the front of the church. I know she was hurt, so I want to be understanding; but this was so overboard...even compared to any previous reactions. We talked about it. I acknowledged her feelings and we discussed it, trying to ease the hurt feelings, and thinking about other options in handling the situation. Do I mention to people that she has Asperger's and that's why these things happened? I don't really want to do that because once a child is labeled by some people, it can make it better or much worse. Otherwise, do I just let it go and let them think she's a disrespectful, misbehaved child whom I have no control over or something? Or perhaps, they already figured out that she must have some issues, so there's nothing really needed for me to say? Does anyone identify with this, or have ideas about what I should do?I'm embarrassed and when this

girl is there, they don't behave and her dad is busy in the church, so she sits with us. My dd has no friends and is grateful to have someone that likes to be with her.

[Guest guest]

If it makes you feel any better, my son (2 years old) deliberately pushed a baby

to the ground at Christmas Eve Mass. He actually rushed him and shoved the baby

(one year old, just walking) to the floor, which of course set off a huge crying

jag during the Mass. Needless to say, I was mortified!

Bridget

>

> I don't know who you would mention it to. If the whole church saw it, you're

not going to make an announcement or be able to talk to everyone individually,

so I wouldn't worry about it. I know you were embarrassed, I know I would be

too. Just tell a few close friends that your daughter has Asperger's and when

she gets anxious, she doesn't always know how to react. But say that you're

helping her work on her issues, which you are.

> Unfortunately, public embarrassment is something we almost all have to deal

with having AS kids. You have to try not to take it too personally. The people

who are friends will understand. The people who aren't friends - who cares what

they think, right?

>

> Suzanne

> Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

>

> ( ) 9-yr-old dd screamed in church when friend left

with another child

>

> My 9-yr-old dd was going to dance in the mother's room with a 6-yr-old girl

who moved with her family about a month ago, but had come back with her dad who

was helping at church. Another girl intercepted the neighbor girl and the two

ran off to the mother's room. My dd was left standing in front of the church as

the congregation was just beginning to leave. She felt abandoned she said later

and was sad and mad. Instead of coming back to sit by me or just following the

girls to join them, she stayed where she was and literally screamed. Of course,

people were surprised and looked to see what was happening. I felt like I was

almost in shock about it. When this 'old' friend isn't there, my dd sits and

behaves quite well. When she's there, they goof around until I eventually

separate them because it's distracting for those around us (and me) who are

trying to participate/listen at the service. The 'old' friend has issues and

antagonizes my dd, but mine has done her share of instigating mischief, too.

> I still can't believe that my dd did that in the front of the church. I know

she was hurt, so I want to be understanding; but this was so overboard...even

compared to any previous reactions. We talked about it. I acknowledged her

feelings and we discussed it, trying to ease the hurt feelings, and thinking

about other options in handling the situation.

> Do I mention to people that she has Asperger's and that's why these things

happened? I don't really want to do that because once a child is labeled by some

people, it can make it better or much worse. Otherwise, do I just let it go and

let them think she's a disrespectful, misbehaved child whom I have no control

over or something? Or perhaps, they already figured out that she must have some

issues, so there's nothing really needed for me to say?

> Does anyone identify with this, or have ideas about what I should do?

> I'm embarrassed and when this girl is there, they don't behave and her dad is

busy in the church, so she sits with us. My dd has no friends and is grateful to

have someone that likes to be with her.

>