Re: Re: to mom with daughter who scratches herself . .

[Guest guest]

At least you love her. I think about children in homes where the

family ignores problems and let their children's future become

something it didn't have to be. It is so hard on you because you

really care. This is a good thing. You need some zen time. Try to

work in about 5 mintues of personal time, tv, reading, quite resting,

etc, every hour. Just 5 minutes and you can be anywhere but check out

your mind if you can. Think of beaches and count your blessings.

Force yourself. I know I think my life is the worst sometimes too but

those are just really ugly thoughts that try to take over your life.

You are a person. A valueable person who is a mother but that is not

your only identity. I have to remind myself I love cats, squirrels,

mountains, long drives, nature, and really my daughter too even though

she is so mean. We are full of love you just have to practice it a

tiny bit when you are feel grumpy and defeated. Things like this come

in waves sometimes everything seems horrible but in a few years you may

be in a very different place in your life. Maybe thigns will be easier

or maybe not but they will definately be different so try not to be so

consumed with right now. Do what you can then let go of the dark

feelings. Be confident that you are a caring mom. That is why you are

on this site. We all need a little support on those horrible days and

sometimes those days last for a very long time. Even though my

daughter may be so mean to me sometimes she is beautiful and so

peaceful when she sleeps. I try to sneak in and watch her sleep when I

am really hating her. This helps remind me of how precious she is.From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: New to all this Date: Tuesday, May 18, 2010, 7:49 AM

Thanks for the ideas!

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

( ) Re: New to all this

This is in response to Roxanna & her question about the club that my

son has joined on campus. He is taking Japanese and is also taking an

Aikido class. He has been studying both since he was in grade school

and so these are easy classes for him. He joined a club for Kendo,

another martial art. Some of the kids in his Japanese class are also in

the Kendo club, which is great. This kind of club has a lot of rules -

what to wear, what to do, and so on, so he knows what is expected.

I encouraged my son to join a club on campus to make some friends & so

has his doctor. I told him that I did the same thing when I was in

college and that's were I met my boyfriend in college. In the fall, I

found a list of clubs that the college sponsers, but the days & times

they meet weren't published on the school's web site until around

December. I printed the list and highlighted some stuff that I thought

would interest him. He did the rest himself.

Anyway, if you have a child in college, check the school's web site for

information on clubs.

[Guest guest]

That is really sweet, . And good advice for all of us parents.SuzanneSent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: Christiansen <cathychristiansen84@...>Date: Tue, 18 May 2010 09:56:23 -0700 (PDT)< >Subject: Re: ( ) Re: to mom with daughter who scratches herself . . At least you love her. I think about children in homes where thefamily ignores problems and let their children's future becomesomething it didn't have to be. It is so hard on you because youreally care. This is a good thing. You need some zen time. Try towork in about 5 mintues of personal time, tv, reading, quite resting,etc, every hour. Just 5 minutes and you can be anywhere but check outyour mind if you can. Think of beaches and count your blessings. Force yourself. I know I think my life is the worst sometimes too butthose are just really ugly thoughts that try to take over your life. You are a person. A valueable person who is a mother but that is notyour only identity. I have to remind myself I love cats, squirrels,mountains, long drives, nature, and really my daughter too even thoughshe is so mean. We are full of love you just have to practice it atiny bit when you are feel grumpy and defeated. Things like this comein waves sometimes everything seems horrible but in a few years you maybe in a very different place in your life. Maybe thigns will be easieror maybe not but they will definately be different so try not to be soconsumed with right now. Do what you can then let go of the darkfeelings. Be confident that you are a caring mom. That is why you areon this site. We all need a little support on those horrible days andsometimes those days last for a very long time. Even though mydaughter may be so mean to me sometimes she is beautiful and sopeaceful when she sleeps. I try to sneak in and watch her sleep when Iam really hating her. This helps remind me of how precious she is.From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: New to all this Date: Tuesday, May 18, 2010, 7:49 AM Thanks for the ideas!RoxannaWhenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ( ) Re: New to all thisThis is in response to Roxanna & her question about the club that my son has joined on campus. He is taking Japanese and is also taking an Aikido class. He has been studying both since he was in grade school and so these are easy classes for him. He joined a club for Kendo, another martial art. Some of the kids in his Japanese class are also in the Kendo club, which is great. This kind of club has a lot of rules - what to wear, what to do, and so on, so he knows what is expected.I encouraged my son to join a club on campus to make some friends & so has his doctor. I told him that I did the same thing when I was in college and that's were I met my boyfriend in college. In the fall, I found a list of clubs that the college sponsers, but the days & times they meet weren't published on the school's web site until around December. I printed the list and highlighted some stuff that I thought would interest him. He did the rest himself.Anyway, if you have a child in college, check the school's web site for information on clubs.

