Re: Halloween plans fell through...

[Guest guest]

Sorry that it didn't turn out the way he expected, . But, yes, he sure persevered.

My son is also 13 and had "loose" plans with a kid a few houses away that were canx Fri.

So,,,,he just came along and had a good time.

I felt bad (and like you said, we probably feel worse than them),,,,cause I guess I'm the one who sees him walking with my younger kids and neices and their friends as we're hiking through town..............I'm wishing he had someone,,,,but he just doesn't see that.We just gotta keep remembering your last statement,,,,,,,,that even NT kiddo's go through this and......... we should be grateful that they have, it seems, more confidence than we do.

They reall are amazing, ya know?

Robin

From: smacalli <smacalli@...>Subject: ( ) Halloween plans fell through... Date: Sunday, November 1, 2009, 12:32 AM

Well...so much for D's Halloween's plans. His friend's (we'll call "F")dad lives in my parents cul-de-sac but F lives with his mom full-time and only occasionally visits. F was supposed to be with his dad this weekend so Dylan made plans with him. I even convinced D to call F to confirm things on Wednesday, to make sure everyone was on the same page. Today, D called F around 2pm to see if F wanted to get together earlier than 5pm (their originally agreed upon time) but F said his dad went out of town so he's at his mom's and already has plans there. We know for sure F's dad was out of town so I know that's the truth, but since F already had plans w/ Dylan, he could've invited him to come to his moms house. That's where they hung out last Saturday! But he didn't. I suspect it's b/c he had friends over and didn't know what they might think about Dylan, but I guess I can't say that for certain. I was crushed. I think I took the news harder than Dylan.

My dad said Dylan was upset about it. So my dad, the amazing, wonderful person that he is, planned an evening of scaring trick or treaters and a marathon game of Risk instead. But guess what? Dylan still wanted to go trick or treating. And my invitation for him to go with us (his 8-yr-old sister and 2 of her friends) was a hard sell, so he got dressed up and went out on his own (he's 13.) He took my dad's cell phone and went around for about an hour and a half. I haven't talked to him yet, but I'm sure it was fun or he would've been home sooner. So while I'm sad for him that F would cancel plans and not include him in the new ones, I'm so proud that Dylan does not give up. He perseveres. It's amazing to me how much confidence, determination, and positive attitude come out of him sometimes. I'm hoping that as he gets older, things like this will get better for him.Even with this, he's had a better year. There is one girl he hangs out with

at school (she asked him to the Homecoming Dance, but he told her "no") but she was grounded and couldn't do anything tonight. He sits with her and her friends every day at lunchtime. Just that alone is great b/c he didn't have someone like that last year. I just hate that it's so hard for him with most other kids his age. He really is a sweet kid with a positive way of looking at things, and a great sense of humor. I just wish tonight didn't turn out the way it did. Really sucks. It felt like how you feel after your newborn sleeps through the night for the first time and then wakes up the next night. You want desperately to think this is a turning point of some sort and you won't ever go back to how it used to be, but it does and it's such a let-down. But when I really think about it, it's not like this doesn't happen to NT kids too, but damn, it hurts.

[Guest guest]

I know how you feel this use to happen to us so much

when she was younger.

Some friends we have are like this too. They make plans and then often cancel. I

try to point out to my daughter her cousin never

does this and that her cousin is loyal. Others aren't.

On the other side of the coin, my daughter was invited to a

Halloween party with some special needs girls from her school

on Halloween Day and she wouldn't go. She said she was too shy and just wanted

to stay home. Here are a group of kids and parents

very involved. They even hired a behaviorist to help the

girls stay engaged. I was so sad and angry. These Mom's and

I have a lot in common and it could have been a social

interaction for me too. This kid is so hard to help. I have to figure out a way

to make sure she goes to the next get together in 2 weeks.

How I cope with all these is I always have something special

for every holiday and event 1:1 with my daughter. We went and

picked apples together, we picked out customs together, by the

day a holiday arrives I am not emotional invested in her having

to see a peer or even participate in family holiday events. We have

spent many Christmas days with my daughter refusing to

go to my husbands family's parties.

What can we do? I try my best to help her cope and stay engaged.

That is all we can do.

Pam

>

> Well...so much for D's Halloween's plans. His friend's (we'll call " F " )dad

lives in my parents cul-de-sac but F lives with his mom full-time and only

occasionally visits. F was supposed to be with his dad this weekend so Dylan

made plans with him. I even convinced D to call F to confirm things on

Wednesday, to make sure everyone was on the same page. Today, D called F around

2pm to see if F wanted to get together earlier than 5pm (their originally agreed

upon time) but F said his dad went out of town so he's at his mom's and already

has plans there. We know for sure F's dad was out of town so I know that's the

truth, but since F already had plans w/ Dylan, he could've invited him to come

to his moms house. That's where they hung out last Saturday! But he didn't. I

suspect it's b/c he had friends over and didn't know what they might think about

Dylan, but I guess I can't say that for certain. I was crushed. I think I took

the news harder than Dylan. My dad said Dylan was upset about it. So my dad,

the amazing, wonderful person that he is, planned an evening of scaring trick or

treaters and a marathon game of Risk instead.

>

> But guess what? Dylan still wanted to go trick or treating. And my

invitation for him to go with us (his 8-yr-old sister and 2 of her friends) was

a hard sell, so he got dressed up and went out on his own (he's 13.) He took my

dad's cell phone and went around for about an hour and a half. I haven't talked

to him yet, but I'm sure it was fun or he would've been home sooner. So while

I'm sad for him that F would cancel plans and not include him in the new ones,

I'm so proud that Dylan does not give up. He perseveres. It's amazing to me

how much confidence, determination, and positive attitude come out of him

sometimes. I'm hoping that as he gets older, things like this will get better

for him.

>

> Even with this, he's had a better year. There is one girl he hangs out with at

school (she asked him to the Homecoming Dance, but he told her " no " ) but she was

grounded and couldn't do anything tonight. He sits with her and her friends

every day at lunchtime. Just that alone is great b/c he didn't have someone like

that last year.

>

> I just hate that it's so hard for him with most other kids his age. He really

is a sweet kid with a positive way of looking at things, and a great sense of

humor. I just wish tonight didn't turn out the way it did. Really sucks. It

felt like how you feel after your newborn sleeps through the night for the first

time and then wakes up the next night. You want desperately to think this is a

turning point of some sort and you won't ever go back to how it used to be, but

it does and it's such a let-down. But when I really think about it, it's not

like this doesn't happen to NT kids too, but damn, it hurts.

>

>

>