Re: son, age 12 going back to early childhood meltdowns

[Guest guest]

It has helped us to put it in writing.We make index card schedules in the morning and it will include daily showers and bedtime at 730 on a school day. He now goes in the room and reads for 30 mins before lights out.Our son is 15 years old.-- Sent from my Palm PreOn Dec 6, 2010 7:31, mommiestgirl02 <mommiestgirl02@...> wrote:

Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early childhood. He used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age 4-5). Then, he started taking buspar and it went to 3-4 meltdowns a month.

Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie type behaviors and of course, occasional meltdowns, and usually the behaviors during the meltdowns were yelling and being "stuck," not anything destructive.

This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new middle school, a MUCH earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns increased in nature and in frequency right about the week before school started. And, they have continued on. I would say that out of 7 days, he has at least 5 meltdowns, mostly including yelling (screaming a high pitch), and throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or brother.

The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower, or being asked to do homework.

I am desperate for ideas. I have asked his dr (a developmental pediatrician who's known him since he was 5) and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist who works with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday).

DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the morning and 1 tab (10 mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA from Nordic Naturals). He also takes singulair and allegra for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.

We are very careful about DS's schedule, not "springing" things on him. He knows about the shower at least 1 day in advance, and really only takes them 1-2 times per week after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the whole evening.

He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or whatever and won't get ready for bed. He knows it's important to get enough sleep and has to wake up @6 AM for the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30. He's rarely there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or 10:30.

I know school is a huge stressor, but of course, the school doesn't see this. He is, however, on an IEP. We have his three year re-eval and subsequent IEP meeting this Thursday.

As for the shower, yesterday was "shower day" and he did not complete the shower. So, today I told him I wanted him to take a shower in the afternoon (I know, it's not the usual), but he agreed. Then, I said "4PM" which he obviously didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him it needed to be done before supper (@ 5:30), he said I never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of watching a TV episode. I told him, "OK, I'll serve you supper after your shower." We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point, it's 7:00 pm and he hasn't taken a shower, and is laying on the couch crying, saying he's starving. I've told him countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after his shower. During supper, he was in the living room (connected to our dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of his lungs, and then threw things at Dad. Then, later, after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he came out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as basketballs) and threw them down the hall. He even attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.

Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't need a shower to survive.

Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps. It's just so hard when it interferes with the well being (and getting to sleep) of my other kids.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Index cards work great for us.-- Sent from my Palm Pre

[Guest guest]

My son had a very difficult time transitioning to middle school. Suddenly there

was no recess and he had 7 classes/day. The difference for us is that my son had

his melt downs at school which gave the school motivation for trying to find a

solution. What worked for us is that we drove my son into school every day

because the bus came so early (6:50 AM because there were 2 bus runs) and if he

took the bus he'd have to sit around the school for 45+ minutes before school

started. I was actually able to leave my house 1/2 hour later than the bus pick

up and still get my son to school with 15 minutes before the first bell. It was

still early enough for us to continue onto work without being late. This allowed

my son an extra half hour of sleep each day.

The other thing that we did was change my son's school schedule around so that

he had a study period in the support room each day. He was allowed to catch up

on any in class work that he wasn't able to complete and/or get an early start

on his homework. By fitting this study period into his day he missed out on some

electives but it made the school day much less stressful for him. We continued

with this type of schedule all thru his ms years.

We also made sure that if my son needed a break that the teachers allowed him to

go to the sensory room. During this time they assigned a 1-1 aide to my son. The

aide would try to watch my son for sons of an impending melt down and would

bring him to the sensory room if she spotted any.

We have my son pick out his clothes for the next day and load his back pack

before he goes to bed. He also likes to put out his tolietries for the morning.

(We have to work around them but it makes the morning go that much smoother.)

One thing that we have always done with my son is that he gets 1/2 hour break to

relax and have snacks before he has to start on his homework. He tries to get

most of it done before dinner. If it's nice weather and he's willing to go

outside then we give him more time. He's now a better judge on what it takes to

get his hw done so he monitors that himself for the most part now.

BTW, we tried fish oil with my son for @ 3 months. It made him irritable and

quick to melt down. We didn't realize the cause was the fish oil until we ran

out of the supplement for a couple weeks. During those weeks he returned back to

his normal self. Once back on the supplement the meltdowns returned so we

stopped it immediately. It was Nordic naturals as well. I know a lot of folks

have had success with the supplement but just wanted to point out that some

kiddos have adverse reactions to it. We had the same issue with magnesium

supplements.

