Re: 2 fights and 1 inhouse suspension

[Guest guest]

Has the school been forthright in providing you with details on what happened before the fights? have you spoken to the adults that witnessed all the events? i don't know if you haven't told us all that you know, or if the school hasn't told you much, so you don't know. before I'd " take " the suspension, I'd want to have more information. Was your daughter defending herself? was there any supervision? did someone actually witness the fights or are they telling you what the other child has told them?

 

I had a very similar event with my son. I got a call that, " my son had punched a kid in the face on the playground. " Yeah, that's what the principal lead with. I had to push to get more details. Turns out a kid threw a ball in my son's face. FOUND THE TRIGGER!  And, there were no supervisor's in sight. I found this out by prodding about who saw what happened. She said there weren't any supervisor's in that direct area. My son did haul off and hit the boy after the boy tried to get the ball to do it again--according to other children's accounts. I told her this was self defense and my son would not be suspended. The principal actually told me that she was thinking of suspending my son for his actions.  I think the principal was just used to not having parents challenge her. I wasnt yelling or mean, just direct and asked lots of good questions.

 

Your daughter needs a FBA  to be done absolutely! Your input is supposed to be included in the FBa as well. Read up on FBA's so that you know if the school's approach is appropriate and that they are trained in doing one--the teacher's doing it, that is.  A positive behavior plan will need to be put in place as well.

 

I think you're at a crucial point in your daughter's school career. What you let happen here will set the tone for the rest of her school years. I warn you about letting the school take total control of the reigns in deciding what happens to your daughter. You need to let the school know that you will not let them do as they please, that you will be involved in the decision making process.

 

I would ask the principal for the paperwork created about the fights and ask to see it all. You need to see what will go in your daughter's record asap!

On Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 6:00 PM, tami_reynolds <tamijanssen@...> wrote:

 

Hi all!I joined this group several months ago and just been observing up till now. My daughter(7) was diagnosed back in September and we have been actively getting her the help that she needs.Anyway, she had a really rough week this week. On Thursday she got into a physical fight with another little girl and had to spend the afternoon in in-house suspension. Today she got into another fight this time with a little boy and she ended up choking him. She says that he punched her a few times and was also kicking her so she started choking him. This happened right before school was let out so we are not aware of what her consequences will be yet.

I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do about her behavior since she seems to get into these scrapes every month or so(this week was a double whammy). I know the other kids had a part in this too but she gets so heated and doesn't know how to calm herself down or back away from bad situations.

If you have experience, I'd love to hear it...today is one of those tearful days with my hands in the air.Thanks,Tami

[Guest guest]

Hi Tami....My HEART goes out to you. Violence as you know is NOT tolerated in school. Does your daughter have an IEP? Did you call for a FBA (funcitonal Behavior Assessment meeting). What is the ruling? Push for Manifestation of her Disability....

Now, what you need to do at this meeting...find out her triggers...short term and long term...her behaviors, consequences, etc. Teachers need to learn positive reinforcements...

Now you probably will ALL hate me for this ...but she does need to learn (to the best of her ability) that this behavior is not tolerated in society...not just in school but in society. This to Me is the MOST important thing to learn...more important than her ABC's. Why? Because if she doesn't learn this...she will not survive...and I am saying all this because my son too had and will have problems in the future. He is growing and maturing...and so far "knock on wood" has not gotten into any trouble this year (8th grade).

What the school needs to do is observe your daughter. Someone needs to keep an eye on her. Most likely someone bullied her ...but it can not be proved unless witnessed. And, even then, some of the children might lie out of fear or dislike for your child. (this happened to mine). I think if this behavior continues it might be a good idea to get a Para for your daughter...even if it is just for this rest of this year. The para could observe your daughter's behaviors as well as the other chidlren's behaviors toward your daughter. The para could work with your daughter on learning how to cope, what to do in situations (rather than punching or choking back).

My son was being teased and he told the child to stop. The other student continued. He finally said Stop or I will spit on you. Well, the student did not stop...so my son did what he said he would...he spit on her. Now of course nothing happened to the other student but my son was suspended for a day. The suspension did nothing for him...it was a vacation. But, I spoke with my son and told him how Disgusting and Filthy his actions were. He had a terrible case manager at the time...but now he has a great one...one who he can communicate with. I don't think he would ever do that again...why? I think because he is maturing. I keep telling my son what a great kid he is, I tell him to be proud...how his head up high. I probably could have fought the suspension...but I didn't because I want my son to learn ...he can not spit or hit or choke or bully anyone ....and he learned from this situation...even

though he loved being home (LOL). (My son loves in-school suspension too)(LOL). But, one thing about in school...our school has changed the program and it is now called In School Academic Program and there are two teachers in there and the kids do their work and keep up with their school work.

