Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

[Guest guest]

Well its important to stay calm , i know how hard it is , sometimes i feel like a crazy person , because i will get so mad and just wanna scream every curse word i can think of ( i dont of course lol) the yelling i realized VERY quickly just wasnt productive AT ALL! But anyway i feel for ya in that aspect! I dont know if this would help or not , but i think what i would try to say to my son is that he has friends at school that care about him and get excited to see him everyday , and if he doesnt go , they will be pretty sad! I dont know about your son , but my son LOVES telling jokes , so when he doesnt want to go somewhere where there is going to be a lot of people , i tell him that i bet everyone will wanna hear a funny joke that he knows , and then he gets

excited and we practice what funny jokes he will tell! Hope that helps a little bit , good luck!! :)Meaghan:)From: EV Downey <dcmusicteacher@...> Sent: Tue, January 11, 2011 9:52:50 PMSubject: ( ) Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

Hey all, We have an almost 9-y-o with Asperger's. Probably our biggest problem is the anxiety and with that anxiety goes general fear of going to school. Once he gets to school and sees his aide he's generally fine, but getting him up and out the door can be very difficult. He has been particularly difficult since after break after a period of being pretty good leading up to break. Specifically he refuses to get ready, runs and hides, yells, throws things at me, hits me with his clothes, and sometimes actually hits me or his sister. I stay very calm (I'm finally getting relatively good at that) and just remind him of the supports in place at school, that he's doing a good job, that even when he has moments where he's having problems, he has the aide to help and he's been able to pull it together, yada yada. I remind him that I need to go to work to help pay for our lives. A few times now I have

resorted to telling him that not going to school is illegal so if he doesn't want to go I'll have to have the police come by to check on him. I don't threaten or say they'll arrest him or anything, just that they'll have to come by because he's supposed to go to school. Obviously I don't love that tactic, but it works and is easier than physically dragging him out the door. I'm sure many of you deal with this. Better strategies? The school really gives him a fair amount (the aide, chances to chill out, options on whether he wants to participate in things that upset him such as PE, field trips) so while I understand that it's difficult for him, for the most part he's ok there and it's MUCH better than it used to be. Whenever I've seen him at lunch or earlier pick up or something he seems perfectly settled. It's just the getting out the door thing that can be a HUGE drama. Oh, and the yelling in the car,

threatening his sister, and calling me names. A lovely start to the day.

Any ideas are welcome!E.V. Downey (Washington, DC)

[Guest guest]

Hello ,

Our local school district is expanding its alternative options. This year is

the first year they are offering online schooling. It's not a COVA arrangement,

where my son would have to enroll in another school district so they could

collect his education tax dollars to pay for K12. It's through the local

district, and my tax dollars which follow my child's enrollment pay for the

curriculum. This allows the local district to offer split enrollment (part time

at home, part time in the classroom). Does that make sense?

If this arrangement were not in place, our local district wanted him in the

classroom at least half time. Again, I think this was to draw the funding from

the state.

in Colorado

> >

> > I have been wanting to home school my daughter for a long time. My husband

thinks it would be a big mistake because if she were homeschooled she would

never have any interaction with kids her age. It breaks my heart to see how

anxious she gets before school and how upset she sometimes looks after school.

> >

>

> <snipped>

>

[Guest guest]

My 4th grade dd doesn't want to go to school and has a tough time with math,

too. Adding and subtracting are still stressful for her. At least the school

allows her to take her time (no more minute tests). She has been bullied and it

has taken its toll on her. I've met with the principal, teachers, autism

specialist, speech therapist, adaptive teacher, school counselor, case worker,

and I think they try their best; but she gets so down and feels no one is

helping her to be safe--the kids wait until no one is looking, etc.

Thank goodness, the last few days have been pretty good at school socially, and

they began an after-school math class that focuses on the hundreds chart--helps

with adding, subtracting, multiplication, division, square roots. There are a

couple of tricks/poems/etc. that are suppose to help with remembering

multiplication facts. Maybe you could ask the teacher or special ed or Title I

departments for something like this if they have it (if you haven't already). I

wish you and your ds my best. I'll try to find more info if you'd like me to. I

have a few great sheets on multiplying by 9--amazing tricks! I could scan them

and email them to you. Just let me know. --Kari

>

>

> >From: <tamaoki_s@...>

> >Subject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

> >

> >Date: Thursday, January 13, 2011, 12:00 PM

> >

> >

> >

> >I agree with Diane. My son had the same refusal to go to school and like

Diane I

> >discovered that he was being bullied both by classmates and one teacher in

> >particular. No wonder he didn't want to go get out of bed and go to school.

> >Check out the school and see if you can fix things in the school environment

> >before you try medicating him or forcing him to go. At one point, the doctors

> >told me to NOT force my son to go because it would cause him psychological

> >damage. Try getting him out of the house on the weekends to do things he

loves.

