Re: New - please help me sort through this

[Guest guest]

Hi Staci, you're right, it can be difficult to pick out what is personality and

what might be on the autistic side.

With my son, now 21, I knew at a young age that he had traits that made me think

" autism? " but there were so many other ways he didn't seem to fit. What I did

was just approach those that seemed on the autistic side from that direction and

just guided him the best I could. Like his black/white thinking, his logical

way to look at things. His having a hard time with skills that other children

didn't (I have 3 sons), like just being able to dress himself, choosing clothes,

brush his teeth, fix himself something to eat, tie his shoes.... Talking on &

on & on about topics, past the point where we all had quit listening. Having a

hard time with decisions. (my own list could go on & on!)

So with your daughter, in areas that require social skills (her shyness,

sharing, game playing, wanting to be first...), you might find social stories

and role playing helpful to teach her. I don't recall her age, but they have

stories for different age ranges. It just takes repetitive practice and

teaching. With her shyness, I would just gently try to prompt her in

situations, don't push it. LOL, I say that because *I* was an extremely shy

girl and pushing me into situations didn't work, gentle prompting would work

better; and if I still refused, well then, I just wasn't ready yet. (I got

better with age)

While I could have my other 2 sons help clean up or do something around the

house, it was not the same ease for my Aspie. It was like having to instruct

him with each task, just one sentence at a time. I couldn't just say " clean

your room " or " pick up your toys " and let it go at that. Are you finding that

to be true with your daughter?

Oh, and I'm familiar with those unthoughtful and sometimes embarrassing, but

truthful, comments they can make (that I can laugh about now but not in the

moment!) -- I just REALLY talked to him about those as soon as I could,

explaining why it was wrong to say that, etc.

With eye contact, I did work with mine on looking at people as he spoke, but I

worked more on his looking at them while they spoke to him. I would prompt him

to look, make eye contact.

My son had sensory problems too. Another son did too. Many children do.

Occupational therapy can help with sensory issues. If you can afford that

privately, not cheap. If you feel any of her sensory problems are affecting her

at school, whether with her work or with her ability to learn, function well at

school, then you could request the school to have her evaluated for occupational

therapy, see if she can receive services through the school. But schools are

more interested in educuation/learning, which is why you'd need to have some

ideas of how it affects here there (even motor skills, her ability to write, use

scissors...that can be helped with OT).

Kids are different, even those with Aspergers, which is why some information you

read sounds so opposite. Some need a very strict routine/schedule each day

(mine didn't), some may prefer to play alone (mine wanted to play with others,

just didn't fit in, wasn't accepted, but he tried), my son does show empathy,

etc. Someone pointed out to me, and it was true, that some things he did

better with family but not with others. Like he could tell if I was being

sarcastic or was teasing, but not with others at school. So take " environment "

into consideration too, with some things.

Just some quick thoughts.

>

> I came to learn of AS after learning of sensory issues and nutrition

> approaches. I've been reading and reading and many AS traits fit my daughter

> but there seem to be contradictions also. Some have no sense of humor, some

> do. Some are great actors and others don't use a variety of facial

[Guest guest]

Staci the most common issue with kids with autism in general

is that they have difficulty with dynamic social interactions more

or less. For example my daughter can talk one on one in a

fairly reciprocal way with a peer talking about animals which she

likes. She will ask questions about the peers pets etc. Looks typical. But if

two other girls joined them and started talking

about a new car one of the girls Mom just got my daughter

would ignore that and want to keep on with the pet conversation.

Although this sounds harmless it is pervasive. As long as she knows

what to expect she copes but if things change she may meltdown (worse

case) or just walk away (best case).

Kids with autism in general have a wide range of various cognitive, sensory and

anxiety/mood issues too but so do many kids with other kids of learning issues.

But the problems with kids with autism

is that they can't cope with socializing in a dynamic way. They

can do well when they rehearse behaviors and practice with scripts.

So the challege then is teaching how to be more flexible. But often kids have

other issues too.

Here is what I think are the main autism traits.