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much ,I printed our emailed and placed it on my office desk, to read it when I feel my life is falling apart...That is a very nice email. Thanks ( ) Re: New to all thisThis is in response to Roxanna & her question about the club that my son has joined on campus. He is taking Japanese and is also taking an Aikido class. He has been studying both since he was in grade school and so these are easy classes for him. He joined a club for Kendo, another martial art. Some of the kids in his Japanese class are also in the Kendo club, which is great. This kind of club has a lot of rules - what to wear, what to do, and so on, so he knows what is expected.I encouraged my son to join a club on campus to make some friends & so has his doctor. I told him that I did the same thing when I was in college and that's were I met my boyfriend in college. In the fall, I found a list of clubs that the college sponsers, but the days & times they meet weren't published on the school's web site until around December. I printed the list and highlighted some stuff that I thought would interest him. He did the rest himself.Anyway, if you have a child in college, check the school's web site for information on clubs.

[Guest guest]

We have been doing this for a while and I completely understand. I am writing a book right now of our journey. It may take years to complete but our life is really crazy. my daughtter has autism and I do biomed to help her which is many supplements and vitamins every day which she hates. She has sensory processing disorder to all senses so if things are too loud, soft, wet, sticky, smelly bright and so on she freaks out. She has skin rashes like you wouldn't believe, she is super constipated to the point of screaming to poop. Also her head has not grown in almost 2 years so we think she has atypical rett syndrom. It is a horrible disease where some children lose the abilty to walk, talk, and eat by mouth. We are scared. She can regress or lose abilites at any time before age 10. she also may not even

have it so we don't want to drive our selves crazy. nne can only eat store bought baby food. her mouth won't allow anything else. she pukes if it has any texture. She is almost 4. She will not potty train. I had her genetically tested for rett and it came back negative but atypical will not show on a test. We had her throat scoped and she has an inlet patch that the dr said she can not feel but I think she feels it. It might give her the feeling of somthing caught in her throat all the time. It is inoperable. She may never potty train, eat normally, and may regress but the worst of her is her moods. She is crazy mean sometimes. She hites me and her self and it is so hard to watch. She has rage. It is improvign right now with the b12 shots but that is another story. Oh, also she was completely mute and was not going to talk. really! We have freinds

with kids with severe autism that are 6, 12, 11, and 3 that still do not talk at all. Not even mama. I intervened with special meds to help talking and she did. She exploded the next day with full sentences and then one month later started reading on her own! She is very smart and sweet. She doesn't like to be touched at all but recently has allowed me to snuggle her a little. She is not empathetic and is very selfish. She is an only child and is very spoiled. She yells at me to buy her a new toy every day. She says those toys are old and no good take them away! she is constantly hurting my feelings but recently I have taught her when she hits me it hurts. it als hurts mommy feelings and now sometimes she will hit then wait and say "I am being mean to mommy" and she will on her own say"I am sorry mommy" I tell her right away I forgive you and it is all better now. I know

that might be weird to teach taht a sorry makes it perfect because she shouldn't hit at all but sometimes she HAS to. I am trying not to overreact to it and that has been helping. I am married but it feels like I am on this journey alone because the disapline is on me and really she is only mean to me. We did not plan this when we wanted a baby and truthfully I feel guilty for bringing her to life. I feel like we made a mistake. I know this is not to be spoken but it is true for me. she seems to unhappy I feel so bad for having her. She isn't always mean or unhappy but those times consume me. It is hard to forget. My first husband used to abuse me A LOT so now when my little child does it I have flash backs. Great huh? yeah I have to remind myself she is sick with autism and doesnt fully understand why she is doing things or how to stop them I just try to be calm and teach her to calm her

