Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

[Guest guest]

I guess I was too confident...I really thought we would have a good year...but

things are falling apart...

My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the

drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him

to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has

jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was

defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going

to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but

he won't listen.

He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he

isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too.

NO wonder he comes home so moody.

This teacher also told me his attitude is changing....it is getting negative. I

don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I

have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.

I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and

gets so angry.

help me...

depressed

[Guest guest]

If the spec. ed. teacher is really yelling at your son then that needs to be

stopped. No brainer, but I wonder why that's allowed to keep happening? There's

no excuse for a so-called professional to respond that way to a child. You gotta

go in and talk to the principal and this teacher.

>

> I guess I was too confident...I really thought we would have a good year...but

things are falling apart...

>

> My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays

the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told

him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he

has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son

was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is

going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to

him but he won't listen.

>

> He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he

isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too.

> NO wonder he comes home so moody.

>

> This teacher also told me his attitude is changing....it is getting negative.

I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I

have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.

>

> I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me

and gets so angry.

>

> help me...

>

> depressed

>

[Guest guest]

No wonder he is getting negative, being asked to stand when he's got sore knees, special ed shouting at him, is the special ed teacher allowed to shout at him? Aren't they supposed to be the "understanding" ones???? And worrying that he is going to mess up infront of everyone, if he's like my son that is something he really worried about, would rather not join in than get it wrong.

I think you do have a conference coming Janice, you keep a hold of that towel and fight your sons corner, he needs you.

Good luck.

Lor B

From: jrushen <jrushen@...>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

Well, I some respects " normal " has crept in. I have a 15 year old with

asperger's and a 5 year old. The 15 year old is cocky and mouthy, but he does

have all those hormones rushing through his body!!

I homeschool him because I felt that the public schools were ill-equipped to

deal with autistics that are high functioning. My son had to do some catch-up

when I pulled him out, but he is taking all regualr high school courses and

passing them. He would shut down and " melt " down in much the same way. He just

wouldn't do any more and get all moody and crappy to be around, but I believe

that this is a combo of the disorder nad the normalness of those preteen and

teen years.

They can really only take so much sensory input in any given day and I think

school gives them so much that any extra annoyance or disturbance will just send

them ove rthe edge per say.

I don't think the teacher's should be treating him the way they do... They sound

like they may not have educated themselves on your son's condition very well and

it may be time for you to gather up some research and also write some info about

your son down for them(no one knows him better than you) and let them know what

they are dealing with. I pulled my son out cause I couldn't get him through

junior high (tooo many class changes and teachers for the both of us to deal

with), but up until then I had been blessed with teachers that wanted to help

him and were always quite willing to work with me...he was never in special ed,

I just explained in detail Corgan nd the disorder so that they could work

together with me as a team to get him educated. You are adn will be your son's

greatest advocate and the school has to bend for you as you are the PARENT and

they cannot undermine you!

My 5 year old puts me in tears themost he is defiant and mouth already. He gets

aggressive with teachers, principals and peers. I then goes on to say " I meant

to do that, I meant it! " It is sometimes hard to stay calm and remember this is

not his fault and guide him rather than punish. they still need correction, but

I do mine through role play and turning things around on them. If he does

something to someone else or their property I do it to him and let him

experience what he made that person feel like...it is actually quite effective

at any age. Maybe you could " mess something up for him before the band thing

happens and he may think twice about it!

Hope you are able to get things worked out.

Kelley

>

> I guess I was too confident...I really thought we would have a good year...but

things are falling apart...

>

> My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays

the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told

him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he

has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son

was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is

going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to

him but he won't listen.

>

> He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he

isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too.

> NO wonder he comes home so moody.

>

> This teacher also told me his attitude is changing....it is getting negative.

I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I

have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.

>

> I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me

and gets so angry.

>

> help me...

>

> depressed

>

[Guest guest]

Lorraine,

I was feeling so good about school....but then all this started happening and he started getting angry. I tried telling them that he needs positive feedback ...and the Assistant Principal says that what his teachers do...and that he is on the BEST team. The Assistant Principal also said ...he is in Jr. High now and he needs to learn to follow directions....he can't sit in the back becuase the teacher can't see him...and that learning to follow rules is more important than his anger.

I beginning to see another side of this Assistant Principal....she is so Defensive....and she use to be a Spec.Ed. supervisor. I can not tell you how many Spec. Ed. teachers that I have run across that are not so kind....

I know I can't give up on him...but he has made me so tired and worn out. He is nasty when he comes home. He is tired too. He has such a long day...the bus picked him up today at 6:05 a.m. and then he gets home at 3:45 p.m.