1. Lack of ability to cope with dynamic social dynamics

so they want control, or play alone, or are good at

talking about there special interests. After periods

of rejection they may become more shy or may have been

shy to begin with. Some kids may have difficulty developing

this skill if they have issues with processing speed. The dynamics

of a group discussion may move so fast that they would feel

overloaded even if coached. Others may not have have issues

with processing speed and could be taught skills to be part

of a group.

2. Behavior issues- lots of disorders may have tantrums,

meltdowns so this is not unique to autism. With autism the

trigger may be a change that they can't cope with. But this is

not a main criteria for autism. Kids with anxiety/mood/ OCD too can't

cope with certain things either.

3. Issues with social perspective - some people say that

kids with autism lack social perspective. This may be true for

some kids with autism. Although some kids may be sensitive.

They may not think about how other people feel about something

if they haven't experienced it for themselves. Often

kids with autism may be very concrete thinkers and place more

importance on fairness issues and not follow the social dynamics

of a situation (such as someone crying). Issues with personal

space, eye contact may fall under this category.

4. sensory issues are common to kids with anxiety and mood disorders too. But so

many parents do mention this about autistic kids

..

5. The issue with nightmares is more common with kids

with mood disorders. But parents of kids with autism sometimes

mention sleep issues.

6. anxiety/mood issues. I forget the percent of kids with autism that

also have anxiety or mood issues.

7. certain kinds of cognitive issues that affect learning.

They may have attentional issues, slow processing speed so they like a slower

pace of doing things, organizational difficulties,

problems with working memory making them forget what they are

doing if it is a non preferred task.

Pam

[Guest guest]

didn't do the reciprocal conversation (give & take, etc.). For

instance, with a pet, wouldn't have bothered asking another peer about their's.

He just was never good at (or tried) with the back & forth conversation,

wouldn't ask others about themselves and stuff. He could throw in a comment on

a topic others were discussing.

Now he might ask me lots of questions, like all kids do (why is...?) but

conversation, even 1:1, he had to work at as he got older. Something we (or I)

talked about sometimes, for example, after I would observe, hear, him and

someone else; then I could talk to him later about what he could have said/done

differently.

He got much better at all this in high school and does fine now overall.

>

> Staci the most common issue with kids with autism in general

> is that they have difficulty with dynamic social interactions more

> or less. For example my daughter can talk one on one in a

> fairly reciprocal way with a peer talking about animals which she

> likes. She will ask questions about the peers pets etc. Looks typical. But if

two other girls joined them and started talking

> about a new car one of the girls Mom just got my daughter

> would ignore that and want to keep on with the pet conversation.

>

[Guest guest]

So proud!

Last night my aspie son asks his dad how his day at work was? OMG he could see

outside his bubble!

Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

, that's great!! It's so nice when we see growth in this way. Be proud!

>

> So proud!

> Last night my aspie son asks his dad how his day at work was? OMG he could see

outside his bubble!

>

> Sent from my iPhone

>

[Guest guest]

I picked my son up from school one afternoon about 2 years ago and he asked me how my meeting went (I told him about a meeting I was worried about that morning) and I almost started crying! I couldn't believe that he even remembered, much less thought to ask me. It was so sweet. I'm happy for you!Sent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: Mayne <jazjamloch@...>Date: Mon, 3 May 2010 14:29:54 -0700 (PDT) < >Subject: ( ) Re: New - please help me sort through this So proud!Last night my aspie son asks his dad how his day at work was? OMG he could see outside his bubble! Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhh, Laughter................

Robin

From: Mayne <jazjamloch@...>Subject: ( ) Re: New - please help me sort through this" " < >Date: Monday, May 3, 2010, 4:29 PM

So proud!Last night my aspie son asks his dad how his day at work was? OMG he could see outside his bubble! Sent from my iPhone

[Guest guest]

Hi

My daughter just turned seven. I’ve been looking into

the social stories. I think she may be open to those, especially the video ones

I found. She loves to watch the tube. I’ve been thinking of using

role playing and getting all my kids involved as part of our homeschooling

lessons. Social studies merges with theatre? J

I do find it difficult in getting her to help with clean up.

