Re: Re: Aggressive toward Mom, when locked in

[Guest guest]

Pam,

I suggest a book called Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rages and Meltdowns. The authors are Myles and Jack Southwick. It has a lot of things in it that can be used by schools and such, but it made me understand that there is a process to when my son melts down. And that there is a time to try to teach him about his aggression and a time not to.

I have soooo been there with the giving in to what your child wants (it feels like almost daily sometimes!). I have been told and read that some of the tantrums have to do with our kids wanting to be in control. So, they say not too talk much but just offer choices so that they feel in control (even if they're not). So, for instance, with the computer thing you could say something like you have a choice to get off the computer now (and this is after counting down and giving plenty of warnings like 20 min. left of your time, 10 min. left, 5 min. left, 2 min. left, you're down to 1 min. and/or with a visual timer that she can see) or you can loose your computer time for tomorrow. Now I need to give my son a few minutes to process. So, if he doesn't jump the moment I tell him something I wait, without saying ANYTHING to him, for a few minutes and then ask what his choice is. We have also started using a visual "thermometer" at school for him. It has to be taught and used consistently. It looks like a thermometer and goes from either 0 or 1 to 5. It is also colored green at the bottom and goes up to red at the top. You explain that this is to measure her anger level. Now, she can either move where she is on her own or she can be asked frequently where she is for her anger level and ask her to show you on the picture. Sometimes my son looks all calm and collected on the outside, but inside he's really angry. If your daughter gets to a 3 or 4 or whatever you decide then she needs to have a break. She can run, take deep breaths, count or, my son's favorite, bounce on our trampoline or something similar. Our school will give our son a sensory break at that time. He goes to the gym or the sensory room or sometimes even outside. And I have to be very honest with you that some days we still give in to my son so all this doesn't always work, especially when I'm just too exhausted to go through the whole process with him.

I hope that some of this helped. Take care!! If you have questions or want to talk please write.

Beth

( ) Re: Aggressive toward Mom, when locked in

Thank you all for your responses and suggestions. I hadnot read much about AS and aggressive behaviors so it helped.It is very upsetting to think about how when stress goes upin her life she takes it out on me. Today again she hitme repeatedly in the car when I said we could shop for a picture day dress but not go looking for more fish tanks. She wouldn't stop till I started yelling out of the car for the police. That scares her too. When she calmed down she blamed school.So I drove back to our special ed school. Our behaviorist may not like that I said I would take her to get a jar for her fish if she got of the car and talked to the school. She did get out and talked over issues that have made her feel overwhelmed. I don't think she realizes how hard and how many times she hits me. Today she seemed more remorseful perhaps because of going back to the school. I could try therapy for her again on just the issueof her anger and how to control it. She was not cooperative atall in the past. Our behaviorist does not ever talk to our daughter or see her due to my daughterbeing oppositional about it. It is all parent training. Usually she blames me for triggering her but today was the first time she said she was a bad person. I don't want her to think that either. I appreciate all the support. Pam >> Do any of your AS kids get aggressive toward you (Mom)> when they lock into an idea of something they have to > have or have to keep doing. This happens once or twice> a week. > > If I ask my 13 year old daughter to get off the computer at 9pm and> she doesn't I turn off the box for the internet. Wow will> she punch and hit me repeatedly. She is only 60 lbs and 4'5''> so I am not really seriously injured but the behavior is > just so out of control. Afterward she says she is sorry. > There is a consequence of no assess to the laptop> she likes to use. She still has assess to the desktop> in the kitchen. She earns computer time every day> for going to school (she often refuses to go to school). > > If after school my daughter wants to go to the pet store> and I say, not today but on Friday ...she pulls my hair and> won't let go unless I somehow pull her off me. She feels> entitiled to something to lift her mood since she says school> is so boring. Once I say no, I don't give in. She is definately> trying to get me back for saying no. > > > I am working with a behaviorist and my daughter is > on zoloft (75mg). Her psychiatrist suggested we try> Abilify to lessen the obessiveness and reasctions. I hate> the idea it opens the door to trying all sorts of > mood stabizers. > > I was wondering how common this beahvior is and how you have coped?> > She is not the least bt aggressive with anyone else. She is mostly> withdrawn from her peers at school. She is receiving social> skill training at her school. She is in a special needs school.> She is not bipolar. Does not have any manic tendencies.> She is really addictive about her special interests> of collecting fish and just keeps wanting to but things> for them etc. > > I appreciate any feedback.> > > Pam>

[Guest guest]

,

The trampoline is actually part of a program for the younger kids at the school called "Boost Up". It is designed with the belief that kids learn better when they are moving. So, there are the trampolines, for example, and the kids recite their spelling words or something similar while they bounce. They get a set time and then move on to the next activity.

