Re: great.... - for Robin

[Guest guest]

Robin - Yes, he went to public school until we moved him. Public school was a disaster for him, as it is for many of our kids. The last two years of middle school (7th and 8th) he was moved into a self-contained classroom due to behavior. (At that time we only had an ADHD diagnosis which he received at age 5 – didn’t get Aspergers label until he was 15.) Voila! What we found was that once he was removed from the stressful environment of the regular school he wasn’t a behavior problem. He loved this class, the teacher, and the aide (and they loved him back!!) and he blossomed and flourished. He liked school and felt good about himself. (Several years later when we moved him to the private school the revelation hit me that these two years had been his most successful in all his years in public school. I dealt with extreme guilt and regret for a couple of years that I had not seen this earlier.)

High school was a nightmare for him. Initially, he was put in the wrong placement. He was coming out of the self-contained classroom (because he had done so well in there!!!) and was to go into all regular classes with an IEP and modifications. They mistakenly placed him in a room that was for students who were extreme behavior problems and were just short of being placed in an alternative campus. OMG – he was immediately targeted by others as different and vulnerable. He was hit on the head on a daily basis with binders and water bottles and had spit wads hurled at him. We did not find out about this placement error until at least 6 weeks into the school year. (As you know our kiddos do not communicate well! We had suspected something was up and had kept asking him questions...) Anyway, high school was a disaster – he was suspended for fighting and wound up in the justice system twice, he was assaulted in the cafeteria, I could go on and on. He was clinically depressed and had zero self-esteem. He was angry, he hated school, he lashed out. The list could go on and on.

The final straw was about three weeks before the end of his junior year. We were in an ARD/manifestation hearing because he had “threatened” another student with a pair of scissors. This had been a very challenging year to say the least. The assistant principal who was the “administrative representative” for juniors just did not get it (and his background was special education!!). He was pushing for Tyler to be moved to what I refer to as the “behavioral class” but I, and all the other teachers/staff on the team were adamantly opposed as we knew this would be a disastrous placement for Tyler. Tyler’s dad and I had been told three different stories about the incident: 1) Tyler had threatened the other student with the scissors – he had gone up to him and made “hacking” motions while standing over the student and making verbal threats to “stab your eyes out” – and it was totally unprovoked; 2) “maybe” there had been a conflict between Tyler and the other student; and finally 3) there had been a “conflict” prior to the incident. We were told the teacher had been in the class the whole time. Finally, in the second meeting to discuss this (as I had adamantly refused at the first meeting to let them move him to the “behavior” class) we were told that the teacher had left the room to do something and Tyler had tried to tell the other student something about a game – the other student started yelling at Tyler and this is when Tyler picked up the scissors and “threatened” him. I was beyond furious – it was specifically written in his IEP that he was NEVER to be left in an unstructured/unsupervised classroom environment. I was almost in tears. The assistant principal was doing a fast backwards pedal. He changed his tune about changing Tyler’s placement (OMG, he had even been talking about moving Tyler to the alternative campus!!) He made the statement, “I am personally going to meet with each of Tyler’s teachers to make sure they have read and understand his IEP and follow it.” For the love of Pete, this was 3 weeks before the END of school and he is going to make sure Tyler’s teachers know he has an IEP and are following it!!!! I almost get sick to my stomach even now just thinking about this.

I knew we HAD to do something before something more serious happened. I was worried about Tyler’s mental health (even worried that he could be suicidal). I was worried that he would wind up back in the justice system. I was just worried sick. I started looking at educational alternatives though home schooling was never one of them <GRIN>. One day when I had dropped Tyler off at his “social understanding” group I saw a flyer for this new private school that specialized in students with Aspergers, ADHD, PDD-NOS, dyslexia, etc. And the rest is history! We had him re-do his junior year – not due to any academic issues but we felt like an extra year prior to college would be beneficial emotionally/socially which it was.

Tyler is now a freshman in a local community college and continues to live with his dad. He is also doing a program with the same organization that he has done “social understanding” groups with for the last 3 or 4 years. It is called FOPI (Focusing on Personal Independence). He goes to college classes five mornings a week and then goes there for 3 hours every day. They are working with him on school, nutritional/exercise, daily living skills necessary to be independent (hygiene, meds, finances, etc.), and social goals. The goal is for them to work themselves out of a job!! We are very hopeful that this program will take him to the next step in obtaining independent living.

