Re: New to the group/ Response

[Guest guest]

Hi and Gen!!! THANK YOU! I knew that someone out here had to understand what I've been going through. The teacher canceled the meeting that we were supposed to have because she supposedly had the flu, yet she was in school all week except 1 day last week....and none of the other kids have been absent. I'm not biting. I think that idea about writing the district superintendent is really good. I'm going to try that. God help the teacher if she physically hurts my daughter..... I'm mad enough about her sucker punching her emotionally.....the cops would have to peel me off of her if she ever laid a hand on her. I feel so bad about your situation, . What is it with these teachers? They act like the buck ends with whatever they say. I understand that yes, it is their classroom---but they really need to get a

clue. They are dealing with children.....every kid is different- and if they are not capable of dealing with different kids- then they had no business picking a career that deals with kids. I'll let you both know what happens with the Superintendent. Wish me luck! Doreen

From: Murrel <mommio55 (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group Date: Friday, January 29, 2010, 1:24 PM

Hello, my name is and my seven year old son is having similiar troubles. The teacher is very strict and although she is an okay teacher she is a terrible fit for my son. The tensions have grown to be so bad that I am actually fearful to speak to either the principal or the teacher about my concerns. My fears are that he will be verbally abused more or worse. In the beginning when I did do that and I tried to politely explain that his behavior and learning style was different because of his neurology (translation he can't help it!). The result was that she stopped telling me about his behavior and now I only find out what happens at school from him. It isn't good. He has been pushed, pulled, shoved into corners, denied recess, and is often asked to sit outside the group setting. (He has no aide and really no accomodations. ) On one of my volunteer days a little girl told me that the teacher told her that she couldn't play with my

son because he was bad. YIKES. When I speak to my son about this he gets sad about it but says he pretty much deserves it because he is so bad. His behavior is really not that bad, fidgeting, not using classroom time well and some impulsive silly stuff. He starts off everyday saying I really hope today is a better day, I really hope I am not the bad one today. At the end of the day he confesses every minor infraction. He plainly states "My teacher hates me." I try and tell him different but it is hard because I think he is right - she hates him and it is very clear.

So you are probably wondering why I don't yank him out of that school. Well he has a best friend, a real best friend who picks him to play with first, who calls him on the phone, who told him that he was first on his birthday list. This is a first for him and I am so torn because he has started to chew on his shirts and pinch at his eyebrows and eyes from the anxiety at school. But then there are the moments when he describes playing with this friend and he is really on cloud nine and I don't know what to do.

Currently I volunteer as often as I can, have homeschool days and just tell him over and over and over again that he is smart, loving and has so many wonderful qualities. I also sometimes go through an event and we re-enact the mis-step and then I pretend to be his teacher and tell him what I would have done. I also tell him what he might do or think the next time. Sometimes he loves this and sometimes he hates it (depends on the size of the mistake.)

Good luck to you, my experience is that a teacher either gets it or does not and no matter how much you try to explain it you can't really get someone who doesn't want to know to understand. To be completely honest it probably took me a full year to change the way I parented him and I am with him all the time and love him more than anything.

Take care,

From: doreen walton <doreenandjason> Sent: Thu, January 28, 2010 11:42:06 AMSubject: ( ) New to the group

Hi. My name is Doreen. I am new to this group. My daughter is currently undergoing diagnosis for either A.S. or NLD. She loves to read but has a very hard time in math. Right now we are having issues with her teacher at school. She refuses to understand that my daughter has a disorder even after the school social worker and principal told her and attempted to explain it to her. Her behavior is hurting my daughter emotionally. I need some advice from someone who's been in a similar situation. I'm at my wits end. Thank you.

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[Guest guest]

Saw all these and just had to reply! I live in Fla. The regular

teachers have NO training in special needs children, even to the

point that they do not know what some of the initialized disorders

are PDD, or that an asperger kid could ALSO have ADD and POD etc

you get my point.

All the regular teachers want is for CONTROL of their class, and

to get them ready for the testing that is mandatory in Fla.

There is even a preK special needs class where they could not

find a special needs teacher being " taught " by a regular just out

of school young teacher who relies on her aides to tell her about

the " disorders " near me, so they have a warm body in that room

to maintain " control " ?

