Re: FURIOUS about principal's dealings...

[Guest guest]

,

Your poor son is really going through it recently, good for him for his behaviour, he asked them to stop and was still pushed, I don't think your son should be punished in anyway. My son has a peanut allergy as well, does the teacher not understand that the other pupil may as well be threating your son with a gun, cause I know that is how seriously my son would take it. I hope you get some common sense answers from the principal, this treatment wouldn't be tolerated if your son had a visible condition like Down Syndrome, so why should it be tolerated at all.

Good luck and I hope someone gives you good guidance.

Furious for you .

Lor B

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: ( ) FURIOUS about principal's dealings... Date: Friday, 20 November, 2009, 12:49

Ok, I need some perspective… I’m pretty upset, so I’m coming to you guys who have likely “been there, done that†and can provide me with some direction and insight.

My boy, 9, AS (and possible ADHD co-existing) , has been really struggling at school (think I told you guys about the choking incident last week). Anyway… for the last while, he’s been having an extremely hard time on the bus with kids bullying him. And BLATENT bullying. Three days ago, there were several kids who threw food packages at him on the bus. He chucked it back in their direction, and went and told the bus driver, who had him sit closer to the front of the bus. So that was fine – he dealt with that good.

Two days ago was awful… he came in the house so upset, was completely shut down, and spent the better part of afterschool and into the evening upstairs in his room, not wanting to come out, and not wanting to do anything but play his DS (his obsession). After talking to him about it later on, he was able to name a few specific names of children, but then added “and the big kids at the back of the bus†(all the grade 5’s and 6’s). I couldn’t get any more details out of him, other than they were being mean.

Thankfully, his teacher dealt with it BEAUTIFULLY. Between her and the guidance counselor at the school, they spoke to each of the “main†children who were involved – individually first, and then as a group. They all admitted to what they had been doing, and knew it was wrong. Said that wasn’t doing anything, was sitting quietly, minding his own business, playing his DS (which is what he does EVERY DAY on the bus, to help ignore the sheer VOLUME on that bus, which would otherwise make him insane lol). One of the kids started teasing about “LOVING†a girl in his class, because he goes to her house to play a lot. (I was proud of my boy this morning, who told me that “it shouldn’t matter who I play with Momâ€. They play together a lot because they like the same things. Brittany likes BECAUSE he’s not like the other boys. He’s not rough and tumble. HE

LIKES to sit down and do crafts with her. He’s the perfect friend for her lol). Anyway… the next thing, a child got in his face and said “PEANUT PEANUT PEANUT†(he’s DEATHLY allergic to peanuts… this infuriates me). And then they started teasing him about playing his DS so much, and calling him mean names and swearing at him. Apparently, he’d told them to stop quite a few times, and they weren’t stopping – and the last one who got in his face got hit. Yup, hit him.

In talking to the guidance councellor, he said that he wasn’t going to make a big deal of hitting, because he was being BLATENTLY bullied, and had been pushed to that point. We could hardly blame him. And I won’t be saying anything to about it either.

The principal, who I am NOT fond of, was not at the school the last two days. ’s teacher (Whom I LOVE) was acting principal. So she dealt with everything with the kids yesterday. They ALL had to write apology letters to , and will be presenting him with them today. will not be expected to write an apology letter.

’s teacher and I filled the principal in on what we dealt with yesterday… and the FIRST words out of her mouth were…

“Well, despite what the other children did, it wasn’t ok for to hit.â€

WHAT?!!! That’s ALL you’ve got to say??? I told her that the guidance councellor and I had agreed that we didn’t blame for that, because he had tried to ask them to stop, and they weren’t stopping. And with kids IN HIS FACE on the bus, he was either gonna hit somebody, or push them out of the way to get up and go see the bus driver about it. I told her that I wasn’t going to tell my child he couldn’t stand up for himself, or let him sit there and be the victim of BLATENT bullying, without so much as looking out for his own interests. That’s crap.

THIS is the kind of repeat treatment I get from this principal

“Complaint†protocol states, that if you have a problem with a principal, you should FIRST try to address it with the principal. If then it’s not resolved, you proceed to the district level. I would like to write the principal a letter, email, whatever… outlying my thoughts and feelings on this treatment of , and request a meeting between her, myself, my husband, and the guidance councellor. If push comes to shove, I’ll request or hire an advocate be present, because I’m not gonna tolerate this anymore.

