self absorbed behaviors replace anxiety

[Guest guest]

This sounds exactly like my 8yo son. He will pick up a pencil or whatever off

the floor and it will become an airplane or something and fly it aimlessly

through the air for a good 30 min. whenever he goes to do any given task if I do

not follow through.

My only thing I have found that really helps him is to say in my instructions, "

Go do X, this is the 1st time I am telling you. "

Then, 10min later when I realize he is lost in his own little world, I say,

" This is the 2nd time I have had to tell you, go do X, if I have to tell you a

3rd time you WILL be in trouble. "

This helps a lot. Otherwise, I would either have to follow him constantly or he

would be in trouble constantly. So, this is my happy medium that gives him a

chance to do it on his own, but does not leave him sitting for 30 min spinning

some object on the floor.

My son is the one obsessed with science and it is out of control, but it is a

positive obsession, so I encourage it.

>

> Now that my daughter's anxiety and obsessions are better under control what I

see is that she is still very slow and self absorbed in

> meaningless tasks, especailly when she is more tired.

>

> When I send her in to take her shower she often now sits

> on the floor and plays with something she has brought in until

> I come in and direct her to get into the shower. I will

> have to stay in the bathroom and tell her to hurry up

> and wash up otherwise she may stand in the shower and

> sing for 30 minutes or more.

>

> I still find that I have to be like an aide and direct

> each moves or else she just gets interested in something

> and doesn't move. If she goes upstairs to fix her hair

> and I don't go up after her she may get distracted and

> instead of something taking 5 minutes she can be up there

> for 30 minutes if I didn't follow-up.

>

> She is 12 years old does have attentional issues and slow

> processing speed. She is very smart in reasoning skills

> and has lots of ideas. From little she was very slow

> but also anxious. I always thought anxiety alone was

> the problem with her not staying on tasks.

>

> Have many of you also seen this type of behavior?

>

> Pam

>

[Guest guest]

Hi pam-

I have noticed this behavior in megan too and like your

daughter, she moves thru the world slowly. In some cases, I know it

is about her compulsions, but not always. this morning she took an extra

7 minutes getting ready because she dropped toothpaste on her under shirt and

she was trying to clean it. I recently read temple grandin’s

book unwritten rules of social relationships. The book talks about the

importance of learning to prioritize and flexible thinking. it struck me

these factors might contribute to her delay today. so later when she is

in a receptive mood—usually over dinner, I will play a priority game with

her, where I will offer her 3 or 4 things to place into order of priority and

discuss the outcome of her choices, which may lead to re-prioritizing. It

can be just as useful and seem more game like if let her start off giving me

3-4 things to prioritize and let her critique my choices. This

is a new approach I am trying with her and am hoping will ultimately lead to a

reminder word which is defined in her mind as playful, so if she is

sidetracked, I can mention the word, we will both smile and hopefully move on.

I am thinking since she likes birds, i may give 3-4 things a momma bird may do

on the way to feed her waiting babies, so the reminder word may be “baby

birds waiting”. The momma bird’s to do list will evolve

to more human actions as we take turns. Having said all this, I realize I cannot

change her speed, even when on task, she just moves slow.

Good luck pam

Regards, melody

[Guest guest]

This is something of my concern as well. At the special ed preschool the teacher

structures the activities so that kids could focus more on interaction, social

skills, etc. But the side effect is that my kid who used to initiate a lot of

things and follow along promptly, would wait to get prodded. It got better after

a while, but I'm concerned that that kind of strictly structured environment

would make them too dependent upon instructions. I heard another mom say that

her son would drift into his own world when not engaged.

[Guest guest]

Pamela,

I had to laugh at this *only* because I turned to my husband and said, " I had no

idea there was another mom in our house! "

But seriously, your daughter sounds *exactly* like our 7-y-o dd. The shower

example described Kylie to a T. Because she often showers before a favorite

show comes on TV, I'm going to look for a clock I can mount in the shower to

help her remember to watch her time. Perhaps something like that might help

your daughter?

~Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for your responses. I too as others have said find

that a structured environment helps alot but as others

have said my daughter is very dependent on my prompts and more

prompts. Our behavoritst and counselor suggested I get militant

about her sticking to a time schedule, last night

at bed time she insisted that she wanted to paint her nails. All I could do was

nag that it could wait until after school. Still she went ahead but at least

listened when I said to do it in the bathroom instead of the rug in her bedroom.

I do as the behaviorist has told me to tell her I can't reward her lack of

cooperation with points but she seems unimpressed. It is boring all this

prompting all day

long from task to task. It helps! Thanks for sharing your experiences too.

Pam

>

> Now that my daughter's anxiety and obsessions are better under control what I

see is that she is still very slow and self absorbed in

> meaningless tasks, especailly when she is more tired.

>

> When I send her in to take her shower she often now sits

> on the floor and plays with something she has brought in until

> I come in and direct her to get into the shower. I will

> have to stay in the bathroom and tell her to hurry up

> and wash up otherwise she may stand in the shower and

> sing for 30 minutes or more.

>

> I still find that I have to be like an aide and direct

> each moves or else she just gets interested in something

> and doesn't move. If she goes upstairs to fix her hair

> and I don't go up after her she may get distracted and

> instead of something taking 5 minutes she can be up there

> for 30 minutes if I didn't follow-up.

>

> She is 12 years old does have attentional issues and slow

> processing speed. She is very smart in reasoning skills

> and has lots of ideas. From little she was very slow

> but also anxious. I always thought anxiety alone was

> the problem with her not staying on tasks.

>

> Have many of you also seen this type of behavior?

>

> Pam

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing this with us. I don't know

why I didn't try this before more consistently. The

idea of a level (or a natural ending) is a really good one

and finishing other tasks first then this last thing makes

sense. I really appreciate this idea.

Pam

> >

> > Now that my daughter's anxiety and obsessions are better under control what

I see is that she is still very slow and self absorbed in

> > meaningless tasks, especailly when she is more tired.

> >

> > When I send her in to take her shower she often now sits

> > on the floor and plays with something she has brought in until

> > I come in and direct her to get into the shower. I will

> > have to stay in the bathroom and tell her to hurry up

> > and wash up otherwise she may stand in the shower and

> > sing for 30 minutes or more.

> >

> > I still find that I have to be like an aide and direct

> > each moves or else she just gets interested in something

> > and doesn't move. If she goes upstairs to fix her hair

> > and I don't go up after her she may get distracted and

> > instead of something taking 5 minutes she can be up there

> > for 30 minutes if I didn't follow-up.

> >

> > She is 12 years old does have attentional issues and slow

> > processing speed. She is very smart in reasoning skills

> > and has lots of ideas. From little she was very slow

> > but also anxious. I always thought anxiety alone was

> > the problem with her not staying on tasks.

> >

> > Have many of you also seen this type of behavior?

> >

> > Pam

> >

>

[Guest guest]

We deal with ADHD, easily distractable behaviors. Will she work

against a timer with a written list?

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

( ) self absorbed behaviors replace anxiety

Now that my daughter's anxiety and obsessions are better under control

what I see is that she is still very slow and self absorbed in

meaningless tasks, especailly when she is more tired.

When I send her in to take her shower she often now sits

on the floor and plays with something she has brought in until

I come in and direct her to get into the shower. I will

have to stay in the bathroom and tell her to hurry up

and wash up otherwise she may stand in the shower and

sing for 30 minutes or more.

I still find that I have to be like an aide and direct

each moves or else she just gets interested in something

and doesn't move. If she goes upstairs to fix her hair

and I don't go up after her she may get distracted and

instead of something taking 5 minutes she can be up there

for 30 minutes if I didn't follow-up.

She is 12 years old does have attentional issues and slow

processing speed. She is very smart in reasoning skills

and has lots of ideas. From little she was very slow

but also anxious. I always thought anxiety alone was

the problem with her not staying on tasks.

Have many of you also seen this type of behavior?

Pam

[Guest guest]

This reminded me of my now 21 yo ds (hfa). He did not have trouble

getting things done but he did have trouble hurrying to do anything.

If he woke up late, for example, he knew he had to hurry but he would

take the same amount of time to get ready. I could stand there saying,

" Hurry up! " and it would never make a difference. I don't think he has

a " speed up " button anywhere in his DNA.

