Re: Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

[Guest guest]

My mother died this summer, the day after we returned home from Chicago where my daughter was spending a few weeks with the other grandparents and her dad. It was horrible to tell her about it over the phone. She has been coping pretty well overall mainly because of our belief system (we are Christian and believe she is in heaven and no longer in pain). However, there have been several instances recently where she has broken down and just cried for hours, unconsolable. I'm still hurting so much myself it makes it difficult to comfort her. I have decided we both need grief counseling, so I'll be looking into starting that soon with my church. BTW, except for a few tears, she did really well at the memorial service (mom's wishes were to be cremated).

She even spoke very briefly in front of the crowd. If your Aspie is anything like mine, I'd recommend a closed casket if it's a funeral or at least allowing ehr to miss the wake. My daughter was haunted for years after going to my aunt's open casket funeral when she was 7.

From: thehenrichs3 <thehenrichs3@...>Autism and Aspergers Treatment Sent: Fri, November 12, 2010 4:55:46 AMSubject: Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

my dad passed away 3 1/2 years ago.my as son was 9 years old.my dad had lung cancer.we knew he was passing away.we would tell my as son that my dad(his papa) was going up to heaven to be with God and the angels.That he was going to be healthy up there.an wouldnt hurt or be sick anymore.it was tough and it still is at times.my dad and my sons were really close.like father and sons.we lived with my dad.so we were there through it all.i would just explain to her that grandma is going to go up there and be healthy.and not hurt anymore.and if you have had sny pets that are up in heaven could tell her that grandma is going to take care of the animal(s).?hang in there.Christie Speckel

From: thehenrichs3@...Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2010 10:54:12 +0000Subject: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

My son was 13 when Poppy died. Poppy lived with us and raised my son. My son held up pretty well. He did have hospice help us and the school was compassionate with him. He also had a friend who lost his mom to talk to. But, I think, it may not hit our children like it does us. At 13, my son knew his poppy was dying and didn't even cry. He held it together. I think now 2 years later he is feeling it more.

For the bus ride...bring plenty of things your daughter likes to do...a book, a gameboy or nintendo ...an ipod with her favorite music...Also, bring along some of her favorite snacks and maybe her favorite stuffed animal...or pillow.

Peace be with you!

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: thehenrichs3 <thehenrichs3@...> Sent: Fri, November 12, 2010 5:54:12 AMSubject: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

First, hugs to you, your mom and your whole family.

My dad died 2 years ago when our son with AS was 12. We knew about the impending death about 6 months before it happened....but didn't reallly tell the kids that "It's really happening" until we only had about 3 months left.

For us,,,,we were totally honest. We cried all the fricken time............we went to see him (and gramma) whenever they wanted. My kids asked all of the questions that they wanted to ask. My dad, thankfully, was very open and had no problems talking about going to Heaven and dying, in general.

I would just be blunt. Our kids have their issues, but they understand....they do. In their own way.

Tell her that she can be as blunt as she wants....ask what she wants.....cry if she wants...or say nothing if she wants. That is,,,,,if your mom is cool with that.

Maybe talk to her ahead of time? Let her know what you've told your daughter? Maybe your mom would like some time JUST with your daughter? I don't know at what level you mom is at....if she is able to be open like that or if she even wants to......but for us, honesty and crying....well......just was the way it was.

Hugs to you.

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: christie speckel <packerpenguin@...>Subject: RE: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparentAspergers Treatment Date: Friday, November 12, 2010, 5:51 PM

my dad passed away 3 1/2 years ago.my as son was 9 years old.my dad had lung cancer.we knew he was passing away.we would tell my as son that my dad(his papa) was going up to heaven to be with God and the angels.That he was going to be healthy up there.an wouldnt hurt or be sick anymore.it was tough and it still is at times.my dad and my sons were really close.like father and sons.we lived with my dad.so we were there through it all.i would just explain to her that grandma is going to go up there and be healthy.and not hurt anymore.and if you have had sny pets that are up in heaven could tell her that grandma is going to take care of the animal(s).?hang in there.Christie Speckel

From: thehenrichs3@...Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2010 10:54:12 +0000Subject: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at

10PM. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

My father in law just passed away and since my dh was with him I was dealing with it at home. Maddie, who was close to him, took it well. I just told her he was with God and not in pain. She cried a little bit, but after a week she was alright. (((((Hugs))))))Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: "thehenrichs3" <thehenrichs3@...>Sender: Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2010 10:54:12 -0000< >Reply Subject: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

My son was also 13 when my father died. My dad was a big part of all of our lives and a wonderful man. My son too seemed to hold up pretty well he cried a little but not as much as I would have thought, it almost seemed like it didnt bother him. I tried talking with him and he would avoid the subject. Since then he has gone into a deep depression we are now with medication just getting him out of and hoping that he needs to see talking about it is much better than not.

My advice is if she is still having meltdowns make sure you inform her of everything that will happen on the trip before you actually do it. It will create alot less anxiety for her and hopefully hamper the meltdowns. I am sorry that you have to go through this with your mom it is not easy and know that we are all here for you.

