Re: Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight...

[Guest guest]

Hey, - don't panic. The calmer you are, the calmer your son will be. Let him go, just expect to be on call. Tell the parents if your son has any problems at all, to call you. And if you need to go get him early, go get him. And celebrate any amount of time that he did stay. Say, "Wow, you had fun for 2 hours at that party!" or whatever the amount turns out to be. And if he got tired, or had a meltdown that caused him to have to leave, just talk about it and what he could do differently next time.

Have that kind of expectation for the night, and I think you and your son will be fine. Consider it a baby steps situation, and take it at that. But I hope he has fun and does great, please let us know what happens!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight... Date: Friday, June 4, 2010, 9:52 AM

Ok so I’m really not sure who’s more stressed out, me, or my Aspie boy. LOL

There’s a girl in his class who’s invited THE ENTIRE CLASS over for a “sleepover birthday partyâ€. I’m not concerned about that, her parents are fun, and they’re sleeping in a tent in the garage (it’s pouring outside), and are going to roast weenies and marshmallows, etc. ANYWAY…

is SO excited to go. And that’s part of what’s stressing me

He doesn’t want to take his blanket, because “no one else will have one†(and yet he cannot sleep without it.). He’s glad one girl is coming, because “He told her already that he’ll probably cry a lot at this birthday party, and she helps him calm downâ€. He “doesn’t want to take his stuffed animal, because he doesn’t want people to pick on him†(and yet stuffed dogs are one of his MAJOR obsessions, and he, again, takes GREAT comfort from them, has since age 1, and can’t sleep without them). Add to all that with the fact that he struggles GREATLY with the boys in his class, and from what I know, they’re ALL going, and ALL spending the night… that they are all into “entertainment bullying†with , that he’s got it built up in his head that it’s gonna be “GREATâ€â€¦ and I’m petrified of him spending the night, and having things fall apart

!!!

This is the child (who’s 9yrs old, btw), who cannot go to play at someone’s house without calling and asking me to come and get him at least 4 times. This is the same child who, when we’ve been trying to offer him a little independence, has shown us time and time again that he’s just not ready for it… and will often “go along with†whatever anyone tells him to do, in a desperate attempt to be accepted.

OK so tell me to calm down.

1. I am THRILLED he’s even interested in going.

2. I am glad he seems more calm than I clearly am

3. I’m worried about the fact that he gets TIRED around 9pm, and will usually head up to bed himself – and I KNOW the kids aren’t going to let him sleep tonight. He did express concern about this yesterday

Tell me I’m being neurotic and should relax?? How do I approach this situation?!! !

Ok – party starts at 7pm tonight our time… hopefully someone can knock some sense into me before then

the neurotic? LOL

=)

[Guest guest]

I think I would tell my son about the saying, " Plan B " and let him know that this could be one of those times to prepare for it (picking him up early) I'm not thrilled about so many kids for a sleep over--especially mixing girls with boys. But, I would let my son go if he was the one that was excited to go. I think for many nt kids that's a big party to attend and then it's a sleep over. Wow.  BUT, there may be other kids that have to get picked up, too, as a night without mom and dad may be too much for them as well.

 

Do you have a relationship with the parents? Perhaps they could call at the 2 hour mark to update you? I'd like some kind of progress report. Honestly, you'll stress this as most of us here would too. Can't change that, just have to deal with it as we already do on a daily basis, right? Please post your update on how things go. Hope your boy has a great time!

On Fri, Jun 4, 2010 at 1:05 PM, Suzanne Markwood <suzmarkwood@...> wrote:

 

Hey, - don't panic. The calmer you are, the calmer your son will be. Let him go, just expect to be on call. Tell the parents if your son has any problems at all, to call you. And if you need to go get him early, go get him. And celebrate any amount of time that he did stay. Say, " Wow, you had fun for 2 hours at that party! "  or whatever the amount turns out to be. And if he got tired, or had a meltdown that caused him to have to leave, just talk about it and what he could do differently next time.

Have that kind of expectation for the night, and I think you and your son will be fine. Consider it a baby steps situation, and take it at that. But I hope he has fun and does great, please let us know what happens!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight...