I talk to my sis who is 2nd grade teacher in Pa., she has one boy

who cries every day from anxiety about doing everything right, she

knows everything I've told her about my dd asperger's anxiety

provoking meltdowns. Yet she told me it aggravated her. I told her,

how about a little compassion while still helping him control his

meltdowns. THEN she tells me the tenured 1st grade teacher told

her, I LIKED making him cry it was so easy. He is not diagnosed

with anything, but sounds like an aspie to me.

Stories like that just frustrate me no end. When my dd and I

went to the ER, the medical people were like, " asperger's? what's

that?? " OMG

LJ

[Guest guest]

Good luck... tomorrow I am meeting with a behavioral specialist...

....

From: doreen walton <doreenandjason@...> Sent: Mon, February 1, 2010 11:35:32 AMSubject: Re: ( ) New to the group/ Response

Hi and Gen!!! THANK YOU! I knew that someone out here had to understand what I've been going through. The teacher canceled the meeting that we were supposed to have because she supposedly had the flu, yet she was in school all week except 1 day last week....and none of the other kids have been absent. I'm not biting. I think that idea about writing the district superintendent is really good. I'm going to try that. God help the teacher if she physically hurts my daughter.... . I'm mad enough about her sucker punching her emotionally. ....the cops would have to peel me off of her if she ever laid a hand on her. I feel so bad about your situation, . What is it with these teachers? They act like the buck ends with whatever they say. I understand that yes, it is their classroom--- but they really need to get a clue. They are dealing with children.... .every kid is different- and if they are not

capable of dealing with different kids- then they had no business picking a career that deals with kids. I'll let you both know what happens with the Superintendent. Wish me luck! Doreen

From: Murrel <mommio55 (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group Date: Friday, January 29, 2010, 1:24 PM

Hello, my name is and my seven year old son is having similiar troubles. The teacher is very strict and although she is an okay teacher she is a terrible fit for my son. The tensions have grown to be so bad that I am actually fearful to speak to either the principal or the teacher about my concerns. My fears are that he will be verbally abused more or worse. In the beginning when I did do that and I tried to politely explain that his behavior and learning style was different because of his neurology (translation he can't help it!). The result was that she stopped telling me about his behavior and now I only find out what happens at school from him. It isn't good. He has been pushed, pulled, shoved into corners, denied recess, and is often asked to sit outside the group setting. (He has no aide and really no accomodations. ) On one of my volunteer days a little girl told me that the teacher told her that she couldn't play with my

son because he was bad. YIKES. When I speak to my son about this he gets sad about it but says he pretty much deserves it because he is so bad. His behavior is really not that bad, fidgeting, not using classroom time well and some impulsive silly stuff. He starts off everyday saying I really hope today is a better day, I really hope I am not the bad one today. At the end of the day he confesses every minor infraction. He plainly states "My teacher hates me." I try and tell him different but it is hard because I think he is right - she hates him and it is very clear.

So you are probably wondering why I don't yank him out of that school. Well he has a best friend, a real best friend who picks him to play with first, who calls him on the phone, who told him that he was first on his birthday list. This is a first for him and I am so torn because he has started to chew on his shirts and pinch at his eyebrows and eyes from the anxiety at school. But then there are the moments when he describes playing with this friend and he is really on cloud nine and I don't know what to do.

Currently I volunteer as often as I can, have homeschool days and just tell him over and over and over again that he is smart, loving and has so many wonderful qualities. I also sometimes go through an event and we re-enact the mis-step and then I pretend to be his teacher and tell him what I would have done. I also tell him what he might do or think the next time. Sometimes he loves this and sometimes he hates it (depends on the size of the mistake.)

Good luck to you, my experience is that a teacher either gets it or does not and no matter how much you try to explain it you can't really get someone who doesn't want to know to understand. To be completely honest it probably took me a full year to change the way I parented him and I am with him all the time and love him more than anything.