I know I am depressed...and am seeing someone...and I am not even sure he (psychologist) realizes how bad I am...I first saw him 2 weeks ago and don't see him again till Tuesday.

jan

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Fri, October 9, 2009 4:55:50 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

No wonder he is getting negative, being asked to stand when he's got sore knees, special ed shouting at him, is the special ed teacher allowed to shout at him? Aren't they supposed to be the "understanding" ones???? And worrying that he is going to mess up infront of everyone, if he's like my son that is something he really worried about, would rather not join in than get it wrong.

I think you do have a conference coming Janice, you keep a hold of that towel and fight your sons corner, he needs you.

Good luck.

Lor B

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

Thank you for confirming the teen thing and being cocky and nasty.....I had the feeling it was partly due to teen hormones...but also AS.

I did give the school information on AS and my son...ugh!!!

I will be having a conference next week with the school.. I need to prepare for it...I already know they will be on the defensive side. And I do know that I need to review his IEP again.

I wish I could homeschool him but I know he would not listen to me...would not want to work....and right now I can't afford not to work.

Thanks for your information...it makes me feel a wee bit better....

jan

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: kell_corg1 <kell_corg1@...> Sent: Fri, October 9, 2009 8:26:17 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

Well, I some respects "normal" has crept in. I have a 15 year old with asperger's and a 5 year old. The 15 year old is cocky and mouthy, but he does have all those hormones rushing through his body!! I homeschool him because I felt that the public schools were ill-equipped to deal with autistics that are high functioning. My son had to do some catch-up when I pulled him out, but he is taking all regualr high school courses and passing them. He would shut down and "melt" down in much the same way. He just wouldn't do any more and get all moody and crappy to be around, but I believe that this is a combo of the disorder nad the normalness of those preteen and teen years.They can really only take so much sensory input in any given day and I think school gives them so much that any extra annoyance or disturbance will just send them ove rthe edge per say. I don't think the teacher's should be treating him the way they do... They

sound like they may not have educated themselves on your son's condition very well and it may be time for you to gather up some research and also write some info about your son down for them(no one knows him better than you) and let them know what they are dealing with. I pulled my son out cause I couldn't get him through junior high (tooo many class changes and teachers for the both of us to deal with), but up until then I had been blessed with teachers that wanted to help him and were always quite willing to work with me...he was never in special ed, I just explained in detail Corgan nd the disorder so that they could work together with me as a team to get him educated. You are adn will be your son's greatest advocate and the school has to bend for you as you are the PARENT and they cannot undermine you! My 5 year old puts me in tears themost he is defiant and mouth already. He gets aggressive with teachers, principals and peers. I then goes

on to say "I meant to do that, I meant it!" It is sometimes hard to stay calm and remember this is not his fault and guide him rather than punish. they still need correction, but I do mine through role play and turning things around on them. If he does something to someone else or their property I do it to him and let him experience what he made that person feel like...it is actually quite effective at any age. Maybe you could "mess something up for him before the band thing happens and he may think twice about it!Hope you are able to get things worked out.Kelley>> I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...> > My son was written up

today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. > > He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. > NO wonder he comes home so moody.> > This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.> > I just cried today...I want to throw in the

towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.> > help me...> > depressed>

[Guest guest]

Sounds like you need to go over the heads of these people you are dealing with in the school. If you can find a way to change his IEP again, and get a lawyer or advocate, or contact a school board member... I am learning to hate administration at the schools!

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Fri, October 9, 2009 5:19:16 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

Lorraine,

I was feeling so good about school....but then all this started happening and he started getting angry. I tried telling them that he needs positive feedback ...and the Assistant Principal says that what his teachers do...and that he is on the BEST team. The Assistant Principal also said ...he is in Jr. High now and he needs to learn to follow directions.. ..he can't sit in the back becuase the teacher can't see him...and that learning to follow rules is more important than his anger.

I beginning to see another side of this Assistant Principal... .she is so Defensive... .and she use to be a Spec.Ed. supervisor. I can not tell you how many Spec. Ed. teachers that I have run across that are not so kind....

I know I can't give up on him...but he has made me so tired and worn out. He is nasty when he comes home. He is tired too. He has such a long day...the bus picked him up today at 6:05 a.m. and then he gets home at 3:45 p.m.

I know I am depressed... and am seeing someone...and I am not even sure he (psychologist) realizes how bad I am...I first saw him 2 weeks ago and don't see him again till Tuesday.

jan

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk> Sent: Fri, October 9, 2009 4:55:50 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression

No wonder he is getting negative, being asked to stand when he's got sore knees, special ed shouting at him, is the special ed teacher allowed to shout at him? Aren't they supposed to be the "understanding" ones???? And worrying that he is going to mess up infront of everyone, if he's like my son that is something he really worried about, would rather not join in than get it wrong.

I think you do have a conference coming Janice, you keep a hold of that towel and fight your sons corner, he needs you.

Good luck.

