Re: My son with AS, He is 10

[Guest guest]

My son is now 12. He has grown out of the repetitive things. Ive got him involved with animals which took a long time. Fishing is fun for him. Just taking him and doing different things.

From: Roni <darkangl29@...> Sent: Thu, December 30, 2010 7:02:02 PMSubject: ( ) My son with AS, He is 10

Ever since he started school, there was problems. The problem I see that upsets me the most now is his anger. He gets very upset and (acts out) what we are trying to say to him. For example, when we tell him not to talk back, he will say talking back is an answer. Or I will tell him to brush his teeth and he will hold his finger up and say brush brush brush. He will also pat the sides of his head and chatter to himself. I was wondering if any other parents deal with these types of behaviors? There is a long story about school involved issues. I have him in a charter school now because of the programs they have in basic public schools is questionable at best. Any suggestions to get him to stop these repetitive actions?

[Guest guest]

Roni,

Oh my... I feel you on this one. Brushing teeth: I had to literal show my dd

every step and tell her that when I ask her to brush her teeth, this is how I

want her to do it. You might even want to create a picture chart that shows

step by step how to do it. Then your son would not have any excuse to get your

goat.

On talking back, you will have to use role play to show him what he did and then

role play the correct way. He needs to see it in action... needs to witness

what you are talking about. You may have to show him multiple times. I know I

had to.

Now he might have something else to say after you think you should have the last

word. You may want to consider giving him another way to say it and then use

patience to hear him.

I grant you, it is not easy. For example, I had to give my daughter an

alternative way of interupting conversations. She is not cognitively able to

stop her behavior but, at least now, she says " excuse me " . Then I had to stop

talking or have the other person stop talking and listen to her.

Regards,

>

> Ever since he started school, there was problems. The problem I see that

upsets me the most now is his anger. He gets very upset and (acts out) what we

are trying to say to him. For example, when we tell him not to talk back, he

will say talking back is an answer. Or I will tell him to brush his teeth and he

will hold his finger up and say brush brush brush. He will also pat the sides of

his head and chatter to himself. I was wondering if any other parents deal with

these types of behaviors? There is a long story about school involved issues. I

have him in a charter school now because of the programs they have in basic

public schools is questionable at best. Any suggestions to get him to stop these

repetitive actions?

>

[Guest guest]

I have gone through the steps to get him to properly do his teeth and standing

there, doing it with him is one thing that works. we do argue over this a lot

though. I got him a sponge bob toothpaste thing with music to show him how long

to bruch and all these other things to help him, he just does not like to. I

have daily shower issues as well. He is not so stubborn with that though. Oh,

one thing I wanted to post was about his dad. His dad is less understanding,

especialy when he says mean things to us. He is off of work only two days a week

and my son and him fight a lot on these days. I have tried to tell my husband to

relax and not respond to his behavior. I do this because my son is only trying

to gain attention from him. if I pay no attention when I know it is on purpose,

then my son gives in. I don't know how to make my husband understand why to just

leave it be. When my son gets into his funky ways, he will not change until he

is good and ready. trying to snap him out of it only makes things much worse.

Thanks all!

>

> My son is now 12. He has grown out of the repetitive things. Ive got him

> involved with animals which took a long time. Fishing is fun for him. Just

> taking him and doing different things.

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Roni <darkangl29@...>

>

> Sent: Thu, December 30, 2010 7:02:02 PM

> Subject: ( ) My son with AS, He is 10

>

>  

> Ever since he started school, there was problems. The problem I see that

upsets

> me the most now is his anger. He gets very upset and (acts out) what we are

> trying to say to him. For example, when we tell him not to talk back, he will

> say talking back is an answer. Or I will tell him to brush his teeth and he

will

> hold his finger up and say brush brush brush. He will also pat the sides of

his

> head and chatter to himself. I was wondering if any other parents deal with

> these types of behaviors? There is a long story about school involved issues.

I

> have him in a charter school now because of the programs they have in basic

> public schools is questionable at best. Any suggestions to get him to stop

these

> repetitive actions?

>

[Guest guest]

We have a very understanding dental office (it took 4 different

ones to find an office patient enough) and I have had them

talk to my daughter and encourage her. It helped for a little

while. I also would not force my daughter to brush, but if

she didn't there was no sweeten cereals or anything with sugar

until she did. This worked too. She would run up and brush.

She still only brushes once a day regularly.

For showers, I made a rule she had to clean up each night.

If she showers by 8pm she gets extra TV time. I didn't

care for a long time, how long she showered or bathed. She had

an issue with not liking to use soap. OK I don't care just clean

up I would say. Now I have to set timers because she is using

soap and going overboard and taking way too long.

It is funny the kind of problems we have. People would

not believe what we go through.

Behavior issues really are the main problem though since

it sets others off.

I have been working with the Yale Parent and Child Conduct

Clinic in CT. They have reasonably priced parent training

on the phone ($750 for 10 weeks, it is scaled to your income).

They deal with exclusively rigid minded kids, in other

words oppositional. All behavior therapy seems to be based

on the idea that you can only shape behaviors gradually

very gradually, I mean very very gradually, and do it with

praise and small incentives (like you now have to earn TV

time kid!) The other part of the therapy is that parents

have to be retrained to give lots of praise for

very small improvements. And ignore just about all bad

except hitting. Hitting gets a chore. This has taken me one year

to get.

You will have to find someone trained as a behaviorist or

contact Yale for over the phone work to learn these

strategies. My experience is that just about every

family therapist I talked to over the years did not

really understand behavior therapy for AS kids.

I had to get the hang of this, then I had the behaviorist

talk to my husband too. But he has agreed to just be quiet

and let me handle it.

So if my daughter is yelling at Dad, I may say " I can't reward

that and walk away (and encourage him to do the same).

It takes time lots of time to change family dynamics.

pam

> >

> > My son is now 12. He has grown out of the repetitive things. Ive got him

> > involved with animals which took a long time. Fishing is fun for him. Just

> > taking him and doing different things.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Roni <darkangl29@>

> >

> > Sent: Thu, December 30, 2010 7:02:02 PM

> > Subject: ( ) My son with AS, He is 10

> >

> >  

> > Ever since he started school, there was problems. The problem I see that

upsets

> > me the most now is his anger. He gets very upset and (acts out) what we are

> > trying to say to him. For example, when we tell him not to talk back, he

will

> > say talking back is an answer. Or I will tell him to brush his teeth and he

will

> > hold his finger up and say brush brush brush. He will also pat the sides of

his

> > head and chatter to himself. I was wondering if any other parents deal with

> > these types of behaviors? There is a long story about school involved

issues. I

> > have him in a charter school now because of the programs they have in basic

> > public schools is questionable at best. Any suggestions to get him to stop

these

> > repetitive actions?

> >

>