Any ideas on how I should approach this? What kinds of things I Should be outlying in the letter?

Thanks in advance, for making it through my long rambles

=)

[Guest guest]

Wow, .

No advice as to HOW to do it....but I agree that you should. At first, I though that you shouldn't do anything because the principal didn't change what was demanded of the crappy bullies................so I thought, "Why do anything"?

But,,,,this is the kind of sh** that goes on too much. It's the kind of crap that makes people leave school districts.

Great teachers and shi**y "administration"......

You go, girl!!!!!

Write a letter like you wrote it to us.

If only for information to the school board, etc.

No one, in this day and age should be so stupid and "un-caring".

If all that happens, is that you alert the district/school board to this un-called-for comment, then so be it!!!

Maybe othes will come forward in time or hey.......maybe she'll get her act together?

Keep us posted.

Robin

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: ( ) FURIOUS about principal's dealings... Date: Friday, November 20, 2009, 6:49 AM

Ok, I need some perspective… I’m pretty upset, so I’m coming to you guys who have likely “been there, done that†and can provide me with some direction and insight.

My boy, 9, AS (and possible ADHD co-existing) , has been really struggling at school (think I told you guys about the choking incident last week). Anyway… for the last while, he’s been having an extremely hard time on the bus with kids bullying him. And BLATENT bullying. Three days ago, there were several kids who threw food packages at him on the bus. He chucked it back in their direction, and went and told the bus driver, who had him sit closer to the front of the bus. So that was fine – he dealt with that good.

Two days ago was awful… he came in the house so upset, was completely shut down, and spent the better part of afterschool and into the evening upstairs in his room, not wanting to come out, and not wanting to do anything but play his DS (his obsession). After talking to him about it later on, he was able to name a few specific names of children, but then added “and the big kids at the back of the bus†(all the grade 5’s and 6’s). I couldn’t get any more details out of him, other than they were being mean.

Thankfully, his teacher dealt with it BEAUTIFULLY. Between her and the guidance counselor at the school, they spoke to each of the “main†children who were involved – individually first, and then as a group. They all admitted to what they had been doing, and knew it was wrong. Said that wasn’t doing anything, was sitting quietly, minding his own business, playing his DS (which is what he does EVERY DAY on the bus, to help ignore the sheer VOLUME on that bus, which would otherwise make him insane lol). One of the kids started teasing about “LOVING†a girl in his class, because he goes to her house to play a lot. (I was proud of my boy this morning, who told me that “it shouldn’t matter who I play with Momâ€. They play together a lot because they like the same things. Brittany likes BECAUSE he’s not like the other boys. He’s not rough and tumble. HE

LIKES to sit down and do crafts with her. He’s the perfect friend for her lol). Anyway… the next thing, a child got in his face and said “PEANUT PEANUT PEANUT†(he’s DEATHLY allergic to peanuts… this infuriates me). And then they started teasing him about playing his DS so much, and calling him mean names and swearing at him.. Apparently, he’d told them to stop quite a few times, and they weren’t stopping – and the last one who got in his face got hit. Yup, hit him.

In talking to the guidance councellor, he said that he wasn’t going to make a big deal of hitting, because he was being BLATENTLY bullied, and had been pushed to that point. We could hardly blame him. And I won’t be saying anything to about it either.

The principal, who I am NOT fond of, was not at the school the last two days. ’s teacher (Whom I LOVE) was acting principal. So she dealt with everything with the kids yesterday. They ALL had to write apology letters to , and will be presenting him with them today. will not be expected to write an apology letter.

’s teacher and I filled the principal in on what we dealt with yesterday… and the FIRST words out of her mouth were…

“Well, despite what the other children did, it wasn’t ok for to hit.â€

WHAT?!!! That’s ALL you’ve got to say??? I told her that the guidance councellor and I had agreed that we didn’t blame for that, because he had tried to ask them to stop, and they weren’t stopping. And with kids IN HIS FACE on the bus, he was either gonna hit somebody, or push them out of the way to get up and go see the bus driver about it. I told her that I wasn’t going to tell my child he couldn’t stand up for himself, or let him sit there and be the victim of BLATENT bullying, without so much as looking out for his own interests. That’s crap.