Lor B

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

I think having a teen is hard no matter what, but mixing it with the asperger's

seems to amplify, or maybe just confuse the situation. I am fortunate to be able

to homeschool, but sure would like to send him off to school. He argues and does

not want to do the work some days...the beauty in that is we set our own pace

and if it's that bad, we put it off for another day.Now, the whole knee

thing...does your son seem very sensitive to pain? my son is very hypersensitive

to sesory input, including pain and always has been. Do they understand the

sensory part of this disorder...they just can't treat him this way!! Do you have

an Easter seals program for autism in your area. If he gets in with them they

will come and train his teachers and the school...this is something that gives

me hope for the younger since he is getting connected with their program. Ask

your doc about it.

I really want my 5 yo aspie to make it through school. He is a bit more

aggressive and self-assured, LOL. He thinks HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT and could argue

with a signpost. I don't think he will fall victim to the bullying like my older

son did and we caught it much earlier with him...so maybe all the interventions

will enable him to go.

Each aspie is so unique in the way it all comes out. My older son is introverted

by nature and reserved. Would never hit or make a ruckus at school, was always

complimented on his great behavior. His meltdowns are very internalized, he just

shuts downa nd will not do any more. My younger is loud, right, defiant, hits,

kicks, screams. He is extroverted by nature and his meltdowns are so very

outward and LOUD! He won't shut down and not do any more, but he won't cooperate

with anyone other than me right now...not even his father!

It is hard to seperate the whole teen and aspie thing. It takes a lot of

strength to have any teenager, but in this case it is such a fine line between

those hormones and the disorder at times. It ishard to know when to correct,

when to punish, when to guide, and when to just walk away andnot be bated. Oh

how I wish I could get it all right...I am just exhausted from thinking about

it.

Anyway...I am long-winded, but know I will probably write a book about itone

day...not one, not 2, but THREE(my husband too) Aspies under one roof!! Maybe I

should have my dog tested...he can be pretty aloof, LOL!! My daughter and I need

an apartment we can go visit sometimes to get away from all the meltdowns, ROFL.

Blessings,

Kelley

> >

> > I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good

year...but things are falling apart...

> >

> > My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays

the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told

him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he

has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son

was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is

going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to

him but he won't listen.

> >

> > He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he

isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too.

> > NO wonder he comes home so moody.

> >

> > This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting

negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or

what. I have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.

> >

> > I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me

and gets so angry.

> >

> > help me...

> >

> > depressed

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, , thank you. Easter Seals...hmmmmmm...I will have to check into it. My son is more on the outward side of things...but he does act different in school. In school, around his peers, he is quieter....especially if he doesn't really know them. He will slide off to the side. But at home with the few friends he has he can be loud. And, his anger with us is loud and exhausting. He too will argue with you till you are blue in the face.

At school, he is over-stressed, over-loaded, misunderstood and blamed for things he is not doing...and his perception of things is different than others....he says his Sped Teacher is yelling at him. She may not be yelling...but she probably is Nagging him. Nagging does not work with him. And, he says she is yelling at him for things he isn't doing...like making noises, etc. A boy in class was making some kind of noise and my son asked him to stop and he got yelled at for talking. He takes it all so personally.

I don't think the school really knows how to work with my son. I wish I could homeschool him...but can't especially with the economy the way it is. And, I am not sure if I could get him to work. I wish there was a school around here to help him. I see kids in the high school where I work that have AS or tendencies....I don't know if they have been dx with it or not ...but having my son...I can usually pick Aspie children out. I try to work with them and have gotten good responses from them. I truly care for all the students in the classes I work in. I am working one-on-one but have been with this same grade for 4 years so I am close to most of these kids. I love them all. And, my student, doesn't always need my help ...so I help the others. It is so rewarding when they come up and confide in me or ask me for help or tell me things going on in their lives. These students are all seniors this year

and I am going to cry my eyes out when they graduate.....and I am going to miss them all terribly!!!!! Next year I have no idea where I will be working....but I will be placed in one of the many schools in our district.

Thanks for responding. You helped me. thank you thank you thank you.

P.S. i responded to the Asst. Principal ....when I wrote her she wrote me back ...she was so defensive!!!! ERGGGGGG!

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: kell_corg1 <kell_corg1@...> Sent: Sat, October 10, 2009 7:51:22 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