Date: Friday, June 4, 2010, 9:52 AM

 

Ok so I’m really not sure who’s more stressed out, me, or my Aspie boy. LOL

 

There’s a girl in his class who’s invited THE ENTIRE CLASS over for a “sleepover birthday party”. I’m not concerned about that, her parents are fun, and they’re sleeping in a tent in the garage (it’s pouring outside), and are going to roast weenies and marshmallows, etc. ANYWAY…

 

is SO excited to go. And that’s part of what’s stressing me   He doesn’t want to take his blanket, because “no one else will have one” (and yet he cannot sleep without it.). He’s glad one girl is coming, because “He told her already that he’ll probably cry a lot at this birthday party, and she helps him calm down”. He “doesn’t want to take his stuffed animal, because he doesn’t want people to pick on him” (and yet stuffed dogs are one of his MAJOR obsessions, and he, again, takes GREAT comfort from them, has since age 1, and can’t sleep without them). Add to all that with the fact that he struggles GREATLY with the boys in his class, and from what I know, they’re ALL going, and ALL spending the night… that they are all into “entertainment bullying” with , that he’s got it built up in his head that it’s gonna be “GREAT”… and I’m petrified of him spending the night, and having things fall apart !!!   This is the child (who’s 9yrs old, btw), who cannot go to play at someone’s house without calling and asking me to come and get him at least 4 times. This is the same child who, when we’ve been trying to offer him a little independence, has shown us time and time again that he’s just not ready for it… and will often “go along with” whatever anyone tells him to do, in a desperate attempt to be accepted.   OK so tell me to calm down.   1.       I am THRILLED he’s even interested in going. 2.       I am glad he seems more calm than I clearly am 3.       I’m worried about the fact that he gets TIRED around 9pm, and will usually head up to bed himself – and I KNOW the kids aren’t going to let him sleep tonight. He did express concern about this yesterday   Tell me I’m being neurotic and should relax?? How do I approach this situation?!! !   Ok – party starts at 7pm tonight our time… hopefully someone can knock some sense into me before then   the neurotic? LOL   =)

[Guest guest]

Gread advice, Suzanne. I'd be happy to know he was trying to push himself out of his own comfort zone by not having his security items with him. Maybe this will teach him that he doesn't need them. I understand why you're worried, I really do, but this could end up being a good experience for your son. I'd definitely plan on being on-call and might ask the parents if it would be okay if you called to check in at some point. I sure hope he has a good time! I can tell you that my son, at the age of almost 14, has amazed me at how he's matured over the years. There were some things I thought he'd never get passed, but he did. My daughter is having a slumber party tonight, too. Our party will send their party some good kharma!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Suzanne Markwood <suzmarkwood@...> Sent: Fri, June 4, 2010 12:05:33 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight...

Hey, - don't panic. The calmer you are, the calmer your son will be. Let him go, just expect to be on call. Tell the parents if your son has any problems at all, to call you. And if you need to go get him early, go get him. And celebrate any amount of time that he did stay. Say, "Wow, you had fun for 2 hours at that party!" or whatever the amount turns out to be. And if he got tired, or had a meltdown that caused him to have to leave, just talk about it and what he could do differently next time.

Have that kind of expectation for the night, and I think you and your son will be fine. Consider it a baby steps situation, and take it at that. But I hope he has fun and does great, please let us know what happens!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@ eastlink. ca>Subject: ( ) Panicked...! ! Need advice for tonight... Date: Friday, June 4, 2010, 9:52 AM

Ok so I’m really not sure who’s more stressed out, me, or my Aspie boy. LOL

There’s a girl in his class who’s invited THE ENTIRE CLASS over for a “sleepover birthday partyâ€. I’m not concerned about that, her parents are fun, and they’re sleeping in a tent in the garage (it’s pouring outside), and are going to roast weenies and marshmallows, etc. ANYWAY…

is SO excited to go. And that’s part of what’s stressing me He doesn’t want to take his blanket, because “no one else will have one†(and yet he cannot sleep without it.). He’s glad one girl is coming, because “He told her already that he’ll probably cry a lot at this birthday party, and she helps him calm downâ€. He “doesn’t want to take his stuffed animal, because he doesn’t want people to pick on him†(and yet stuffed dogs are one of his MAJOR obsessions, and he, again, takes GREAT comfort from them, has since age 1, and can’t sleep without them). Add to all that with the fact that he struggles GREATLY with the boys in his class, and from what I know, they’re ALL going, and ALL spending the night… that they are all into “entertainment bullying†with , that he’s got it built up in his head that it’s gonna be “GREATâ€â€¦ and I’m petrified of him spending the night, and having things fall apart