Good luck,

Caroline

>

> Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early childhood. He

used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age 4-5). Then, he started taking

buspar and it went to 3-4 meltdowns a month.

>

> Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie type behaviors and

of course, occasional meltdowns, and usually the behaviors during the meltdowns

were yelling and being " stuck, " not anything destructive.

>

> This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new middle school, a MUCH

earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns increased in nature and in frequency right

about the week before school started. And, they have continued on. I would say

that out of 7 days, he has at least 5 meltdowns, mostly including yelling

(screaming a high pitch), and throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or

brother.

>

> The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower, or being asked to do

homework.

>

> I am desperate for ideas. I have asked his dr (a developmental pediatrician

who's known him since he was 5) and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist

who works with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday).

>

> DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the morning and 1 tab (10

mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA from Nordic Naturals). He also takes

singulair and allegra for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.

>

> We are very careful about DS's schedule, not " springing " things on him. He

knows about the shower at least 1 day in advance, and really only takes them 1-2

times per week after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the whole evening.

>

> He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or whatever and won't get

ready for bed. He knows it's important to get enough sleep and has to wake up

@6 AM for the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30. He's rarely

there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or 10:30.

>

> I know school is a huge stressor, but of course, the school doesn't see this.

He is, however, on an IEP. We have his three year re-eval and subsequent IEP

meeting this Thursday.

>

> As for the shower, yesterday was " shower day " and he did not complete the

shower. So, today I told him I wanted him to take a shower in the afternoon (I

know, it's not the usual), but he agreed. Then, I said " 4PM " which he obviously

didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him it needed to be done before

supper (@ 5:30), he said I never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of

watching a TV episode. I told him, " OK, I'll serve you supper after your

shower. " We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point, it's 7:00 pm and he

hasn't taken a shower, and is laying on the couch crying, saying he's starving.

I've told him countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after his

shower. During supper, he was in the living room (connected to our

dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of his lungs, and then threw things at Dad.

Then, later, after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he came

out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as basketballs) and threw

them down the hall. He even attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.

>

> Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't need a shower to

survive.

>

> Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps. It's just so hard

when it interferes with the well being (and getting to sleep) of my other kids.

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

By the way, I'm really glad to have found this group. I hope someone replies.

And a note: he did finally take a shower around 7:30 pm and ate dinner around

8.

[Guest guest]

My daughter's anxiety increased like this in 5th grade. She had

to work to hard to keep up and when she got home she was burned

out. She would pull my hair often on the ride home. Same issues

wouldn't do homework etc. All transitions were too hard.

In her case her anxiety worsened and by March she would not return to school at

all. She ended up having to be transfered to a small

supportive out of district school and is doing much much better.

But anytime there are challenges that go on at school I see

this behavior back, and then I have to get very assertive

about getting involved and modifying her program even though

they don't see the issues.

My suggestions are this:

1) Ask in his IEP for homework pass for now.

2) See if you tell him he gets a homework pass tonight

if he takes a quick shower. See if hygiene time can be nightly.

Go in with him and talk to him while he gets his water

going and talk about his special interest as a distraction.

Step out of the bathroom when he is ready to get undressed but

keep talking at the door. Distraction and routine is the key.

3) Work through one at a time each part of his day that is hard.

Is it possible to drive him to school? It is a risk though

that you have to keep doing this, but it will reduced the

number of things that overload him.

4) What does he say about the lunchroom? Often AS kids

like quiet at lunch.

We do work with a behaviorist but since his anxiety and stress

is so high I doubt that this is the time to put him on a

point chart.

I suppose his medication may need increasing, but I would

work on reducing the stress in the setting too.

Some people may not want to reduce his mainstream setting

expectations but rather try another medication too,

like an anti-psychotic type. I took the other path

of sticking with anti-anxiety medication and reducing

the expectations of staying mainstreamed.

best wishes,

Pam

>

> Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early childhood. He

used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age 4-5). Then, he started taking

buspar and it went to 3-4 meltdowns a month.

>

> Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie type behaviors and

of course, occasional meltdowns, and usually the behaviors during the meltdowns

were yelling and being " stuck, " not anything destructive.

>

> This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new middle school, a MUCH

earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns increased in nature and in frequency right

about the week before school started. And, they have continued on. I would say

that out of 7 days, he has at least 5 meltdowns, mostly including yelling

(screaming a high pitch), and throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or

brother.