Gee, sorry, this has been so long. I really get wound up on this subject!

Anyway, hope this helps. If nothing else, I hope it gives you some comfort in knowing that things can get better and our kids can learn to feel good about themselves and be successful in learning to navigate in this world.

On 9/28/09 9:05 PM, " and/or Robin Lemke " <jrisjs@...> wrote:

Hi ,

Thanks for your words.

So,,,,did your son go to pub school the whole time?

Tell a little, if you don't mind.

What's he doing now?

From: Elgamal <cindyelgamal@...>

Subject: RE: ( ) great....

Date: Monday, September 28, 2009, 8:15 PM

I don’t remember it being called the “2/3 rule” but I think it is Tony Attwood that talks about the fact that Aspie’s are emotionally/ socially about 2/3 of their biological age. So, a 12 year old is emotionally and socially about 8. I do think this is very accurate for many Aspie’s especially until they get into their late teens when they seem to start closing the gap a little faster. My son is 19+ now and, while he is not close to being emotionally or socially 19, I have noticed an accelerated rate of social/emotional growth in the last couple of years.

Robin – I really feel for you. The teen years are so hard on our kids. This seems to be a time that many who were very happy as loners before now want to be accepted by their peers and they just don’t know how. And, like you said, they haven’t learned how to not get caught like the other kids have.

From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of Debra Balke

Sent: Monday, September 28, 2009 8:21 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) great....

Remember, he is not a mature 13 year old, he is an immature 13 year old. So, it isn't as if he has 5 years more of social development. He probably has another 10 years of maturing ahead. These kids often get a lot better as they get older, but many not until their early 20's. Didn't someone quote the 2/3's rule. 2/3's of 13, and that is where he is at emotionally. The noises, the silliness. Not a mature 13, but yes an immature 13. So, as long as he " grows up " some day and the noises and silliness stop and he can " fake it " enough to get by as an adult, it will all be OK....

( ) great....

Well, my son, Ian, 13, after having him home doing a virtual school for 6th and 7th grade, decided to " go back to school " for this year, 8th.

We found a small parochial school with just 48 kids from K-12.

They said they were willing to work with us, learn about Ian, AS, ADHD, OCD, and Tourttes.

Ian even joined the small soccer team.

It's been hard, but we're making it, academically. With no IEP and no legal means of enforcing things, we meet and chat by email and, like I said, they seem like they are on board.

Well,,,,,,,lately Ian is getting points taken.... " demerits " ....but " bugging " people, making noises, him and another boy talk and act goofy,,,,,,, ,,,,,and to top it off, if Ian is " called " on something and believes it's wrong, he argues. So,,,being a Baptist school, this is considered " disrespect " .

He makes noises from time-to-time, Tourettes. But,,,,,,,,with him getting more " at ease " , I think, with the kids and school, he is also getting goofy. So,,,,,,if he knows that his noises, in his eyes, are funny, he makes the noise. The 2 gals in his class say, " knock it off " or whatever. So,,,,Ian does it again.

They now, are saying, " You're so retarded " .....or other not nice or acceptable things.

They do this quietly or when the teacher is out of the room for a second.

This makes him more mad, so he makes more noises to tick them off.

Here's the circle, ya know?

So,,,then, because he doesn't have the " social " ability to hide his " naughtiness " ,,,,,he gets in trouble.

Now,,,I honestly think he SHOULD get caught for trying to bug people,,,,,but I also think the other kids should too.

SO,,,,here's the old stuff coming back to haunt.

I'm not calling or showing up for my 5 or 8 year old......he' s now 13.

At what point do I keep sticking up for him? That sounded bad. I will always defend him.

I'm going in, in the morn., b/c no one should be called names.

I guess I'm just sad cause I see it all happening again. Him getting sad,,,,then made.....

cause knows no one wants to be with him.

He's begging to come back home for school again. Saying that he just doesnt' fit.

It's crushing me.

I remember how wonderful he felt and how much he socially changed when we brought him home for school. It was a fricken miricle.

