Re: my eleven year old aspie is startingto have more frequent evening meltdowns

[Guest guest]

I have an 11 year old Jack, too. Been there, done that. Meltdowns were common

after school - especially at homework time.

Our therapist explained that Aspie kids use all the energy they have getting

through the school day. Imagine traveling in Korea (assuming you are not of

Korean decent!) and the amount of concentration it takes to understand the

language and the culture and directions. It's exhausting! After school, our kids

are exhausted and don't have the energy to do any more. Homework takes a lot of

energy. (even for the parents)

My son's IEP specified that he was not responsible for homework. We did what we

could when he was able and didn't do the rest. Most days we didn't do any. All

the research on homework proves it doesn't increase learning anyway.

When my son melted down, he physically attacked me. That's how bad it was for

us. He's 90 lbs and 5' feet tall. Before long, he'll be able to hurt me beyond

hitting and kicking and I'm afraid for him and me. Our whole family suffered -

especially his 14 year old sister.

Our solution was private school and it's been a miracle. I never realized how

miserable he was in public school - 27 kids in a class adn teachers not being

able to understand or meet his needs regardless of IEPs, meetings, discussions,

etc. I work in nonprofit and couldn't afford private tuition so we had to get a

scholarship - it is possible.

He's happy and he has friends for the first time in his life!

That was our solution. I'm a believer. It really worked for my Jack.

I hope that helps. At least know you're not alone.

>

> Jack has been diagnosed for some time and medication has helped him at school.

The trouble starts when it is homework time in the evening and he is angry with

everyone, his 9 yr old brother gets the brunt. After his outbursts, he goes into

a self hating stage which is just as bad, if not worse, he's driving us all

MAD!!!

> Had to vent, thanks

>

[Guest guest]

I know how upsetting that is. Depressing. We lived like that

from 3rd grade thru 5th.

This year I have in the IEP no homework required. It is sent

home and if she does it fine. Most of the time she doesn't

and I don't say a word.

We are still working on increasing her anxiety medication in hope

that perhaps she won't be so stressed at night and HW will

be possible.

I do hope you find a solution so family life can be

happier. It is sad that everyone is suffering like this.

Pam

>

> Jack has been diagnosed for some time and medication has helped him at school.

The trouble starts when it is homework time in the evening and he is angry with

everyone, his 9 yr old brother gets the brunt. After his outbursts, he goes into

a self hating stage which is just as bad, if not worse, he's driving us all

MAD!!!

> Had to vent, thanks

>

[Guest guest]

My 7 year old used to have meltdowns with homework too.  So bad that there were times I would push him out my back door and lock it to keep him from hitting on his siblings and myself.  He would sit on the bench outside and cool down on his own.  Our doctor prescribed another form of focalin and he takes half a pill when he gets home from school.  It helps him a lot.  He actually comes back down to earth and can focus on his work.  We have to do it immediately when he gets home though.  I don't know if this will always work but for now it's working for all of us. 

On Thu, Oct 1, 2009 at 5:19 PM, wrightd99@... <wrightd99@...> wrote:

 

Jack has been diagnosed for some time and medication has helped him at school. The trouble starts when it is homework time in the evening and he is angry with everyone, his 9 yr old brother gets the brunt. After his outbursts, he goes into a self hating stage which is just as bad, if not worse, he's driving us all MAD!!!

Had to vent, thanks

[Guest guest]

Same with us. Our daughter is now in a private school that our

district pays for. The only reason the school agreed was

that she could no longer function in 5th grade emotionally.

She was too burned out and would not go into school.

It is such a shame they have to suffer so much to get help. We just

couldn't afford $40,000 tuition ourselves to pull her out sooner.

Since it is a new school she doesn't have any friends yet,

but she is happy in the school and well supported. Many

classes only have 4 kids in them.

If there is a way to stay in your district there are advantages

such as it is close to home, there is a chance to have a friend

nearby. But some schools are very inflexible and don't want

to change there structure.

