Re: He doesn't look autistic . . .

[Guest guest]

I would also like to know everyone's answer to this. It is one of my biggest pet peeves ever!! I even had a friend say that he didn't believe in autism! I almost snapped. People basically think of rain man when they hear autistic, so when our kids aren't counting cards or talking about people's court, they must not have anything wrong with them. When people say things like 'he doesn't look autistic' I just say as nice as my motherly instincts allow, 'you don't see him all the time like I do'. They still come up with reasons why my son is 'normal' but I start to blank out at this point and I don't really care about the rest of what they say haha. People can be very ignorant and they don't even know it! Oh btw, my favorite are the people who took a semester or 2 of child psychology and are experts giving me advice! Ha ha ha. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: "" <drewkoala@...>Date: Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:52:19 -0000< >Subject: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic . . . Hi,I need help responding to family, friends and acquaintances when I tell them that my son has AS/HFA and they reply with, " He doesn't look like he's autistic. He smiles, laughs and has so much personality. How can he have autism? " Ugh! I immediately feel defensive and feel the need to explain the spectrum, but honestly, I don't always want to get into all the details and would rather have a quick, one-line response. A lot of sarcastic responses have crossed my mind, but that wouldn't be very helpful. :-) How have you guys handled this?Thanks,

[Guest guest]

This always gets me too. I too feel like telling them to come live with me for a week! My usual response is a nice big smile and a "proud mama" face as I genuinely say "that's wonderful that you say that, it means the therapy/ hard work/ new diet/ school intervention is working." The whole idea is to be able to streamline these kids into normal functioning adults. If someone thinks your kid "looks normal" (regardless their intent on that comment) you can take it and make it work for you! - ConnieFrom: missjen0124@... <missjen0124@...>Subject: Re: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic .

.. . Date: Wednesday, October 14, 2009, 7:58 PM

I would also like to know everyone's answer to this. It is one of my biggest pet peeves ever!! I even had a friend say that he didn't believe in autism! I almost snapped. People basically think of rain man when they hear autistic, so when our kids aren't counting cards or talking about people's court, they must not have anything wrong with them. When people say things like 'he doesn't look autistic' I just say as nice as my motherly instincts allow, 'you don't see him all the time like I do'. They still come up with reasons why my son is 'normal' but I start to blank out at this point and I don't really care about the rest of what they say haha. People can be very ignorant and they don't even know it! Oh btw, my favorite are the people who took a semester or 2 of child psychology and are experts giving me advice! Ha ha ha. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: ""

<drewkoala (DOT) com>

Date: Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:52:19 -0000< >Subject: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic . . .

Hi,

I need help responding to family, friends and acquaintances when I tell them that my son has AS/HFA and they reply with, "He doesn't look like he's autistic. He smiles, laughs and has so much personality. How can he have autism?" Ugh! I immediately feel defensive and feel the need to explain the spectrum, but honestly, I don't always want to get into all the details and would rather have a quick, one-line response. A lot of sarcastic responses have crossed my mind, but that wouldn't be very helpful. :-) How have you guys handled this?

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

On Jun 13, 6:43am, " " wrote:

} I need help responding to family, friends and acquaintances when I tell the=

} m that my son has AS/HFA and they reply with, " He doesn't look like he's au=

} tistic. He smiles, laughs and has so much personality. How can he have au=

} tism? " Ugh! I immediately feel defensive and feel the need to explain the=

} spectrum, but honestly, I don't always want to get into all the details an=

} d would rather have a quick, one-line response. A lot of sarcastic respons=

} es have crossed my mind, but that wouldn't be very helpful. :-) How have =

} you guys handled this?

For close friends and relatives, I recommend the book _A Parent's

Guide to Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism_.

For a quick response, perhaps something like, " It's really just

a stereotype that autistic people don't smile/laugh/feel affection.

I'm glad my son is so delightful, but unfortunately he does have

other issues. "

Willa

[Guest guest]

Hi :

I generally try to compare autism to other " diseases " that you can't see - i.e.

- " gee, he doesn't look diabetic " or " she doesn't look like she has high blood

pressure " . Sometimes when you gently remind people that autism doesn't

necessarily have a " look " , they back off a little.