The sensory rooms themselves (they have 2) are pretty cool. It seems that when they are totally done that one will focus on movement and one will focus on relaxing time. So, the movement on right now has a Jumpolene filled with balls to make it a ball pit type thing. Then there is a small playhouse type thing in there, but I'm not sure how that's utilized. There is this really cool thing that I can't really explain except for it's big enough for the child to sit in or under and it's like a top (kind of). They can sit in it and kind of wobbly spin. I'm sure I saw one in the Abilitations catalog or maybe Southpaw. There are also all kinds of fidgets and such in there. My son's favorite thing is the Crayola Glow On the Go (or something). It's like a Magnadoodle, but it glows and you actually draw with light. So, they shut off the lights and it's cool. In the other room that isn't quite done yet they have a very large bean bag chair. The walls in there were just painted like the solar system (someone at the school has a son that's an artist). It also has a pea pod thingy that the kids can get in and get a little pressure, a light table and a weighted blanket.

The reason that these rooms came about is because two teachers have MADE it happen. One of the is the mother of an autistic child who attends the school. The other is a Special Ed teacher who raised a special needs child of her own. I would definitely suggest looking at http://store.schoolspecialtyonline.net/OA_HTML/ibeCCtpSctDspRte.jsp?minisite=10206 & section=35573 (that's Abilitations) or http://www.southpawenterprises.com/ . Any other questions just let me know! My son was first diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder at the age of 5, so I have read just about everything that I can on the subject.

Beth

( ) Re: Aggressive toward Mom, when locked in

Beth,You mentioned that your child's school has a sensory room. I have been trying for some time for my son's school to create one of these. Besides the trampoline, what does the school provide in the room? Any other suggestions would be appreciated. My son uses an exercise ball at home to bounce on to help regulate himself. I like the thermometer idea!> >> > Do any of your AS kids get aggressive toward you (Mom)> > when they lock into an idea of something they have to > > have or have to keep doing. This happens once or twice> > a week. > > > > If I ask my 13 year old daughter to get off the computer at 9pm and> > she doesn't I turn off the box for the internet. Wow will> > she punch and hit me repeatedly. She is only 60 lbs and 4'5''> > so I am not really seriously injured but the behavior is > > just so out of control. Afterward she says she is sorry. > > There is a consequence of no assess to the laptop> > she likes to use. She still has assess to the desktop> > in the kitchen. She earns computer time every day> > for going to school (she often refuses to go to school). > > > > If after school my daughter wants to go to the pet store> > and I say, not today but on Friday ...she pulls my hair and> > won't let go unless I somehow pull her off me. She feels> > entitiled to something to lift her mood since she says school> > is so boring. Once I say no, I don't give in. She is definately> > trying to get me back for saying no. > > > > > > I am working with a behaviorist and my daughter is > > on zoloft (75mg). Her psychiatrist suggested we try> > Abilify to lessen the obessiveness and reasctions. I hate> > the idea it opens the door to trying all sorts of > > mood stabizers. > > > > I was wondering how common this beahvior is and how you have coped?> > > > She is not the least bt aggressive with anyone else. She is mostly> > withdrawn from her peers at school. She is receiving social> > skill training at her school. She is in a special needs school.> > She is not bipolar. Does not have any manic tendencies.> > She is really addictive about her special interests> > of collecting fish and just keeps wanting to but things> > for them etc. > > > > I appreciate any feedback.> > > > > > Pam> >>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Kudos to those 2 people for making such a special environment for these kids! It sounds great and I have to admit, I was a little envious reading all that. I SO wish I could go jump on the trampoline or paint with light.

In a message dated 10/21/2010 8:02:55 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, bethndave@... writes:

,

The trampoline is actually part of a program for the younger kids at the school called "Boost Up". It is designed with the belief that kids learn better when they are moving. So, there are the trampolines, for example, and the kids recite their spelling words or something similar while they bounce. They get a set time and then move on to the next activity.

The sensory rooms themselves (they have 2) are pretty cool. It seems that when they are totally done that one will focus on movement and one will focus on relaxing time. So, the movement on right now has a Jumpolene filled with balls to make it a ball pit type thing. Then there is a small playhouse type thing in there, but I'm not sure how that's utilized. There is this really cool thing that I can't really explain except for it's big enough for the child to sit in or under and it's like a top (kind of). They can sit in it and kind of wobbly spin. I'm sure I saw one in the Abilitations catalog or maybe Southpaw. There are also all kinds of fidgets and such in there. My son's favorite thing is the Crayola Glow On the Go (or something). It's like a Magnadoodle, but it glows and you actually draw with light. So, they shut off the lights and it's cool. In the other room that isn't quite done yet they have a very large bean bag chair. The walls in there were just painted like the solar system (someone at the school has a son that's an artist). It also has a pea pod thingy that the kids can get in and get a little pressure, a light table and a weighted blanket.

The reason that these rooms came about is because two teachers have MADE it happen. One of the is the mother of an autistic child who attends the school. The other is a Special Ed teacher who raised a special needs child of her own. I would definitely suggest looking at http://store.schoolspecialtyonline.net/OA_HTML/ibeCCtpSctDspRte.jsp?minisite=10206 & section=35573 (that's Abilitations) or http://www.southpawenterprises.com/ . Any other questions just let me know! My son was first diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder at the age of 5, so I have read just about everything that I can on the subject.