Prayers

Michele

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Fri, November 12, 2010 4:00:19 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

My son was 13 when Poppy died. Poppy lived with us and raised my son. My son held up pretty well. He did have hospice help us and the school was compassionate with him. He also had a friend who lost his mom to talk to. But, I think, it may not hit our children like it does us. At 13, my son knew his poppy was dying and didn't even cry. He held it together. I think now 2 years later he is feeling it more.

For the bus ride...bring plenty of things your daughter likes to do...a book, a gameboy or nintendo ...an ipod with her favorite music...Also, bring along some of her favorite snacks and maybe her favorite stuffed animal...or pillow.

Peace be with you!

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: thehenrichs3 <thehenrichs3@...> Sent: Fri, November 12, 2010 5:54:12 AMSubject: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Actually, my mother just died a few weeks ago and my father had died not a year ago. So we are not only dealing with the death of family but two so close together that it makes it very hard. My ds is 14 yo (hfa) and he has done really well with most of it. When we learned my mother had died, he simply asked me if I was now an orphan. lol. My oldest (21 yo, hfa) went to the funeral for my dad but refused to go to my mom's funeral. He said he just couldn't handle it and that after my dad's funeral, that is the only thing he remembers about my dad - the funeral. So he didn't attend the funeral for my mom. My 14 yo did and he did just fine through the whole thing. He is not prone to be overly emotional, which is a plus at times. He just had basic questions (like the "orphan" issue.) And sometimes he wanted to know factoids - how did this person die. I would answer him as questions came up and not over explain anything. He usually just had simple questions - even to the point of when he could resume his usual life again. And I think that's fairly normal to ask too. I just tried to answer what I could and deal with things one at a time, as they come up. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this right now.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Awww, Roxanna.  I am so sorry for your loss.  My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.  From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of RoxannaSent: Sunday, November 14, 2010 6:33 PM Subject: Re: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent Actually, my mother just died a few weeks ago and my father had died not a year ago. So we are not only dealing with the death of family but two so close together that it makes it very hard. My ds is 14 yo (hfa) and he has done really well with most of it. When we learned my mother had died, he simply asked me if I was now an orphan. lol. My oldest (21 yo, hfa) went to the funeral for my dad but refused to go to my mom's funeral. He said he just couldn't handle it and that after my dad's funeral, that is the only thing he remembers about my dad - the funeral. So he didn't attend the funeral for my mom. My 14 yo did and he did just fine through the whole thing. He is not prone to be overly emotional, which is a plus at times. He just had basic questions (like the " orphan " issue.) And sometimes he wanted to know factoids - how did this person die. I would answer him as questions came up and not over explain anything. He usually just had simple questions - even to the point of when he could resume his usual life again. And I think that's fairly normal to ask too. I just tried to answer what I could and deal with things one at a time, as they come up. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this right now. Roxanna " I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. " - Jefferson ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Thanks , it's been a long few weeks at my end.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

[Guest guest]



I'm so sorry for your loss Roxanna. You have had quite a difficult time! I am so sorry.

( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

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[Guest guest]

I too am sorry for your loss Roxanna. ne

From: Debra Balke <dlbalke@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent Date: Sunday, November 14, 2010, 11:44 PM

 I'm so sorry for your loss Roxanna. You have had quite a difficult time! I am so sorry.

( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any

advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.869 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3257 - Release Date: 11/14/10 11:34:00

[Guest guest]

May the source of peace bring peace to you and all on your family who mourn.Very Truly YoursTodd B. KotlerAttorney and Counselor at Law330-777-0065 Phone-Fax-VoicemailSent via BlackBerry by AT&T. Please excuse any terseness or misspellings. (Those who know me already expect both) This e-mail contains information intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above and may be protected by attorney-client privilege. However, the mere receipt of this e-mail, alone, is not sufficient to create an attorney-client relationship. If the reader of this e-mail is not the intended recipient or the employee or agent responsible for delivering it to the intended recipient, any dissemination, publication or copying of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. The sender does not accept any responsibility for any loss, disruption or damage to your data or computer system that may occur while using data contained in, or transmitted with, this e-mail. If you have received this e-mail in error, please immediately notify us by return e-mail. Thank youFrom: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Sender: Date: Sun, 14 Nov 2010 23:38:42 -0500 (EST)< >Reply Subject: Re: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent Thanks , it's been a long few weeks at my end. Roxanna"Ipredict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

So sorry for your Loss Roxanna....so sorry to head this news. I hope time will heal your sorrow. My son was more like your second son when Poppy died. He really held it together and would ask questions and then more on with his life.