I think having a teen is hard no matter what, but mixing it with the asperger's seems to amplify, or maybe just confuse the situation. I am fortunate to be able to homeschool, but sure would like to send him off to school. He argues and does not want to do the work some days...the beauty in that is we set our own pace and if it's that bad, we put it off for another day.Now, the whole knee thing...does your son seem very sensitive to pain? my son is very hypersensitive to sesory input, including pain and always has been. Do they understand the sensory part of this disorder...they just can't treat him this way!! Do you have an Easter seals program for autism in your area. If he gets in with them they will come and train his teachers and the school...this is something that gives me hope for the younger since he is getting connected with their program. Ask your doc about it.I really want my 5 yo aspie to make it through school. He is a bit

more aggressive and self-assured, LOL. He thinks HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT and could argue with a signpost. I don't think he will fall victim to the bullying like my older son did and we caught it much earlier with him...so maybe all the interventions will enable him to go.Each aspie is so unique in the way it all comes out. My older son is introverted by nature and reserved. Would never hit or make a ruckus at school, was always complimented on his great behavior. His meltdowns are very internalized, he just shuts downa nd will not do any more. My younger is loud, right, defiant, hits, kicks, screams. He is extroverted by nature and his meltdowns are so very outward and LOUD! He won't shut down and not do any more, but he won't cooperate with anyone other than me right now...not even his father!It is hard to seperate the whole teen and aspie thing. It takes a lot of strength to have any teenager, but in this case it is such a fine line between

those hormones and the disorder at times. It ishard to know when to correct, when to punish, when to guide, and when to just walk away andnot be bated. Oh how I wish I could get it all right...I am just exhausted from thinking about it.Anyway...I am long-winded, but know I will probably write a book about itone day...not one, not 2, but THREE(my husband too) Aspies under one roof!! Maybe I should have my dog tested...he can be pretty aloof, LOL!! My daughter and I need an apartment we can go visit sometimes to get away from all the meltdowns, ROFL.Blessings,Kelley> >> > I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...> > > > My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. > > > > He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too.

> > NO wonder he comes home so moody.> > > > This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.> > > > I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.> > > > help me...> > > > depressed> >>

[Guest guest]

The Assistant Principal is pulling the ole......"he's getting older now, so he MUST be able to grow out of his disability" crap.

Darnit..........when are idiots going to understand that AS is a disability.......not a "growing pain" that will be "grown" out of just because they attempt to address it for a few years when our kids are young.

I'm tellin you now....this is why I yanked my son out the first time and why I'm thinking of doing it again.

Dealing with idiots to make them say and act like they are accepting of my son, just isn't worth it anymore.

Ugh.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

Oh...you are so right...she did say "he is in Jr. High School now"...OMG...you are so right...and you know what I think we are going to butt heads...I had this sinking feeling from last year...i tried to be polite....but ugh...and would you believe she was a Special Education Supervisor ...now that she is the Asst. Principal...I think she has totally fogotten her past...and is now on the other side of the fence. Ugh!

And, you know what...I am going to use your line next time she says...he is Jr. High School now. I am going to tell her...yes he is and the work is hard ...thus he needs MORE help as his Dx has not changed. He can not grow out of it....no matter what grade he is in. And, as the road gets bumbier and more difficult ...we have to be there even more.

Part of the problem is I think this Band Leader has NO idea what aspergers is....his wife is a Sped teacher and she is with in 4 classes...when I emailed her about the grade her got in science...she replied...he got a 75 because he didn't hand in the original paper and there is nothing we can do about it. Bull Shxt....My son's science teacher has his Doctorate and I think it may have gone to his "head". And the band leader ...I don't think he knows anything about AS. Well, I answered her email and she never responded...I guess we are going towards a difficult year again.

But, I know for one thing....I will get an advocate...the one they totally dislike....because he is so good....and I will email my boss...the Assistant Superintendent of Schools. It may make things more difficult for me...but in the long run they can't fire me.

Jan

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Sat, October 10, 2009 1:11:57 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

The Assistant Principal is pulling the ole......"he' s getting older now, so he MUST be able to grow out of his disability" crap.

Darnit...... ....when are idiots going to understand that AS is a disability.. .....not a "growing pain" that will be "grown" out of just because they attempt to address it for a few years when our kids are young.

I'm tellin you now....this is why I yanked my son out the first time and why I'm thinking of doing it again.

Dealing with idiots to make them say and act like they are accepting of my son, just isn't worth it anymore.

Ugh.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

Jan, you just keep plugging along, lady. I'm amazed.

I try and try,,,,but eventually, I quit.

I don't look at it like I'm giving up.....I just have enough, I guess.

Ugh.

Yep......use whatever jibberish comes out of my "mouth"...he he.

I need to find the strength that I have on this site and USE IT in the real world.

My son's school is also saying, in not so many words, that they'll keep working at himand he will improve. While I don't doubt it in a way,,,,,,,,,it's said by them in a way that sounds like what is being said at your school. Like,,,,,,,he'll get older and the "baby fat" will go away.