>

> The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower, or being asked to do

homework.

>

> I am desperate for ideas. I have asked his dr (a developmental pediatrician

who's known him since he was 5) and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist

who works with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday).

>

> DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the morning and 1 tab (10

mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA from Nordic Naturals). He also takes

singulair and allegra for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.

>

> We are very careful about DS's schedule, not " springing " things on him. He

knows about the shower at least 1 day in advance, and really only takes them 1-2

times per week after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the whole evening.

>

> He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or whatever and won't get

ready for bed. He knows it's important to get enough sleep and has to wake up

@6 AM for the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30. He's rarely

there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or 10:30.

>

> I know school is a huge stressor, but of course, the school doesn't see this.

He is, however, on an IEP. We have his three year re-eval and subsequent IEP

meeting this Thursday.

>

> As for the shower, yesterday was " shower day " and he did not complete the

shower. So, today I told him I wanted him to take a shower in the afternoon (I

know, it's not the usual), but he agreed. Then, I said " 4PM " which he obviously

didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him it needed to be done before

supper (@ 5:30), he said I never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of

watching a TV episode. I told him, " OK, I'll serve you supper after your

shower. " We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point, it's 7:00 pm and he

hasn't taken a shower, and is laying on the couch crying, saying he's starving.

I've told him countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after his

shower. During supper, he was in the living room (connected to our

dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of his lungs, and then threw things at Dad.

Then, later, after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he came

out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as basketballs) and threw

them down the hall. He even attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.

>

> Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't need a shower to

survive.

>

> Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps. It's just so hard

when it interferes with the well being (and getting to sleep) of my other kids.

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your responses. I'm going to mull over them tomorrow.

I'm just beat tonight. I am so glad I found this group.

~ Mommiest

>

> Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early childhood. He

used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age 4-5). Then, he started taking

buspar and it went to 3-4 meltdowns a month.

>

> Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie type behaviors and

of course, occasional meltdowns, and usually the behaviors during the meltdowns

were yelling and being " stuck, " not anything destructive.

>

> This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new middle school, a MUCH

earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns increased in nature and in frequency right

about the week before school started. And, they have continued on. I would say

that out of 7 days, he has at least 5 meltdowns, mostly including yelling

(screaming a high pitch), and throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or

brother.

>

> The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower, or being asked to do

homework.

>

> I am desperate for ideas. I have asked his dr (a developmental pediatrician

who's known him since he was 5) and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist

who works with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday).

>

> DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the morning and 1 tab (10

mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA from Nordic Naturals). He also takes

singulair and allegra for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.

>

> We are very careful about DS's schedule, not " springing " things on him. He

knows about the shower at least 1 day in advance, and really only takes them 1-2

times per week after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the whole evening.

>

> He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or whatever and won't get

ready for bed. He knows it's important to get enough sleep and has to wake up

@6 AM for the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30. He's rarely

there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or 10:30.

>

> I know school is a huge stressor, but of course, the school doesn't see this.

He is, however, on an IEP. We have his three year re-eval and subsequent IEP

meeting this Thursday.

>

> As for the shower, yesterday was " shower day " and he did not complete the

shower. So, today I told him I wanted him to take a shower in the afternoon (I

know, it's not the usual), but he agreed. Then, I said " 4PM " which he obviously

didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him it needed to be done before

supper (@ 5:30), he said I never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of

watching a TV episode. I told him, " OK, I'll serve you supper after your

shower. " We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point, it's 7:00 pm and he

hasn't taken a shower, and is laying on the couch crying, saying he's starving.

I've told him countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after his

shower. During supper, he was in the living room (connected to our

dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of his lungs, and then threw things at Dad.

Then, later, after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he came

out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as basketballs) and threw

them down the hall. He even attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.

>

> Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't need a shower to

survive.

>

> Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps. It's just so hard

when it interferes with the well being (and getting to sleep) of my other kids.

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

I know what it feels like to be at your wits end, as I'm sure everyone else here

can also attest to.

My son is 13 and started a new school this year too (middle school doesnt start

until 7th here) It has been pure Hell since he's started. I think the age has a

lot to do w/ it not only are their bodies experiencing hormonal changes but the

transition to middle school completly reeks havic in their poor little minds

too.