I have to be right with her most of the time. Often, she complains of

being tired, and that is normal for her with many things, not just cleaning up:

outings (she still rides in the cart at the grocery store), one room to

another, etc. A few times she has cleaned up her room on her own initiative and

other times if I tell her she can do something after it’s done. Actually,

we do room cleaning on Saturdays and I have to use leverage to motivate her and

even then she usually still wants help. But cleaning a room is a big task for

any 7 yr old. The things I require her to do are taking her laundry basket and

hangers to the laundry room and vacuuming. I want to be consistent with

expecting her do be responsible for a few age appropriate tasks that I will not

help with. I expect all my kids to do those and there’s no reason to make

an exception for her.

As far as getting therapies through the school, I’ve

been corresponding with a local AS parent who also homeschools. They are required

to do an eval, but don’t have to offer any therapies. It’s free

however and would give us a starting place, so I’m considering that

before venturing off to pay out of pocket for private therapies. But I’ve

heard sometimes you have to file a complaint because they will deny having to do

evals. I wish schools would do some sort of prescreening for kids as part of

the regular protocol. Even just asking some basic criteria questions of the

parents. The kids just go in to strangers expected to fit the cookie cutter

mold and are scolded, humiliated and broken before someone notices something’s

amiss. Oops, sorry, we’re just so busy with 25 students! Exactly, the system

isn’t working people! But why must the kids suffer, why are they the last

to be considered when the whole focus is supposed to be about them?! Geez,

kinda got on a soapbox there. Stepping down…

Right on about having a deeper understanding and comfort

level with family. Makes sense to me, just like anyone else, the more time you

spend with someone the more you know how they communicate.

Thanks for being a sounding board, Chris!

Staci

>

> Hi Staci, you're right, it can be difficult to pick out

what is personality and what might be on the autistic side.

>

> With my son, now 21, I knew at a young age that he had

traits that made me think " autism? " but there were so many other ways

he didn't seem to fit. What I did was just approach those that

seemed on the autistic side from that direction and just guided him the best I

could. Like his black/white thinking, his logical way to look at

things. His having a hard time with skills that other children didn't (I

have 3 sons), like just being able to dress himself, choosing clothes, brush

his teeth, fix himself something to eat, tie his shoes.... Talking on

& on & on about topics, past the point where we all had quit

listening. Having a hard time with decisions. (my own list could go

on & on!)

>

> So with your daughter, in areas that require social

skills (her shyness, sharing, game playing, wanting to be first...), you might

find social stories and role playing helpful to teach her. I don't recall

her age, but they have stories for different age ranges. It just takes

repetitive practice and teaching. With her shyness, I would just gently

try to prompt her in situations, don't push it. LOL, I say that because

*I* was an extremely shy girl and pushing me into situations didn't work,

gentle prompting would work better; and if I still refused, well then, I just

wasn't ready yet. (I got better with age)

>

> While I could have my other 2 sons help clean up or do

something around the house, it was not the same ease for my Aspie. It was

like having to instruct him with each task, just one sentence at a time.

I couldn't just say " clean your room " or " pick up your

toys " and let it go at that. Are you finding that to be true with

your daughter?

>

> Oh, and I'm familiar with those unthoughtful and

sometimes embarrassing, but truthful, comments they can make (that I can laugh

about now but not in the moment!) -- I just REALLY talked to him about those as

soon as I could, explaining why it was wrong to say that, etc.

>

> With eye contact, I did work with mine on looking at

people as he spoke, but I worked more on his looking at them while they spoke

to him. I would prompt him to look, make eye contact.

>

> My son had sensory problems too. Another son did

too. Many children do. Occupational therapy can help with sensory

issues. If you can afford that privately, not cheap. If you feel

any of her sensory problems are affecting her at school, whether with her work

or with her ability to learn, function well at school, then you could request

the school to have her evaluated for occupational therapy, see if she can

receive services through the school. But schools are more interested in

educuation/learning, which is why you'd need to have some ideas of how it

affects here there (even motor skills, her ability to write, use

scissors...that can be helped with OT).