Take care,

From: doreen walton <doreenandjason> Sent: Thu, January 28, 2010 11:42:06 AMSubject: ( ) New to the group

Hi. My name is Doreen. I am new to this group. My daughter is currently undergoing diagnosis for either A.S. or NLD. She loves to read but has a very hard time in math. Right now we are having issues with her teacher at school. She refuses to understand that my daughter has a disorder even after the school social worker and principal told her and attempted to explain it to her. Her behavior is hurting my daughter emotionally. I need some advice from someone who's been in a similar situation. I'm at my wits end. Thank you.

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[Guest guest]

I finally had the meeting with the teacher, principal, social worker, &

psychologist on wed. They are making some good accommodations for my daughter.

The social worker tried to convince me to put her on ritalin (in the middle of a

diagnosis) again & again i refused. What shocked me ( & everyone else in the

room) was when the social worker thanked me for taking care of my daughter up to

now. I sat there so stunned. When i told my hubby about it, he was stunned too.

Is it just us or does this sound like headgames to you too? It was so off...and

i wasn't the only one uncomfortable with it. . .i mean who does that? Have you

ever heard of anything like this before? They're also expecting her to be

retained in 6th gr. (she's in 4th) due to her o.d.d.- we're thinking we need to

find alternative ed for her by then. I hope the behavioral appt went well.

doreen

[Guest guest]

Hi Doreen,

That is most certainly a strange thing for her to say, makes you wonder where she's coming from. Hopefully she's just admiring you for being such a devoted advocate for you daughter. You mentioned that your daughter's in fourth grade now, and that there was talk in the meeting about retaining her two years from now, when shes in 6th grade. If I understood that correctly, I'm wondering why that is being discussed at this point? You say your daughter is O.D.D... so is my son (16 now), so I wonder why they are discussing holding her back two years from now.. as a LOT can happen in two years. Can you tell me who is generating that topic? Thanks, Kate

From: doreen walton <doreenandjason@...>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group/ ResponseAspergers Treatment Date: Monday, February 8, 2010, 2:51 AM

I finally had the meeting with the teacher, principal, social worker, & psychologist on wed. They are making some good accommodations for my daughter. The social worker tried to convince me to put her on ritalin (in the middle of a diagnosis) again & again i refused. What shocked me ( & everyone else in the room) was when the social worker thanked me for taking care of my daughter up to now. I sat there so stunned. When i told my hubby about it, he was stunned too. Is it just us or does this sound like headgames to you too? It was so off...and i wasn't the only one uncomfortable with it. . .i mean who does that? Have you ever heard of anything like this before? They're also expecting her to be retained in 6th gr. (she's in 4th) due to her o.d.d.- we're thinking we need to find alternative ed for her by then. I hope the behavioral appt went well.

doreen ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

I agree with what you're saying, Kate. For a professional to be saying what will happen, especially academically or behaviourally, in 2 years,,,,,well,,,,,,,I gotta say that I'd contact an advocate or maybe your states' autism society and see what they suggest. That is totally unacceptable......and scary. You responded the only way you knew how.....in shock. Like we all probably would have. Yikes.

Then,,,,when we get home,,,,,,,,we think,,,"what the hell?". Document everything. Type it all out.....what you can remember.....and save it.

Keep us posted.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: doreen walton <doreenandjason>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group/ ResponseAspergers TreatmentDate: Monday, February 8, 2010, 2:51 AM

I finally had the meeting with the teacher, principal, social worker, & psychologist on wed. They are making some good accommodations for my daughter. The social worker tried to convince me to put her on ritalin (in the middle of a diagnosis) again & again i refused. What shocked me ( & everyone else in the room) was when the social worker thanked me for taking care of my daughter up to now. I sat there so stunned. When i told my hubby about it, he was stunned too. Is it just us or does this sound like headgames to you too? It was so off...and i wasn't the only one uncomfortable with it. . .i mean who does that? Have you ever heard of anything like this before? They're also expecting her to be retained in 6th gr. (she's in 4th) due to her o.d.d.- we're thinking we need to find alternative ed for her by then. I hope the behavioral appt went well.

doreen ------------ --------- --------- ------

[Guest guest]

Hi kate! It first came from her teacher and was instantly backed by all of the

rest of them. doreen

[Guest guest]

I would like to believe that she was just being nice too. But i have never heard

of anyone thanking a parent for taking care of their own child. It was just so

weird.