BUt,,,,now I see him 5 yrs from being an adult....and I'm panicking... ....wanting him to learn about the real world. Wanting him to learn that he has to just take some things...... .wanting him to see that if he would just stop the intentional noise-making, it may take a while, but they would move on and accept his UNINTENTIONAL noises.

I hate this.

[Guest guest]

Wow, . You've been through the ringer. I'm sooo glad all ended well, though. Sucks that it took so long. I'm amazed at the ignorance we've encountered by teachers SPEC ED backrounds!!!! Blows me away.

I wish to God that there was a school around here that specialized in "the spectrum". I'd drive far if I had to. Darnit.

***

Yeah,,,,the first thing I think I'm going to do is talk with his 2 teachers about coming in and talking with his class. Explaining Ian to them. At least if nothing changes, I'll know that I gave it a shot.

Where did you hear about FOPI? Is it a "state" thing or "county" thing?

Robin

From: Elgamal <cindyelgamal@ sbcglobal. net>Subject: RE: ( ) great.... Date: Monday, September 28, 2009, 8:15 PM I don’t remember it being called the “2/3 rule†but I think it is Tony Attwood that talks about the fact that Aspie’s are emotionally/ socially about 2/3 of their biological age. So, a 12 year old is emotionally and socially about 8. I do think this is very accurate for many Aspie’s especially until they get into their late teens when they seem to start closing the gap a little faster. My son is 19+ now and, while he is not close to being emotionally or socially 19, I have noticed an accelerated rate of social/emotional growth in the last couple of years.

Robin – I really feel for you. The teen years are so hard on our kids. This seems to be a time that many who were very happy as loners before now want to be accepted by their peers and they just don’t know how. And, like you said, they haven’t learned how to not get caught like the other kids have. From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of Debra BalkeSent: Monday, September 28, 2009 8:21 AM Subject: Re: ( ) great.... Remember, he is not a

mature 13 year old, he is an immature 13 year old. So, it isn't as if he has 5 years more of social development. He probably has another 10 years of maturing ahead. These kids often get a lot better as they get older, but many not until their early 20's. Didn't someone quote the 2/3's rule. 2/3's of 13, and that is where he is at emotionally. The noises, the silliness. Not a mature 13, but yes an immature 13. So, as long as he "grows up" some day and the noises and silliness stop and he can "fake it" enough to get by as an adult, it will all be OK....

( ) great.... Well, my son, Ian, 13, after having him home doing a virtual school for

6th and 7th grade, decided to "go back to school" for this year, 8th.We found a small parochial school with just 48 kids from K-12.They said they were willing to work with us, learn about Ian, AS, ADHD, OCD, and Tourttes.Ian even joined the small soccer team. It's been hard, but we're making it, academically. With no IEP and no legal means of enforcing things, we meet and chat by email and, like I said, they seem like they are on board. Well,,,,,,,lately Ian is getting points taken...."demerits"....but "bugging" people, making noises, him and another boy talk and act goofy,,,,,,, ,,,,,and to top it off, if Ian is "called" on something and believes it's wrong, he argues. So,,,being a Baptist school, this is considered "disrespect". He makes noises from time-to-time, Tourettes. But,,,,,,,,with him getting more "at ease", I think, with the kids and school, he is also getting goofy.

So,,,,,,if he knows that his noises, in his eyes, are funny, he makes the noise. The 2 gals in his class say, "knock it off" or whatever. So,,,,Ian does it again. They now, are saying, "You're so retarded".....or other not nice or acceptable things.They do this quietly or when the teacher is out of the room for a second.This makes him more mad, so he makes more noises to tick them off.Here's the circle, ya know?So,,,then, because he doesn't have the "social" ability to hide his "naughtiness",,,,,he gets in trouble.Now,,,I honestly think he SHOULD get caught for trying to bug people,,,,,but I also think the other kids should too.SO,,,,here's the old stuff coming back to haunt. I'm not calling or showing up for my 5 or 8 year old......he' s now 13.At what point do I keep sticking up for him? That sounded bad. I will always defend him.I'm going in, in the morn.,

b/c no one should be called names.I guess I'm just sad cause I see it all happening again. Him getting sad,,,,then made.....cause knows no one wants to be with him.He's begging to come back home for school again. Saying that he just doesnt' fit.It's crushing me. I remember how wonderful he felt and how much he socially changed when we brought him home for school. It was a fricken miricle.BUt,,,,now I see him 5 yrs from being an adult....and I'm panicking... .....wanting him to learn about the real world. Wanting him to learn that he has to just take some things...... .wanting him to see that if he would just stop the intentional noise-making, it may take a while, but they would move on and accept his UNINTENTIONAL noises. I hate this.