Pam

> >

> > Jack has been diagnosed for some time and medication has helped him at

school. The trouble starts when it is homework time in the evening and he is

angry with everyone, his 9 yr old brother gets the brunt. After his outbursts,

he goes into a self hating stage which is just as bad, if not worse, he's

driving us all MAD!!!

> > Had to vent, thanks

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I didn't know that you could put no homework into an IEP, that's a really good idea for a lot of kids.

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Thursday, October 1, 2009 11:16:56 PMSubject: ( ) Re: my eleven year old aspie is startingto have more frequent evening meltdowns

I know how upsetting that is. Depressing. We lived like thatfrom 3rd grade thru 5th. This year I have in the IEP no homework required. It is senthome and if she does it fine. Most of the time she doesn'tand I don't say a word. We are still working on increasing her anxiety medication in hopethat perhaps she won't be so stressed at night and HW willbe possible. I do hope you find a solution so family life can be happier. It is sad that everyone is suffering like this. Pam >> Jack has been diagnosed for some time and medication has helped him at school. The trouble starts when it is homework time in the evening and he is angry with everyone, his 9 yr old

brother gets the brunt. After his outbursts, he goes into a self hating stage which is just as bad, if not worse, he's driving us all MAD!!!> Had to vent, thanks >

[Guest guest]

It is funny how you explained what our kids feel like...this is exactly what I thought. I used the example of going to school where everyone speaks French....and you have to learn math and at the same time try to understand what they are saying in French. I agree 100%. My son would come home mentally tired...so tired that it was physcial too. He comes in the house, drops his school bag and either goes to bed or veggies out by the t.v. for a while. I don't even talk to him. I wait for him to speak first. After the first hour, he feels a little better...and by 7 p.m. he usually is good. This year, 8th grade, he barely gets any homework.......that was a major major stressor. So we have less meltdowns and arguments. No broken pencils. We still have some meltdowns due to friendships but that is

not like every night when he had homework. His homework is less due to the fact that their schedules are blocks (90 min. ) classes. So they basically have 4 classes the first semester and 4 the next. And, with 90 min. they usually have enough time to get their work done. It feels strange that he isn't getting homework....but it is nice. I do worry about him learning...I've looked at his work and it is getting better. His spelling is way off ....but he is writting a little neater. So, I guess as he matures, he is learning that school is important and is trying.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Jan <janhubert@...>Subject: ( ) Re: my eleven year old aspie is startingto have more frequent evening meltdowns Date: Thursday, October 1, 2009, 6:11 PM

I have an 11 year old Jack, too. Been there, done that. Meltdowns were common after school - especially at homework time. Our therapist explained that Aspie kids use all the energy they have getting through the school day. Imagine traveling in Korea (assuming you are not of Korean decent!) and the amount of concentration it takes to understand the language and the culture and directions. It's exhausting! After school, our kids are exhausted and don't have the energy to do any more. Homework takes a lot of energy. (even for the parents) My son's IEP specified that he was not responsible for homework. We did what we could when he was able and didn't do the rest. Most days we didn't do any. All the research on homework proves it doesn't increase learning anyway.When my son melted down, he physically attacked me. That's how bad it was for us. He's 90 lbs and 5' feet tall. Before long, he'll be able to hurt me beyond hitting

and kicking and I'm afraid for him and me. Our whole family suffered - especially his 14 year old sister.Our solution was private school and it's been a miracle. I never realized how miserable he was in public school - 27 kids in a class adn teachers not being able to understand or meet his needs regardless of IEPs, meetings, discussions, etc. I work in nonprofit and couldn't afford private tuition so we had to get a scholarship - it is possible. He's happy and he has friends for the first time in his life!That was our solution. I'm a believer. It really worked for my Jack.I hope that helps. At least know you're not alone. >> Jack has been

diagnosed for some time and medication has helped him at school. The trouble starts when it is homework time in the evening and he is angry with everyone, his 9 yr old brother gets the brunt. After his outbursts, he goes into a self hating stage which is just as bad, if not worse, he's driving us all MAD!!!> Had to vent, thanks >

[Guest guest]

Regarding " no homework " in the IEP: Homework does do more than waste

time. Now, I have done this before - put " no homework " in the IEP. We

had no choice because things were that bad with my older ds (hfa, 20

yo). But later, it was slowly eased back in.