[Guest guest]

I hate to sound like a teacher hater - because I am not. Most teachers just do not have the special ed training and for the most part have little or no support. However saying that our teacher has talked at length of her strengths. So instead of admiting that they are in over their head they get defensive and push the blame on the child.

What is really missing in my son's day is a positive relationship with his teachers. It has gotten SO ridiculous that he is hiding from them. It started with him just hiding under his desk and today he hid out in the hall by the coats until lunch time. He tells me that it was for a long time but who really knows his concept of time is just that good. But my point is that the teacher and the teacher aid never went looking for him - at all. He just walked out of the room and hid. This is something that my son NEVER did before grade one. He has also started to chew at his clothes and pick at his face his self esteem is nil. But if at the beginning they had tried to foster a positive relationship with him he would be doing well now but instead it has become toxic and as I write this I wonder why do I continue to to take him to school? Oh well I suppose we all have to learn how to get along even with those people

that are not nice.

Sigh.....

Vaurie

From: doreen walton <doreenandjason@...> Sent: Mon, February 1, 2010 11:35:32 AMSubject: Re: ( ) New to the group/ Response

Hi and Gen!!! THANK YOU! I knew that someone out here had to understand what I've been going through. The teacher canceled the meeting that we were supposed to have because she supposedly had the flu, yet she was in school all week except 1 day last week....and none of the other kids have been absent. I'm not biting. I think that idea about writing the district superintendent is really good. I'm going to try that. God help the teacher if she physically hurts my daughter.... . I'm mad enough about her sucker punching her emotionally. ....the cops would have to peel me off of her if she ever laid a hand on her. I feel so bad about your situation, . What is it with these teachers? They act like the buck ends with whatever they say. I understand that yes, it is their classroom--- but they really need to get a clue. They are dealing with children.... .every kid is different- and if they are not

capable of dealing with different kids- then they had no business picking a career that deals with kids. I'll let you both know what happens with the Superintendent. Wish me luck! Doreen

From: Murrel <mommio55 (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group Date: Friday, January 29, 2010, 1:24 PM

Hello, my name is and my seven year old son is having similiar troubles. The teacher is very strict and although she is an okay teacher she is a terrible fit for my son. The tensions have grown to be so bad that I am actually fearful to speak to either the principal or the teacher about my concerns. My fears are that he will be verbally abused more or worse. In the beginning when I did do that and I tried to politely explain that his behavior and learning style was different because of his neurology (translation he can't help it!). The result was that she stopped telling me about his behavior and now I only find out what happens at school from him. It isn't good. He has been pushed, pulled, shoved into corners, denied recess, and is often asked to sit outside the group setting. (He has no aide and really no accomodations. ) On one of my volunteer days a little girl told me that the teacher told her that she couldn't play with my

son because he was bad. YIKES. When I speak to my son about this he gets sad about it but says he pretty much deserves it because he is so bad. His behavior is really not that bad, fidgeting, not using classroom time well and some impulsive silly stuff. He starts off everyday saying I really hope today is a better day, I really hope I am not the bad one today. At the end of the day he confesses every minor infraction. He plainly states "My teacher hates me." I try and tell him different but it is hard because I think he is right - she hates him and it is very clear.

So you are probably wondering why I don't yank him out of that school. Well he has a best friend, a real best friend who picks him to play with first, who calls him on the phone, who told him that he was first on his birthday list. This is a first for him and I am so torn because he has started to chew on his shirts and pinch at his eyebrows and eyes from the anxiety at school. But then there are the moments when he describes playing with this friend and he is really on cloud nine and I don't know what to do.

Currently I volunteer as often as I can, have homeschool days and just tell him over and over and over again that he is smart, loving and has so many wonderful qualities. I also sometimes go through an event and we re-enact the mis-step and then I pretend to be his teacher and tell him what I would have done. I also tell him what he might do or think the next time. Sometimes he loves this and sometimes he hates it (depends on the size of the mistake.)

Good luck to you, my experience is that a teacher either gets it or does not and no matter how much you try to explain it you can't really get someone who doesn't want to know to understand. To be completely honest it probably took me a full year to change the way I parented him and I am with him all the time and love him more than anything.

