Re: i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

[Guest guest]

It sounds to me that it's maybe not so much that your son doen't want to help

himself. He may not know how to tell/show you that he dearly wants help; or at

least for people to understand him. It sounds like the real problem is the

biological father who punishes him. I really like the programs " Positive

Discipline " - there is a book by the same name by Jane . I also really

like the book Beyond Consequences Logic and Control by Forbes and

Post or The Great Behavior Breakdown by Post.

In my opinion, a parent's relationship with the child is more important than

punishment and consequences. There is a saying that goes, " RULES WITHOUT

RELATIONSHIP = REBELLION. "

I hope I am not stepping on toes. Just my opinion. Blessings, MommiestGirl

[Guest guest]

hi leah sounds like you wanna pull all your hair out from fustration i know how that feels.my boyfriend son gonna be 15 it's like a roller coaster ride some days you feel everything gonna be ok some days there behavior so out of control sorry i don't have answers but i know how you feel even though i'm not his real mom but i'm only one he knows i just hate what they go thought with anxiety and parents go though hell also i hope things calm down for ya From: leahmoorefields <leahmoorefields@...>Subject: ( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergersTo:

Date: Monday, February 7, 2011, 4:25 PM

my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.

i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?

[Guest guest]

Leah...even though this isn't what you may want to hear, just try to hang in there...it can get better. My son was not dx with AS til age 11, and it was a real struggle for awhile. He did have some obstacles in high school, but graduated on the honor roll, took an interest in drama and has done well since then...now, he has connected with a program at our local university for adults on the autism spectrum. Try to get some help from your school's guidance counselor and someone at the school who is familiar with Asperger's. Don't give up and let his biological father punish him for behavior he sometimes can't control because of AS. Blessings to you and your son...Gail

( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.

i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?

[Guest guest]

I does get better. I have fights with my who will turn 13 next month, every day for the smallest things. He has no sense of responsibility and likes to blame others on things he should have done. It is all about control and it is you against him and the world.

Sometimes I think that is the only way they understand you care.

You are not alone. Keep pushing with love.

Ide

From: "pltoc@..." <pltoc@...> Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 3:00:47 PMSubject: Re: ( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

Leah...even though this isn't what you may want to hear, just try to hang in there...it can get better. My son was not dx with AS til age 11, and it was a real struggle for awhile. He did have some obstacles in high school, but graduated on the honor roll, took an interest in drama and has done well since then...now, he has connected with a program at our local university for adults on the autism spectrum. Try to get some help from your school's guidance counselor and someone at the school who is familiar with Asperger's. Don't give up and let his biological father punish him for behavior he sometimes can't control because of AS. Blessings to you and your son...Gail

( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?

[Guest guest]

Thank you for lifting my spirits up. that is so great for your son. i am trying to find a support group that helps children and parents together. the teacher he has now does not believe children have problems as austism or adhd. the school will not help due to he is highly functioning and do not have the resources. i have thought about home schooling but i have to work. hopefully there will be a group he and i can get into so we can work together and not so much against each other.

hope things keep moving forward for your son.

thanks again.

From: "pltoc@..." <pltoc@...> Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 3:00:47 PMSubject: Re: ( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

Leah...even though this isn't what you may want to hear, just try to hang in there...it can get better. My son was not dx with AS til age 11, and it was a real struggle for awhile. He did have some obstacles in high school, but graduated on the honor roll, took an interest in drama and has done well since then...now, he has connected with a program at our local university for adults on the autism spectrum. Try to get some help from your school's guidance counselor and someone at the school who is familiar with Asperger's. Don't give up and let his biological father punish him for behavior he sometimes can't control because of AS. Blessings to you and your son...Gail

( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?

[Guest guest]

thanks. it is a daily fight but you are right. i think sometimes that is the only way he understands how much ilove him. my son does the same things. glad to know it is not just me.

From: Idelice A. Haack <haackia@...> Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 3:17:07 PMSubject: Re: ( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

I does get better. I have fights with my who will turn 13 next month, every day for the smallest things. He has no sense of responsibility and likes to blame others on things he should have done. It is all about control and it is you against him and the world.

