rambling

October 21, 2009

Hello,

I need someone to talk to. I feel so alone. My husband is still in denial. Our

5 year old,has not been dx yet. My husband took the paper work for the

Children's hospital,and says he forgot where he put it. I think having a dx will

help us to know what we can do to help her. But he still says she is normal.

I am trying to get her into our school pre-school. We went through some

testing with CDC,to see if she is delayed etc. I didn't feel like the testing

went very well. She knew her colors,shapes,and some of the questions she was

asked.Some of them she wouldn't answer,she was a bit nervous. She had a hard

time sitting still,she gritted her teeth until she was shaking. She wouldn't let

them know when she heard a beep in the head phones... They gave her fruit

snacks. She wouldn't eat them. They were asking if she was a good eatter. etc.

There are many foods she won't eat,she will only wear cotton chothing.. She

lines things up in a striaght line but doesn't seem to get upset if they are

taken out of line.. These were questions they asked. She loves animals.I believe

they are her focus. I have to say that I feel so afraid. I feel like screaming

right now. I worry and stress about how she will do with others. She isn't

social at all.But I have noticed she will play with 2 children at a time,for a

brief period. I was so happy a few months ago because she had made a friend,and

was using a potty her friend gave her,but that soon changed. She isn't using the

potty anymore,she wasn't consistant even with me asking she went a few times

then stopped. I notice that children who are disabled she takes to them right

off like she has known them all her life. Where as others she doesn't. I had a

bad experience this past summer with children her age throwing rocks at her. I

have to tell you it took everything I had to keep from loosing my cool with

those children. It doesn't take them long to figure out something is different

with her. I know I can't be in her pocket all her life. It just breaks my heart.

We have had a few melt downs this week but not to many it kind of depends.

They don't seem to be as bad as they have been. The woman I talked to during the

testing said,that she won't label her with Austium as young as she is,and that

educational Autism doesn't always mean that the medical will be the same. I

have so many concerns. I want her to be able to function as normal as she can

be. As I won't be alive forever. All these things are overwhelming me today. I'm

sorry that I have rambled as much as I have. I have noticed when I have these

days she is so loving to me.

Thanks for allowing me to be in the group,I just feel so alone.

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