Idiots.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

My heart goes out to you Kelley!! having to deal w/ 3 Aspies and one of them being a teen. It's hard as it is w/ my 17 yo ds, I just can't imagine w/ 2 more. Oops, maybe 3 including your dog.lol. I totally agree w/ you regarding defining that line between teen rebellion/hormones or just the AS kicking in. My ds is more like your older son as well. He's so introverted, reserved, quiet and diligent child and well behaved at school. He does internalize his meltdowns. Actually, it never ocurred to me that he does this until you brought it up. I know that when things become ,too, stressful for him he just plays his computer/xbox games to calm himself. He claims it does help him calm down-it's like his downtime after a stressful week at

school. The hard part is getting him motivated to start working on homework as he tends to procrastinate. So is procrastination a teen thing or is it also an AS aspect?? How does your son deal w/ his academics?? Is he ok by himself or do you intervene a lot to help him out at school. I don't at all as he does it all by himself, I just have to be his cheerleader, or nagger to get him staying on top of his h/works. I do get tired. sometimes I just have to let go and if he does come home w/ bad grades then I'll get on him again, so far he's doing fine by himself.

From: kell_corg1 <kell_corg1@...> Sent: Sat, October 10, 2009 4:51:22 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

I think having a teen is hard no matter what, but mixing it with the asperger's seems to amplify, or maybe just confuse the situation. I am fortunate to be able to homeschool, but sure would like to send him off to school. He argues and does not want to do the work some days...the beauty in that is we set our own pace and if it's that bad, we put it off for another day.Now, the whole knee thing...does your son seem very sensitive to pain? my son is very hypersensitive to sesory input, including pain and always has been. Do they understand the sensory part of this disorder...they just can't treat him this way!! Do you have an Easter seals program for autism in your area. If he gets in with them they will come and train his teachers and the school...this is something that gives me hope for the younger since he is getting connected with their program. Ask your doc about it.I really want my 5 yo aspie to make it through school. He is a bit

more aggressive and self-assured, LOL. He thinks HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT and could argue with a signpost. I don't think he will fall victim to the bullying like my older son did and we caught it much earlier with him...so maybe all the interventions will enable him to go.Each aspie is so unique in the way it all comes out. My older son is introverted by nature and reserved. Would never hit or make a ruckus at school, was always complimented on his great behavior. His meltdowns are very internalized, he just shuts downa nd will not do any more. My younger is loud, right, defiant, hits, kicks, screams. He is extroverted by nature and his meltdowns are so very outward and LOUD! He won't shut down and not do any more, but he won't cooperate with anyone other than me right now...not even his father!It is hard to seperate the whole teen and aspie thing. It takes a lot of strength to have any teenager, but in this case it is such a fine line between

those hormones and the disorder at times. It ishard to know when to correct, when to punish, when to guide, and when to just walk away andnot be bated. Oh how I wish I could get it all right...I am just exhausted from thinking about it.Anyway...I am long-winded, but know I will probably write a book about itone day...not one, not 2, but THREE(my husband too) Aspies under one roof!! Maybe I should have my dog tested...he can be pretty aloof, LOL!! My daughter and I need an apartment we can go visit sometimes to get away from all the meltdowns, ROFL.Blessings,Kelley> >> > I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...> > > > My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. > > > > He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too.

> > NO wonder he comes home so moody.> > > > This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.> > > > I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.> > > > help me...> > > > depressed> >>

[Guest guest]

Janice,

This sounds awful for you, think you need to tell them just how bad everything is for you, I think we have a terrible habit for trying to make our lives look better to the outside world instead of just letting it all out. It is hard to cope sometimes, I have started singing that song...always gonna be an uphill battle, always gonna be another mountain to climb...At the end of the day your son needs you and he needs you to be well. So get yourself the help you need.

Why do the schools make it so hard, its like we're asking for something outrageous, when all we want is our kids to have what they need to get through the day, don't they understand how hard it can be and the backlash we get at home when their day has been hard.

Learning to follow rules is more important than his anger?????

Just wrong attitude.

Hang it there, you'll get through this.

Lor x

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

Kelley,

My son sounds like a combination of your two, at school he is quiet and just shuts down when things aren't pleasing him, at home he is loud and the only person that can calm him down is me, his Dad just seems to esculate him. He is also always RIGHT. He was arguing last night that when you multiply something by itself, you get the same answer if you add them, because 2 x 2= 2 +2. So I gave him the calculator...way off on one about the calculator lying to him!!!

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression Date: Saturday, 10 October, 2009, 4:54 PM

Oh, , thank you. Easter Seals...hmmmmmm. ..I will have to check into it. My son is more on the outward side of things...but he does act different in school. In school, around his peers, he is quieter....especial ly if he doesn't really know them. He will slide off to the side. But at home with the few friends he has he can be loud. And, his anger with us is loud and exhausting. He too will argue with you till you are blue in the face.

At school, he is over-stressed, over-loaded, misunderstood and blamed for things he is not doing...and his perception of things is different than others....he says his Sped Teacher is yelling at him. She may not be yelling...but she probably is Nagging him. Nagging does not work with him. And, he says she is yelling at him for things he isn't doing...like making noises, etc. A boy in class was making some kind of noise and my son asked him to stop and he got yelled at for talking. He takes it all so personally.