Sometimes I think that is the only way they understand you care.

You are not alone. Keep pushing with love.

Ide

From: "pltoc@..." <pltoc@...> Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 3:00:47 PMSubject: Re: ( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

Leah...even though this isn't what you may want to hear, just try to hang in there...it can get better. My son was not dx with AS til age 11, and it was a real struggle for awhile. He did have some obstacles in high school, but graduated on the honor roll, took an interest in drama and has done well since then...now, he has connected with a program at our local university for adults on the autism spectrum. Try to get some help from your school's guidance counselor and someone at the school who is familiar with Asperger's. Don't give up and let his biological father punish him for behavior he sometimes can't control because of AS. Blessings to you and your son...Gail

( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?

[Guest guest]

Hi Leah, hang in there! Does the school acknowledge all the diagnoses?? Are

they addressing them since - as we all know - not addressing them could be

causing the problems with school? (duh! to fed-up teachers!)

Does the therapist who is helping with behavioral issues have any guidance for

how to carry it through at home? at school? considering he does well at

therapy. I don't know all you are dealing with (behavior, anxiety, ADHD,

Aspergers....) but it may take repetition of redirecting him when needed,

consequences, addressing any issues that cause anxiety, etc., before it " takes "

for him.

The coughing tic - isn't anything he can stop. Do you think it's just when

nervous or more constant? Was wondering if a med for tics would help.

Is he any better on these medications? Wondering if you've tried any others

than the present ones.

Just some really quick thoughts (and questions, sorry!)

>

> my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting

with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd

and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the

offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist

of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not

that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his

biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the

treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with

it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is

ready to deal with it.

>

> i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting

if does not want to help himself?

>

[Guest guest]

Which ADHD medication? Most of the stimulants increase

anxiety. Which anti-depressant does he take? What are

the doses?

What are the behavior issues at home? Does he get to school on time?

Is he hitting? What are the issues at school?

Pam

>

> my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting

with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd

and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the

offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist

of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not

that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his

biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the

treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with

it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is

ready to deal with it.

>

> i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting

if does not want to help himself?

>

[Guest guest]

My 13 year old son also coughs as a tick. It has dissipated a bit but that is

after 2 years or so with this cough. You can try and change the meds to see if

the tick goes away. It is well known that many of these meds can cause ticks.

Do not be surprised if he loses the coughing tick and picks up another one after

a year or two. Ultimately the biggest catalyst in eliminating the tick seems to

be social interaction and friends. Parents harping on it is not nearly as

effective as comments from his classmates. Assuming your son wants to fit in.

My son definitely has that awareness that he wants to fit in.

I am a Dad and can tell you that punishment (negative reinforcement) does not

really work too well with Aspergers. Suggest to his father that instead of

punishment, he takes privileges away--but even that technique needs to be done

very carefully and within reason.

Positive reinforcement works far better.

Show him this email if you have too. It will be a huge benefit if he reads this

forum on a regular basis.

Marc

>

>

> >

> > my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been

fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds

for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in

the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that

consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says

it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do

them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to

the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up

with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until

he is ready to deal with it.

> >

> > i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep

fighting if does not want to help himself?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

no toe stepping here. i completely agree with you. it is hard for him to go to his dad's house and different rules than my home. we share custody so he goes back and forth a lot. i know that has a lot to do with his behavior. his father is military and feels his way is the only way. i want to understand what my son is going through so as he gets older we have done everything in our power to give him the skills to help himself. i will read the books you suggest. i am open to anything.

thanks,

Leah

From: mommiestgirl02 <mommiestgirl02@...> Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 2:15:30 PMSubject: ( ) Re: i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

It sounds to me that it's maybe not so much that your son doen't want to help himself. He may not know how to tell/show you that he dearly wants help; or at least for people to understand him. It sounds like the real problem is the biological father who punishes him. I really like the programs "Positive Discipline" - there is a book by the same name by Jane . I also really like the book Beyond Consequences Logic and Control by Forbes and Post or The Great Behavior Breakdown by Post.In my opinion, a parent's relationship with the child is more important than punishment and consequences. There is a saying that goes, "RULES WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP = REBELLION."I hope I am not stepping on toes. Just my opinion. Blessings, MommiestGirl

[Guest guest]

thanks for the support. sometimes i just wish he would listen to what we are saying to try but i have to remember that he needs us to remind him and he is not alone is this. i do want to pull out my hair and then he does the funniest things and i just have to laugh and say it could be worse. how is your son doing now he is a teen?