Take care,

From: doreen walton <doreenandjason> Sent: Thu, January 28, 2010 11:42:06 AMSubject: ( ) New to the group

Hi. My name is Doreen. I am new to this group. My daughter is currently undergoing diagnosis for either A.S. or NLD. She loves to read but has a very hard time in math. Right now we are having issues with her teacher at school. She refuses to understand that my daughter has a disorder even after the school social worker and principal told her and attempted to explain it to her. Her behavior is hurting my daughter emotionally. I need some advice from someone who's been in a similar situation. I'm at my wits end. Thank you.

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[Guest guest]

Would they be able to help if she's not " officially " diagnosed yet?

[Guest guest]

Vauri, My sis is a 2nd grade teacher. She had one hour on disabilities in

college. Yet she is expected to teach whatever is

put into her class, and she is all about discipline and order. Sooo,

I had to educate her about asperger's and I'm still not quite sure

she quite gets what it is all about. She now has a daily crier in

the class. I asked why don't you call the counselor, she states they

are not allowed to " diagnose " the children. That perhaps by third

grade there will be enough written for him to be sent. She was

" aggravated " by his behavior till I explained how it could be due

to anxiety, she was aggravated because he couldn't stand to do

anything wrong on his work. Sound familiar???? So, I asked her to

please have compassion for this boy, as she also told me he was

in first grade with a teacher due to retire who told her " I liked

trying to make him cry he was so easy " .

Public school. psssh. Not for aspies is it optimal. Fight fight

fight. Advocate advocate advocate. Exhausted exhausted exhausted.

I had to advocate for my daughter from day one, and asperger's

wasn't even a diagnosis back then.

I also know for a fact that the elementary school near me with

the special needs kids has a regular teacher. Not a special needs

teacher. So how much do those parents get from their very first

class for their little ones????? Of course, this is Florida, which

places very low in education due to " no money " .

I very much like the idea of MADD for mothers of autistic kids.

Autism means NOTHING to people not involved with it. They just don't

GET IT.

In elementary school, my daughter (aspie) LOVED her magnet school

for the arts. Well then back to the real prison, i mean world of

middle school and high school.

Sorry if I sound bitter. It's just that if the numbers of these

kids are increasing, well, why are they so easily " being left

behind " ???? They have a LOT to offer. They think outside the

box and could put our country ahead once again in all areas!

JO

> >

> >

> >>From: Murrel <mommio55 (DOT) com>

> >>Subject: Re: ( ) New to the group

> >>

> >>Date: Friday, January 29, 2010, 1:24 PM

> >>

> >>

> >> 

> >>Hello, my name is and my seven year old son is having similiar

troubles. The teacher is very strict and although she is an okay teacher she is

a terrible fit for my son. The tensions have grown to be so bad that I am

actually fearful to speak to either the principal or the teacher about my

concerns.  My fears are that he will be verbally abused more or worse. In the

beginning when I did do that and I tried to politely explain that his behavior

and learning style was different because of his neurology (translation he can't

help it!). The result was that she stopped telling me about his behavior and now

I only find out what happens at school from him. It isn't good. He has been

pushed, pulled, shoved into corners, denied recess, and is often asked to sit

outside the group setting.  (He has no aide and really no accomodations. ) On

one of my volunteer days a little girl told me that the teacher told her that

she couldn't play with my son because

> he was bad. YIKES. When I speak to my son about this he gets sad about it

but says he pretty much deserves it because he is so bad. His behavior is really

not that bad, fidgeting, not using classroom time well and some impulsive silly

stuff. He starts off everyday saying I really hope today is a better day, I

really hope I am not the bad one today. At the end of the day he confesses every

minor infraction. He plainly states " My teacher hates me. " I try and tell him

different but it is hard because I think he is right - she hates him and it is

very clear.

> >>

> >>So you are probably wondering why I don't yank him out of that school. Well

he has a best friend, a real best friend who picks him to play with first, who

calls him on the phone, who told him that he was first on his birthday list.

This is a first for him and I am so torn because he has started to chew on his

shirts and pinch at his eyebrows and eyes from the anxiety at school. But then

there are the moments when he describes playing with this friend and he is

really on cloud nine and I don't know what to do.