THIS is the kind of repeat treatment I get from this principal

“Complaint†protocol states, that if you have a problem with a principal, you should FIRST try to address it with the principal. If then it’s not resolved, you proceed to the district level. I would like to write the principal a letter, email, whatever… outlying my thoughts and feelings on this treatment of , and request a meeting between her, myself, my husband, and the guidance councellor. If push comes to shove, I’ll request or hire an advocate be present, because I’m not gonna tolerate this anymore.

Any ideas on how I should approach this? What kinds of things I Should be outlying in the letter?

Thanks in advance, for making it through my long rambles

=)

[Guest guest]

We've been here before. One time my oldest was in grade school and we

were having major issues on the bus. They sat my ds at the front of

the bus and the problem with that is that they also sat the trouble

makers at the front of the bus. So my ds ended up seated with a

delinquent who decided one day to shove my kid up against the window

with his book bag smashing him into the window. And my ds just started

screaming. He " refused " to stop screaming. After pulling the

delinquent off of him, he still screamed. Imagine that. Pushed to

one's limit, a person finally pops. Hmmmm. It's odd to think that a

child with a disability does not have unlimited coping skills.

(sarcasm drip alert...)

Anyway, we found out by accident. Our ds came home with blisters all

over his hands. I know, you are thinking, " What? " Us too. Back to

the school where we find out that because he " refused to stop

screaming " , he was punished. He was made to clean up the cafeteria

with a broom and dustpan as his " consequence. " Well, he has such fine

motor delays that he ended up with blisters all over his hands from

gripping the broom and dustpan too tightly and incorrectly. Principal

very calmly told us, " We can't allow him to be screaming like that on

the bus. " Everyone knew why he'd been screaming, of course, but they

preferred to focus on his reaction to the abuse and not the abuse. My

dh took a book off principal's desk and shoved his own head against the

wall with the book and screamed, " So how would you deal with this

situation in a better way? " as his face was smashed against the wall.

It was a really cool way of illustrating the absurd situation we were

in - having to justify why our child screamed out when being abused by

another kid. And the principal had no answer as to what a person

should do in that situation that would be more " acceptable. "

Ugh, amazing things we never thought we'd ever have to deal with in

life, huh. At any rate, the principal is a good guy overall and we

ended up liking him once he got the point. He agreed and my ds was not

punished for being picked on again. PLUS, we had a written agreement

that we were to be called every time there was any incident in the

future (something they did not always do!)

I think the best idea is to define " victim " and ask them how much abuse

a person should be subjected to before they are " allowed " to react? Of

course, find a nicer way to say it. It's the same sad story so many

times - where they try to blame the victim for being a victim...well,

if he wasn't disabled, he wouldn't get picked on! Right! This is an

excuse to get out of having to identify and punish the bullies by

making it the victim's fault. I'm all for teaching our kids how NOT to

be victim's. But it is also important to deal with bullies and not try

to share the blame. All kids have a right to ride the bus without

being bullied. If you shove someone hard enough, they are going to hit

back. That is human nature. Everyone has a breaking point. What they

need to realize is that this is serious and needs attention - they've

hit his breaking point. You can't really punish someone for having a

breaking point - that's absurd.

heck, my own ds did this yesterday - he got in a fight with his

brother. He was making noises at him on purpose to mess him up in the

game they were playing. My youngest lost the game, got really ticked

off and threw something at his brother. Then brother runs up to tell

that his brother threw something at him and " All I was doing was making

a noise! " This is really 2nd grade logic here and by adults, it is

just ridiculous. I expect it from my little kids as they learn the way

life works. But not adults in charge.

Also, see what you can do about the bigger problem - the bus situation.

These kids will just get sneakier about how they treat him, they won't

be giving it up. There should be an aide on the bus to help or perhaps

some other transportation provided for him. For our older ds, he spent

a number of years getting private transportation at school expense

because they would not put aides on the bus. He preferred this to the

daily abuse he was getting.

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) FURIOUS about principal's dealings...