>

> Kids are different, even those with Aspergers, which is

why some information you read sounds so opposite. Some need a very strict

routine/schedule each day (mine didn't), some may prefer to play alone (mine

wanted to play with others, just didn't fit in, wasn't accepted, but he tried),

my son does show empathy, etc. Someone pointed out to me, and it

was true, that some things he did better with family but not with others.

Like he could tell if I was being sarcastic or was teasing, but not with others

at school. So take " environment " into consideration too, with

some things.

>

> Just some quick thoughts.

>

>

[Guest guest]

7 is still a young age where I wouldn't worry too much about her not wanting to

do chores. My son is 11 and he just started to put the correlation between, " I

can do chores and earn money for stuff I want. " So he can't wait to help out.

I put together a chore list for both of my kids called Help Wanted. Each chore

has a value to it (most 50 cents, some a dollar, some they have to do 5 times

before earning the amount). They have a tally sheet they fill out and at the

end of the week I pay them.

Here's a link to videos on a variety of housekeeping type duties. If you go to

the main online resource section there's a ton of self help videos on grooming

and more.

http://bit.ly/awymYN

>

> >

>

> > Hi Staci, you're right, it can be difficult to pick out what is

> personality and what might be on the autistic side.

>

> >

>

> > With my son, now 21, I knew at a young age that he had traits that made me

> think " autism? " but there were so many other ways he didn't seem to fit.

> What I did was just approach those that seemed on the autistic side from

> that direction and just guided him the best I could. Like his black/white

> thinking, his logical way to look at things. His having a hard time with

> skills that other children didn't (I have 3 sons), like just being able to

> dress himself, choosing clothes, brush his teeth, fix himself something to

> eat, tie his shoes.... Talking on & on & on about topics, past the point

> where we all had quit listening. Having a hard time with decisions. (my

> own list could go on & on!)

>

> >

>

> > So with your daughter, in areas that require social skills (her shyness,

> sharing, game playing, wanting to be first...), you might find social

> stories and role playing helpful to teach her. I don't recall her age, but

> they have stories for different age ranges. It just takes repetitive

> practice and teaching. With her shyness, I would just gently try to prompt

> her in situations, don't push it. LOL, I say that because *I* was an

> extremely shy girl and pushing me into situations didn't work, gentle

> prompting would work better; and if I still refused, well then, I just

> wasn't ready yet. (I got better with age)

>

> >

>

> > While I could have my other 2 sons help clean up or do something around

> the house, it was not the same ease for my Aspie. It was like having to

> instruct him with each task, just one sentence at a time. I couldn't just

> say " clean your room " or " pick up your toys " and let it go at that. Are you

> finding that to be true with your daughter?

>

> >

>

> > Oh, and I'm familiar with those unthoughtful and sometimes embarrassing,

> but truthful, comments they can make (that I can laugh about now but not in

> the moment!) -- I just REALLY talked to him about those as soon as I could,

> explaining why it was wrong to say that, etc.

>

> >

>

> > With eye contact, I did work with mine on looking at people as he spoke,

> but I worked more on his looking at them while they spoke to him. I would

> prompt him to look, make eye contact.

>

> >

>

> > My son had sensory problems too. Another son did too. Many children do.

> Occupational therapy can help with sensory issues. If you can afford that

> privately, not cheap. If you feel any of her sensory problems are affecting

> her at school, whether with her work or with her ability to learn, function

> well at school, then you could request the school to have her evaluated for

> occupational therapy, see if she can receive services through the school.

> But schools are more interested in educuation/learning, which is why you'd

> need to have some ideas of how it affects here there (even motor skills, her

> ability to write, use scissors...that can be helped with OT).

>

> >

>

> > Kids are different, even those with Aspergers, which is why some

> information you read sounds so opposite. Some need a very strict

> routine/schedule each day (mine didn't), some may prefer to play alone (mine

> wanted to play with others, just didn't fit in, wasn't accepted, but he

> tried), my son does show empathy, etc. Someone pointed out to me, and it

> was true, that some things he did better with family but not with others.

> Like he could tell if I was being sarcastic or was teasing, but not with

> others at school. So take " environment " into consideration too, with some

> things.

>

> >

>

> > Just some quick thoughts.

>

> >

>

> >

>