Guest guest Posted June 19, 2010 Report Share Posted June 19, 2010 Hi Tammy. Doctor's dont help much, anywhere you are. Stop crying and let's start by accepting the fact that you are honest in your feelings! Great start. Now, second, your son has gifts. Focus on the positives and not the negatives. Reward the positives, and dont yell or get mad about the negatives, just reinforce the good things that he does. If he likes tractors, give him extra time to play or read on tractors.My son's focus is on sharks.He may not be able to play sports, it's just an Asperger thing about team sports. A fear of sorts. I have online support groups as well on Facebook under "The Asperger Child" and our organization tailors to providing guidance and services to individuals and families with Asperger's. We also educate the community and the educators on Asperger's Syndrome as well, so our children can be accepted by society, instead of being bullied and judged.As for being normal, I always wondered that with my own son until I came to the realization that "What is normal?" I love him for who he is and that will never change. He has a gift that others do not. We just have to find the right key to open that mind of his to unlock those gifts. It took me a long time to get there, but I did get there, and I know you can too hun!From: tammy_mcburnett <McB3BTH@...> Sent: Sat, June 19, 2010 10:52:50 AMSubject: ( ) I new Hello my name is Tammy from Alabama. I have a son that is 11 years old that has aspergers and ADHD. I am need of help he goes to a doctor that really does not help much. he takes med. focalin xe and zoloft . Me and my husands nevers are gone. i go to bed crying. where do i start for help i feel I really dont have a son. Please forgive for saying that i just dont what else to do He does not play sports, No social skills so really know friends, very smart , loves tractors only, very nervous cries becasue people laugh at him , repeats himself, no sympahy, tries to takes sides betwwn me and my husband, thinks we are made at him, can not give him enough attention just a few. sorry need help and were to find it. will he every bea boy play footaball? every have friends, or just be normal. Dont think we dont love him, we are at the end of the road and need your help thanks tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 19, 2010 Report Share Posted June 19, 2010 Tammy, OK, so there is much going on in your post. You sound sorrowful. I SO understand, because I've cried those tears wondering why he couldn't be like I thought he was going to be, like the other kids. You seem to be feeling loss over the child you thought you were going to have. He is not missing out by not playing football, but somewhere for you that is a loss. My Aspie son did play baseball but had to quit, and he felt the loss of it, which isn't the case for you it sounds. So what if they don't play sports? There is so much more to being a boy or a good man than that. It represents perhaps an average, " normal " childhood? Right, I get it. My oldest son was doubly robbed of that too: first with Asperger's and then with debiltating arthritis. He's in a wheelchair now preparing for a rehabilitative hospital stay of a few weeks to enable him to walk again. I understand the loss of normal you crave for your son. I really get it, and I have cried those tears, and all that is left is to accept that THIS is NORMAL for HIM and celebrate his strengths, stand by him in his many struggles, and try to prepare him to be an independent adult, which will take just a little longer than it will with his 2 siblings. Now back to your situation: Is he sad that he doesn't have friends, or it mainly you? I've felt that for my son, and sometimes he's felt isolation, too, but he chooses so much of it. Perhaps you could find a psychologist running an Asperger's support group for boys to help them with their social skills. My son is in one, and it really has helped him. The psychologist also says my son's feelings are shallower than mine. That could explain no sympathy. He just doesn't understand, because he can't relate. You said he's very smart. Well, when it's all said and done, who wins in life? The jock or the braniac? I'll bet on the president of the physics club over the high school quarterback any day. Might I suggest this book? Asperger's and Self-Esteem: Insight and Hope through Famous Role Models http://www.amazon.com/Aspergers-Self-Esteem-Insight-through-Famous/dp/1885477856 All is not lost. Aspies are different, but so many have contributed vastly to society in medical and scientific advancements. It can be hard for we parents who want our kids to see life as we do, to understand that they can be happy. We have to find peace with it within ourselves, though. I am NOT saying this is easy. I am saying that you can do this! You can and you must! Find other parents with special needs kids, and they don't have to be Aspies, and support each other. In fact, if you look at the plates of others around you, you are going to find some that you are glad not to have. You will feel fortunate that your son