> >>

> >>Currently I volunteer as often as I can, have homeschool days and just tell

him over and over and over again that he is smart, loving and has so many

wonderful qualities. I also sometimes go through an event and we re-enact the

mis-step and then I pretend to be his teacher and tell him what I would have

done. I also tell him what he might do or think the next time. Sometimes he

loves this and sometimes he hates it (depends on the size of the mistake.)

> >>

> >>Good luck to you, my experience is that a teacher either gets it or does not

and no matter how much you try to explain it you can't really get someone who

doesn't want to know to understand. To be completely honest it probably took me

a full year to change the way I parented him and I am with him all the time and

love him more than anything.

> >>

> >>Take care,

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> >>

> ________________________________

> From: doreen walton <doreenandjason>

> >>

> >>Sent: Thu, January 28, 2010 11:42:06 AM

> >>Subject: ( ) New to the group

> >>

> >> 

> >>Hi. My name is Doreen. I am new to this group. My daughter is currently

undergoing diagnosis for either A.S. or NLD. She loves to read but has a very

hard time in math. Right now we are having issues with her teacher at school.

She refuses to understand that my daughter has a disorder even after the school

social worker and principal told her and attempted to explain it to her. Her

behavior is hurting my daughter emotionally. I need some advice from someone

who's been in a similar situation. I'm at my wits end. Thank you.

> >>

> >>________________________________

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> >________________________________

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> >

> >

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

I really feel like they view him as this child that has no potential for a "typical" future so they just sort of "put up with him". The thing is he is really smart and I know that he is going to do amazing things. If the decision was completely mine I would homeschool him but my husband really sees how positive the interaction with the other students are. Other than a little problem last fall my son has a great group of kids in his class. They are all really accepting and include him in in almost everything. He also has this great little buddy who is a great friend.

From: doreen walton <doreenandjason@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Mon, February 8, 2010 3:25:16 PMSubject: Re: ( ) New to the group/ Response

They never went looking for him? That's child neglect isn't it? I feel so bad for him. I couldn't possibly imagine how he felt. I'd get him out of there if you can. doreen

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[Guest guest]

Hi .. Don't mean to butt in but I just wanted to second what you

wrote. I hear such horrible stories about public school but the worst

being middle and high school. In a Temple Grandin interview, she said

that in the lower grades the interaction with typical kids is vital but

then when it gets to the teens... she said her experience was torture..

and she said that no one needs to learn how to socialize with teenagers!

At that point I would homeschool I think! We'll see how my daughter does!

Jen

Emery 5, K in the fall

Murrel wrote:

> I really feel like they view him as this child that has no potential

> for a " typical " future so they just sort of " put up with him " . The

> thing is he is really smart and I know that he is going to do amazing

> things. If the decision was completely mine I would homeschool him but

> my husband really sees how positive the interaction with the other

> students are. Other than a little problem last fall my son has a great

> group of kids in his class. They are all really accepting and include

> him in in almost everything. He also has this great little buddy who

> is a great friend.

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> *From:* doreen walton <doreenandjason@...>

> *To:* Aspergers Treatment

> *Sent:* Mon, February 8, 2010 3:25:16 PM

> *Subject:* Re: ( ) New to the group/ Response

>

> They never went looking for him? That's child neglect isn't it? I feel

> so bad for him. I couldn't possibly imagine how he felt. I'd get him

> out of there if you can. doreen

>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

The social worker was very patronizing. How rude! The social worker should not be recommending medication since she isn't a doctor. If she does it again, ask her where she got her medical degree.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) New to the group/ Response

I finally had the meeting with the teacher, principal, social worker, & psychologist on wed. They are making some good accommodations for my daughter. The social worker tried to convince me to put her on ritalin (in the middle of a diagnosis) again & again i refused. What shocked me ( & everyone else in the room) was when the social worker thanked me for taking care of my daughter up to now. I sat there so stunned. When i told my hubby about it, he was stunned too. Is it just us or does this sound like headgames to you too? It was so off...and i wasn't the only one uncomfortable with it. . .i mean who does that? Have you ever heard of anything like this before? They're also expecting her to be retained in 6th gr. (she's in 4th) due to her o.d.d.- we're thinking we need to find alternative ed for her by then. I hope the behavioral appt went well. doreen