I wish I had answers but we're going through the exact same issues and still

trying to figure out a way to deal with it all.

I have noticed that a goods nights sleep does help. My son takes melatonin

around 7:30 on school nights and he's out within 20 mins.

I wish you the best of luck and even though it doesn't help your situation it's

at least nice to know that you son's action are very common for what goes on

around here

W.

>

> Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early childhood. He

used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age 4-5). Then, he started taking

buspar and it went to 3-4 meltdowns a month.

>

> Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie type behaviors and

of course, occasional meltdowns, and usually the behaviors during the meltdowns

were yelling and being " stuck, " not anything destructive.

>

> This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new middle school, a MUCH

earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns increased in nature and in frequency right

about the week before school started. And, they have continued on. I would say

that out of 7 days, he has at least 5 meltdowns, mostly including yelling

(screaming a high pitch), and throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or

brother.

>

> The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower, or being asked to do

homework.

>

> I am desperate for ideas. I have asked his dr (a developmental pediatrician

who's known him since he was 5) and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist

who works with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday).

>

> DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the morning and 1 tab (10

mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA from Nordic Naturals). He also takes

singulair and allegra for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.

>

> We are very careful about DS's schedule, not " springing " things on him. He

knows about the shower at least 1 day in advance, and really only takes them 1-2

times per week after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the whole evening.

>

> He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or whatever and won't get

ready for bed. He knows it's important to get enough sleep and has to wake up

@6 AM for the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30. He's rarely

there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or 10:30.

>

> I know school is a huge stressor, but of course, the school doesn't see this.

He is, however, on an IEP. We have his three year re-eval and subsequent IEP

meeting this Thursday.

>

> As for the shower, yesterday was " shower day " and he did not complete the

shower. So, today I told him I wanted him to take a shower in the afternoon (I

know, it's not the usual), but he agreed. Then, I said " 4PM " which he obviously

didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him it needed to be done before

supper (@ 5:30), he said I never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of

watching a TV episode. I told him, " OK, I'll serve you supper after your

shower. " We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point, it's 7:00 pm and he

hasn't taken a shower, and is laying on the couch crying, saying he's starving.

I've told him countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after his

shower. During supper, he was in the living room (connected to our

dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of his lungs, and then threw things at Dad.

Then, later, after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he came

out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as basketballs) and threw

them down the hall. He even attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.

>

> Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't need a shower to

survive.

>

> Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps. It's just so hard

when it interferes with the well being (and getting to sleep) of my other kids.

> Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

I have thought about melatonin, as my other two kids use it. DS12 REFUSES to

take it. I could probably slip it in, but then I'd have him falling asleep

before brushing his teeth and rinsing (for braces). Of course, he " CAN'T " do

this process any earlier than just before bed.

He just moves so slowly, and just can't get ready at night.

Leah

> >

> > Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early childhood. He

used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age 4-5). Then, he started taking

buspar and it went to 3-4 meltdowns a month.

> >

> > Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie type behaviors and

of course, occasional meltdowns, and usually the behaviors during the meltdowns

were yelling and being " stuck, " not anything destructive.

> >

> > This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new middle school, a MUCH

earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns increased in nature and in frequency right

about the week before school started. And, they have continued on. I would say

that out of 7 days, he has at least 5 meltdowns, mostly including yelling

(screaming a high pitch), and throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or

brother.

> >

> > The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower, or being asked to

do homework.

> >

> > I am desperate for ideas. I have asked his dr (a developmental pediatrician

who's known him since he was 5) and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist

who works with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday).

> >

> > DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the morning and 1 tab

(10 mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA from Nordic Naturals). He also takes

singulair and allegra for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.

> >

> > We are very careful about DS's schedule, not " springing " things on him. He

knows about the shower at least 1 day in advance, and really only takes them 1-2

times per week after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the whole evening.

> >

> > He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or whatever and won't get

ready for bed. He knows it's important to get enough sleep and has to wake up

@6 AM for the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30. He's rarely

there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or 10:30.

> >

> > I know school is a huge stressor, but of course, the school doesn't see

this. He is, however, on an IEP. We have his three year re-eval and subsequent

IEP meeting this Thursday.