[Guest guest]

I meant to say that "I'm amazed at the ignorance we've encountered by teachers WITH SPEC ED backrounds!!!!

From: Elgamal <cindyelgamal@ sbcglobal. net>Subject: RE: ( ) great.... Date: Monday, September 28, 2009, 8:15 PM I don’t remember it being called the “2/3 rule†but I think it is Tony Attwood that talks about the fact that Aspie’s are emotionally/ socially about 2/3 of their biological age. So, a 12 year old is emotionally and socially about 8. I do think this is very accurate for many Aspie’s especially until they get into their late teens when they seem to start closing the gap a little faster. My son is 19+ now and, while he is not close to being emotionally or socially 19, I have noticed an accelerated rate of social/emotional growth in the last couple of years.

Robin – I really feel for you. The teen years are so hard on our kids. This seems to be a time that many who were very happy as loners before now want to be accepted by their peers and they just don’t know how. And, like you said, they haven’t learned how to not get caught like the other kids have. From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of Debra BalkeSent: Monday, September 28, 2009 8:21 AM Subject: Re: ( ) great.... Remember, he is not a mature 13 year old, he is an

immature 13 year old. So, it isn't as if he has 5 years more of social development. He probably has another 10 years of maturing ahead. These kids often get a lot better as they get older, but many not until their early 20's. Didn't someone quote the 2/3's rule. 2/3's of 13, and that is where he is at emotionally. The noises, the silliness. Not a mature 13, but yes an immature 13. So, as long as he "grows up" some day and the noises and silliness stop and he can "fake it" enough to get by as an adult, it will all be OK....

( ) great.... Well, my son, Ian, 13, after having him home doing a virtual school for

6th and 7th grade, decided to "go back to school" for this year, 8th.We found a small parochial school with just 48 kids from K-12.They said they were willing to work with us, learn about Ian, AS, ADHD, OCD, and Tourttes.Ian even joined the small soccer team. It's been hard, but we're making it, academically. With no IEP and no legal means of enforcing things, we meet and chat by email and, like I said, they seem like they are on board. Well,,,,,,,lately Ian is getting points taken...."demerits"....but "bugging" people, making noises, him and another boy talk and act goofy,,,,,,, ,,,,,and to top it off, if Ian is "called" on something and believes it's wrong, he argues. So,,,being a Baptist school, this is considered "disrespect". He makes noises from time-to-time, Tourettes. But,,,,,,,,with him getting more "at ease", I think, with the kids and school, he is also getting goofy.

So,,,,,,if he knows that his noises, in his eyes, are funny, he makes the noise. The 2 gals in his class say, "knock it off" or whatever. So,,,,Ian does it again. They now, are saying, "You're so retarded".....or other not nice or acceptable things.They do this quietly or when the teacher is out of the room for a second.This makes him more mad, so he makes more noises to tick them off.Here's the circle, ya know?So,,,then, because he doesn't have the "social" ability to hide his "naughtiness",,,,,he gets in trouble.Now,,,I honestly think he SHOULD get caught for trying to bug people,,,,,but I also think the other kids should too.SO,,,,here's the old stuff coming back to haunt. I'm not calling or showing up for my 5 or 8 year old......he' s now 13.At what point do I keep sticking up for him? That sounded bad. I will always defend him.I'm going in, in the morn.,

b/c no one should be called names.I guess I'm just sad cause I see it all happening again. Him getting sad,,,,then made.....cause knows no one wants to be with him.He's begging to come back home for school again. Saying that he just doesnt' fit.It's crushing me. I remember how wonderful he felt and how much he socially changed when we brought him home for school. It was a fricken miricle.BUt,,,,now I see him 5 yrs from being an adult....and I'm panicking... .....wanting him to learn about the real world. Wanting him to learn that he has to just take some things...... .wanting him to see that if he would just stop the intentional noise-making, it may take a while, but they would move on and accept his UNINTENTIONAL noises. I hate this.