body and to breath. I do love her a lot. I love me more. I am trying to see me as me and not just as her mom. I feel like I have failed as her mom a lot of the time so that can make me feel like I have failed at life. If we are seperate it isnt' as personal when she is mean. She is just mean sometimes no matter how good I am she just is. I still worry about rett and really nothing is worse to me. When I see her run wobbly and her balance is terrible like that of a one year old I fear it is coming. I also cry for the things that will be gone. To have her words finally come out to have them disapear again will be truely tragic and unfair. It has all been so hard raising her. So hard on me right.?? No. the truth is it has been hard on her too. She doesn't want to be different and needs the most love because of her disabilities and I am such a mean mommy that I yell at

her sometimes. I know it must look awful and I feel such terrible guilt because she is so disabled but at the same time she is not. she is smart and she does know how to control some things so when she attacks me I get so furious with the healthy side of her. She is like 2 children in one one with autism and onw without. There are moments you would never know and most people looking at her don't know unless she gets exctied and flaps her arms and humms really loudly. My life is a joke. For real. We have chosen to poke fun a little and try to laugh at how silly things get sometimes. I am a super emotional person so I can not just ignore my feelings I hav e to really feel them. and i do everyday. A rainbow of feelings wash over me, I just have to decide wish one to remember and keep. I try not to focus on the crappy moments as much even though they are there. Everyone has them it is

just not as cool to talk about it with other moms so most moms are show offy and talk abou thow perfect their kids are. Not true there is always something. I hope you can be peaceful with the way your life is. It may not be perfect but it is yours. From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: New to all this Date: Tuesday, May 18, 2010, 7:49 AM Thanks for the

ideas!RoxannaWhenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ( ) Re: New to all thisThis is in response to Roxanna & her question about the club that my son has joined on campus. He is taking Japanese and is also taking an Aikido class. He has been studying both since he was in grade school and so these are easy classes for him. He joined a club for Kendo, another martial art. Some of the kids in his Japanese class are also in the Kendo club, which is great. This kind of club has a lot of rules - what to wear, what to do, and so on, so he knows what is expected.I encouraged my son to join a club on campus to make some friends & so has

his doctor. I told him that I did the same thing when I was in college and that's were I met my boyfriend in college. In the fall, I found a list of clubs that the college sponsers, but the days & times they meet weren't published on the school's web site until around December. I printed the list and highlighted some stuff that I thought would interest him. He did the rest himself.Anyway, if you have a child in college, check the school's web site for information on clubs.

[Guest guest]

you can e-mail me off this site if you want. cskauffman@...From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: New to all this Date: Tuesday, May 18, 2010, 7:49 AM Thanks for the

ideas!RoxannaWhenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ( ) Re: New to all thisThis is in response to Roxanna & her question about the club that my son has joined on campus. He is taking Japanese and is also taking an Aikido class. He has been studying both since he was in grade school and so these are easy classes for him. He joined a club for Kendo, another martial art. Some of the kids in his Japanese class are also in the Kendo club, which is great. This kind of club has a lot of rules - what to wear, what to do, and so on, so he knows what is expected.I encouraged my son to join a club on campus to make some friends & so has

his doctor. I told him that I did the same thing when I was in college and that's were I met my boyfriend in college. In the fall, I found a list of clubs that the college sponsers, but the days & times they meet weren't published on the school's web site until around December. I printed the list and highlighted some stuff that I thought would interest him. He did the rest himself.Anyway, if you have a child in college, check the school's web site for information on clubs.

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much.

I will email you. ( ) Re: New to all thisThis is in response to Roxanna & her question about the club that my son has joined on campus. He is taking Japanese and is also taking an Aikido class. He has been studying both since he was in grade school and so these are easy classes for him. He joined a club for Kendo, another martial art. Some of the kids in his Japanese class are also in the Kendo club, which is great. This kind of club has a lot of rules - what to wear, what to do, and so on, so he knows what is expected.I encouraged my son to join a club on campus to make some friends & so has his doctor. I told him that I did the same thing when I was in college and that's were I met my boyfriend in college. In the fall, I found a list of clubs that the college sponsers, but the days & times they meet weren't published on the school's web site until around December. I printed the list and highlighted some stuff that I thought would interest him. He did the rest himself.Anyway, if you have a child in college, check the school's web site for information on clubs.