!!! This is the child (who’s 9yrs old, btw), who cannot go to play at someone’s house without calling and asking me to come and get him at least 4 times. This is the same child who, when we’ve been trying to offer him a little independence, has shown us time and time again that he’s just not ready for it… and will often “go along with†whatever anyone tells him to do, in a desperate attempt to be accepted. OK so tell me to calm down. 1. I am THRILLED he’s even interested in going. 2. I am glad he seems more calm than I clearly am 3. I’m worried about the fact that he gets TIRED around 9pm, and will usually head up to bed himself – and I KNOW the kids aren’t going to let him sleep tonight. He did express concern about this yesterday Tell me I’m being neurotic and should relax?? How do I approach this situation?!! ! Ok – party starts at 7pm tonight our time… hopefully someone can knock some sense into me before then the neurotic? LOL =)

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for the advice I am cool as a cucumber in front of my boy Only freaking to you guys LOL I don’t know the parents well, but they DO seem very accommodating already (as they’re baking a SEPARATE cake for , as the one they got from the bakery he can’t have (peanut allergy). So I’ve talked to them briefly, and will talk more when I drop him off (likely hang out for a bit to make sure I’m good with everything). A lot is going to depend on their plan for supervision… and I’d hope that with kids at this age, both boys AND girls, they’ll be properly supervised. We shall see !! I do hope he has an amazing time, and he knows that I’m encouraging him to stay, he had concerns and we’ve talked about them, but he also know that if he calls and wants to come home, that’s TOTALLY ok, too. He’s *NEVER* had a sleepover where he’s slept at someone elses house. It was always someone coming to OUR house (far easier for us!).. so I’m a little on edge But definitely hopeful that things will go well I will totally keep you all posted Thanks again for the support, I LOVE THIS GROUP !!! =) From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Suzanne MarkwoodSent: Friday, June 04, 2010 2:36 PM Subject: Re: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight... Hey, - don't panic. The calmer you are, the calmer your son will be. Let him go, just expect to be on call. Tell the parents if your son has any problems at all, to call you. And if you need to go get him early, go get him. And celebrate any amount of time that he did stay. Say, " Wow, you had fun for 2 hours at that party! " or whatever the amount turns out to be. And if he got tired, or had a meltdown that caused him to have to leave, just talk about it and what he could do differently next time. Have that kind of expectation for the night, and I think you and your son will be fine. Consider it a baby steps situation, and take it at that. But I hope he has fun and does great, please let us know what happens!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Suzannesuzmarkwood@...From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight... Date: Friday, June 4, 2010, 9:52 AM Ok so I’m really not sure who’s more stressed out, me, or my Aspie boy. LOL There’s a girl in his class who’s invited THE ENTIRE CLASS over for a “sleepover birthday partyâ€. I’m not concerned about that, her parents are fun, and they’re sleeping in a tent in the garage (it’s pouring outside), and are going to roast weenies and marshmallows, etc. ANYWAY… is SO excited to go. And that’s part of what’s stressing me He doesn’t want to take his blanket, because “no one else will have one†(and yet he cannot sleep without it.). He’s glad one girl is coming, because “He told her already that he’ll probably cry a lot at this birthday party, and she helps him calm downâ€. He “doesn’t want to take his stuffed animal, because he doesn’t want people to pick on him†(and yet stuffed dogs are one of his MAJOR obsessions, and he, again, takes GREAT comfort from them, has since age 1, and can’t sleep without them). Add to all that with the fact that he struggles GREATLY with the boys in his class, and from what I know, they’re ALL going, and ALL spending the night… that they are all into “entertainment bullying†with , that he’s got it built up in his head that it’s gonna be “GREATâ€â€¦ and I’m petrified of him spending the night, and having things fall apart !!! This is the child (who’s 9yrs old, btw), who cannot go to play at someone’s house without calling and asking me to come and get him at least 4 times. This is the same child who, when we’ve been trying to offer him a little independence, has shown us time and time again that he’s just not ready for it… and will often “go along with†whatever anyone tells him to do, in a desperate attempt to be accepted. OK so tell me to calm down. 1. I am THRILLED he’s even interested in going. 2. I am glad he seems more calm than I clearly am 3. I’m worried about the fact that he gets TIRED around 9pm, and will usually head up to bed himself – and I KNOW the kids aren’t going to let him sleep tonight. He did express concern about this yesterday Tell me I’m being neurotic and should relax?? How do I approach this situation?!! ! Ok – party starts at 7pm tonight our time… hopefully someone can knock some sense into me before then the neurotic? LOL =)