[Guest guest]

hi friends please tell me the name of the private school tyler went to it would be really appreciated.Angel Blessings

From: Elgamal <cindyelgamal@ sbcglobal. net>Subject: RE: ( ) great.... Date: Monday, September 28, 2009, 8:15 PM I don’t remember it being called the “2/3 rule†but I think it is Tony Attwood that talks about the fact that Aspie’s are emotionally/ socially about 2/3 of their biological age. So, a 12 year old is emotionally and socially about 8. I do think this is very accurate for many Aspie’s especially until they get into their late teens when they seem to start closing the gap a little faster. My son is 19+ now and, while he is not close to being emotionally or socially 19, I have noticed an accelerated rate of social/emotional growth in the last couple of years.

Robin – I really feel for you. The teen years are so hard on our kids. This seems to be a time that many who were very happy as loners before now want to be accepted by their peers and they just don’t know how. And, like you said, they haven’t learned how to not get caught like the other kids have. From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of Debra BalkeSent: Monday, September 28, 2009 8:21 AM Subject: Re: ( ) great.... Remember, he is not a

mature 13 year old, he is an immature 13 year old. So, it isn't as if he has 5 years more of social development. He probably has another 10 years of maturing ahead. These kids often get a lot better as they get older, but many not until their early 20's. Didn't someone quote the 2/3's rule. 2/3's of 13, and that is where he is at emotionally. The noises, the silliness. Not a mature 13, but yes an immature 13. So, as long as he "grows up" some day and the noises and silliness stop and he can "fake it" enough to get by as an adult, it will all be OK....

( ) great.... Well, my son, Ian, 13, after having him home doing a virtual school for

6th and 7th grade, decided to "go back to school" for this year, 8th.We found a small parochial school with just 48 kids from K-12.They said they were willing to work with us, learn about Ian, AS, ADHD, OCD, and Tourttes.Ian even joined the small soccer team. It's been hard, but we're making it, academically. With no IEP and no legal means of enforcing things, we meet and chat by email and, like I said, they seem like they are on board. Well,,,,,,,lately Ian is getting points taken...."demerits"....but "bugging" people, making noises, him and another boy talk and act goofy,,,,,,, ,,,,,and to top it off, if Ian is "called" on something and believes it's wrong, he argues. So,,,being a Baptist school, this is considered "disrespect". He makes noises from time-to-time, Tourettes. But,,,,,,,,with him getting more "at ease", I think, with the kids and school, he is also getting goofy.

So,,,,,,if he knows that his noises, in his eyes, are funny, he makes the noise. The 2 gals in his class say, "knock it off" or whatever. So,,,,Ian does it again. They now, are saying, "You're so retarded".....or other not nice or acceptable things.They do this quietly or when the teacher is out of the room for a second.This makes him more mad, so he makes more noises to tick them off.Here's the circle, ya know?So,,,then, because he doesn't have the "social" ability to hide his "naughtiness",,,,,he gets in trouble.Now,,,I honestly think he SHOULD get caught for trying to bug people,,,,,but I also think the other kids should too.SO,,,,here's the old stuff coming back to haunt. I'm not calling or showing up for my 5 or 8 year old......he' s now 13.At what point do I keep sticking up for him? That sounded bad. I will always defend him.I'm going in, in the morn.,

b/c no one should be called names.I guess I'm just sad cause I see it all happening again. Him getting sad,,,,then made.....cause knows no one wants to be with him.He's begging to come back home for school again. Saying that he just doesnt' fit.It's crushing me. I remember how wonderful he felt and how much he socially changed when we brought him home for school. It was a fricken miricle.BUt,,,,now I see him 5 yrs from being an adult....and I'm panicking... ....wanting him to learn about the real world. Wanting him to learn that he has to just take some things...... .wanting him to see that if he would just stop the intentional noise-making, it may take a while, but they would move on and accept his UNINTENTIONAL noises. I hate this.

[Guest guest]

FOPI is a program thru FOCUS (Focusing on Children Under the Spectrum) 

The “Children†in this is really not accurate as she has had a client in his 60’s

(a man who had just been diagnosed).  FOCUS is a private organization started

by someone who had taught special ed and been an autism expert in a local

school system.  She is wonderful and really loves and understands these kids.

