9 year old daughter with meltdowns

[Guest guest]

Does anyone have any suggestions for my third grade 9 year old DD? She has

become emotionally out of control. She refuses to do what we ask, yells and

screams at us and intentionally targets me to try and get me irritated or to

lose my temper. I feel like I am at my breaking point with stress. I

homeschool her and she is highly gifted and normally a pretty pleasant child as

long as things go her way. Lately though it seems like she is changing into

someone I don't know. She is obsessed with her guinea pig and goes around

making a very loud high pitched " wheeet, wheet " noise like her pet. She tries

to drink out of a glass like a guinea pig, eat like a guinea pig and do nothing

but talk about her guinea pig. She took an art class this summer and every

medium of art taught to her resulted in some form of a guinea pig. I don't mind

that so much as her personality change lately. I am very worried and have no

idea what to do. I have no support system, just a diagnosis. I tried to get

her back to KU med where she was diagnosed two years ago but it's a 4 month

wait. Help!!!

Thanks,

Patty

[Guest guest]

Patty,

My suggestion is redirect. My son is the same way, not as often. I totally

understand coming to breaking points. Can't stress it enough, but staying calm

yourself is the most important part. Find what she likes and calms her. Then

you can talk again about what you want her to do. It's like turning the page

for her then teaching her how to turn the page. Trust me I know it will not be

the easiest thing out there, but she will come around. My son is going to 11

next month and we have come along way in the last 2 years. I hope this helps.

>

> Does anyone have any suggestions for my third grade 9 year old DD? She has

become emotionally out of control. She refuses to do what we ask, yells and

screams at us and intentionally targets me to try and get me irritated or to

lose my temper. I feel like I am at my breaking point with stress. I

homeschool her and she is highly gifted and normally a pretty pleasant child as

long as things go her way. Lately though it seems like she is changing into

someone I don't know. She is obsessed with her guinea pig and goes around

making a very loud high pitched " wheeet, wheet " noise like her pet. She tries

to drink out of a glass like a guinea pig, eat like a guinea pig and do nothing

but talk about her guinea pig. She took an art class this summer and every

medium of art taught to her resulted in some form of a guinea pig. I don't mind

that so much as her personality change lately. I am very worried and have no

idea what to do. I have no support system, just a diagnosis. I tried to get

her back to KU med where she was diagnosed two years ago but it's a 4 month

wait. Help!!!

> Thanks,

> Patty

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter is nearly 12 and equally obsessed with her pets.

But the big problem was she found school so challenging she

wouldn't go and she would not do work for me either. We found her

a private school smaller supportive she didn't want to go to that

either. I could not find anyone to help me locally she we turned to the Yale

University Parent Conduct Clinic.

The first step was making her day very structured and working with

the behaviorist to make her day a series of rewards for each part

of cooperation. If she didn't cooperate there was no lectures etc

simply no reward for that period of time.

We all agreed she needed medication for her anxiety. And so the

first targeted behavior was for her to take medication (she was opposed). I set

up outtings to the zoo and I sat in the car

ready to go if she took the medication. If not I walked back in the house. She

took it. I had previously tried months of reasoning with her and all I got was

outrageous behavior (once she threw soda at

me for suggesting medication). The low dose of zoloft

really quieted the outbursts but she still needs a very

structured behavior plan.

The rest of the behavior plan has been tuned weekly by Yale.

It is about having us stay in control not her. We use her special

interest as a reinforcer but not going overboard. Rewards

are small. 30 minutes with Mom reading about hamsters. There

are no money awards. But they have to be rewarding nevertheless.

There is a book that the Yale Parent Center wrote " Parent Management Training "

by Dr. Kadzin. It is written for oppositional

defiant chaildren but it worked for us since my daughter's

thinking is so ridgid and inflexible.

Other ways Yale has helped is to have us practice with her

more flexible thinking daily. We use her special interest as

a reward on weekdays to get her to do school but on the weekends

we do things to somewhat broaden her interests. She is always

drawn to pets though. We work on Girl Scouts 1:1 as a tte

and she is working on a Badge where she has to research jobs

associated with animals. It is OK I think to have this interest

you can actual work with animals as a job. Pets have helped

my daughter connect to other kids. We were proud of her at the

4H fair how many people she talked to. Her new school let her

write about hamsters for the first few months and they have

gently moved her toward other subjects (her reward at school is

to visit the animals in the science room).

Personally I am so bored in pet stores. I had to limit the number

of days we can visit them (another reward). And I have nudged

her on other days to take a class at the YMCA and to see her cousins

another day and recently she has taken an interst to have as a reward

to cook a unique meal from a cook book of her choicing. Last week we made sesame

chicken and egg foo young. I would never have

attempted such a project without her interest. It tuned out really

good.

I hope this is of some help to you. We have made great strides

in making our home life more calm. The rewards need to be modest

as not to overwhelm you though. Cooking is once a week because there

is a big clean up. Yale has helped me to keep rewards under my control, my

daughter can quickly want things all at once.

Pam

>

> Does anyone have any suggestions for my third grade 9 year old DD? She has

become emotionally out of control. She refuses to do what we ask, yells and

screams at us and intentionally targets me to try and get me irritated or to

lose my temper. I feel like I am at my breaking point with stress. I

homeschool her and she is highly gifted and normally a pretty pleasant child as

long as things go her way. Lately though it seems like she is changing into

someone I don't know. She is obsessed with her guinea pig and goes around

making a very loud high pitched " wheeet, wheet " noise like her pet. She tries

to drink out of a glass like a guinea pig, eat like a guinea pig and do nothing

but talk about her guinea pig. She took an art class this summer and every

medium of art taught to her resulted in some form of a guinea pig. I don't mind

that so much as her personality change lately. I am very worried and have no

idea what to do. I have no support system, just a diagnosis. I tried to get

her back to KU med where she was diagnosed two years ago but it's a 4 month

wait. Help!!!

> Thanks,

> Patty

>