I don't think the school really knows how to work with my son. I wish I could homeschool him...but can't especially with the economy the way it is. And, I am not sure if I could get him to work. I wish there was a school around here to help him. I see kids in the high school where I work that have AS or tendencies.. ..I don't know if they have been dx with it or not ...but having my son...I can usually pick Aspie children out. I try to work with them and have gotten good responses from them. I truly care for all the students in the classes I work in. I am working one-on-one but have been with this same grade for 4 years so I am close to most of these kids. I love them all. And, my student, doesn't always need my help ...so I help the others. It is so rewarding when they come up and confide in me or ask me for help or tell me things going on in their lives. These students are all seniors this year

and I am going to cry my eyes out when they graduate.... .and I am going to miss them all terribly!!!! ! Next year I have no idea where I will be working....but I will be placed in one of the many schools in our district.

Thanks for responding. You helped me. thank you thank you thank you.

P.S. i responded to the Asst. Principal ....when I wrote her she wrote me back ...she was so defensive!!! ! ERGGGGGG!

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: kell_corg1 <kell_corg1 (DOT) com> Sent: Sat, October 10, 2009 7:51:22 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression

I think having a teen is hard no matter what, but mixing it with the asperger's seems to amplify, or maybe just confuse the situation. I am fortunate to be able to homeschool, but sure would like to send him off to school. He argues and does not want to do the work some days...the beauty in that is we set our own pace and if it's that bad, we put it off for another day.Now, the whole knee thing...does your son seem very sensitive to pain? my son is very hypersensitive to sesory input, including pain and always has been. Do they understand the sensory part of this disorder...they just can't treat him this way!! Do you have an Easter seals program for autism in your area. If he gets in with them they will come and train his teachers and the school...this is something that gives me hope for the younger since he is getting connected with their program. Ask your doc about it.I really want my 5 yo aspie to make it through school. He is a

bit more aggressive and self-assured, LOL. He thinks HE IS ALWAYS RIGHT and could argue with a signpost. I don't think he will fall victim to the bullying like my older son did and we caught it much earlier with him...so maybe all the interventions will enable him to go.Each aspie is so unique in the way it all comes out. My older son is introverted by nature and reserved. Would never hit or make a ruckus at school, was always complimented on his great behavior. His meltdowns are very internalized, he just shuts downa nd will not do any more. My younger is loud, right, defiant, hits, kicks, screams. He is extroverted by nature and his meltdowns are so very outward and LOUD! He won't shut down and not do any more, but he won't cooperate with anyone other than me right now...not even his father!It is hard to seperate the whole teen and aspie thing. It takes a lot of strength to have any teenager, but in this case it is such a fine line

between those hormones and the disorder at times. It ishard to know when to correct, when to punish, when to guide, and when to just walk away andnot be bated. Oh how I wish I could get it all right...I am just exhausted from thinking about it.Anyway...I am long-winded, but know I will probably write a book about itone day...not one, not 2, but THREE(my husband too) Aspies under one roof!! Maybe I should have my dog tested...he can be pretty aloof, LOL!! My daughter and I need an apartment we can go visit sometimes to get away from all the meltdowns, ROFL.Blessings,Kelley> >> > I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...> > > > My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. > > > > He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps

yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. > > NO wonder he comes home so moody.> > > > This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.> > > > I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.> > > > help me...> > > > depressed> >>

[Guest guest]

I am increasingly frustrated with my sons school too, teacher, who used to work in a centre for autistic kids, reports that he finds it hard to write things down, his home work was to find facts about Mars, planets are one of the things he likes so, to my surprise, he grabbed a pen and wrote a load of facts. Next day the home work came back, blank page, has to do it again because he wrote it in red PEN. Asked him if he thought that was fair, he said no, so guess what, its going back in red PEN!!!! Honestly.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

Ooh, the calculator lying to him...this is so my 5 yo. He is always saying

something or someone is lying to him if they think, or KNOW, something is

different! His dad totally escalates his " tics " and for some reason increases

the frequency of meltdowns, but I just love the calculator lying...ugh. My 5 yo

LOVES calculators!!!He can surprisingly use them quite meaningfully, but if it

doesn't do what he wants it to, he has a tendency to break them during his

meltdown...I buy the $1 calcs at Wal-Mart, LOL

> > >

> > > I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good

year...but things are falling apart...

> > >

> > > My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays

the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told

him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he

has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son

was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is

going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to

him but he won't listen.

> > >

> > > He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things

he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too.

> > > NO wonder he comes home so moody.

> > >

> > > This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting

negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or

what. I have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.

> > >

> > > I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me

and gets so angry.

> > >

> > > help me...

> > >

> > > depressed

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

OMG....I hate when teachers are like that...if he needs to grade it ...the teacher can do it in black pen instead of the normal red...give me a BREAK!!!!! Sometimes these teachers think who they are....what difference does it really make the kid did the work!!!! UGH!!!!

