Re: New - please help me sort through this (Chris)

[Guest guest]

Hi, I really enjoyed this email. My son is 5 1/2 and it is really tough at times. Did your son have a lot of meltdowns and behavior issues? Mine can be so naughty and we can never get him to understand to stop. What did you do to deal with these behaviors? I don't think it is always naughtiness I just dont know what it is or if it is part of the autism? Any advice would be wonderful. How is your son doing today?

Thanks,

Amy

From: <@...>Subject: ( ) Re: New - please help me sort through this Date: Sunday, May 2, 2010, 8:28 PM

Hi Staci, you're right, it can be difficult to pick out what is personality and what might be on the autistic side. With my son, now 21, I knew at a young age that he had traits that made me think "autism?" but there were so many other ways he didn't seem to fit. What I did was just approach those that seemed on the autistic side from that direction and just guided him the best I could. Like his black/white thinking, his logical way to look at things. His having a hard time with skills that other children didn't (I have 3 sons), like just being able to dress himself, choosing clothes, brush his teeth, fix himself something to eat, tie his shoes.... Talking on & on & on about topics, past the point where we all had quit listening. Having a hard time with decisions. (my own list could go on & on!)So with your daughter, in areas that require social skills (her shyness, sharing, game playing, wanting to be first...), you

might find social stories and role playing helpful to teach her. I don't recall her age, but they have stories for different age ranges. It just takes repetitive practice and teaching. With her shyness, I would just gently try to prompt her in situations, don't push it. LOL, I say that because *I* was an extremely shy girl and pushing me into situations didn't work, gentle prompting would work better; and if I still refused, well then, I just wasn't ready yet. (I got better with age)While I could have my other 2 sons help clean up or do something around the house, it was not the same ease for my Aspie. It was like having to instruct him with each task, just one sentence at a time. I couldn't just say "clean your room" or "pick up your toys" and let it go at that. Are you finding that to be true with your daughter?Oh, and I'm familiar with those unthoughtful and sometimes embarrassing, but truthful, comments they can make (that I can

laugh about now but not in the moment!) -- I just REALLY talked to him about those as soon as I could, explaining why it was wrong to say that, etc.With eye contact, I did work with mine on looking at people as he spoke, but I worked more on his looking at them while they spoke to him. I would prompt him to look, make eye contact. My son had sensory problems too. Another son did too. Many children do. Occupational therapy can help with sensory issues. If you can afford that privately, not cheap. If you feel any of her sensory problems are affecting her at school, whether with her work or with her ability to learn, function well at school, then you could request the school to have her evaluated for occupational therapy, see if she can receive services through the school. But schools are more interested in educuation/learning , which is why you'd need to have some ideas of how it affects here there (even motor skills, her ability to write,

use scissors...that can be helped with OT).Kids are different, even those with Aspergers, which is why some information you read sounds so opposite. Some need a very strict routine/schedule each day (mine didn't), some may prefer to play alone (mine wanted to play with others, just didn't fit in, wasn't accepted, but he tried), my son does show empathy, etc. Someone pointed out to me, and it was true, that some things he did better with family but not with others. Like he could tell if I was being sarcastic or was teasing, but not with others at school. So take "environment" into consideration too, with some things.Just some quick thoughts. >>

I came to learn of AS after learning of sensory issues and nutrition> approaches. I've been reading and reading and many AS traits fit my daughter> but there seem to be contradictions also. Some have no sense of humor, some> do. Some are great actors and others don't use a variety of facial

[Guest guest]

Behavior issues are not unique to autism. Kids with a low frustration tolerance,

anxiety etc can meltdown alot. To deal with behavior issues I have turned to

ABA type behavior methods. Which amounts to picking behaviors to shape and

reheasing them and giving lots of positive reinforcement. You are taught not to

escalate emotions but to walk away when things start to escalate (otherwise it

is a negative reinforcement of the negative behavior, it will get more

reinforced by attention).

Pam

> >

> > I came to learn of AS after learning of sensory issues and nutrition

> > approaches. I've been reading and reading and many AS traits fit my daughter

> > but there seem to be contradictions also. Some have no sense of humor, some

> > do. Some are great actors and others don't use a variety of facial

>

[Guest guest]

I had a slightly different approach when my son was younger. I'd give him lots of positive reinforcement when he was doing the right things (sounds similar to what you describe) but he also had a consequence (timouts usually, or loss of a privilege) if he had a meltdown or acted inappropriately. We would talk after the timeout, though, about what led to the meltdown or the negative behavior and then problem solve what would be a better choice in the future. I swear, my son appreciated the timeout over time. It gave him the opportunity to calm down, it was a clear cue that he needed to get control of himself, and 90 plus percent of the time, we ended it with a hug and a kiss. It also helped me save my sanity b/c things were so out of control when he was 5-7 or so. Crazy, out of control. I think ignoring negative behavior might be helpful in some

situations, but in my son's case, he needed to learn skills on what to do in the future to avoid negative reactions and if we didn't follow through with a teaching moment, he would've missed out.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Mon, May 3, 2010 10:28:19 AMSubject: ( ) Re: New - please help me sort through this (Chris)

Behavior issues are not unique to autism. Kids with a low frustration tolerance, anxiety etc can meltdown alot. To deal with behavior issues I have turned to ABA type behavior methods. Which amounts to picking behaviors to shape and reheasing them and giving lots of positive reinforcement. You are taught not to escalate emotions but to walk away when things start to escalate (otherwise it is a negative reinforcement of the negative behavior, it will get more reinforced by attention).Pam > >> > I came to learn of AS after learning of sensory issues and nutrition> > approaches. I've been reading and reading and many AS traits fit my daughter> > but there seem to be contradictions also. Some have no sense of humor,

some> > do. Some are great actors and others don't use a variety of facial>

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy, I was blessed that wasn't a behavior problem, never had a

problem with him. Can't say that about my other 2 sons (typical).

The one thing I did learn when he was older was that although he always told the

truth, sometimes it wasn't the whole truth. For instance if there was trouble

between he & one of his brothers, he could be depended on to tell me the truth;

but I found he might not tell me what led up to the trouble, so I had to learn

to be specific with my questioning. LOL, okay, this also tells you that I

didn't believe what the other 2 sons told me, I always asked .

Generally with , any trouble was between him & his twin (typical).

was a hitter, wasn't. Though around 10-11 yrs old, finally

began to hit back. -- Okay, that also tells you that I never entirely broke

of hitting. I never found *the* consequence that worked. He was sweet in

all other ways, but very impulsive when it came to throwing something or

hitting.

>

> Hi, I really enjoyed this email. My son is 5 1/2 and it is really tough at

times. Did your son have a lot of meltdowns and  behavior issues? Mine can be

so naughty and we can never get him to understand to stop. What did you do to

deal with these behaviors?  I don't think it is always naughtiness I just dont

know what it is or if it is part of the autism? Any advice would be wonderful.

How is your son doing today?

>  

> Thanks,

>  

> Amy

>