Re: Navigating the New Friendship Phase *Need Advice*

[Guest guest]

1. It's really up to you, because you can get a great response or a negative response.I think along with 2. it might make some situations a little better for them to understand.

3. Welcome to parenting an Aspie. lol. I suggest ABA therapy. They helped Madeline out along with social skills groups we found thru our hospital. Madeline loves schedules and knowing what's going to happen next helps her and oh heavens. We moved to Colorado Springs last June after living in Hawaii for 6 almost 7 yrs. After our first snowfall Maddie was in HEAVEN..she would sled every single day and as the snow began to melt and we had to have the talk with her about it's not snow any more it's just mud. lol. It frustrated her.

4. He might be using him, but in a way you could use him for more social interactions..it's a win-win situation. lol

5. It's a hard situation to know what to do when it comes to socializing with an Aspie. Maddie is 12 and we still haven't gotten it down pat. I will open the window right next to the computer desk while I play on the computer to listen to the conversations with the next door neighbor because I get nervous that they are making fun of her or something else.

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Navigating the New Friendship Phase *Need Advice*

Hi all- I am new to this group but love the support here. My 6yr old Aspie is a wonderful boy. He is full of fun and facts and is (like most ASpie's I am sure) quite intelligent.

He is in K in the LDL or Special Ed class. There are 12 kids in the class. He is one of the kids taht excels in all he does and the teachers love him. There are few in the class that have many issues and functioning socially is very limited. Therefore- he has not really connected with too many of the kids. He tends to find one kid to latch onto and then follows that kid all around and does everything that kid does. This year he has sort of latched on to a kid that is very limited in his social abilities. My son was just dx in July of 2010 so we are still trying to figure things out & get all the help we need. I need to get more support for me, him & the rest of our family.

Anyway- here's where I need some help:

My son takes the bus to & from school each day. He has made friends slowly with a boy who lives across the street from us. This boy is about a yr & half older. He is in 2nd grade & my son is in K but we held him back. The boy across the street is very sweet. They have had a few play dates here in our backyard. We have a really big backyard that has an excellent hill on one side for sledding. So, they have gone sledding in the backyard a few times and had a great time together.

And here are my concerns:

1. Do I tell the other parent (my neighbor) that he has AS? They may already know- I am not sure though. We never told them, but others may have.

2. Do I tell them just to protect him and explain things a little bit? For ex- my son will not go over to anyone else house to play.

3. My son does not understand the basic nuances of having a friend and we have realized we need to work on our social stories with him. Since he played with this kid twice now after school, he thinks he will play with him every day after school. He waits for him by the door and makes me call over to see if he is coming over. One day I called and he had gone over to another friends house and so my son was devastated.

4. I worry that this boy is just using my son for his cool backyard sledding.

5. Along with # 3 above- we are working with him to understand some basic friendship rules. For ex- if his new friend comes over he ignores him. He doesn't know to ask him to play something. he'll just get on the SmartCycle and expect the other kid to watch and want to play with that too. I have to whisper things to him like "Ask him what he wants to play?" and tell him exactly what to say to a friend when it is time for them to go home.

whew! This is tougher to navigate than I thought!

Any ideas of greatly appreciated. Like I said- I really need to get some support in place for us. I am just all over the place.

[Guest guest]

I would not rush into telling the other parent. If she is the type of person who

is nonjudgmental and open to differences, then it may be okay to tell. If you

don't know her very well, then I don't think it is wise to tell her - yet. You

can acknowledge some of your son's quirky behavior without labeling it with

Asperger's. I was considering telling the parents of my son's classmates, but

then one of them told me that her son used to be in a class with an autistic kid

and of course, she pulled him right out of THAT class. I was speechless. I

suppose people just think my son is an eccentric loner and I wish the world were

different and I could tell everyone, but unfortunately, it's not that way.

I agree with about not worrying about whether your son is being used.

The more practice socializing, the better. Today, my son had a one-sentence

conversation with another kid at lunch and my husband and I jumped for joy.

I also have to prompt my son (8 years old) to say the proper thing to another

kid. I suggested we practice role-playing but he refused. I have come to realize

that on playdates, which are rare occurrences, I have to somehow steer the boat

and remain involved.

>

> 1. It's really up to you, because you can get a great response or a negative

response.I think along with 2. it might make some situations a little better for

them to understand.