When I get stares in public from people (you know the stares - the

" you-must-be-a-bad-parent, your-child-is-a-brat-and-just-needs-discipline "

stares) - I will say, " What? Is his Autism showing again? " or " I'm sorry,

he's autistic and he thinks you are weird too " .

It kinda depends on my mood whether I like to be flip and snappy with my replies

or if I want to be a little kinder in my response.

It really is about the education of the ignorant when it comes to autism. I've

also told people " advise appreciated if you are the parent of an autistic child

- otherwise, please keep your comments to yourself " . It usually stops people

dead in their tracks and makes them think twice before saying something more.

Good luck - hope this helps a little bit.

Janna

>

> Hi,

> I need help responding to family, friends and acquaintances when I tell them

that my son has AS/HFA and they reply with, " He doesn't look like he's autistic.

He smiles, laughs and has so much personality. How can he have autism? " Ugh!

I immediately feel defensive and feel the need to explain the spectrum, but

honestly, I don't always want to get into all the details and would rather have

a quick, one-line response. A lot of sarcastic responses have crossed my mind,

but that wouldn't be very helpful. :-) How have you guys handled this?

>

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

haha, yes those guys are great!!! lol

I have the same problem, my mother in law says she just insists on an answer from our son and he does what she tells him, I am sure she thinks if she had a couple of days with him she could " straighten him out".

Think she started to see the light yesterday, schools are off this week so my husband and son have not had a break from each other for 3 days,yesterday it took him 3 hour to get Gregor dressed, he called his Mum and broke down. Probably the best thing that he could have done. I don't think you can understand what it is like unless you live with it. Most of our family only see snap shots and say it seems easily handled.

From: missjen0124@... <missjen0124@...>Subject: Re: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic . . . Date: Thursday, 15 October, 2009, 12:58 AM

I would also like to know everyone's answer to this. It is one of my biggest pet peeves ever!! I even had a friend say that he didn't believe in autism! I almost snapped. People basically think of rain man when they hear autistic, so when our kids aren't counting cards or talking about people's court, they must not have anything wrong with them. When people say things like 'he doesn't look autistic' I just say as nice as my motherly instincts allow, 'you don't see him all the time like I do'. They still come up with reasons why my son is 'normal' but I start to blank out at this point and I don't really care about the rest of what they say haha. People can be very ignorant and they don't even know it! Oh btw, my favorite are the people who took a semester or 2 of child psychology and are experts giving me advice! Ha ha ha. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

From: "" <drewkoala (DOT) com>

Date: Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:52:19 -0000

< >

Subject: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic . . .

Hi,I need help responding to family, friends and acquaintances when I tell them that my son has AS/HFA and they reply with, "He doesn't look like he's autistic. He smiles, laughs and has so much personality. How can he have autism?" Ugh! I immediately feel defensive and feel the need to explain the spectrum, but honestly, I don't always want to get into all the details and would rather have a quick, one-line response. A lot of sarcastic responses have crossed my mind, but that wouldn't be very helpful. :-) How have you guys handled this?Thanks,

[Guest guest]

Oh this kind of thing drives me crazy. " He's a smart boy, he should understand

the rules! " " There's nothing wrong with that boy, it's his mother. " " There's

nothing wrong with him that a good spanking wouldn't fix. " " If he was my

kid... " Grrr.

You could say, " oh, what makes you say that? " or give them a card and tell them

to speak to his doctor. Give them a ridiculous amount of stuff to read. Tell

them, " I'm glad he's not your kid. "

You can say, " I feel really frustrated when people say that to me. " Don't say

anything else. You don't have to explain.

If you want to educate them there are business cards that have a short

explanation that you can get online. I don't think they're expensive.

If they think they can do better, offer to let them try. It is often a lot more

stressful for the oh-so-knowledgeable person throwing their opinions around than

it is for the child. I have done this. It was terrible at the time because

was going ballistic but it's a story that makes me laugh now and I tell it

regularly.

I have, in the past, said, " It isn't always obvious but he can has a very bad

time in school without extra support and sometimes a thing will set him off and

you'll see the difference. " I don't always feel great with this one because it

feels a little defensive. I don't know WHY people act like they know all about

autism. It's ridiculous. Perhaps you could ask, " Oh, tell me more about what

you know of autism. " This will probably end up in them feeling embarrassed and

sorry they said anything.

