Re: aggressive toward brother

[Guest guest]

In Behavior Therapy you stress the positive opposite

so you would give " x " for kind behaviors with lots of praise

throughout the day, you would rehearse coping with frustration scenarios and

give points for that to. For actual hitting

the child would have the timeout as you said and some small

chore (is what Yale's Parent and Child Conduct Clinic would

recommend). The chore is not something you want them to be positve

about like more homework, or more practicing an instrument, it would

be something not part of their routine. It feels good

if the chore helps the person that got hurt, in my opinion.

You can also try " in addition " 1) validate her feels " i know you

don't like when someone uses your harmonica 2) we can figure out a plan so that

doesn't happen so often 3) His intention was not to make you mad 4) we don't hit

when we feel mad, no hitting

Validating her feelings is important so that resentment

doesn't build and escalate against the hitter ...they have

valid feelings they reacted in a way that is inappropriate tough ...

Last if this persists frequently and your other children are getting hurt ..a

psychiatrist may offer rispedal in a very low dose to take

the edge off ...but be prepared to work with the psychiatrist for

awhile to prove the necessity ...most therapist or doctors

will want the behavioral approach to be tried first.

And my caution is this ..don't escalate your punishments.

Contact an ABA therapist or if there are none in your area

you can work with Yale University Parent and Child Conduct Clinic

on the phone.

Many AS kids are passive and not hitters. The ones that have more aggressive and

impulsive side are very hard to manage with ABA

alone. Your family will suffer if you let the aggressive go medically untreated

for too long.

I hate the idea of rispedal in children but you have to protect the other

children too.

Start to work with a therapist and if you can't afford it

most states I hope have a department of developmental

disorders and can offer some services ...we do in NJ

Pam

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> Our dd is turning 7 this month, and is often aggressive and rough with her 4

year old brother. She recently pushed him down and his lip bled (when he blew

her harmonica) and bit him (when he gave her what she considered the wrong

plate, identical to the one she wanted). She often pushes or hits him when she

is angry. She is also overly physical in play. She demonstrates little

self-control at home.

>

> She is occasionally aggressive towards me if she is in a meltdown, and is

rough with her 1.5 year old baby brother. But most of her anger and aggression

is toward our 4 year old.

>

> She is currently homeschooled, and has never had a problem with aggression

toward other children at school or other settings before.

>

> Any thoughts or advice? Anyone with similar experiences? We are currently

using a behavioral chart combined with timeouts whenever she is aggressive. If

she does something on her list, she receives an X, and if she has a certain

number of X's, she loses extra privileges.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Pam,

We will look into getting help from a behavioral therapist in the coming months.

I think it would be helpful to have a real person help us setup a token or point

system. We have had some behavioral help in the past. But often I am trying to

do things on my own, from what I read etc. I am working on getting help from

other people in our area.

Thanks again,

jennifer

[Guest guest]

Dr. Alan Kadzin wrote the book called Parent Management Training,

he is the director at Yale Parent and Child Conduct Clinic.

The issue though with AS kids is that some can be very explosive/agitated and

behavior management alone will not suffice.

Some AS kids need home like to be like a residential treatment

center ...they need everything so structured and predictable

to not explode. Some get better as they get older some

my need medication to cope at home.

Pam

>

> Thanks Pam,

>

> We will look into getting help from a behavioral therapist in the coming

months. I think it would be helpful to have a real person help us setup a token

or point system. We have had some behavioral help in the past. But often I am

trying to do things on my own, from what I read etc. I am working on getting

help from other people in our area.

>

> Thanks again,

>

> jennifer

>

[Guest guest]

Just thought I would add that it can be a long struggle.

In our case there has not been a magic formula. I have been

at this for years. I have been in the training

program at Yale for 1 year now, and I also took training

in RDI which is a social development program for AS kids

and now I am receiving training from a therapist specializing

in AS and emotional control therapies. My daughter's

aggressive behavior has gotten much much better. Still every 1-2 weeks there is

a very disturbing incident, with not being able to

cope with some stress in her life (and she takes it out on me).

She probably needed medication to control the outbursts years

ago. I just keep trying behavior methods to make sure I have

tried everything I can before using an anti-psychotic drug.

So it is hard and a tough road sometimes. I don't mean to

make it sound easy. It is not. I do hope in your case the

problems don't persist as long as ours have.

take care,

Pam

> >

> > Thanks Pam,

> >

> > We will look into getting help from a behavioral therapist in the coming

months. I think it would be helpful to have a real person help us setup a token

or point system. We have had some behavioral help in the past. But often I am

trying to do things on my own, from what I read etc. I am working on getting

help from other people in our area.

> >

> > Thanks again,

> >

> > jennifer

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I would just add to what has already been said, that you might consider adding social skill training to her day. Consulting a speech therapist who can work on that or finding some good books and doing it on your own are options. My thinking is that you need to not just tell her what she is doing wrong but teach her what you want her to do instead. You can replay situations and practice what you want her to do instead. Like when she doesn't like the plate, "use your words." And walk her through how that is done. Even if she just says, "I hate that!" instead of acting out, you would be ahead or get an extra second to help direct her. You could make social stories up with her in the main character, which she might enjoy too.

I don't know if she is so impulsive that this would never work. I was just thinking of another idea you can think over.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) aggressive toward brother

Hi everyone,

Our dd is turning 7 this month, and is often aggressive and rough with her 4 year old brother. She recently pushed him down and his lip bled (when he blew her harmonica) and bit him (when he gave her what she considered the wrong plate, identical to the one she wanted). She often pushes or hits him when she is angry. She is also overly physical in play. She demonstrates little self-control at home.

She is occasionally aggressive towards me if she is in a meltdown, and is rough with her 1.5 year old baby brother. But most of her anger and aggression is toward our 4 year old.

She is currently homeschooled, and has never had a problem with aggression toward other children at school or other settings before.

Any thoughts or advice? Anyone with similar experiences? We are currently using a behavioral chart combined with timeouts whenever she is aggressive. If she does something on her list, she receives an X, and if she has a certain number of X's, she loses extra privileges.

Thanks,