But be careful....the battle may just be starting...ugh!

Jan

I know Math teachers don't want the work done in pen ....and I can understand to a degree but what difference does it make if he used REd????

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Mon, October 12, 2009 4:40:56 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

I am increasingly frustrated with my sons school too, teacher, who used to work in a centre for autistic kids, reports that he finds it hard to write things down, his home work was to find facts about Mars, planets are one of the things he likes so, to my surprise, he grabbed a pen and wrote a load of facts. Next day the home work came back, blank page, has to do it again because he wrote it in red PEN. Asked him if he thought that was fair, he said no, so guess what, its going back in red PEN!!!! Honestly.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

thank you lorriane....i think if it wasn't for this group and my students who love me at school, I probably would be on the 6th floor of the hospital......

But, everyday when I wake up and drag myself out of bed....I remember those students who are at school who need my help and off I go. Once I am there...I feel so much better. I know they love me...and I love them. They are my reason for living at the moment. Right now they are seniors working on their research paper they have to do in order to graduate. Most of these kids can not write. Most of these kids could not write this paper on their own. When we are in the library...I hear Ms. R...Ms. R....can you help me...how do I reword this...how do I write this...so on and so on. Let me tell you ...it give me such joy to work with these kids...they all are in spec.ed. class and all have ld....but they are all great kids (well 98%). There is one boy who is really misunderstood and is so well known for misbehaving...but deep down he is a good kid at

heart...just misunderstood. It is such a good feeling when they come to me and tell me personal stuff or ask for my opinion or guidance in their social lives. When they march down the aisle to graduate ...I will be crying tears of joy.....I will truly miss them after being with them for 4 years.

jan

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Mon, October 12, 2009 3:49:24 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/Fustration and Depression

Janice,

This sounds awful for you, think you need to tell them just how bad everything is for you, I think we have a terrible habit for trying to make our lives look better to the outside world instead of just letting it all out. It is hard to cope sometimes, I have started singing that song...always gonna be an uphill battle, always gonna be another mountain to climb...At the end of the day your son needs you and he needs you to be well. So get yourself the help you need.

Why do the schools make it so hard, its like we're asking for something outrageous, when all we want is our kids to have what they need to get through the day, don't they understand how hard it can be and the backlash we get at home when their day has been hard.

Learning to follow rules is more important than his anger?????

Just wrong attitude.

Hang it there, you'll get through this.

Lor x

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

Isn't it crazy?

I'm so done....I feel like bawling.

Ian's been dealing with OCD lately. Bad. Rituals.......thoughts......ugh.

Anyway,,,,,,,his smalll parochial school, with his class having only 8 kids kids in it, can't seem to write his fricken homework down at the end of each class or the end of the day.

We've talked about how he will not remember his work.......he HAS to have it written down. That they need to ensure that he has it with him.

Again, today,,,,,,,,,after my son, who actually is on the soccer team (first time for ANY team), sits in school all day long, then goes to practice or a game every night, comes home at 6 pm and has to do homework........well,,,,,,,should I say "I" have to do homework? he he.

But,,,,,,,,,half the time, he has his books in his backpack and nothing noted as to what to do.

He responds with, "I don't remember what I'm supposed to do"......

I have sent note after note and talked with them about how he needs it written down.....they either ignore my notes or agree that "we have to work on this....but we'll keep at it".......

I'm so done.

I'm so sick of this.

I thought a smaller school was gonna help.

He cannot keep up with the work. We spend hours each night.

He brought grades home for English and Soc Studies tonight.......He's got an F in English and a C- in Soc Studies.

Here's the kicker. He's never brought home work for either.

Never brought a book home to study for a test. Nothing.

I'm going in tomorrow and I think I'm gonna have an attack of some sorts.

WHen he was home for school, we had bad days where getting work done was bad,,,but we plugged along and did something else. I think the stress of everything..........just the work load? I think it's too much.

They say making his assignments shorter, (like doing every other math prob instead of every one), isn't an option.

Darnit........I wanted this to work so badly. I have to contact our public Middle School too, to set up an appointment..........to see if they could offer, perhaps, a self-contained classroom or whatever.

This is just not working.

I'm pretty darned sad.

I'm listening to him right now. I try to give him a half and hour or so to do what he can......,,,,,,,,,and his OCD is making him erase and erase and re-write and etc,,,,,every darned problem. He's asking why he has this and if it's ever gonna get better. Poor guy.........I feel the tears coming.

I just want him to be happy again. Darnit.....sorry I wrote a book. I'm emotionally tired and soooooo confused....and yet I think I know exactly what he needs. Ugh.

Soooo.....does anyone know the "rules" on pulling your kid out of a private school? I pulled him before, but it was at the end of the year and we had a plan in place.