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

( ) self absorbed behaviors replace anxiety

Hi pam-

I have noticed this behavior in megan too and like yourdaughter, she

moves thru the world slowly.   In some cases, I know itis about her

compulsions, but not always.  this morning she took an extra7 minutes

getting ready because she dropped toothpaste on her under shirt andshe

was trying to clean it.   I recently read temple grandin’sbook

unwritten rules of social relationships.  The book talks about

theimportance of learning to prioritize and flexible thinking.  it

struck methese factors might contribute to her delay today.  so later

when she isin a receptive mood—usually over dinner, I will play a

priority game withher, where I will offer her 3 or 4 things to place

into order of priority anddiscuss the outcome of her choices, which may

lead to re-prioritizing.  Itcan be just as useful and seem more game

like if let her start off giving me3-4 things to prioritize and let her

critique my choices.     Thisis a new approach I am trying with her and

am hoping will ultimately lead to areminder word which is defined in

her mind as playful, so if she issidetracked, I can mention the word,

we will both smile and hopefully move on. I am thinking since she likes

birds, i may give 3-4 things a momma bird may doon the way to feed her

waiting babies, so the reminder word may be “babybirds waitingâ€.   The

momma bird’s to do list will evolveto more human actions as we take

turns. Having said all this, I realize I cannotchange her speed, even

when on task, she just moves slow.      

 

Good luck pam

Regards, melody

[Guest guest]

Roxanna,

That's exactly what I have been thinking about my daughter (now 14). She's NT,

but seems totally unable to do things faster than usual. I have suspected both

her and her father (my ex) to lack " the hurry gene " ;-)

Regards,

Rannveig/.

>

> This reminded me of my now 21 yo ds (hfa). He did not have trouble

> getting things done but he did have trouble hurrying to do anything.

> If he woke up late, for example, he knew he had to hurry but he would

> take the same amount of time to get ready. I could stand there saying,

> " Hurry up! " and it would never make a difference. I don't think he has

> a " speed up " button anywhere in his DNA.

>

>

> Roxanna

> Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

>

[Guest guest]

My son is very slow moving too. He takes longer to do things. He also takes a little longer than normal to respond when someone asks him something. I think it takes him longer to process things and sometimes people mistake it as him ignoring them. Thank you for sharing your prioritizing game. I may try that with my son to see if it helps some.

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Fri, May 28, 2010 10:13:46 PMSubject: Re: ( ) self absorbed behaviors replace anxiety

This reminded me of my now 21 yo ds (hfa). He did not have trouble getting things done but he did have trouble hurrying to do anything. If he woke up late, for example, he knew he had to hurry but he would take the same amount of time to get ready. I could stand there saying, "Hurry up!" and it would never make a difference. I don't think he has a "speed up" button anywhere in his DNA.RoxannaWhenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ( ) self absorbed behaviors replace

anxietyHi pam-I have noticed this behavior in megan too and like yourdaughter, she moves thru the world slowly. In some cases, I know itis about her compulsions, but not always. this morning she took an extra7 minutes getting ready because she dropped toothpaste on her under shirt andshe was trying to clean it. I recently read temple grandin’sbook unwritten rules of social relationships. The book talks about theimportance of learning to prioritize and flexible thinking. it struck methese factors might contribute to her delay today. so later when she isin a receptive mood—usually over dinner, I will play a priority game withher, where I will offer her 3 or 4 things to place into order of priority anddiscuss the outcome of her choices, which may lead to re-prioritizing. Itcan be just as useful and seem more game like if let her start off

giving me3-4 things to prioritize and let her critique my choices. Thisis a new approach I am trying with her and am hoping will ultimately lead to areminder word which is defined in her mind as playful, so if she issidetracked, I can mention the word, we will both smile and hopefully move on. I am thinking since she likes birds, i may give 3-4 things a momma bird may doon the way to feed her waiting babies, so the reminder word may be “babybirds waitingâ€. The momma bird’s to do list will evolveto more human actions as we take turns. Having said all this, I realize I cannotchange her speed, even when on task, she just moves slow. Good luck pamRegards, melody