> >I noticed that on Monday to Friday that my son's stress levels were high, but

if

> >he had something fun to do on Saturday - he could pop out of bed with no

> >problems and be in good spririts. Come Monday, he was cranky again. The fact

> >that he was depressed and lethargic Monday to Friday made it clear that

school

> >was becoming toxic for him. He was depressed because of school - and was not

> >clinically depressed.

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

There's a school just for Asperger's kids? I know there's one for preschool age

where they help with ABA or something around this area, but haven't heard of any

for older students. My dd is in 4th grade. They're doing their best and the

services are pretty good, but she doesn't seem to retain what she learns outside

of her one-on-one speech class, etc. Do you, or does anyone else here, know of

an Asperger's kids' school in Minnesota? Where is the school you found (if you

don't mind my asking)? Thanks! --Kari

>

> we were in the same boat as you, but with a 4th grader. we home schooled for a

> year and a half and it was great for the first year, but the last 4 months

were

> hard. he wanted to be around people, and make friends, of course that is hard

> for him, but he missed some parts of school.

>

>

> so, i found a school that is just for aspergers kids, K-12 with class sizes no

> more than 10 with a teacher and 2-3 aids. it has changed my son for the

better,

> and he actually loves to go to school. they have social skills as part of the

> core curriculum because it is so valuable to these kids. pe is an option, they

> have art, music and drama that rotates.

>

>

> home schooling is great, i loved it and my daughter also joined us

> homeschooling. now that my son is back in a school, my daughter went back too.

i

> will never regret the home school time we had.

>

> deborah

>

> Sycamore Art Studios

> Sycamore Art School

> Deborah Gustlin

> Graphic & Web Design

> Art classes for K-12

> www.sycamoreartstudios.com

> www.sycamoreartschool.com

> Home: 408-710-0892

> Business: 408-710-6070

>

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: dphock <dphock@...>

>

> Sent: Fri, January 14, 2011 6:28:21 PM

> Subject: ( ) Re: Ideas for dealing with school refusal?

>

>

> I have to confess that homeschooling was pretty much a last resort idea in my

> mind, and we came to it after we tried all sorts of other things. My husband

> and I are big public school supporters -- and here in California where a lot

of

> folks are moving their kids to private schools, we wanted our daughter to

> experience the diversity of public school.

>

> But we saw that it didn't work for her. Our local public school option for

> middle school would have put her in a large school, and we were seeing that

with

> her Aspergers and sensitivities to noise and crowds, it wasn't idea. We tried

a

> very small private school, where she had 12 kids in her class. The academics

> were pretty good, but THAT is where the worst of the social stuff took place

--

> kids treating each other badly, some teachers treating kids badly, lots of

> subtle bullying and ostracizing. And that's where school refusal reared its

> scary head.

>

>

> I said this before, but we saw it most dramatically in our daughter's physical

> health going downhill. She started having intense migraines, bad nausea. It

> was clear that she wasn't faking. She was missing school constantly because

of

> migraines, and we couldn't tell how much they were affected by the stress of

> being at school.

>

> That's what led us to pull her out of school. We decided that if she had

> pneumonia, we'd keep her home -- why were we asking her to go to school or

> deciding every day with frequent and severe chronic migraines? So our

decision

> was to handle her physical and emotional health FIRST and deal with her

academic

> life second.

>

> It has made a huge, huge difference and now we have embraced home-schooling as

> the best option for her situation. We tried an online, virtual school for a

> semester -- but even that had its pressures and issues. Homeschooling allows

us

> to work with our daughter's strengths and interests, deal with her weaknesses

in

> a low-stress way, and schedule as her pace needs.

>

>

> It has not just changed her mood and situation -- it has really transformed

our

> family. We were all so absorbed and worried as she struggled and got sick,

and

> now it's wonderful to see her thriving.

>

> I learned one very significant thing when she was refusing school and we were

> going to her counselor together. The more she said she didn't want to go, the

> more I said that she had to, that i knew she didn't like it, etc., the more

> helpless and overwhelmed she felt because she felt we weren't understanding

how

> profoundly difficult she found the school environment to be. She knew,

> logically, that we were trying to do the right thing -- but her feeling once

we

> truly UNDERSTOOD that an institutional school setting was not the best for her

> was lightened tremendously. It has changed our relationship with her -- she

> knows we listen and care about what she says, and we have made drastic changes

> to accommodate her needs.

>

>

> I think when you think about the decision to home-school, it comes down to

what

> you know your child needs. You know your child best.

>

[Guest guest]

Dear E.V.,I have never tried this, but I wonder if on the weekend you and your son could make a video of the best way to go to school.Since it is all just pretend, maybe it would work. Show him “asleep†and the typical way you wake him up, doing the bathroom routines and breakfast  and getting dressed routines.Let him pick the music to put in the background and play the video for him.Maybe when he wakes up he would watch the video as  part of his going to school routine.When he goes off track urge him to be more  like “video†, (or whatever his name is.) E.C. Bernardwww.ecbernard.org