[Guest guest]

Part of my concern, too, about the blanket – isn’t that it’s a comfort item, but a SENSORY item, too. He has never slept with a sheet in his life, as he hates the feeling over them, and likes having his heavy, knit blanket over him, on top of him, under any and ALL blankets. The sleeping bag we have, too, is a shiny, “silky†type material (super lightweight, and really warm!!) and he HATES the feel of it on his skin. I’m thinking I might just stick his blanket INSIDE the sleeping bag, and roll it back up that way. Funny part about the stuffed dog… he used to take them to school, and we left one in his “Quiet spaceâ€, as he often needed that sensory input when he was upset. Seemed to calm him. (When he was younger, he’d actually tell us he had to go to his room, because he needed to suck on his pillow – gross, yes I know LOL). Anyway… the kids came to understand and respect this, and no one ever teased him about it. But still, at some point, he stopped wanting to bring them to school – ALL on his own. So that’s a positive for sure. That being said, I can almost guarantee that there’s any number of kids who will have one to sleep with tonight – so on the night when he’d likely blend in, lol, he so doesn’t HAVE to worry about it !!!! Anyway…. We’ll see how it goes. I’m hopeful that he’ll have a good time. A couple really good kids are going, whom I know very well, and their parents – and they will likely “Look out†for him Will keep you posted… Thanks again for all the advice all !!! =) From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of MacAllisterSent: Friday, June 04, 2010 3:04 PM Subject: Re: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight... Gread advice, Suzanne. I'd be happy to know he was trying to push himself out of his own comfort zone by not having his security items with him. Maybe this will teach him that he doesn't need them. I understand why you're worried, I really do, but this could end up being a good experience for your son. I'd definitely plan on being on-call and might ask the parents if it would be okay if you called to check in at some point. I sure hope he has a good time! I can tell you that my son, at the age of almost 14, has amazed me at how he's matured over the years. There were some things I thought he'd never get passed, but he did. My daughter is having a slumber party tonight, too. Our party will send their party some good kharma! " Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out. " From: Suzanne Markwood <suzmarkwood@...> Sent: Fri, June 4, 2010 12:05:33 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight... Hey, - don't panic. The calmer you are, the calmer your son will be. Let him go, just expect to be on call. Tell the parents if your son has any problems at all, to call you. And if you need to go get him early, go get him. And celebrate any amount of time that he did stay. Say, " Wow, you had fun for 2 hours at that party! " or whatever the amount turns out to be. And if he got tired, or had a meltdown that caused him to have to leave, just talk about it and what he could do differently next time. Have that kind of expectation for the night, and I think you and your son will be fine. Consider it a baby steps situation, and take it at that. But I hope he has fun and does great, please let us know what happens!~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~SuzannesuzmarkwoodFrom: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@ eastlink. ca>Subject: ( ) Panicked...! ! Need advice for tonight... Date: Friday, June 4, 2010, 9:52 AM Ok so I’m really not sure who’s more stressed out, me, or my Aspie boy. LOL There’s a girl in his class who’s invited THE ENTIRE CLASS over for a “sleepover birthday partyâ€. I’m not concerned about that, her parents are fun, and they’re sleeping in a tent in the garage (it’s pouring outside), and are going to roast weenies and marshmallows, etc. ANYWAY… is SO excited to go. And that’s part of what’s stressing me He doesn’t want to take his blanket, because “no one else will have one†(and yet he cannot sleep without it.). He’s glad one girl is coming, because “He told her already that he’ll probably cry a lot at this birthday party, and she helps him calm downâ€. He “doesn’t want to take his stuffed animal, because he doesn’t want people to pick on him†(and yet stuffed dogs are one of his MAJOR obsessions, and he, again, takes GREAT comfort from them, has since age 1, and can’t sleep without them). Add to all that with the fact that he struggles GREATLY with the boys in his class, and from what I know, they’re ALL going, and ALL spending the night… that they are all into “entertainment bullying†with , that he’s got it built up in his head that it’s gonna be “GREATâ€â€¦ and I’m petrified of him spending the night, and having things fall apart !!! This is the child (who’s 9yrs old, btw), who cannot go to play at someone’s house without calling and asking me to come and get him at least 4 times. This is the same child who, when we’ve been trying to offer him a little independence, has shown us time and time again that he’s just not ready for it… and will often “go along with†whatever anyone tells him to do, in a desperate attempt to be accepted. OK so tell me to calm down. 1. I am THRILLED he’s even interested in going. 2. I am glad he seems more calm than I clearly am 3. I’m worried about the fact that he gets TIRED around 9pm, and will usually head up to bed himself – and I KNOW the kids aren’t going to let him sleep tonight. He did express concern about this yesterday Tell me I’m being neurotic and should relax?? How do I approach this situation?!! ! Ok – party starts at 7pm tonight our time… hopefully someone can knock some sense into me before then the neurotic? LOL =)