has only this. I have friends with disabled children, and all of our kids have different circumstances from traumatic brain injury, to profound autism with blindness, so seizures, so my son, and none of us would trade with one of the others. When I'm feeling defeated, I think of my friends, and it gives me perspective I need to carry on. No matter how disheartened you are, you are not alone, and you really can do this successfully! God Bless you and your family! Gale > > Hello my name is Tammy from Alabama. I have a son that is 11 years old that has aspergers and ADHD. I am need of help he goes to a doctor that really does not help much. he takes med. focalin xe and zoloft . Me and my husands nevers are gone. i go to bed crying. where do i start for help i feel I really dont have a son. Please forgive for saying that i just dont what else to do He does not play sports, No social skills so really know friends, very smart , loves tractors only, very nervous cries becasue people laugh at him , repeats himself, no sympahy, tries to takes sides betwwn me and my husband, thinks we are made at him, can not give him enough attention just a few. sorry need help and were to find it. will he every bea boy play footaball? every have friends, or just be normal. Dont think we dont love him, we are at the end of the road and need your help thanks tammy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2010 Report Share Posted June 25, 2010 Hi Tammy, welcome to our group! To answer your question, "no", he will never be normal. This will be with him always. What you need to do is to find ways to help him deal with behaviors and problems he has so he can have as many opportunities in life as possible. I would suggest you start looking around to find a doctor who is helpful. You can search for a local or state autism group and ask them for names of doc's who deal with autism/AS. Get some recommendations. You can also find the nearest Children's hospital. They usually have an autism center or maybe it's called "neurodevelopmental" center. We've had good luck finding doc's this way. Second, you don't mention school but does he have an IEP at school? If not, I would request a full educational evaluation and try to get help with social skills. make sure they evaluate social/pragmatic language areas and also discuss his repeating himself. You can also look around locally for groups - check out area Speech therapists, psychologists, counselors, etc. Also ask a local or state autism group if they know of any groups in your area. The more you connect with people like this, the more help you can get. Roxanna Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. ( ) I new Hello my name is Tammy from Alabama. I have a son that is 11 years old that has aspergers and ADHD. I am need of help he goes to a doctor that really does not help much. he takes med. focalin xe and zoloft . Me and my husands nevers are gone. i go to bed crying. where do i start for help i feel I really dont have a son. Please forgive for saying that i just dont what else to do He does not play sports, No social skills so really know friends, very smart , loves tractors only, very nervous cries becasue people laugh at him , repeats himself, no sympahy, tries to takes sides betwwn me and my husband, thinks we are made at him, can not give him enough attention just a few. sorry need help and were to find it. will he every bea boy play footaball? every have friends, or just be normal. Dont think we dont love him, we are at the end of the road and need your help thanks tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 25, 2010 Report Share Posted June 25, 2010 Try to focus on any cooperation or slight improvement. You can only change behavior in small steps with encouragement. Has the focalin helped for attention at school? Some stimulants can increase anxiety. Does he have a meltdown after the focalin has worn off (12 hours after taking) or increased anxiety. Most people can cope with their AS children's unique personality but can't cope with behavioral issues. Where is the main problem that leaves you hopeless. Pam > > Hello my name is Tammy from Alabama. I have a son that is 11 years old that has aspergers and ADHD. I am need of help he goes to a doctor that really does not help much. he takes med. focalin xe and zoloft . Me and my husands nevers are gone. i go to bed crying. where do i start for help i feel I really dont have a son. Please forgive for saying that i just dont what else to do He does not play sports, No social skills so really know friends, very smart , loves tractors only, very nervous cries becasue people laugh at him , repeats himself, no sympahy, tries to takes sides betwwn me and my husband, thinks we are made at him, can not give him enough attention just a few. sorry need help and were to find it. will he every bea boy play footaball? every have friends, or just be normal. Dont think we dont love him, we are at the end of the road and need your help thanks tammy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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