> 3. Welcome to parenting an Aspie. lol. I suggest ABA therapy. They helped

Madeline out along with social skills groups we found thru our hospital.

Madeline loves schedules and knowing what's going to happen next helps her and

oh heavens. We moved to Colorado Springs last June after living in Hawaii for 6

almost 7 yrs. After our first snowfall Maddie was in HEAVEN..she would sled

every single day and as the snow began to melt and we had to have the talk with

her about it's not snow any more it's just mud. lol. It frustrated her.

> 4. He might be using him, but in a way you could use him for more social

interactions..it's a win-win situation. lol

> 5. It's a hard situation to know what to do when it comes to socializing with

an Aspie. Maddie is 12 and we still haven't gotten it down pat. I will open the

window right next to the computer desk while I play on the computer to listen to

the conversations with the next door neighbor because I get nervous that they

are making fun of her or something else.

>

>

>

> Mom to my 4 girls

> Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

> " You are the TRIP I did not take

> You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

> You are the blue Italian LAKE

> YOU are my piece of foreign SKY "

> ---Anne ----

>

>

>

> ( ) Navigating the New Friendship Phase *Need Advice*

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi all- I am new to this group but love the support here. My 6yr old Aspie is

a wonderful boy. He is full of fun and facts and is (like most ASpie's I am

sure) quite intelligent.

> He is in K in the LDL or Special Ed class. There are 12 kids in the class. He

is one of the kids taht excels in all he does and the teachers love him. There

are few in the class that have many issues and functioning socially is very

limited. Therefore- he has not really connected with too many of the kids. He

tends to find one kid to latch onto and then follows that kid all around and

does everything that kid does. This year he has sort of latched on to a kid

that is very limited in his social abilities. My son was just dx in July of

2010 so we are still trying to figure things out & get all the help we need. I

need to get more support for me, him & the rest of our family.

>

> Anyway- here's where I need some help:

>

> My son takes the bus to & from school each day. He has made friends slowly

with a boy who lives across the street from us. This boy is about a yr & half

older. He is in 2nd grade & my son is in K but we held him back. The boy

across the street is very sweet. They have had a few play dates here in our

backyard. We have a really big backyard that has an excellent hill on one side

for sledding. So, they have gone sledding in the backyard a few times and had a

great time together.

> And here are my concerns:

>

> 1. Do I tell the other parent (my neighbor) that he has AS? They may already

know- I am not sure though. We never told them, but others may have.

>

> 2. Do I tell them just to protect him and explain things a little bit? For

ex- my son will not go over to anyone else house to play.

>

> 3. My son does not understand the basic nuances of having a friend and we have

realized we need to work on our social stories with him. Since he played with

this kid twice now after school, he thinks he will play with him every day after

school. He waits for him by the door and makes me call over to see if he is

coming over. One day I called and he had gone over to another friends house and

so my son was devastated.

>

> 4. I worry that this boy is just using my son for his cool backyard sledding.

>

> 5. Along with # 3 above- we are working with him to understand some basic

friendship rules. For ex- if his new friend comes over he ignores him. He

doesn't know to ask him to play something. he'll just get on the SmartCycle and

expect the other kid to watch and want to play with that too. I have to whisper

things to him like " Ask him what he wants to play? " and tell him exactly what to

say to a friend when it is time for them to go home.

>

> whew! This is tougher to navigate than I thought!

>

> Any ideas of greatly appreciated. Like I said- I really need to get some

support in place for us. I am just all over the place.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks! That is kind of how I felt too. I always wince a little when I tell

someone that he has Asperger's. I try to only tell people on an as needed

basis. It is not because I am ashamed of him- quite the contrary. He is a

wonderful person all around no matter what. I never feel like that label

defines who he is. But I worry that other people will treat him differently

knowing that he has Asperger's- or worse- shun him altogether. I look at it

this way- I have a thyroid disorder- but I do not walk around telling everyone I

meet that I am hypothyroid! It is not who I am- but sometimes it effects my

behavior (i.e. tired all the time,etc).

I worry that the other kids will make fun of him or avoid him on the bus if they

know he has Asperger's. However, our good friends live 3 houses down and their

2 boys ride the bus with our son. I don't know if their parents told them

anything.