[Guest guest]

I totally agree!! Also,,,,,,,,I'd pack a stuffed animal INSIDE his sleeping bag. That way, it's there, but not out in the open.

Like Suzanne said, I'd tell the parents. I'd go in person, if possible. Let them know it all. Especially the part of the boys picking on him , possibly.

Do you have a Trak phone or extra phone that you could give him so that he could call you if needed?Also,,,,is a parent staying outside, too? This is a bit far-fetched, but would you be willing to stay over, too? Just to "hang"?????? Dont' know if you have that kind of a report with the parents........but this may help.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Attack and enjoy every minute of life.

Try everything.....protect everything.

Robin

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@ eastlink. ca>Subject: ( ) Panicked...! ! Need advice for tonight... Date: Friday, June 4, 2010, 9:52 AM

Ok so I’m really not sure who’s more stressed out, me, or my Aspie boy. LOL

There’s a girl in his class who’s invited THE ENTIRE CLASS over for a “sleepover birthday partyâ€. I’m not concerned about that, her parents are fun, and they’re sleeping in a tent in the garage (it’s pouring outside), and are going to roast weenies and marshmallows, etc. ANYWAY…

is SO excited to go. And that’s part of what’s stressing me He doesn’t want to take his blanket, because “no one else will have one†(and yet he cannot sleep without it.). He’s glad one girl is coming, because “He told her already that he’ll probably cry a lot at this birthday party, and she helps him calm downâ€. He “doesn’t want to take his stuffed animal, because he doesn’t want people to pick on him†(and yet stuffed dogs are one of his MAJOR obsessions, and he, again, takes GREAT comfort from them, has since age 1, and can’t sleep without them). Add to all that with the fact that he struggles GREATLY with the boys in his class, and from what I know, they’re ALL going, and ALL spending the night… that they are all into “entertainment bullying†with , that he’s got it built up in his head that it’s gonna be “GREATâ€â€¦ and I’m petrified of him spending the night, and having things fall apart

!!! This is the child (who’s 9yrs old, btw), who cannot go to play at someone’s house without calling and asking me to come and get him at least 4 times. This is the same child who, when we’ve been trying to offer him a little independence, has shown us time and time again that he’s just not ready for it… and will often “go along with†whatever anyone tells him to do, in a desperate attempt to be accepted. OK so tell me to calm down. 1. I am THRILLED he’s even interested in going. 2. I am glad he seems more calm than I clearly am 3. I’m worried about the fact that he gets TIRED around 9pm, and will usually head up to bed himself – and I KNOW the kids aren’t going to let him sleep tonight. He did express concern about this yesterday Tell me I’m being neurotic and should relax?? How do I approach this situation?!! ! Ok – party starts at 7pm tonight our time… hopefully someone can knock some sense into me before then the neurotic? LOL =)