Thanks for your listening "ears" and any advice.

Gonna take a deep breath now and try to help him though his work.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

He wanted to do it in red because mars is the red planet. Going to leave the work the way it is, then make sure future work he only has the option of crayons or pencils. Feel this is a compromise the school should be happy with.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

It great you have a job like that, it must be great knowing you are making a real difference to the kids' lives.

I'm the other, I have a pretty boring job, the best part of my day is getting home and seeing my son and doing anything with him,well, when he is in the mood for it! lol

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

I had to start homeschooling my 15 year old in the middle of 7th grade. He

couldn't take all the changing of classes and sensory input from that...he has a

very high degree of sensory integration dysfunction. He has a hard time putting

things down on paper, so I have him tell me the answers and I write them for

him. I was intervening ALL the time and felt this would be less work for me, and

in some ways it is and in others...all my kids are home all day right now, ugh.

Homework was a struggle because he was just DONE at the end of the school day.

He was unorganized and never knew if he had homework or not and I couldn't

really get the teachers to help make sure his assignment notebook was filled

out... " he is in junior high now and yada yada yada " is what I pretty much got,

gee thanks. It sound like your son can handle a little more sensory input than

mine...I am happy for you he will probably do fine finishing out school!! My son

has always procrastinated...so it may just be a part of their personalities and

my theory is that the as has probably amplified it a bit.

My son also winds down with the video games...there must be something soothing

about that.As long as all his work is done and he does his paper route in a

timely fashion..I give him quite a bit of time to wind down alone in his room

and play video games.

Does your son hang out with very many kids? My son only like to hang out withone

or twoa t a time. I think it takes a little extra effort for him to read people

and understand them, so that is all he can take. He does like being on the

hockey team, he plays goalie, and will often walk up to the football games at

the high school and see who he meets up with. The only place he goes that is

crowded though is the skate park, but if there are too many there, he comes

home.

The teen aspie thing is tricky and sometimes it is so hard not to react poorly

to the annoying little quirks when some of the cocky mouthy things are those

silly little hormones. There must be great rewards for usin the next life,

LOL!!!

> > >

> > > I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good

year...but things are falling apart...

> > >

> > > My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays

the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told

him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he

has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son

was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is

going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to

him but he won't listen.

> > >

> > > He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things

he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too.

> > > NO wonder he comes home so moody.

> > >

> > > This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting

negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or

what. I have a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.

> > >

> > > I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me

and gets so angry.

> > >

> > > help me...

> > >

> > > depressed

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I soo hear you on you think you know exactly what he needs but are still frustrated / emotionally tired. Some days I think I know exaclty how to handle everything, then it all goes pearshaped.

My son also never remembers what he is supposed to do, has to be guided through most of his homework, he's only 6 so its not too bad at the moment. He also forgets to bring his gym stuff home, so he has 3 sets of teeshirt and shorts at school, probably get crammed back into his gym bag and stuck in a cupboard, his stuff must be all smelly and creased!

It is really hard to see you kids being sad, and there doesn't seem to be a thing you can do about it. Hopefully at some point the ups will be more than the downs. I know for me I was around 25 when I though you know what I am different and I'm gonna embrace it, since then my life has settled down, was strong enough to stop trying to "fit" people can like me as I am or not, and that is ok.

Deep breath and gather your strength. Hugs

Lor B

x

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Help? Grades/Anger/ Fustration and Depression Date: Friday, 9 October, 2009, 12:46 AM

I guess I was too confident... I really thought we would have a good year...but things are falling apart...My son was written up today for not following directions in band. He plays the drums...and when he is not playing ...he sits. I guess the band leader told him to stand...but he keeps sitting. My son said he told him his knees hurt (he has jumper's knees). So he told my son to go to the principal. He said my son was defiant. Now my son is Angry and didn't go to his practice and says he is going to mess up when they play at the pep rally tomorrow. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen. He also told me that the Spec.Ed. teacher keeps yelling at him for things he isn't doing ...like making noises ...so now he hates her too. NO wonder he comes home so moody.This teacher also told me his attitude is changing.... it is getting negative. I don't know if the work is too much for him and he just shuts down or what. I have

a sneaky feeling we will be having a conference soon.I just cried today...I want to throw in the towel. My son is cocky with me and gets so angry.help me...depressed

[Guest guest]

Regarding the OCD and school -- I hate to suggest this but it's what I had to do

for my son when OCD was affecting his being able to do work for school (read,

write...) -- I wrote his work for him, even his math. He dictated, told me

answers, etc.

I know we recently had some posts (you & me) discussing OCD, but can't recall --

is he on medication for it??

Sorry the private school isn't being supportive!

>

> Isn't it crazy?

> I'm so done....I feel like bawling.

> Ian's been dealing with OCD lately.  Bad.  Rituals.......thoughts......ugh.