There are some good things about homework - it can help you see where

your child is having problems. That is a great thing! If they tell

you he can read great and you read with him nightly and know he can't,

then you have solid evidence with which to speak and support your

child. If you don't sample what is going on, you won't know. You will

accept whatever they tell you is true.

Homework is also a good way to work on executive functioning skills.

That is really what it's about. How to organize, how to remember, how

to expand what you learned in class, follow directions (multiple

directions, multiple classes) and also handwriting and writing skills.

A number of kids DO know the material so you wonder, " Why bother? " But

can they organize it and present it according to instructions? Also,

my own ds misses pieces from the lesson. Homework would often be a way

for me to spot those spaces.

If homework is a huge problem, it's an opportunity to implement

strategies and improve skills. If it comes down to your child's

sanity, then delete it for a while to get back on track. But don't

think it do

esn't matter overall.

My own 12 yo (hfa, hyperlexia, gifted) is e-schooled but homework was

always a struggle with him prior. And getting him to do the work on

his own now is a struggle. Yes, he knows the material. But he has the

hardest time putting it down in an acceptable way on paper. Or the

computer. So most of the struggle has always been the process with him

- learning how to organize himself, remember things, follow directions,

express himself, improve attention span and memory. It's a battle best

waged on all fronts, IMO.

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

Re: ( ) Re: my eleven year old aspie is

startingto have more frequent evening meltdowns

I didn't know that you could put no homework into an IEP, that's a

really good idea for a lot of kids. 

[Guest guest]

I am so glad to hear you found something that helps your son cope

with evening stress.

I think that having a positive realtionship at home with

the family is very important part of a child's life and the memories that are

created of their childhood.

If medication helps that is wonderful and/or eliminating homework until their

emotions are better under control is a good solution too.

Pam

>

> >

> >

> > Jack has been diagnosed for some time and medication has helped him at

> > school. The trouble starts when it is homework time in the evening and he is

> > angry with everyone, his 9 yr old brother gets the brunt. After his

> > outbursts, he goes into a self hating stage which is just as bad, if not

> > worse, he's driving us all MAD!!!

> > Had to vent, thanks

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

So.....and I want to pick your brain.......

Ian, and the rest of the kids, get 30 problems for Math. All of the kids get them done in class. Ian doesn't.

Not only does this tick him off (we're working at this...he he), but he has to bring it home (has since day 1), and do them at home.

Due to no attention span, we are at it about 2 - 3 hours a night just for Math.

While meds for attention are definitely an option, right now, we're trying to deal with the horrific OCD.

Ugh.

At what point do you say/ask for no homework? And HOW do you (at a private parochial) when they are going to say that he needs to do the work to be in the grade?

OR>....

is that when we say, "G'bye" and either head for the pub school or back to virtual?

I think I need a cocktail.

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: my eleven year old aspie is startingto have more frequent evening meltdowns Date: Monday, October 5, 2009, 9:13 AM

