How do you handle insensitve family?

July 28, 2009

Hi! My 4yo son was recently diagnosed with AS. This group has been extremely

helpful with all the questions, suggestions, support posted so I thought it was

time for me to reach out.

Our family and friends have been supportive since our ds dx, except for my

sister-n-law. Instead of being relieved that we have a dx, my sil is being a

jerk and harping on the past, questioning all of our past therapy efforts.

She's never shown any interest in him until his dx. She has some vague

understanding of autism, but not HFA/AS. Because he sometimes won't make eye

contact with her and occasionally zones out around her, she puts her face right

in his face to talk to him. She has three daughters who circle around him with

her. She's over the top with everything, elevating her voice up and down with

excitement. He gets really anxious and uncomfortable. I've explained things

she can do to make things easier for him. She flat out said she didn't believe

she was doing anything wrong and said she was going to continue being herself,

that she can tell what he likes and dislikes. She clearly can't b/c he hit her,

ran away from her and screamed on 3 occasions in less than 1 hour.

I'm at my wits end with her, but she's family and I don't want to cause a huge

family blowout with my husband's parents who baby her to no end even though

she's a grown woman with 3 kids of her own. I've given her written literature

which she refuses to read and I've tried talking to her about his specific

issues. She doesn't care what I have to offer, but insists on interacting with

him in ways that cause him stress. I really don't know what to do other than

not attend family functions when she's there, again not sure how that would go

over with the in-laws.

Have any of you experienced this? How do I handle her? Izaak is 4yo, newly

diagnosed and we are still learning how to help ease his social/sensory

anxieties. Any thoughts or suggestions you may have would be greatly

appreciated!

Thanks!

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