Teach your daughter at home what to do...role play. If she is suspended and the other child started it...then he/she needs to be suspended too! I know you will all hate my comment...but our children must learn how to behave and react in society. I don't want my son turning 18 and get in trouble with the law and end up in jail.

I also don't want my son think that he can do what ever he wants or get away with stuff just because of his diagnosis. I want teachers and administrators to understand him and try to work with him and teach him...

Jan

"Faith, hope and Love and the greatest of these is Love"

From: <doyourecycle@...> Sent: Sat, March 13, 2010 9:16:21 AMSubject: Re: ( ) 2 fights and 1 inhouse suspension

Has the school been forthright in providing you with details on what happened before the fights? have you spoken to the adults that witnessed all the events? i don't know if you haven't told us all that you know, or if the school hasn't told you much, so you don't know. before I'd "take" the suspension, I'd want to have more information. Was your daughter defending herself? was there any supervision? did someone actually witness the fights or are they telling you what the other child has told them?

I had a very similar event with my son. I got a call that, "my son had punched a kid in the face on the playground." Yeah, that's what the principal lead with. I had to push to get more details. Turns out a kid threw a ball in my son's face. FOUND THE TRIGGER! And, there were no supervisor's in sight. I found this out by prodding about who saw what happened. She said there weren't any supervisor's in that direct area. My son did haul off and hit the boy after the boy tried to get the ball to do it again--according to other children's accounts. I told her this was self defense and my son would not be suspended. The principal actually told me that she was thinking of suspending my son for his actions. I think the principal was just used to not having parents challenge her. I wasnt yelling or mean, just direct and asked lots of good questions.

Your daughter needs a FBA to be done absolutely! Your input is supposed to be included in the FBa as well. Read up on FBA's so that you know if the school's approach is appropriate and that they are trained in doing one--the teacher's doing it, that is. A positive behavior plan will need to be put in place as well.

I think you're at a crucial point in your daughter's school career. What you let happen here will set the tone for the rest of her school years. I warn you about letting the school take total control of the reigns in deciding what happens to your daughter. You need to let the school know that you will not let them do as they please, that you will be involved in the decision making process.

I would ask the principal for the paperwork created about the fights and ask to see it all. You need to see what will go in your daughter's record asap!

On Fri, Mar 12, 2010 at 6:00 PM, tami_reynolds <tamijanssen@ hotmail.com> wrote:

Hi all!I joined this group several months ago and just been observing up till now. My daughter(7) was diagnosed back in September and we have been actively getting her the help that she needs.Anyway, she had a really rough week this week. On Thursday she got into a physical fight with another little girl and had to spend the afternoon in in-house suspension. Today she got into another fight this time with a little boy and she ended up choking him. She says that he punched her a few times and was also kicking her so she started choking him. This happened right before school was let out so we are not aware of what her consequences will be yet.I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do about her behavior since she seems to get into these scrapes every month or so(this week was a double whammy). I know the other kids had a part in this too but she gets so heated and doesn't know how to calm herself down or back away from bad situations.If you

have experience, I'd love to hear it...today is one of those tearful days with my hands in the air.Thanks,Tami

[Guest guest]

The main thing you want to advocate for is getting her the

services she needs. She needs an IEP. Start out by writing

a letter saying that her AS is affecting her education and

she needs an IEP evaluation.

Regarding the fighting, request that a BIP behavior

intervention plan be developed for your daughter

to address issues in school, as part of the IEP.

Kids with As can be very ridgid. If the school does not

have a behaviorist recommend that they can contact

Yale Univeristy Parent and Child Conduct Clinic and they

will help devise a BIP for your child (over the phone).

Yale is expert in kids with behavioral issues. I guarentee

you will love Yale's plan or I will eat my hat

http://www.yale.edu/childconductclinic/

Call Yale regardless. They are reasonably priced. They will

educate you on how these behaviors should be handled

to extinguish them and you will be a better advocate

for it.

I have been working with Yale since Aug. All the prior therapist

in my own state were way to harsh with advice and their advice did not work and

made me feel horrible.

I work with Bernadette Lecza a Yale.

Pam

>

> Hi all!

> I joined this group several months ago and just been observing up till now. My

daughter(7) was diagnosed back in September and we have been actively getting

her the help that she needs.

> Anyway, she had a really rough week this week. On Thursday she got into a

physical fight with another little girl and had to spend the afternoon in

in-house suspension. Today she got into another fight this time with a little

boy and she ended up choking him. She says that he punched her a few times and

was also kicking her so she started choking him. This happened right before

school was let out so we are not aware of what her consequences will be yet.

> I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do about her behavior since she seems to

get into these scrapes every month or so(this week was a double whammy). I know

the other kids had a part in this too but she gets so heated and doesn't know

how to calm herself down or back away from bad situations.

