9-yr-old dd screamed in church when friend left with another child

August 16, 2010

My 9-yr-old dd was going to dance in the mother's room with a 6-yr-old girl who

moved with her family about a month ago, but had come back with her dad who was

helping at church. Another girl intercepted the neighbor girl and the two ran

off to the mother's room. My dd was left standing in front of the church as the

congregation was just beginning to leave. She felt abandoned she said later and

was sad and mad. Instead of coming back to sit by me or just following the girls

to join them, she stayed where she was and literally screamed. Of course, people

were surprised and looked to see what was happening. I felt like I was almost in

shock about it. When this 'old' friend isn't there, my dd sits and behaves quite

well. When she's there, they goof around until I eventually separate them

because it's distracting for those around us (and me) who are trying to

participate/listen at the service. The 'old' friend has issues and antagonizes

my dd, but mine has done her share of instigating mischief, too.

I still can't believe that my dd did that in the front of the church. I know she

was hurt, so I want to be understanding; but this was so overboard...even

compared to any previous reactions. We talked about it. I acknowledged her

feelings and we discussed it, trying to ease the hurt feelings, and thinking

about other options in handling the situation.

Do I mention to people that she has Asperger's and that's why these things

happened? I don't really want to do that because once a child is labeled by some

people, it can make it better or much worse. Otherwise, do I just let it go and

let them think she's a disrespectful, misbehaved child whom I have no control

over or something? Or perhaps, they already figured out that she must have some

issues, so there's nothing really needed for me to say?

Does anyone identify with this, or have ideas about what I should do?

I'm embarrassed and when this girl is there, they don't behave and her dad is

busy in the church, so she sits with us. My dd has no friends and is grateful to

have someone that likes to be with her.

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