Ok, I need some perspective… I’m pretty upset, so I’mcoming to you

guys who have likely “been there, done that†and canprovide me with

some direction and insight.

 

My boy, 9, AS (and possible ADHD co-existing), has been

reallystruggling at school (think I told you guys about the choking

incident lastweek). Anyway… for the last while, he’s been having an

extremelyhard time on the bus with kids bullying him. And BLATENT

bullying. Three daysago, there were several kids who threw food

packages at him on the bus. Hechucked it back in their direction, and

went and told the bus driver, who hadhim sit closer to the front of the

bus. So that was fine – he dealt withthat good.

 

Two days ago was awful… he came in the house so upset, wascompletely

shut down, and spent the better part of afterschool and into theevening

upstairs in his room, not wanting to come out, and not wanting to

doanything but play his DS (his obsession). After talking to him about

it lateron, he was able to name a few specific names of children, but

then added “andthe big kids at the back of the bus†(all the grade 5’s

and 6’s).I couldn’t get any more details out of him, other than they

were beingmean.

 

Thankfully, his teacher dealt with it BEAUTIFULLY. Between herand the

guidance counselor at the school, they spoke to each of the

“mainâ€children who were involved – individually first, and then as a

group.They all admitted to what they had been doing, and knew it was

wrong. Said that wasn’t doing anything, was sitting quietly,

minding his ownbusiness, playing his DS (which is what he does EVERY

DAY on the bus, to helpignore the sheer VOLUME on that bus, which would

otherwise make him insanelol). One of the kids started teasing

about “LOVING†a girlin his class, because he goes to her house to play

a lot. (I was proud of myboy this morning, who told me that “it

shouldn’t matter who I playwith Momâ€. They play together a lot because

they like the same things.Brittany likes BECAUSE he’s not like

the other boys. He’snot rough and tumble. HE LIKES to sit down and do

crafts with her. He’sthe perfect friend for her lol). Anyway… the next

thing, a child got inhis face and said “PEANUT PEANUT PEANUT†(he’s

DEATHLYallergic to peanuts… this infuriates me). And then they started

teasinghim about playing his DS so much, and calling him mean names and

swearing athim. Apparently, he’d told them to stop quite a few times,

and they weren’tstopping – and the last one who got in his face got

hit. Yup, hithim.

 

In talking to the guidance councellor, he said that he wasn’tgoing to

make a big deal of hitting, because he was being

BLATENTLYbullied, and had been pushed to that point. We could hardly

blame him. And Iwon’t be saying anything to about it either.

 

The principal, who I am NOT fond of, was not at the school thelast two

days. ’s teacher (Whom I LOVE) was acting principal. Soshe dealt

with everything with the kids yesterday. They ALL had to writeapology

letters to , and will be presenting him with them today.

will not be expected to write an apology letter.

 

’s teacher and I filled the principal in on what we dealtwith

yesterday… and the FIRST words out of her mouth were…

 

“Well, despite what the other children did, it wasn’tok for to

hit.â€

 

WHAT?!!! That’s ALL you’ve got to say??? I told herthat the guidance

councellor and I had agreed that we didn’t blame for that,

because he had tried to ask them to stop, and they weren’tstopping. And

with kids IN HIS FACE on the bus, he was either gonna hitsomebody, or

push them out of the way to  get up and go see the bus driverabout it.

I told her that I wasn’t going to tell my child he couldn’tstand up for

himself, or let him sit there and be the victim of BLATENTbullying,

without so much as looking out for his own interests. That’scrap.

 

THIS is the kind of repeat treatment I get from this principal

 

“Complaint†protocol states, that if you have a problemwith a

principal, you should FIRST try to address it with the principal.

Ifthen it’s not resolved, you proceed to the district level. I would

liketo write the principal a letter, email, whatever… outlying my

thoughtsand feelings on this treatment of , and request a meeting

between her,myself, my husband, and the guidance councellor. If push

comes to shove, I’llrequest or hire an advocate be present, because I’m

not gonna toleratethis anymore.

 

Any ideas on how I should approach this? What kinds of things IShould

be outlying in the letter?

 

Thanks in advance, for making it through my long rambles

 

=)