> >

> > As for the shower, yesterday was " shower day " and he did not complete the

shower. So, today I told him I wanted him to take a shower in the afternoon (I

know, it's not the usual), but he agreed. Then, I said " 4PM " which he obviously

didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him it needed to be done before

supper (@ 5:30), he said I never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of

watching a TV episode. I told him, " OK, I'll serve you supper after your

shower. " We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point, it's 7:00 pm and he

hasn't taken a shower, and is laying on the couch crying, saying he's starving.

I've told him countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after his

shower. During supper, he was in the living room (connected to our

dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of his lungs, and then threw things at Dad.

Then, later, after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he came

out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as basketballs) and threw

them down the hall. He even attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.

> >

> > Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't need a shower to

survive.

> >

> > Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps. It's just so

hard when it interferes with the well being (and getting to sleep) of my other

kids.

> > Thanks.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter is still very young so take this as it is:

I agree with the time schedule. Have it all written out. Even try to

write it around his favorite show maybe... let him help so he feels

he has some control over this. Homework, dinner, tv show, etc. You

could maybe use more tv time as a reward for doing something extra

well (like homework or doing something extra like helping a sibling

or cleaning or no meltdowns when asked to do something on the

list...)

Prepare for the next day the night before. Pick out clothes, pack

backpack, check homework but if it's not done by then for some

reason, that's it... stressing over something that can't be changed

before bed means no sleep.

Get one of those shower caddies and fill it with his supplies. He

can pick out his own soap, shampoo (let him smell it in the store

maybe... I use all natural soaps and shampoos but I know not

everyone does) and deodorant. The shower experience involves the

loud sound of the water, the scents of the products, the multiple

steps (which you could write out and laminate and stick in the

shower for him). This is all the things our kids have problems

with! On non shower days you could give him the steps he needs on a

list on how to wash up correctly (#1 fill sink with hot-ish soapy

water and #2 wash face/ears, #3hands, #4armpits, #4privates, #5feet

in that order of course). Maybe some days (or everyday if he likes

it) instead of washing up, he could take a nice relaxing bath before

bed (w/o wetting his hair) which will help him sleep. Avoid any

scents in the bath IMO.

For sleep, no tv or video games right before bed and set up a

routine. Maybe he reads a short book or one or two chapters of a

book he likes in bed to get him into the "mode."

I HIGHLY suggest a good quality melatonin supplement starting at

half dose for a couple of weeks and then moving up to recommended

dose. It must be taken the same time every night to set his clock.

This worked incredibly well for my daughter for years and eventually

we ran out due to backorder, but her clock stayed the same without

it. We're just about to re-start it (DAN doc recommended it too

recently actually) because she is now up so late at night in and out

of bed asking for stuff, etc. She can't 'shut off' again. So she's

not getting enough sleep and that rots the next day!! I really

suggest trying this first before more drugs for sleep and see how it

goes first. So many people I know have really gotten excellent

results for their kids and it is a Godsend for them! Also, I don't

know when he takes his allergy meds, but sometimes I think they can

be stimulating. Might be worth looking into.

Obviously, this would all have to be put in place slowly and you

know the best way to do that.

Forgive me if this is really obvious for you and you already know

this! My daughter was diagnosed at 2 and is now 5 and have done a

lot of stuff along the way but as they age it's almost like you have

to change everything! I definitely don't have experience with a

preteen!

Jen

5yo Aspie

On 12/5/2010 8:03 PM, mommiestgirl02 wrote:

Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early

childhood. He used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age

4-5). Then, he started taking buspar and it went to 3-4

meltdowns a month.

Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie

type behaviors and of course, occasional meltdowns, and

usually the behaviors during the meltdowns were yelling

and being "stuck," not anything destructive.

This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new

middle school, a MUCH earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns

increased in nature and in frequency right about the week

before school started. And, they have continued on. I

would say that out of 7 days, he has at least 5 meltdowns,

mostly including yelling (screaming a high pitch), and

throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or brother.

The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower,

or being asked to do homework.

I am desperate for ideas. I have asked his dr (a

developmental pediatrician who's known him since he was 5)

and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist who works

with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday).

DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the

morning and 1 tab (10 mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA

from Nordic Naturals). He also takes singulair and allegra

for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.

We are very careful about DS's schedule, not "springing"

things on him. He knows about the shower at least 1 day in

advance, and really only takes them 1-2 times per week

after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the whole

evening.

He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or

whatever and won't get ready for bed. He knows it's

important to get enough sleep and has to wake up @6 AM for

the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30.

He's rarely there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or

10:30.