Beth

( ) Re: Aggressive toward Mom, when locked in

Beth,You mentioned that your child's school has a sensory room. I have been trying for some time for my son's school to create one of these. Besides the trampoline, what does the school provide in the room? Any other suggestions would be appreciated. My son uses an exercise ball at home to bounce on to help regulate himself. I like the thermometer idea!> >> > Do any of your AS kids get aggressive toward you (Mom)> > when they lock into an idea of something they have to > > have or have to keep doing. This happens once or twice> > a week. > > > > If I ask my 13 year old daughter to get off the computer at 9pm and> > she doesn't I turn off the box for the internet. Wow will> > she punch and hit me repeatedly. She is only 60 lbs and 4'5''> > so I am not really seriously injured but the behavior is > > just so out of control. Afterward she says she is sorry. > > There is a consequence of no assess to the laptop> > she likes to use. She still has assess to the desktop> > in the kitchen. She earns computer time every day> > for going to school (she often refuses to go to school). > > > > If after school my daughter wants to go to the pet store> > and I say, not today but on Friday ...she pulls my hair and> > won't let go unless I somehow pull her off me. She feels> > entitiled to something to lift her mood since she says school> > is so boring. Once I say no, I don't give in. She is definately> > trying to get me back for saying no. > > > > > > I am working with a behaviorist and my daughter is > > on zoloft (75mg). Her psychiatrist suggested we try> > Abilify to lessen the obessiveness and reasctions. I hate> > the idea it opens the door to trying all sorts of > > mood stabizers. > > > > I was wondering how common this beahvior is and how you have coped?> > > > She is not the least bt aggressive with anyone else. She is mostly> > withdrawn from her peers at school. She is receiving social> > skill training at her school. She is in a special needs school.> > She is not bipolar. Does not have any manic tendencies.> > She is really addictive about her special interests> > of collecting fish and just keeps wanting to but things> > for them etc. > > > > I appreciate any feedback.> > > > > > Pam> >>

[Guest guest]

{{{Pam}}} Hang in there.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Re: Aggressive toward Mom, when locked in

Thank you all for your responses and suggestions. I had

not read much about AS and aggressive behaviors so it helped.

It is very upsetting to think about how when stress goes up

in her life she takes it out on me. Today again she hit

me repeatedly in the car when I said we could shop for a

picture day dress but not go looking for more fish tanks.

She wouldn't stop till I started yelling out of the car for the police. That scares her too. When she calmed down she blamed school.

So I drove back to our special ed school. Our behaviorist may not like that I said I would take her to get a jar for her fish if she got of the car and talked to the school. She did get out and talked over

issues that have made her feel overwhelmed.

I don't think she realizes how hard and how many times she hits me.

Today she seemed more remorseful perhaps because of going back to the

school. I could try therapy for her again on just the issue

of her anger and how to control it. She was not cooperative at

all in the past. Our behaviorist does not ever

talk to our daughter or see her due to my daughter

being oppositional about it. It is all parent training.

Usually she blames me for triggering her but today was the

first time she said she was a bad person. I don't want her to

think that either.

I appreciate all the support.

Pam

>

> Do any of your AS kids get aggressive toward you (Mom)

> when they lock into an idea of something they have to

> have or have to keep doing. This happens once or twice

> a week.

>

> If I ask my 13 year old daughter to get off the computer at 9pm and

> she doesn't I turn off the box for the internet. Wow will

> she punch and hit me repeatedly. She is only 60 lbs and 4'5''

> so I am not really seriously injured but the behavior is

> just so out of control. Afterward she says she is sorry.

> There is a consequence of no assess to the laptop

> she likes to use. She still has assess to the desktop

> in the kitchen. She earns computer time every day

> for going to school (she often refuses to go to school).

>

> If after school my daughter wants to go to the pet store

> and I say, not today but on Friday ...she pulls my hair and

> won't let go unless I somehow pull her off me. She feels

> entitiled to something to lift her mood since she says school

> is so boring. Once I say no, I don't give in. She is definately

> trying to get me back for saying no.

>

>

> I am working with a behaviorist and my daughter is

> on zoloft (75mg). Her psychiatrist suggested we try

> Abilify to lessen the obessiveness and reasctions. I hate

> the idea it opens the door to trying all sorts of

> mood stabizers.

>

> I was wondering how common this beahvior is and how you have coped?

>

> She is not the least bt aggressive with anyone else. She is mostly

> withdrawn from her peers at school. She is receiving social

> skill training at her school. She is in a special needs school.

> She is not bipolar. Does not have any manic tendencies.

> She is really addictive about her special interests

> of collecting fish and just keeps wanting to but things

> for them etc.

>

> I appreciate any feedback.

>

>

> Pam

>