Good luck. Keep us posted on how you end up handling it in the future.

Miriam

>

> Hi,

> I need help responding to family, friends and acquaintances when I tell them

that my son has AS/HFA and they reply with, " He doesn't look like he's autistic.

He smiles, laughs and has so much personality. How can he have autism? " Ugh!

I immediately feel defensive and feel the need to explain the spectrum, but

honestly, I don't always want to get into all the details and would rather have

a quick, one-line response. A lot of sarcastic responses have crossed my mind,

but that wouldn't be very helpful. :-) How have you guys handled this?

>

> Thanks,

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sure my mother-in-law thinks she can "straighten" him out. She says helpful things like we've watched him and we don't think there is anything different about him, she has no idea of what we have had to go through so that she gets the well behaved boy visiting for half an hour. 1st signs of trouble we make our excuses and leave. I think it came as a shock to her when my husband broke down on the phone and let her know how hard it can be, the schools are off and my husband and son have been together all week, to top it off I was out last night with friends for the 1st time this year (went to see Tom , brilliant night) but son was not pleased. I don't think anyone understands unless they live with it.

From: missjen0124 <missjen0124>Subject: Re: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic . . . Date: Wednesday, October 14, 2009, 7:58 PM

I would also like to know everyone's answer to this. It is one of my biggest pet peeves ever!! I even had a friend say that he didn't believe in autism! I almost snapped. People basically think of rain man when they hear autistic, so when our kids aren't counting cards or talking about people's court, they must not have anything wrong with them. When people say things like 'he doesn't look autistic' I just say as nice as my motherly instincts allow, 'you don't see him all the time like I do'. They still come up with reasons why my son is 'normal' but I start to blank out at this point and I don't really care about the rest of what they say haha. People can be very ignorant and they don't even know it! Oh btw, my favorite are the people who took a semester or 2 of child psychology and are experts giving me advice! Ha ha ha. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

From: "" <drewkoala (DOT) com>

Date: Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:52:19 -0000

< >

Subject: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic . . .

Hi,I need help responding to family, friends and acquaintances when I tell them that my son has AS/HFA and they reply with, "He doesn't look like he's autistic. He smiles, laughs and has so much personality. How can he have autism?" Ugh! I immediately feel defensive and feel the need to explain the spectrum, but honestly, I don't always want to get into all the details and would rather have a quick, one-line response. A lot of sarcastic responses have crossed my mind, but that wouldn't be very helpful. :-) How have you guys handled this?Thanks,

[Guest guest]

you know your child, they don't. You're so right. They don't have a clue and are just talking. Like pregnant women who are told they aren't gaining enough or too much weight, that person is just talk, they haven't lived a day in your shoes.

From: missjen0124 <missjen0124>Subject: Re: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic . . . Date: Wednesday, October 14, 2009, 7:58 PM

I would also like to know everyone's answer to this. It is one of my biggest pet peeves ever!! I even had a friend say that he didn't believe in autism! I almost snapped. People basically think of rain man when they hear autistic, so when our kids aren't counting cards or talking about people's court, they must not have anything wrong with them. When people say things like 'he doesn't look autistic' I just say as nice as my motherly instincts allow, 'you don't see him all the time like I do'. They still come up with reasons why my son is 'normal' but I start to blank out at this point and I don't really care about the rest of what they say haha. People can be very ignorant and they don't even know it! Oh btw, my favorite are the people who took a semester or 2 of child psychology and are experts giving me advice! Ha ha ha. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

From: "" <drewkoala (DOT) com>

Date: Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:52:19 -0000

< >

Subject: ( ) He doesn't "look" autistic . . .

Hi,I need help responding to family, friends and acquaintances when I tell them that my son has AS/HFA and they reply with, "He doesn't look like he's autistic. He smiles, laughs and has so much personality. How can he have autism?" Ugh! I immediately feel defensive and feel the need to explain the spectrum, but honestly, I don't always want to get into all the details and would rather have a quick, one-line response. A lot of sarcastic responses have crossed my mind, but that wouldn't be very helpful. :-) How have you guys handled this?Thanks,