I know school is a huge stressor, but of course, the

school doesn't see this. He is, however, on an IEP. We

have his three year re-eval and subsequent IEP meeting

this Thursday.

As for the shower, yesterday was "shower day" and he did

not complete the shower. So, today I told him I wanted him

to take a shower in the afternoon (I know, it's not the

usual), but he agreed. Then, I said "4PM" which he

obviously didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him

it needed to be done before supper (@ 5:30), he said I

never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of watching

a TV episode. I told him, "OK, I'll serve you supper after

your shower." We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point,

it's 7:00 pm and he hasn't taken a shower, and is laying

on the couch crying, saying he's starving. I've told him

countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after

his shower. During supper, he was in the living room

(connected to our dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of

his lungs, and then threw things at Dad. Then, later,

after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he

came out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as

basketballs) and threw them down the hall. He even

attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.

Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't

need a shower to survive.

Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps.

It's just so hard when it interferes with the well being

(and getting to sleep) of my other kids.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Hello,

My son is almost 12 and I'm having a tough time too, his meltdowns are daily at

the mo and he is becoming increasingly violent towards me. My son is having a

tough time right now (not attending school at all, feeling like a complete

failure etc.) He is not taking any meds but I think before long he will be. Just

a thought but your son may need meds re adjusting since growth spurts and

puberty are kicking in????

Also my son used to have huge hygiene issues but I solved them. Instead of a

shower(which he HATED) my son has a bath and listens to music or an audio book,

now he rarely objects to staying clean,in fact he sometimes has a tantrum if he

has to get out too soon. This helps him to sleep aswell. I use lavendar oil in

the bath to calm him. I also got a book on puberty that had a section in it

about how it is important to stay clean because he's turning into an adult and

adults sweat much more.

I girl he liked also told him that his breath smelled bad and now he brushes his

teeth 'almost' daily :-)

I hope this helps. I find it a daily struggle to be inventive with my parenting.

Sometimes it seems like I have cured one huge problem only to find another one

has begun!!!

Good luck and best wishes to you all

Becky xx

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I agree with . I can't give a lot of advice because we too have been having a terrible time since my son started middle school. It was bad in 6th grade and instead of getting better it has gotten worse since. He is now 13 and in the 8th grade. The school is a lot to blame too though. We have recently had to move him to a small group classroom in another school. Things haven't gotten any better with the school, but my son's meltdowns have gotten better and that helps. We also started working with an ABA therapist. I wish you the best and hopefully things will get better. ne

From: <kristenwallen@...>Subject: ( ) Re: son, age 12 going back to early childhood meltdowns Date: Monday, December 6, 2010, 10:50 PM

Hi there,I know what it feels like to be at your wits end, as I'm sure everyone else here can also attest to.My son is 13 and started a new school this year too (middle school doesnt start until 7th here) It has been pure Hell since he's started. I think the age has a lot to do w/ it not only are their bodies experiencing hormonal changes but the transition to middle school completly reeks havic in their poor little minds too. I wish I had answers but we're going through the exact same issues and still trying to figure out a way to deal with it all.I have noticed that a goods nights sleep does help. My son takes melatonin around 7:30 on school nights and he's out within 20 mins.I wish you the best of luck and even though it doesn't help your situation it's at least nice to know that you son's action are very common for what goes on around here W.>> Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early childhood. He used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age 4-5). Then, he started taking buspar and it went to 3-4 meltdowns a month. > > Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie type behaviors and of course, occasional meltdowns, and usually the behaviors during the meltdowns were yelling and being "stuck," not anything destructive.> > This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new middle school, a MUCH earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns increased in nature and in frequency right about the week before school started. And, they have continued on. I would say that out of 7

days, he has at least 5 meltdowns, mostly including yelling (screaming a high pitch), and throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or brother.> > The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower, or being asked to do homework.> > I am desperate for ideas. I have asked his dr (a developmental pediatrician who's known him since he was 5) and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist who works with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday). > > DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the morning and 1 tab (10 mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA from Nordic Naturals). He also takes singulair and allegra for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.> > We are very careful about DS's schedule, not "springing" things on him. He knows about the shower at least 1 day in advance, and really only takes them 1-2 times per week after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the