I think now, two years later, he feels the loss more. He misses him but doesn't talk to us about it. He does have a friend who lost his mother so he tends to talk to him.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 7:32:36 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

Actually, my mother just died a few weeks ago and my father had died not a year ago. So we are not only dealing with the death of family but two so close together that it makes it very hard. My ds is 14 yo (hfa) and he has done really well with most of it. When we learned my mother had died, he simply asked me if I was now an orphan. lol. My oldest (21 yo, hfa) went to the funeral for my dad but refused to go to my mom's funeral. He said he just couldn't handle it and that after my dad's funeral, that is the only thing he remembers about my dad - the funeral. So he didn't attend the funeral for my mom. My 14 yo did and he did just fine through the whole thing. He is not prone to be overly emotional, which is a plus at times. He just had basic questions (like the "orphan" issue.) And sometimes he wanted to know factoids - how did this person die. I would answer him as questions

came up and not over explain anything. He usually just had simple questions - even to the point of when he could resume his usual life again. And I think that's fairly normal to ask too. I just tried to answer what I could and deal with things one at a time, as they come up. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this right now.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

Oh Roxanna,

I'm so sorry about your mom...........and so soon after your dad. Hugs............to you and your family.

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent Date: Sunday, November 14, 2010, 6:32 PM

Actually, my mother just died a few weeks ago and my father had died not a year ago. So we are not only dealing with the death of family but two so close together that it makes it very hard. My ds is 14 yo (hfa) and he has done really well with most of it. When we learned my mother had died, he simply asked me if I was now an orphan. lol. My oldest (21 yo, hfa) went to the funeral for my dad but refused to go to my mom's funeral. He said he just couldn't handle it and that after my dad's funeral, that is the only thing he remembers about my dad - the funeral. So he didn't attend the funeral for my mom. My 14 yo did and he did just fine through the whole thing. He is not prone to be overly emotional, which is a plus at times. He just had basic questions (like the "orphan" issue.) And sometimes he wanted to know factoids - how did this person die. I would answer him as questions

came up and not over explain anything. He usually just had simple questions - even to the point of when he could resume his usual life again. And I think that's fairly normal to ask too. I just tried to answer what I could and deal with things one at a time, as they come up. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this right now.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM.

Thanks.

[Guest guest]

So sorry for what everyone is going through.

Just thought I'd add some info. on my ds who is now 20.

He was 13 when my father-in-law passed, and not quite 11 months

later my dad died. He was pretty good with everything even though

we were very close with both grandfathers (especially mine).

He never showed it or told us until about 1 yr. or so later

how much it affected him emotionally (he kept it all in), but

did bring it up later with his psychologist. Then on top of that

my mom passed 2 yrs. later.

The horrible thing for him was that he thought it was his fault both grandfathers died.

It just broke my heart.

Because he used to talk about the devil and thought thats why the 1st one passed.

And with my dad, he showed him a picture of a very sexy woman wrestler and

my father said "what are you trying to do? give me a heart attack? (of course he was just joking), but about 5 days later my dad dropped dead of (you guessed it) a heart attack.

I told my son, "my dad would never have said that if he really thought he would have a heart attack. He would never want him to feel that guilt..

Well, thank God it all finally came out and we could deal with it, but just remember they don't always show their emotions.

Hope this helps.

Sharon

From: Todd Kotler <TBKotler@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent" groups (DOT) com" < >Date: Monday, November 15, 2010, 6:31 AM

May the source of peace bring peace to you and all on your family who mourn.

Very Truly YoursTodd B. KotlerAttorney and Counselor at Law330-777-0065 Phone-Fax-VoicemailSent via BlackBerry by AT & T. Please excuse any terseness or misspellings. (Those who know me already expect both) This e-mail contains information intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above and may be protected by attorney-client privilege. However, the mere receipt of this e-mail, alone, is not sufficient to create an attorney-client relationship. If the reader of this e-mail is not the intended recipient or the employee or agent responsible for delivering it to the intended recipient, any dissemination, publication or copying of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. The sender does not accept any responsibility for any loss, disruption or damage to your data or computer system that may occur while using data contained in, or transmitted with, this e-mail. If you have received this

e-mail in error, please immediately notify us by return e-mail. Thank you

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>

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Date: Sun, 14 Nov 2010 23:38:42 -0500 (EST)

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Subject: Re: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

Thanks , it's been a long few weeks at my end.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any

advice would be appreciated. We leav e Friday at 10PM. Thanks.

[Guest guest]

I have no advice, but I am so sorry for your what you are going through From: thehenrichs3@...Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2010 10:54:12 +0000Subject: ( ) Asperger's and the death of a grandparent

I am hoping (well not exactly) that someone has some experience with their child dealing with the death of someone close to them? My daughter is 13 (recently diagnosed with asperger's). My mother is dieing and I am wanting some advice on dealing with my daughter. She actually seems to be taking it better than I am because she isn't getting all emotional over it. My daughter and I are taking the bus back to the state that we just moved from so that we can see my mother before she passes away. I am pretty much dredding the trip because if my daughter has one of her meltdowns I really don't think that I could deal with that right now. My husband can't come with us because we don't really have the money for another bus ticket and we have a bunch of pets that need to be taken care of. I am trying not to stress out too much but.....I just really need this trip to go smoothly. Any advice would be appreciated. We leave Friday at 10PM. Thanks.