Leah

From: Cachia <denise092769@...> Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 2:48:58 PMSubject: Re: ( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

hi leah sounds like you wanna pull all your hair out from fustration i know how that feels.my boyfriend son gonna be 15 it's like a roller coaster ride some days you feel everything gonna be ok some days there behavior so out of control sorry i don't have answers but i know how you feel even though i'm not his real mom but i'm only one he knows i just hate what they go thought with anxiety and parents go though hell also i hope things calm down for ya

From: leahmoorefields <leahmoorefields@...>Subject: ( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers Date: Monday, February 7, 2011, 4:25 PM

my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?

[Guest guest]

hi chris,

the school is strange and we are thinking about changing. i have spoken with his current teacher several times abouot him to help educate her on him. she rather call or send him home than to help or just try to understand. they will not put him in any other class due to he is highly functioning. my son comes home with coughing fits due to being overwhelmed with her. my ex and i shre custody so he goes back and forth a lot. i know this has something to do with some of his issues due to his father wont do the steps to help. we just have to keep reminding him of his relaxation steps and breathing. the therapists are working with him to aknowledge the coughing before it happens and to remeber to breathe them out instead of giving in. he palys it up for them and seems to think he does not have to continue the work at home. he does take zoloft for the anxiety at night. we havet ried several others but this one does not make so angry all the time. he takes

conserta for adhd/ocd. tried several others like strettra but nothing seems to work with this. they are focusing more on his anxiety issues right now.

From: <@...> Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 7:49:06 PMSubject: ( ) Re: i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

Hi Leah, hang in there! Does the school acknowledge all the diagnoses?? Are they addressing them since - as we all know - not addressing them could be causing the problems with school? (duh! to fed-up teachers!) Does the therapist who is helping with behavioral issues have any guidance for how to carry it through at home? at school? considering he does well at therapy. I don't know all you are dealing with (behavior, anxiety, ADHD, Aspergers....) but it may take repetition of redirecting him when needed, consequences, addressing any issues that cause anxiety, etc., before it "takes" for him.The coughing tic - isn't anything he can stop. Do you think it's just when nervous or more constant? Was wondering if a med for tics would help. Is he any better on these medications? Wondering if you've tried any others than the present ones. Just some really quick thoughts (and questions, sorry!)>> my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with

it.> > i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?>

[Guest guest]

he takes conserta 27mg for adhd/ocd and zoloft 50mg for anxieties. at home it can depend on kind of day he had at school. we drive him to school so he is there on time. if it is a bad day then he might cry to becoming angry an coughing all the time. we have remind him of his steps of breathing and relaxing to help control this. good days, he will pace a lot and talk non-stop or sing non-stop. sometimes he repeats tv shows word for word. we have to remind him to stop his behavior according to the therapists and give things to do to re-direct his behavior. he does not hit or anything like that. at school he has issues with his teacher and coughs a lot due to stress and this is problem for her. she has sent him home for it. he puts stress on himself to be perfect at school to stay oout of

trouble. which he does well but when he gets home is game on. he has to release that stress and the only way to do for him is the pacing or repeating himself.