whole evening.> > He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or whatever and won't get ready for bed. He knows it's important to get enough sleep and has to wake up @6 AM for the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30. He's rarely there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or 10:30. > > I know school is a huge stressor, but of course, the school doesn't see this. He is, however, on an IEP. We have his three year re-eval and subsequent IEP meeting this Thursday. > > As for the shower, yesterday was "shower day" and he did not complete the shower. So, today I told him I wanted him to take a shower in the afternoon (I know, it's not the usual), but he agreed. Then, I said "4PM" which he obviously didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him it needed to be done before supper (@ 5:30), he said I never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of watching a TV episode. I told him, "OK, I'll serve you

supper after your shower." We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point, it's 7:00 pm and he hasn't taken a shower, and is laying on the couch crying, saying he's starving. I've told him countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after his shower. During supper, he was in the living room (connected to our dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of his lungs, and then threw things at Dad. Then, later, after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he came out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as basketballs) and threw them down the hall. He even attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.> > Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't need a shower to survive.> > Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps. It's just so hard when it interferes with the well being (and getting to sleep) of my other kids.>

Thanks.>

[Guest guest]

My son prefers baths too. He'll be in the bath for at least an hour. We use

epsom salts in the bath as a way of calming him. Read about them long ago when

dealing with sensory issues. They help with his ezcema too. We installed a hand

held shower head so that he could rinse his hair after shampooing more easily.

>

>

>

> Hello,

>

> My son is almost 12 and I'm having a tough time too, his meltdowns are daily

at the mo and he is becoming increasingly violent towards me. My son is having a

tough time right now (not attending school at all, feeling like a complete

failure etc.) He is not taking any meds but I think before long he will be. Just

a thought but your son may need meds re adjusting since growth spurts and

puberty are kicking in????

>

> Also my son used to have huge hygiene issues but I solved them. Instead of a

shower(which he HATED) my son has a bath and listens to music or an audio book,

now he rarely objects to staying clean,in fact he sometimes has a tantrum if he

has to get out too soon. This helps him to sleep aswell. I use lavendar oil in

the bath to calm him. I also got a book on puberty that had a section in it

about how it is important to stay clean because he's turning into an adult and

adults sweat much more.

>

> I girl he liked also told him that his breath smelled bad and now he brushes

his teeth 'almost' daily :-)

>

> I hope this helps. I find it a daily struggle to be inventive with my

parenting. Sometimes it seems like I have cured one huge problem only to find

another one has begun!!!

>

> Good luck and best wishes to you all

>

> Becky xx

>

[Guest guest]

,

Your article mentioned something that hadn't occured to me. Could it be that Aspies have trouble falling asleep perhaps because it is a transitional issue as well as perhaps biomedical. I'm a NT dad but I've had severe sleep to wake, wake to sleep transitions for years. I've always told people that I can't sleep until I'm really tired. Likewise I can't wake up and function until Ive really gotten fully rested. I really do think I'm like on some kind of 28 hour sleep cylcle. Left alone I think I'd sleep 9 hours a day and stay awake for 19 each day. And its just gotten worse and worse the older I get. I can say up to 5Am no problem every day. And then be up at 10. I can do this for a few days and then I crash. To be honest I love waking up at 10 AM. That is the only thing consistent in my sleep schedule. I'm self employed and I can get away with

that most of the time. If I stay up really late the night before and still get up at 10 I usually go to sleep and nap for two hours just after dusk and when we put the kids to bed. Then I'm up and wired again. I know caffenine is also a big problem of mine.

Back to ASPIES perhaps it starts out as a transitional issue that leads to bad sleep which leads to anxiety, which leads to poor development. My son continues to make progress as he matures but even with all the improvements I see ASPIE traits hear and there all the time. Sometimes it can be embarassinly obvious and sometimes it so subtle most people woudn't know unless they had the trained eye.

One thing I've learned from this board is that there are lots of kids that have more severe struggles then my son, and across the board it seems like puberty/teen years are the worst. I had a very difficult time during those years myself and was viewed as socially toxic for a number of years. It was very lonely and hard. So this whole ASPIE think with my oldest son is like a nightmare come true. All the mistakes I made I wanted to help my kids avoid and now this. Looking at it another way perhaps I was chosen for this task. My own personal story makes me somewhat ideally suited for helping my kid overcome the teen years. But its scares me to death to think that he might go through something like what I went through (and plenty of others I'm sure) and have a social coping skill deficits to boot. For me trying to find the balance between accepting him as he is, helping him, modifying his behavior,

pushing him, pulling him, teaching him is SOOOOOOO difficult.