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of and/or Robin Lemke

Sent: Tuesday, September 29, 2009 2:01 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) great.... - for Robin

Wow, .

You've been through the ringer. I'm sooo glad all ended well,

though. Sucks that it took so long.

I'm amazed at the ignorance we've encountered by teachers SPEC ED backrounds!!!!

Blows me away.

I wish to God that there was a school around here that

specialized in " the spectrum " . I'd drive far if I had

to. Darnit.

***

Yeah,,,,the first thing I think I'm going to do is talk

with his 2 teachers about coming in and talking with his class.

Explaining Ian to them. At least if nothing changes, I'll know that I gave it

a shot.

Where did you hear about FOPI? Is it a

" state " thing or " county " thing?

Robin

From: Elgamal <cindyelgamal@ sbcglobal. net>

Subject: RE: ( ) great....

Date: Monday, September 28, 2009, 8:15 PM

I don’t remember it being called the “2/3 rule†but I think it

is Tony Attwood that talks about the fact that Aspie’s are emotionally/

socially about 2/3 of their biological age. So, a 12 year old is

emotionally and socially about 8. I do think this is very accurate for

many Aspie’s especially until they get into their late teens when they seem

to start closing the gap a little faster. My son is 19+ now and, while

he is not close to being emotionally or socially 19, I have noticed an accelerated

rate of social/emotional growth in the last couple of years.

Robin – I really feel for you. The teen years are so hard on our kids.

This seems to be a time that many who were very happy as loners before

now want to be accepted by their peers and they just don’t know how.

And, like you said, they haven’t learned how to not get caught like the

other kids have.

From:

[mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf

Of Debra Balke

Sent: Monday, September 28, 2009 8:21 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) great....

Remember, he is

not a mature 13 year old, he is an immature 13 year old. So, it isn't

as if he has 5 years more of social development. He probably has

another 10 years of maturing ahead. These kids often get a lot better

as they get older, but many not until their early 20's. Didn't someone

quote the 2/3's rule. 2/3's of 13, and that is where he is at

emotionally. The noises, the silliness. Not a mature 13, but yes

an immature 13. So, as long as he " grows up " some day and the

noises and silliness stop and he can " fake it " enough to get by as

an adult, it will all be OK....

-----

Original Message -----

From: and/or

Robin Lemke <http://us.mc657. mail.. com/mc/compose? to=jrisjs@

>

Aspergers Treatment <http://us.mc657. mail.. com/mc/compose?

to=aspergerssupp ortgroups (DOT) com>

Sent: Sunday, September 27, 2009 5:29 PM

Subject: ( ) great....

Well, my son, Ian, 13, after having him home doing a virtual school for 6th

and 7th grade, decided to " go back to school " for this year, 8th.

We found a small parochial school with just 48 kids from K-12.

They said they were willing to work with us, learn about Ian, AS, ADHD, OCD,

and Tourttes.

Ian even joined the small soccer team.

It's been hard, but we're making it, academically. With no IEP and no

legal means of enforcing things, we meet and chat by email and, like I said,

they seem like they are on board.

Well,,,,,,,lately Ian is getting points taken.... " demerits " ....but

" bugging " people, making noises, him and another boy talk and act

goofy,,,,,,, ,,,,,and to top it off, if Ian is " called " on

something and believes it's wrong, he argues. So,,,being a Baptist

school, this is considered " disrespect " .

He makes noises from time-to-time, Tourettes. But,,,,,,,,with him

getting more " at ease " , I think, with the kids and school, he is

also getting goofy. So,,,,,,if he knows that his noises, in his eyes,

are funny, he makes the noise. The 2 gals in his class say, " knock

it off " or whatever. So,,,,Ian does it again.

They now, are saying, " You're so retarded " .....or other not nice or

acceptable things.

They do this quietly or when the teacher is out of the room for a second.

This makes him more mad, so he makes more noises to tick them off.

Here's the circle, ya know?

So,,,then, because he doesn't have the " social " ability to hide his

" naughtiness " ,,,,,he gets in trouble.

Now,,,I honestly think he SHOULD get caught for trying to bug people,,,,,but

I also think the other kids should too.

SO,,,,here's the old stuff coming back to haunt.

I'm not calling or showing up for my 5 or 8 year old......he' s now 13.

