Re: Anybody has this problem?

[Guest guest]

Hi,I have an old dresser, very heavy. My aspergers girl likes to lay down flat in the bed playing with the pc or nintendo game, then she opens the dresser drawers and constantly kicks it with one leg. Finally after four years of unconsciously kicking it the drawer is broken. It makes me sad because I am not handy, I am alone without anybody to help me to do repairs and I really hate to see broken things in the house. When the drawer broke she cried for hours, so I decided just to ignore the broken door and tried to calm her down.I wonder why she constantly has to move that leg, she even moves that leg while she is sleeping. There is a possible diagnosis of mild cerebral palsy. Her muscles tones has improved a lot with physical therapist, but still she has involuntary movements in her leg side of her body and that leg. Now that the drawer is broken I wonder what will be her next obsession..... ( ) Re: How many others are struggling with chores, ADLs and obsessions? >> I would certainly welcome some support and suggestions to keep me from throwing my hands up in the air and giving in to avoid some of the struggle I face!Honestly, for me, a big part of it was accepting that they can't/won't do all the things kids "normally" do at their age and lowering my standards considerably. Pick one or two things for them to work on and be consistent with, and do the rest yourself. "Normal" parents will criticize, but I think you'll all do better in the long run. The others don't know, so you just have to ignore them as best you can. Smile and nod. And know that it does get better as they get older. I guess it is not a great answer since it is not socially acceptable, but I don't see that anything else works. If you are one of the lucky parents who have unusual aspie kids who will follow lists and embrace token economies, well, count yourself lucky LOL--cause you are! For the rest of us, we have to stick to our first, then and collaborative learning and plod along.Am I the only one who is finding points pointless LOL? I'm still working on my currently new system, but once again, I find the whole point thing pretty pointless with my kids. My NT child just needs a choice of things to do and my aspie simply doesn't deal with earning points. It means nothing to him. He's 14, so I think that is permanent. Having the points is just something to get in the way of what really needs to happen and adds more work.That said, somehow this current system is working better than any others have. It may just be because my kids are older and mature enough and with enough focus for something like chores to work. They aren't getting all confused and deadlocked over little details the way they used to.Anyway, what I'm getting to in a roundabout way is that I'm really identifying with you. I could never get my kids to do even simple everyday chores when they were young--they just made it impossibly difficult. They didn't get "used" to doing things the way typical kids do. Habits in 3 weeks? Not my kids. Even if they finally started do a few things, after a few years of everyday pushing, they had to be reminded every single day. It was incredible. And of course, "nobody" other than those of us with kids like this understands any of this. Everyone just assumes you are lacking in even simple parenting skills. When actually it is the opposite--you're parenting is way beyond simple.I wish I had discovered first, then and collaborative learning sooner. I guess if I had any advice to give, it would be that. Those two strategies really do work with kids like ours. That would be another reason why the current "system" is working. Remember to chunk everything and be explicit. State the obvious, since it isn't obvious to your Asperger, but keep it short.

[Guest guest]

Wow, I didn't know anyone had the same promblems as me. I also have a hfa 20 year old who is extremely difficult about chores. I too ask, plead, beg, demand him to clean his room or mow the lawn and he just basically ignores me. Other family members are constantly berating me because of his behavior indicating that I am just too easy on him. Maybe I am but have been left to deal with all of this alone, as a single mom. His dad lives a mile away and maybe sees him 4 times a year. I try the if/then but he will say that he doesn't want pizza anyway (although I know he does). What a frustration. The only thing he does consistantly is take out the trash which I guess is better than nothing.

Good luck to all of you.

Liz Bol

9, tfitzge134@... <tfitzge134@...> wrote:

From: tfitzge134@... <tfitzge134@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Anybody has this problem? Date: Friday, August 7, 2009, 6:25 AM

Hi,I have an old dresser, very heavy. My aspergers girl likes to lay down flat in the bed playing with the pc or nintendo game, then she opens the dresser drawers and constantly kicks it with one leg. Finally after four years of unconsciously kicking it the drawer is broken. It makes me sad because I am not handy, I am alone without anybody to help me to do repairs and I really hate to see broken things in the house. When the drawer broke she cried for hours, so I decided just to ignore the broken door and tried to calm her down.I wonder why she constantly has to move that leg, she even moves that leg while she is sleeping. There is a possible diagnosis of mild cerebral palsy. Her muscles tones has improved a lot with physical therapist, but still she has involuntary movements in her leg side of her body and that leg. Now that the drawer is broken I

wonder what will be her next obsession... .. ( ) Re: How many others are struggling with chores, ADLs and obsessions? >> I would certainly welcome some support and suggestions to keep me from throwing my hands up in the air and giving in to avoid some of the struggle I face!Honestly, for me, a big part of it was accepting that they can't/won't do all the things kids "normally" do at their age and lowering my standards considerably. Pick one or two things for them to work on and be consistent with, and do the rest yourself.

"Normal" parents will criticize, but I think you'll all do better in the long run. The others don't know, so you just have to ignore them as best you can. Smile and no! d. ;And know that it does get better as they get older. I guess it is not a great answer since it is not socially acceptable, but I don't see that anything else works. If you are one of the lucky parents who have unusual aspie kids who will follow lists and embrace token economies, well, count yourself lucky LOL--cause you are! For the rest of us, we have to stick to our first, then and collaborative learning and plod along.Am I the only one who is finding points pointless LOL? I'm still working on my currently new system, but once again, I find the whole point thing pretty pointless with my kids. My NT child just needs a choice of things to do and my aspie simply doesn't deal with earning points. It means

nothing to him. He's 14, so I think that is permanent. Having the points is just something to get in the way of what really needs to happen and adds more work.That said, somehow this current system is working better than any others have. It may just be because my kids are older and mature enough and with enough focus for something like chores to work. They aren't getting all confused and deadlocked over little details the way they used to.Anyway, what I'm getting to in a roundabout way is that I'm really identifying with you. I could never get my kids to do even simple everyday chores when they were young--they just made it impossibly difficult. They didn't get "used" to doing things the way typical kids do. Habits in 3 weeks? Not my kids. Even if they finally started do a few things, after a few years of everyday pushing, they had to be reminded every single day.

It was incredible. And of course, "nobody" other than those of us with kids like this understands any of this. Everyone just assumes you are lacking in even simple parenting skills. When actually it is the opposite--you' re parenting is way beyond simple.I wish I had! discove red first, then and collaborative learning sooner. I guess if I had any advice to give, it would be that. Those two strategies really do work with kids like ours. That would be another reason why the current "system" is working. Remember to chunk everything and be explicit. State the obvious, since it isn't obvious to your Asperger, but keep it short.