> If you have experience, I'd love to hear it...today is one of those tearful

days with my hands in the air.

> Thanks,

> Tami

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks all for the advice. She has had an IEP now for 3 years however were she

seems to be struggling the most is during unstructured time. The school we have

her at is a charter which is great for small classroom size but seems to be

lacking in the special education services. They have told us they cannot provide

any more help with unstructured time ie: lunch room and recesses.

She is in a social playgroup through Childrens hospital. Unfortunately the group

is only 10 weeks long and ends next week(doesn't it figure).

I don't know the outcome of the last situation and I'm sure will learn more on

Monday when she returns to school. I will check into a BIP and a FBA and

hopefully will get them to put together something that will help these

situations from happening.

I have a meeting with a different school next week which we might move her to

next year depending on services, staff and etc... These decisions are so hard to

make sometimes!

Thanks again

-Tami

> >

> > Hi all!

> > I joined this group several months ago and just been observing up till now.

My daughter(7) was diagnosed back in September and we have been actively getting

her the help that she needs.

> > Anyway, she had a really rough week this week. On Thursday she got into a

physical fight with another little girl and had to spend the afternoon in

in-house suspension. Today she got into another fight this time with a little

boy and she ended up choking him. She says that he punched her a few times and

was also kicking her so she started choking him. This happened right before

school was let out so we are not aware of what her consequences will be yet.

> > I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do about her behavior since she seems to

get into these scrapes every month or so(this week was a double whammy). I know

the other kids had a part in this too but she gets so heated and doesn't know

how to calm herself down or back away from bad situations.

> > If you have experience, I'd love to hear it...today is one of those tearful

days with my hands in the air.

> > Thanks,

> > Tami

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Great suggestion to fight the suspension until you get all the facts. My son

will not hurt a fly unless he is provoked and then he will explode and lash out

without thinking. In grade school my son was suspended for punching a girl, but

then I found out that he was jumped by a group of kids (including the girl) and

started hitting back to get away. The principal believed that you never, ever

hit a girl - but give me a break - he was trying to protect himself and all of

his attackers were much bigger and stronger. I made a few phone calls and found

out that the boys got phone calls from the school, but not the girls. Their

parents had no idea what their little darlings had done until they heard from

me.

Make sure that you log what happened and share it whenever you meet with Special

Ed - It may help you get more services and protection for your child as he gets

older.

[Guest guest]

I think rubber means eraser here.Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: Kate Stone <katesdishes@...>Date: Mon, 15 Mar 2010 10:17:09 -0700 (PDT)< >Subject: Re: ( ) Re: 2 fights and 1 inhouse suspension I'm guessing "his rubber".. is not the typical jargon for a condom, that we use in the U.S. ? I know my Dad called his golashes.. rubbers, but then it would be plural, so I'm still not sure what rubber goodie a child would bring to school and that he would/could so easily confess the property missing to his teacher. LOL From: Pamela <susanonderko >Subject: ( ) Re: 2 fights and 1 inhouse suspension Date: Saturday, 13 March, 2010, 22:04 The main thing you want to advocate for is getting her the services she needs. She needs an IEP. Start out by writing a letter saying that her AS is affecting her education andshe needs an IEP evaluation. Regarding the fighting, request that a BIP behavior intervention plan be developed for your daughterto address issues in school, as part of the IEP.Kids with As can be very ridgid. If the school does nothave a behaviorist recommend that they can contactYale Univeristy Parent and Child Conduct Clinic and theywill help devise a BIP for your child (over the phone).Yale is expert in kids with behavioral issues. I guarenteeyou will love Yale's plan or I will eat my hat http://www.yale. edu/childconduct clinic/Call Yale regardless. They are reasonably priced. They willeducate you on how thesebehaviors should be handledto extinguish them and you will be a better advocatefor it. I have been working with Yale since Aug. All the prior therapistin my own state were way to harsh with advice and their advice did not work and made me feel horrible.I work with Bernadette Lecza a Yale. Pam >> Hi all!> I joined this group several months ago and just been observing up till now. My daughter(7) was diagnosed back in September and we have been actively getting her the help that she needs.> Anyway, she had a really rough week this week. On Thursday she got into a physical fight with another little girl and had to spend the afternoon in in-house suspension. Today she got into anotherfight this time with a little boy and she ended up choking him. She says that he punched her a few times and was also kicking her so she started choking him. This happened right before school was let out so we are not aware of what her consequences will be yet.> I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do about her behavior since she seems to get into these scrapes every month or so(this week was a double whammy). I know the other kids had a part in this too but she gets so heated and doesn't know how to calm herself down or back away from bad situations.> If you have experience, I'd love to hear it...today is one of those tearful days with my hands in the air.> Thanks,> Tami>