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Mon, February 7, 2011 7:57:20 PMSubject: ( ) Re: i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

Which ADHD medication? Most of the stimulants increaseanxiety. Which anti-depressant does he take? What arethe doses? What are the behavior issues at home? Does he get to school on time?Is he hitting? What are the issues at school?Pam >> my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he

refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.> > i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?>

[Guest guest]

hi marc,

we have lived with this cough for a year now. but you are right about the punishment and positive reinforcements. i can ground him and take things away but that does not seem to bother him to much. he re-directs his focus on other things. so if i take things away it has to be alot and then earned back little at a time. my son started with saying i love you every 5 to 10 minutes. then it was to the cough. then cough with throwing up now back to a cough again.

his father and share custody so he goes back and forth alot. i know this is not helpinf either. i have tried to get his father on the same page but he is military and thinks his way is the only way. so, at my home we work on things he can do by himself while he sees his dad so he will stay out of trouble.

thanks for the support

leah

From: marcontheroad <marcontheroad@...> Sent: Tue, February 8, 2011 7:15:34 AMSubject: ( ) Re: i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

My 13 year old son also coughs as a tick. It has dissipated a bit but that is after 2 years or so with this cough. You can try and change the meds to see if the tick goes away. It is well known that many of these meds can cause ticks. Do not be surprised if he loses the coughing tick and picks up another one after a year or two. Ultimately the biggest catalyst in eliminating the tick seems to be social interaction and friends. Parents harping on it is not nearly as effective as comments from his classmates. Assuming your son wants to fit in. My son definitely has that awareness that he wants to fit in.I am a Dad and can tell you that punishment (negative reinforcement) does not really work too well with Aspergers. Suggest to his father that instead of punishment, he takes privileges away--but even that technique needs to be done very carefully and within reason. Positive reinforcement works far better. Show him this email if

you have too. It will be a huge benefit if he reads this forum on a regular basis. Marc> > > >> > my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle.

his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.> > > > i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?> >>

[Guest guest]

What happens if you reduce or stop the concerta?

I have not heard that concerta reduces any sterotype behaviors.

And stimulants often increase anxiety issues.

What symptoms did zoloft reduce at 50mg and have you

tried 75mg?

Have you tried another antidepressant to see if it works

better, " prozac " for example.

> >

> > my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been

fighting

> >with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd

> >and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the

> >offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that

consist

> >of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is

not

> >that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his

> >biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the

> >treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up

with

> >it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he

is

> >ready to deal with it.

> >

> > i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep

fighting

> >if does not want to help himself?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

hi pam,

we can easily step him off the concerta if we feel there are no improvements.

the zoloft we just upped to the 50mg last week. this has stopped the constant crying and rocking back and forth. since he started taking it we have seen him talk more and become more friendly. he was on strettra but that made more angry and aggressive.

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Tue, February 8, 2011 6:36:47 PMSubject: ( ) Re: i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

What happens if you reduce or stop the concerta? I have not heard that concerta reduces any sterotype behaviors.And stimulants often increase anxiety issues. What symptoms did zoloft reduce at 50mg and have youtried 75mg? Have you tried another antidepressant to see if it works better, "prozac" for example.> >> > my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting > >with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he

takes meds for adhd > >and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the > >offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist > >of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not > >that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his > >biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the > >treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with > >it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is > >ready to deal with it.> > > > i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting > >if does not want to help himself?> >>

[Guest guest]

Maybe it's a tic. Look up TS or "tourette's syndrome" and see what you think. http://www.tourettesyndrome.net/

Roxanna

“Our lives begin to end the day we

become silent about things that matter.†- Luther King, Jr.

( ) i can't take it anymore-aspbergers

my son is 11 and was diagnosed with aspbergers last year. i have been fighting with therapists, teachers and family on his condition. he takes meds for adhd and anxiety and goes to therapy for behavorial issues. he does well in the offices but at home it is a constant battle. he has a nervous tick that consist of coughing. i have taken him to his reg doctor for allergies but says it is not that. therapy gives him relaxation suggestions but he refuses to do them. his biological father just wants to punish him and i am trying to keep to the treatment from his doctors but loosing the battle. his teachers are fed up with it and will not understand he has aspbergers and we cant do anything until he is ready to deal with it.

i love my son but feel i am losing the fight for him. how can i keep fighting if does not want to help himself?