Re: Aspie Spouse

[Guest guest]

Your experience is similar to mine. I know with every cell in my body he

wouldn't cheat on me. He drives me crazy with all the little triggers. He

can't deal with mistakes of any sort. His own or anyone else's. He expects

objects in a room to remain exactly as they are when he's gone all day so that

if someone moves something in the basement (we have an exit from our basement

into the garage) he trips over that item and is hoppin' ass mad at me for not

being " mindful " . Of course the fact that I have ADD doesn't help. I think " not

being mindful " is probably a really good definition of ADD. If I happen to bump

into something and it moves I don't even notice. I bump into stuff constantly

because I am SOOOO clumsy. I catch a LOT of hell. Still, he really does love

me as much as an asperger person can and he is willing to change his own

behavior, see counselors etc to make the marriage work so it DOES work. I do

the same, we each see our own counselors and then we each have our own

counselors separately. Without this I doubt we'd ever have had kids and stayed

married.

>

> I'm chiming in. My husband of 21 years is also aspie, as well as my 10 year

old DS. Famous moments from our still-loving marriage:

> When I first told him I loved him, he replied, " I'm trying to love you -

whatever love is. "

> And, I married him! I kind of liked the honesty, as I come from a family where

the truth is a nebulous, easily shaped item.

> At 44, I was dxed with Stage III breast cancer (prognosis great), and went

through surgery, chemo, and radiation. My husband did his best to be emotionally

nurturing, but was FREAKED OUT. So, one day, after chemo, he floated through the

bedroom and asked if I felt like making dinner. Clearly, he had forgotten that

when someone (me) is barfing, you don't ask them to cook. This is the aspie

part: I had mentioned that I had a roast in the freezer, and if I felt like it,

I would cook it. It didn't take a genius to realize that I didn't feel like it,

but that's AS for you.

> I call him my Volkswagen of love. There are no " pretty " moments, no flowers,

no poetry. What I get in return is a man who is honest to the core, hard

working, intelligent, and has the good sense to love me.

> Learning that our son was an Aspie too really helped me understand how he/they

work. I get my feelings hurt a lot less now. That's good, right?

>

> PS: I'm not dissing anyone who sought divorce. I realize this is my own

experience and not a global Aspie Husband model.

>

[Guest guest]

I would say both my husband and I have some Aspie traits. But I didn't understand this until our son was diagnosed. Now I look back and think about my father and realize he had his issues too. I was also atracted to my husband because of his honesty. He tells you the way it is whether you like it or not, lol. I liked that alot when we were dating, I never wondered where I stood with him, unlike other guys who played games.

I'm sorry your husband couldn't be more supportive when you were getting chemo, etc. I'm sure I would be in the same situation, as I remember things like my husband complaining about how uncomfortable his cot was while I was in labor. But as you said, the more you understand, the easier it is to overlook those things and focus on the good traits that they do have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: jennifer ruffing <blainejennifer@...>Subject: ( ) Aspie Spouse Date: Sunday, January 24, 2010, 8:12 AM

I'm chiming in. My husband of 21 years is also aspie, as well as my 10 year old DS. Famous moments from our still-loving marriage:

When I first told him I loved him, he replied, "I'm trying to love you - whatever love is."

And, I married him! I kind of liked the honesty, as I come from a family where the truth is a nebulous, easily shaped item.

At 44, I was dxed with Stage III breast cancer (prognosis great), and went through surgery, chemo, and radiation. My husband did his best to be emotionally nurturing, but was FREAKED OUT. So, one day, after chemo, he floated through the bedroom and asked if I felt like making dinner. Clearly, he had forgotten that when someone (me) is barfing, you don't ask them to cook. This is the aspie part: I had mentioned that I had a roast in the freezer, and if I felt like it, I would cook it. It didn't take a genius to realize that I didn't feel like it, but that's AS for you.

I call him my Volkswagen of love. There are no "pretty" moments, no flowers, no poetry. What I get in return is a man who is honest to the core, hard working, intelligent, and has the good sense to love me.

Learning that our son was an Aspie too really helped me understand how he/they work. I get my feelings hurt a lot less now. That's good, right?

PS: I'm not dissing anyone who sought divorce. I realize this is my own experience and not a global Aspie Husband model.

[Guest guest]

Since my son was diagnosed both my husband and I have some traits, but I have concluded that I an the main culprit, looking back the first time he told me he loved me I said thats nice, I dont openly display affection, hate being cuddled, especially in bed, I have my husband sleep on the couch during the week rather than having to tolerate being cuddled. Crickey I must be fun to live with! Still 15 yrs and child number two on the way so we must be doing something right.

From: jennifer ruffing <blainejennifer>Subject: ( ) Aspie Spouse Date: Sunday, January 24, 2010, 8:12 AM

I'm chiming in. My husband of 21 years is also aspie, as well as my 10 year old DS. Famous moments from our still-loving marriage:

When I first told him I loved him, he replied, "I'm trying to love you - whatever love is."

And, I married him! I kind of liked the honesty, as I come from a family where the truth is a nebulous, easily shaped item.

At 44, I was dxed with Stage III breast cancer (prognosis great), and went through surgery, chemo, and radiation. My husband did his best to be emotionally nurturing, but was FREAKED OUT. So, one day, after chemo, he floated through the bedroom and asked if I felt like making dinner. Clearly, he had forgotten that when someone (me) is barfing, you don't ask them to cook. This is the aspie part: I had mentioned that I had a roast in the freezer, and if I felt like it, I would cook it. It didn't take a genius to realize that I didn't feel like it, but that's AS for you.

I call him my Volkswagen of love. There are no "pretty" moments, no flowers, no poetry. What I get in return is a man who is honest to the core, hard working, intelligent, and has the good sense to love me.

Learning that our son was an Aspie too really helped me understand how he/they work. I get my feelings hurt a lot less now. That's good, right?

PS: I'm not dissing anyone who sought divorce. I realize this is my own experience and not a global Aspie Husband model.