[Guest guest]

If it makes you feel any better, I dropped my almost 14-yr-old son off with a group of kids (14-17 yr olds) who make up the tuba sectional at the high school he'll be attending next year. They met at a park to play some sports this morning and just hang out for a couple of hours to get to know each other better and bond. I acted like I drove off but then parked a little farther away and watched him for 5 or so minutes before I left the park. The feeling that you want to wrap your son in bubble wrap doesn't end =) I was trying to explain to my NT 8-yr-old daughter that dropping him off for social situations like that feels like I'm dropping off a 5-yr-old, in some ways. I want to protect him. I don't want him to feel sad or not included. I know he's capable, minimally, of hanging in there and making it through. I know he'll be okay. But he still struggles

socially, is not always able to quickly read social cues, will talk about random things, etc... and it puts kids off. He told me the other day he feels invisible sometimes when he's with other kids. People just tend to ignore him in some situations. I'm hopeful being older and in with a new group of kids, he'll have a new opportunity to make some friendships. The band he'll be a part of in the fall is nationally recognized and the instrument sectionals work hard to form a "family" to support each other through the extra band practices, homework, etc... I sure hope this works out because it's just what D needs. So that's a LONG version of me saying "I get it. I understand your apprehension. It doesn't go away, but things do gradually get better as they age." (at least it has for my son.)

Hang in there! Looking forward to a report!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...> Sent: Fri, June 4, 2010 1:16:16 PMSubject: RE: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight...

Thanks everyone for the advice

I am cool as a cucumber in front of my boy Only freaking to you guys LOL I don’t know the parents well, but they DO seem very accommodating already (as they’re baking a SEPARATE cake for , as the one they got from the bakery he can’t have (peanut allergy). So I’ve talked to them briefly, and will talk more when I drop him off (likely hang out for a bit to make sure I’m good with everything).

A lot is going to depend on their plan for supervision… and I’d hope that with kids at this age, both boys AND girls, they’ll be properly supervised. We shall see !!

I do hope he has an amazing time, and he knows that I’m encouraging him to stay, he had concerns and we’ve talked about them, but he also know that if he calls and wants to come home, that’s TOTALLY ok, too. He’s *NEVER* had a sleepover where he’s slept at someone elses house. It was always someone coming to OUR house (far easier for us!).. so I’m a little on edge But definitely hopeful that things will go well

I will totally keep you all posted Thanks again for the support, I LOVE THIS GROUP !!!

=)

From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of Suzanne MarkwoodSent: Friday, June 04, 2010 2:36 PM Subject: Re: ( ) Panicked...! ! Need advice for tonight...

Hey, - don't panic. The calmer you are, the calmer your son will be. Let him go, just expect to be on call. Tell the parents if your son has any problems at all, to call you. And if you need to go get him early, go get him. And celebrate any amount of time that he did stay. Say, "Wow, you had fun for 2 hours at that party!" or whatever the amount turns out to be. And if he got tired, or had a meltdown that caused him to have to leave, just talk about it and what he could do differently next time.

Have that kind of expectation for the night, and I think you and your son will be fine. Consider it a baby steps situation, and take it at that. But I hope he has fun and does great, please let us know what happens!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@ eastlink. ca>Subject: ( ) Panicked...! ! Need advice for tonight... Date: Friday, June 4, 2010, 9:52 AM

Ok so I’m really not sure who’s more stressed out, me, or my Aspie boy. LOL

There’s a girl in his class who’s invited THE ENTIRE CLASS over for a “sleepover birthday partyâ€. I’m not concerned about that, her parents are fun, and they’re sleeping in a tent in the garage (it’s pouring outside), and are going to roast weenies and marshmallows, etc. ANYWAY…

is SO excited to go. And that’s part of what’s stressing me

He doesn’t want to take his blanket, because “no one else will have one†(and yet he cannot sleep without it.). He’s glad one girl is coming, because “He told her already that he’ll probably cry a lot at this birthday party, and she helps him calm downâ€. He “doesn’t want to take his stuffed animal, because he doesn’t want people to pick on him†(and yet stuffed dogs are one of his MAJOR obsessions, and he, again, takes GREAT comfort from them, has since age 1, and can’t sleep without them). Add to all that with the fact that he struggles GREATLY with the boys in his class, and from what I know, they’re ALL going, and ALL spending the night… that they are all into “entertainment bullying†with , that he’s got it built up in his head that it’s gonna be “GREATâ€â€¦ and I’m petrified of him spending the night, and having things fall apart

!!!