For example I've been scorned by other I know for my reactions when he digs his heals in and refuses to obey a command. If I use force people are like ooooooohhhgh. If I do nothing they think I'm too soft. If I go the in between route I look even sillier as I negotiate with my six year old. What they don't know is that sometimes he is being obstinate, and sometimes he is truly full of anxiety about something. They just don't know.

When I was a child being around my father was like walking on thin ice or egg shells all the time. Never knew when he'd fly of the handle. Now I'm the father and its like I'm parenting on egg shells all the time. Trying to know just what angle or tact to take with my kid for varying situations.

In my heart I still believe this is more like slow development and like a learning disorder. I just have to be patient and persistant. Hard to do.

Ds (12) has AS. Was dxd at age 9. We've known since early childhood. He used to have meltdowns 3-4 x/day (around age 4-5). Then, he started taking buspar and it went to 3-4 meltdowns a month. Anyway, since then, DS has been quite stable, minus Aspie type behaviors and of course, occasional meltdowns, and usually the behaviors during the meltdowns were yelling and being "stuck," not anything destructive.This school year, however, he started 6th grade, a new middle school, a MUCH earlier bus ride, etc. The meltdowns increased in nature and in frequency right about the week before school started. And, they have continued on. I would say that out of 7 days, he has at least 5 meltdowns, mostly including yelling (screaming a high pitch), and throwing things. Occasionally, he attacks Dad or brother.The triggers are most often being asked to take a shower, or being asked to do homework.I am desperate for ideas. I have asked

his dr (a developmental pediatrician who's known him since he was 5) and he said he'd consult with the psychiatrist who works with him and get back to me (that was last Tuesday). DS currently takes Prozac, 2 tablets (10 mg each) in the morning and 1 tab (10 mg) @ 3 PM along with Fish Oil (DHA from Nordic Naturals). He also takes singulair and allegra for allergies and asthma. And, Asmenex inhaler.We are very careful about DS's schedule, not "springing" things on him. He knows about the shower at least 1 day in advance, and really only takes them 1-2 times per week after all the meltdowns take up pretty much the whole evening.He's also not getting enough sleep! He just stims or whatever and won't get ready for bed. He knows it's important to get enough sleep and has to wake up @6 AM for the bus, so HE decided that he should go to bed @ 8:30. He's rarely there before 9:30 and some nights, 10 or 10:30. I know school is a

huge stressor, but of course, the school doesn't see this. He is, however, on an IEP. We have his three year re-eval and subsequent IEP meeting this Thursday. As for the shower, yesterday was "shower day" and he did not complete the shower. So, today I told him I wanted him to take a shower in the afternoon (I know, it's not the usual), but he agreed. Then, I said "4PM" which he obviously didn't process, b/c at 4:55 when I reminded him it needed to be done before supper (@ 5:30), he said I never said 4:00 and that he was in the middle of watching a TV episode. I told him, "OK, I'll serve you supper after your shower." We'll eat in about 1/2 hour. At this point, it's 7:00 pm and he hasn't taken a shower, and is laying on the couch crying, saying he's starving. I've told him countless times that I'd be glad to serve him supper after his shower. During supper, he was in the living room (connected to our dining/kitchen) screaming at the top of his

lungs, and then threw things at Dad. Then, later, after I escorted him to his room (he let me, actually), he came out, retrieved items from his brother's room (such as basketballs) and threw them down the hall. He even attacked Dad, pulling his shirt and screaming.Now, he's saying he needs food to survive, and he doesn't need a shower to survive.Help!! I'm at my wit's end, although deep breathing helps. It's just so hard when it interferes with the well being (and getting to sleep) of my other kids.Thanks.

[Guest guest]

I really feel like, at least with my daughter, her problems with going

to sleep was more like she couldn't 'shut off' her brain. The melatonin

helped with that along with a strict bedtime routine which would help

with transition like you mentioned.

Jen

5yo Aspie

On 12/7/2010 11:46 PM, Southard Engineering, Inc. wrote:

> e I can't wake up and function until Ive really gotten fully rested.

> I really do think I'm like on some kind of 28 hour sleep cylcle. Left

> alone I think I'd sleep 9 hours a day and stay awake for 19 each

> day. And its just gotten worse and worse the older I get. I can

> say up to 5Am no problem every day. And then be up at 10. I can do

> this for a few days and then I crash. To be honest I love waking up

> at 10 AM. That is the only thing consistent in my sl