At what point do I keep sticking up for him? That sounded bad. I

will always defend him.

I'm going in, in the morn., b/c no one should be called names.

I guess I'm just sad cause I see it all happening again. Him getting

sad,,,,then made.....

cause knows no one wants to be with him.

He's begging to come back home for school again. Saying that he just

doesnt' fit.

It's crushing me.

I remember how wonderful he felt and how much he socially changed when we

brought him home for school. It was a fricken miricle.

BUt,,,,now I see him 5 yrs from being an adult....and I'm panicking...

......wanting him to learn about the real world. Wanting him to learn

that he has to just take some things...... .wanting him to see that if he

would just stop the intentional noise-making, it may take a while, but they

would move on and accept his UNINTENTIONAL noises.

I hate this.

[Guest guest]

, wow. We share a lot in common as I was reading your story. I

had a lot of the same problems with the school with my older ds,

including having him placed in what they told me was an " LD " class, but

was really a BD class. Enter chaos, not knowing what was wrong and

yadda yadda. When my ds went to homebound with a tutor, it turned out

to be the best thing for him. It's nice to know we lived to tell the

tale! lol.

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

Re: ( ) great....

  Remember, he is not a mature 13 year old, he is an immature 13 year

old.  So, it isn't as if he has 5 years more of social development.  He

probably has another 10 years of maturing ahead.  These kids often get

a lot better as they get older, but many not until their early 20's.

 Didn't someone quote the 2/3's rule.  2/3's of 13, and that is where

he is at emotionally.  The noises, the silliness.  Not a mature 13, but

yes an immature 13.  So, as long as he " grows up " some day and the

noises and silliness stop and he can " fake it " enough to get by as an

adult, it will all be OK....  

( ) great....

  

Well, my son, Ian, 13, after having him home doing a virtual school for

6th and 7th grade, decided to " go back to school " for this year, 8th.

We found a small parochial school with just 48 kids from K-12.

They said they were willing to work with us, learn about Ian, AS, ADHD,

OCD, and Tourttes.

Ian even joined the small soccer team.  

It's been hard, but we're making it, academically.  With no IEP and no

legal means of enforcing things, we meet and chat by email and, like I

said, they seem like they are on board.

 

Well,,,,,,,lately Ian is getting points taken.... " demerits " ....but

" bugging " people, making noises, him and another boy talk and act

goofy,,,,,,, ,,,,,and to top it off, if Ian is " called " on something

and believes it's wrong, he argues.  So,,,being a Baptist school, this

is considered " disrespect " .

 

He makes noises from time-to-time, Tourettes.  But,,,,,,,,with him

getting more " at ease " , I think, with the kids and school, he is also

getting goofy.  So,,,,,,if he knows that his noises, in his eyes, are

funny, he makes the noise.  The 2 gals in his class say, " knock it off "

or whatever.  So,,,,Ian does it again.  

They now, are saying, " You're so20retarded " .....or other not nice or

acceptable things.

They do this quietly or when the teacher is out of the room for a

second.

This makes him more mad, so he makes more noises to tick them off.

Here's the circle, ya know?

So,,,then, because he doesn't have the " social " ability to hide his

" naughtiness " ,,,,,he gets in trouble.

Now,,,I honestly think he SHOULD get caught for trying to bug

people,,,,,but I also think the other kids should too.

SO,,,,here's the old stuff coming back to haunt.

 

I'm not calling or showing up for my 5  or 8 year old......he' s now 13.

At what point do I keep sticking up for him?  That sounded bad.  I will

always defend him.

I'm going in, in the morn., b/c no one should be called names.

I guess I'm just sad cause I see it all happening again.  Him getting

sad,,,,then made.....

cause knows no one wants to be with him.

He's begging to come back home for school again.  Saying that he just

doesnt' fit.

It's crushing me.

 

I remember how wonderful he felt and how much he socially changed when

we brought him home for school.  It was a fricken miricle.

BUt,,,,now I see him 5 yrs from being an adult....and I'm panicking...

.....wanting him to learn about the real world.  Wanting him to learn

that he has to just take some things...... .wanting h

im to see that if

he would just stop the intentional noise-making, it may take a while,

but they would move on and accept his UNINTENTIONAL noises.

 

I hate this.