This is the child (who’s 9yrs old, btw), who cannot go to play at someone’s house without calling and asking me to come and get him at least 4 times. This is the same child who, when we’ve been trying to offer him a little independence, has shown us time and time again that he’s just not ready for it… and will often “go along with†whatever anyone tells him to do, in a desperate attempt to be accepted.

OK so tell me to calm down.

1. I am THRILLED he’s even interested in going.

2. I am glad he seems more calm than I clearly am

3. I’m worried about the fact that he gets TIRED around 9pm, and will usually head up to bed himself – and I KNOW the kids aren’t going to let him sleep tonight. He did express concern about this yesterday

Tell me I’m being neurotic and should relax?? How do I approach this situation?!! !

Ok – party starts at 7pm tonight our time… hopefully someone can knock some sense into me before then

the neurotic? LOL

=)

[Guest guest]

-

The blanket reminds me of a story. I’ll keep it

brief. Some friends of ours has a son( who is now 24 married with two children).

This son was so attached to his blanket he brought it to school with him too!

over the years it became thread bare and at some point, the mom cut out a small

piece of the blanket and the boy carried the piece in his backpack and

eventually his wallet. Worked for him. I don’t know if he still carries

it to day.

melody

[Guest guest]

I would check on the sleeping arrangements. If they have a tent for boys and a tent for girls that may pose a problem for your son if all the boys target him. He will be on his own with them.....

~ Pruden

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: ( ) Panicked...!! Need advice for tonight... Date: Friday, June 4, 2010, 9:52 AM

Ok so I’m really not sure who’s more stressed out, me, or my Aspie boy. LOL

There’s a girl in his class who’s invited THE ENTIRE CLASS over for a “sleepover birthday partyâ€. I’m not concerned about that, her parents are fun, and they’re sleeping in a tent in the garage (it’s pouring outside), and are going to roast weenies and marshmallows, etc. ANYWAY…

is SO excited to go. And that’s part of what’s stressing me

He doesn’t want to take his blanket, because “no one else will have one†(and yet he cannot sleep without it.). He’s glad one girl is coming, because “He told her already that he’ll probably cry a lot at this birthday party, and she helps him calm downâ€. He “doesn’t want to take his stuffed animal, because he doesn’t want people to pick on him†(and yet stuffed dogs are one of his MAJOR obsessions, and he, again, takes GREAT comfort from them, has since age 1, and can’t sleep without them). Add to all that with the fact that he struggles GREATLY with the boys in his class, and from what I know, they’re ALL going, and ALL spending the night… that they are all into “entertainment bullying†with , that he’s got it built up in his head that it’s gonna be “GREATâ€â€¦ and I’m petrified of him spending the night, and having things fall apart

!!!

This is the child (who’s 9yrs old, btw), who cannot go to play at someone’s house without calling and asking me to come and get him at least 4 times. This is the same child who, when we’ve been trying to offer him a little independence, has shown us time and time again that he’s just not ready for it… and will often “go along with†whatever anyone tells him to do, in a desperate attempt to be accepted.

OK so tell me to calm down.

1. I am THRILLED he’s even interested in going.

2. I am glad he seems more calm than I clearly am

3. I’m worried about the fact that he gets TIRED around 9pm, and will usually head up to bed himself – and I KNOW the kids aren’t going to let him sleep tonight. He did express concern about this yesterday

Tell me I’m being neurotic and should relax?? How do I approach this situation?!! !

Ok – party starts at 7pm tonight our time… hopefully someone can knock some sense into me before then

the neurotic? LOL

=)