Yesterday- wow- a big day! My son got off the bus and the other kids were

saying " Hope you feel better! " so I asked what happened. Apparently he reached

for something on the floor of the bus as she was turning and he fell off his

seat onto the floor. The bus driver was unaware and did not stop. He has his

backpack on too. The other kids, all our neighbors- helped him get up and made

sure he was ok. Then when we were all walking from the bus stop back home, he

walked with them, just one of the guys, and they all had a snowball fight! I

had to hold back my tears of joy. It was a memorable moment and I could see how

happy he was. Just proves me to again- Aspie's WANT to have friends, they just

don't always know HOW to go about it!

(a former pediatrician said to us once " He doesn't have Asperger's. He makes

eye contact and he has friends- right? " As if that were the only criteria! And

that is one of many reasons she is no longer our pediatrician!lol)

Anyway- thanks for the input! This is tough for Mommy to navigate too! )

> >

> > 1. It's really up to you, because you can get a great response or a negative

response.I think along with 2. it might make some situations a little better for

them to understand.

> > 3. Welcome to parenting an Aspie. lol. I suggest ABA therapy. They helped

Madeline out along with social skills groups we found thru our hospital.

Madeline loves schedules and knowing what's going to happen next helps her and

oh heavens. We moved to Colorado Springs last June after living in Hawaii for 6

almost 7 yrs. After our first snowfall Maddie was in HEAVEN..she would sled

every single day and as the snow began to melt and we had to have the talk with

her about it's not snow any more it's just mud. lol. It frustrated her.

> > 4. He might be using him, but in a way you could use him for more social

interactions..it's a win-win situation. lol

> > 5. It's a hard situation to know what to do when it comes to socializing

with an Aspie. Maddie is 12 and we still haven't gotten it down pat. I will open

the window right next to the computer desk while I play on the computer to

listen to the conversations with the next door neighbor because I get nervous

that they are making fun of her or something else.

> >

> >

> >

> > Mom to my 4 girls

> > Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

> > " You are the TRIP I did not take

> > You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

> > You are the blue Italian LAKE

> > YOU are my piece of foreign SKY "

> > ---Anne ----

> >

> >

> >

> > ( ) Navigating the New Friendship Phase *Need

Advice*

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hi all- I am new to this group but love the support here. My 6yr old Aspie

is a wonderful boy. He is full of fun and facts and is (like most ASpie's I am

sure) quite intelligent.

> > He is in K in the LDL or Special Ed class. There are 12 kids in the class.

He is one of the kids taht excels in all he does and the teachers love him.

There are few in the class that have many issues and functioning socially is

very limited. Therefore- he has not really connected with too many of the kids.

He tends to find one kid to latch onto and then follows that kid all around and

does everything that kid does. This year he has sort of latched on to a kid

that is very limited in his social abilities. My son was just dx in July of

2010 so we are still trying to figure things out & get all the help we need. I

need to get more support for me, him & the rest of our family.

> >

> > Anyway- here's where I need some help:

> >

> > My son takes the bus to & from school each day. He has made friends slowly

with a boy who lives across the street from us. This boy is about a yr & half

older. He is in 2nd grade & my son is in K but we held him back. The boy

across the street is very sweet. They have had a few play dates here in our

backyard. We have a really big backyard that has an excellent hill on one side

for sledding. So, they have gone sledding in the backyard a few times and had a

great time together.

> > And here are my concerns:

> >

> > 1. Do I tell the other parent (my neighbor) that he has AS? They may

already know- I am not sure though. We never told them, but others may have.

> >

> > 2. Do I tell them just to protect him and explain things a little bit? For

ex- my son will not go over to anyone else house to play.

> >

> > 3. My son does not understand the basic nuances of having a friend and we

have realized we need to work on our social stories with him. Since he played

with this kid twice now after school, he thinks he will play with him every day

after school. He waits for him by the door and makes me call over to see if he

is coming over. One day I called and he had gone over to another friends house

and so my son was devastated.

> >

> > 4. I worry that this boy is just using my son for his cool backyard

sledding.

> >

> > 5. Along with # 3 above- we are working with him to understand some basic

friendship rules. For ex- if his new friend comes over he ignores him. He

doesn't know to ask him to play something. he'll just get on the SmartCycle and

expect the other kid to watch and want to play with that too. I have to whisper

things to him like " Ask him what he wants to play? " and tell him exactly what to

say to a friend when it is time for them to go home.

> >

> > whew! This is tougher to navigate than I thought!

> >

> > Any ideas of greatly appreciated. Like I said- I really need to get some

support in place for us. I am just all over the place.

> >

> >

> >

>