Regarding "no homework" in the IEP: Homework does do more than waste time. Now, I have done this before - put "no homework" in the IEP. We had no choice because things were that bad with my older ds (hfa, 20 yo). But later, it was slowly eased back in.There are some good things about homework - it can help you see where your child is having problems. That is a great thing! If they tell you he can read great and you read with him nightly and know he can't, then you have solid evidence with which to speak and support your child. If you don't sample what is going on, you won't know. You will accept whatever they tell you is true.Homework is also a good way to work on executive functioning skills. That is really what it's about. How to organize, how to remember, how to expand what you learned in class, follow directions (multiple directions, multiple classes) and also handwriting and writing

skills. A number of kids DO know the material so you wonder, "Why bother?" But can they organize it and present it according to instructions? Also, my own ds misses pieces from the lesson. Homework would often be a way for me to spot those spaces.If homework is a huge problem, it's an opportunity to implement strategies and improve skills. If it comes down to your child's sanity, then delete it for a while to get back on track. But don't think it doesn't matter overall.My own 12 yo (hfa, hyperlexia, gifted) is e-schooled but homework was always a struggle with him prior. And getting him to do the work on his own now is a struggle. Yes, he knows the material. But he has the hardest time putting it down in an acceptable way on paper. Or the computer. So most of the struggle has always been the process with him - learning how to organize himself, remember things, follow directions,

express himself, improve attention span and memory. It's a battle best waged on all fronts, IMO. Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke Re: ( ) Re: my eleven year old aspie is startingto have more frequent evening meltdownsI didn't know that you could put no homework into an IEP, that's a really good idea for a lot of

kids. __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

My older son who is 15 has a terrible time putting stuff down on paper and /or

the computer. I struggled to get an IEP for him and it didn't happen. I

homeschool him now and there is not as much of a problem, but for a long time

everything had to be oral. Read to him, then he answered orally and I wrote down

the answer...we still do this on tests and prep work for compositions...May be

this is just what he needs...it is not unusual for aspies with a high degree of

sensory integration dysfunction. My son always knew the material too, but it

would take him hours to write it down compared with minutes if I wrote it for

him. Homework was an awful struggle because it was mine too! I felt like he just

wouldn't try, but realized there was only so much he could take and that was a

full day at school. They load a lot of uneccessary busy work on kids. Maybe

there is a compromise that he would get a lot less, but some homework. Corgan

used to get a page with 10 math problems instead of 30 or 50...he still had to

do some, but he was much more willing to do that than a cramped and super-filled

page of problems. Just a suggestion.

Kelley

>

> Regarding " no homework " in the IEP: Homework does do more than waste

> time. Now, I have done this before - put " no homework " in the IEP. We

> had no choice because things were that bad with my older ds (hfa, 20

> yo). But later, it was slowly eased back in.

>

> There are some good things about homework - it can help you see where

> your child is having problems. That is a great thing! If they tell

> you he can read great and you read with him nightly and know he can't,

> then you have solid evidence with which to speak and support your

> child. If you don't sample what is going on, you won't know. You will

> accept whatever they tell you is true.

>

> Homework is also a good way to work on executive functioning skills.

> That is really what it's about. How to organize, how to remember, how

> to expand what you learned in class, follow directions (multiple

> directions, multiple classes) and also handwriting and writing skills.

> A number of kids DO know the material so you wonder, " Why bother? " But

> can they organize it and present it according to instructions? Also,

> my own ds misses pieces from the lesson. Homework would often be a way

> for me to spot those spaces.

>

> If homework is a huge problem, it's an opportunity to implement

> strategies and improve skills. If it comes down to your child's

> sanity, then delete it for a while to get back on track. But don't

> think it do

> esn't matter overall.

>

> My own 12 yo (hfa, hyperlexia, gifted) is e-schooled but homework was

> always a struggle with him prior. And getting him to do the work on

> his own now is a struggle. Yes, he knows the material. But he has the

> hardest time putting it down in an acceptable way on paper. Or the

> computer. So most of the struggle has always been the process with him

> - learning how to organize himself, remember things, follow directions,

> express himself, improve attention span and memory. It's a battle best

> waged on all fronts, IMO.

>

>

>  Roxanna

>

> " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

> nothing. " E. Burke

>

>

> Re: ( ) Re: my eleven year old aspie is

> startingto have more frequent evening meltdowns

>

>

> I didn't know that you could put no homework into an IEP, that's a

> really good idea for a lot of kids. 

>